The first thing I resolve to do is to stop drinking beet vodka on New Year's Day. It's good to take a break, once a year. I also resolve to be independent on July 4th, for some reason, and next Tuesday, as The Party™ approves. May my comrades enjoy the GWONT more than they enjoyed the Glorious World of Last.....ummmm........never mind.

I resolve to identify myself as a champagne bottle on New Year's Eve, a Hallmark card on Valentine's Day, as the content of my character on Martin Luther King Day, as a Netflix documentary during Black History Month, as the letter 'B' on Susan B. Anthony Day, as 'The Big Guy' on Presidents' Day, as a beer tap on St. Patrick's Day, as a pink egg on Easter, as a memory cell on Memorial Day, as a teen on Juneteenth, as a firecracker on Independence Day, as an umbilical cord on Labor Day, as the VA Secretary on Veterans Day, as a pumpkin on Halloween, as a turkey baster on Thanksgiving, and as a partridge in a pear tree on Christmas.

With so many holidays, there's no time to be myself.

Red Square wrote: ↑

12/26/2023, 11:13 am

I resolve to identify myself as a champagne bottle on New Year's Eve, a Hallmark card on Valentine's Day, as the content of my character on Martin Luther King Day, as a Netflix documentary during Black History Month, as the letter 'B' on Susan B. Anthony Day, as 'The Big Guy' on Presidents' Day, as a beer tap on St. Patrick's Day, as a pink egg on Easter, as a memory cell on Memorial Day, as a teen on Juneteenth, as a firecracker on Independence Day, as an umbilical cord on Labor Day, as the VA Secretary on Veterans Day, as a pumpkin on Halloween, as a turkey baster on Thanksgiving, and as a partridge in a pear tree on Christmas.

With so many holidays, there's no time to be myself.

Citizenship certainly has its responsibilities, comrade.

Mine is the same every year (just a variation on Samuel L. Jackson's SNL resolutions).

1, Kick ass
2. Be as bad as I know I can be
3. Really put it out there, and by “IT” I mean Colonel O’s mojo
4. Give it as good as I get it
5. Be all that and more
6. Lose my shyness, vis a vis the rocket in my pocket
7. Work my voodoo on the lady fans
8. Take a thorn out of some cat’s paw
9. Build a shrine to my own bad ass
10. Give the demons what fer
11. Spare the rod and spoil the face
12. Continue to kick ass
13. Show the bad men what it’s all about
14. Release a dove from the bunker rooftop
15. Cradle a newborn baby in the ruins of a mosque
16. Stick it to ALL the suckas!
17. Show the man that I mean B’NISS!
18 Take a horticulture class

RE: "Mine is the same every year (just a variation on Samuel L. Jackson's SNL resolutions)."

I did postgraduate studies at the Samuel L Jackson School of American Linguistics.

As such, I am surprised I never saw that mother#ucking list before.

Then again, if it was on SNL after the Gulf War I / Pulp Fiction era, I wouldn't have seen it. That's right around the time SNL jumped the shark and Samuel L. started hittin' it hard.

My resulotions:
* trying not to say "told you so" when the recession hits Europe in 2024
* trying not to say "told you so" when the next Islamic terrorist hits Europe in 2024
* trying not to say "told you so" when the European Union invents some new crazy freedom restriction in 2024

I'm going to finally solve the people's cube in 2024!

Margaret wrote: ↑

12/26/2023, 10:47 pm

I'm going to finally solve the people's cube in 2024!

A Nobel goal, Comrade Margaret. The People's Cube Research and Research Again and I Know I Put it Somewhere Center has been trying to solve this problem for more than 18 years. 2024 is certainly a candidate for the year we make contact.
 

We should apply for a government grant of maybe $200 million to research this pivotal problem of our age. And hurry, while Biden and Kamala are still in office.

Red Square wrote: ↑

12/26/2023, 11:35 pm

We should apply for a government grant of maybe $200 million to research this pivotal problem of our age. And hurry, while Biden and Kamala are still in office.

Comrade Director, you're not thinking big enough. Solving The People's Cube is a global issue with global ramifications. The shake down of contributions of global powers would ensure continuous Research™ in perpetuity. Everything about The People's Cube could be studied, all the way down to it's quantum physical properties.
 

I, with the help of my running mate, resolve to attend my long-delayed coronation in January of 2025 after the gimp in the White House accidentally electrocutes himself by taking a swim with with a refrigerator tied to his back.


 

hummmm, we've gone from Yellow Dog Democrat, to Blue Dog Democrat, and now it's Mad Dog Democrats.

Progress, comrades.

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

1/1/2024, 10:51 am

hummmm, we've gone from Yellow Dog Democrat, to Blue Dog Democrat, and now it's Mad Dog Democrats.

Progress, comrades.

We've had Rabid Dog Democrats for decades.
 

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote: ↑

1/1/2024, 2:42 pm

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

1/1/2024, 10:51 am

hummmm, we've gone from Yellow Dog Democrat, to Blue Dog Democrat, and now it's Mad Dog Democrats.

Progress, comrades.

We've had Rabid Dog Democrats for decades.
 

Oh yeah, ‘pelipsky forgot that breed of Democrat. They’re like the Bully X bull terriers that bite the faces off innocent children of their unsuspecting neighbors.

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

1/2/2024, 8:05 am

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote: ↑

1/1/2024, 2:42 pm

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

1/1/2024, 10:51 am

hummmm, we've gone from Yellow Dog Democrat, to Blue Dog Democrat, and now it's Mad Dog Democrats.

Progress, comrades.

We've had Rabid Dog Democrats for decades.

Oh yeah, ‘pelipsky forgot that breed of Democrat. They’re like the Bully X bull terriers that bite the faces off innocent children of their unsuspecting neighbors.

Yeah, except these Rabid Dog Democrats want to bite other body parts off innocent children and tell them that they'll be happier without those unnecessary intrusions into their groomed and cultivated fantasies.
 

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote: ↑

1/7/2024, 6:21 am

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

1/2/2024, 8:05 am

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote: ↑

1/1/2024, 2:42 pm

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

1/1/2024, 10:51 am

hummmm, we've gone from Yellow Dog Democrat, to Blue Dog Democrat, and now it's Mad Dog Democrats.

Progress, comrades.

We've had Rabid Dog Democrats for decades.

Oh yeah, ‘pelipsky forgot that breed of Democrat. They’re like the Bully X bull terriers that bite the faces off innocent children of their unsuspecting neighbors.

Yeah, except these Rabid Dog Democrats want to bite other body parts off innocent children and tell them that they'll be happier without those unnecessary intrusions into their groomed and cultivated fantasies.
 

The Children have been taught they can be anything they want to be, so why be confused that they don’t want to be themselves?