Comrades,

The Captain needs your help! I've made a partial list of the Safer-Space™ products we're planning to offer at the Grand Opening - Feel free to suggest other Safer-Space™ products and services you'd like us to supply!

Visit us for our grand opening in December - Bring The Children™


Craptek's Safer-Space-Pop-Up™ tent with MAF™ (micro-aggression filter) Comes with a FREE copy of Craptek's best seller; The Children's Micro-Aggression Handbook™

FDYS™ (feet, do your stuff) track shoes. Sprint from Safer-Space™ to Safer-Space™ in style!

Blow up Safe-Teddy™ portable teddy bear for those sudden Safer-Space™ urges.

Safer-Set™ folding portable signs and cones- set up in seconds around your MobileSS™ (mobile unit) as a warning to potentially offensive white privilege intruders.

DTSSOB™ (Don't Tailgate Safer-Space™ on Board) Bumper stickers for traveling protesters.








Feel free to suggest NEW Safer-Space™ products
and services you'd like!

4IMSS

A four foot inflatable Mobius safety space which would make it possible to embed the 4IMSS™ into three dimensions so that the boundaries are a perfect circle lying in some plane. It would then allow the owner the ability to walk along the length in perfect security while giving them the ability to return to the starting point which would provide a glorious safety zone perhaps in some parallel dimension. Rather fitting....

trashmouth wrote:4IMSS

A four foot inflatable Mobius safety space which would make it possible to embed the 4IMSS™ into three dimensions so that the boundaries are a perfect circle lying in some plane. It would then allow the owner the ability to walk along the length in perfect security while giving them the ability to return to the starting point which would provide a glorious safety zone perhaps in some parallel dimension. Rather fitting....

Great idea. I'll mention it to the board members over the weekend. The only possible glitch is the "parallel dimension" part - I'd prefer it to be a "perpendicular dimension" if possible.

Captain! I hear one of your products is now in use!

If you commies need a safe space in a hurry just take a plastic bag and tie it over your head. Space space in a hurry.

I denounce this fabricated "woman spreading" device! <spit>

What if FLATUS MOO gets the idea she needs one? we'll require four railcars and a team of engineers to assemble and test the thing everywhere she goes!

anonemous1 wrote:Captain! I hear one of your products is now in use!

Personal Space Box.jpg

The dirty patent thief! I filed for this same invention! I shall sue her! Oh well, at least I have my other invention:

The Clitterbug: A simplified cell phone with only the ability to dial "the sheriff"*, the closest Planned Parenthood, the personal number of a randomly-selected Gender Studies professor, the False Rape hotline, and the Muscle hotline.


*Male prostitute dressed as policeman. Pepper spray is actually bubble solution, tazer is an industrial-grade sex toy, and pistol fires pez candies.

[OFF]

She should've been ejected from the train. Look how crowded that carriage is, and she thinks she has the right to have a few inches all round her when everybody else is crowded in and minding their own business. If she wants to take up so much room she should have to pay for 2 tickets.

This simple inexpensive sign will clear out a city block of safe space at universities across the globe in a heart"beet".

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Captain Craptek... upon closer examination of the images from Missou!
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You know you want it...
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Comrade Putout wrote:.
Captain Craptek... upon closer examination of the images from Missou!
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Way to go Comrade Putout!

I'll stop by this weekend to place an order, ahem... be ready to deliver the goods!

Captain Craptek wrote:
Way to go Comrade Putout!

I'll stop by this weekend to place an order, ahem... be ready to deliver the goods!

Looks like a diabolical way to get your claws on some free nuts Craptek. Brilliant!

Can purchases be delivered internationally? Yes, it can!
Can purchases be delivered to the underworld? Yes, it can!
Can purchases be delivered any parts of the universe? Yes, it can!
Can purchases be delivered to a Republican???? No!

I propose a library of self help books. I have one waiting to be published and all royalties can be collected by the publishing house of the Party™, since the author is no longer with us.

I have a new product for Craptek's SSW. I call it a GFCI, or Government's Fault Consequence Interrupter. Essentially, you install the device onto any piece of legislation, and if that law causes anything to go wrong, the device trips and automatically deflects any accusation of government wrongdoing. With a seperately-purchased add-on you can even have it automatically notify the Gulag Department of any accusators. However, I'll require a grant of over one billion dollars to develop it more because if you attach it to your car and crash it, the government will give you a Maserati or a Pagani within a week of the crash. It'll also make suicide bombs explode like a party popper rather than a bomb.

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:I have a new product for Craptek's SSW. I call it a GFCI, or Government's Fault Consequence Interrupter. Essentially, you install the device onto any piece of legislation, and if that law causes anything to go wrong, the device trips and automatically deflects any accusation of government wrongdoing. With a seperately-purchased add-on you can even have it automatically notify the Gulag Department of any accusators. However, I'll require a grant of over one billion dollars to develop it more because if you attach it to your car and crash it, the government will give you a Maserati or a Pagani within a week of the crash. It'll also make suicide bombs explode like a party popper rather than a bomb.

Don't forget to add rubber knifes, belly dancing kits, and Aloha Snackbar for refreshments.

Comrade Putout wrote:.
Captain Craptek... upon closer examination of the images from Missou!
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You know you want it...
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Comrade, if that came with the disposable Craptek's™ Sack of Shit™, the Shit Box™ could be re-usable at all trendy protests and occupations, making it environmentally sustainable and friendly. It could also provide a convenient weapon against the fascist oppressors.

Dear Captain, pursuant to our earlier discussion I have just shipped the first consignment of "Mr. Browning's 45 Ways to Feel Safer" Double Acting Safer Space kits.

While this kit will be satisfactory for many users, I do feel that the starter set of 20 replacement cartridges may be insufficient in some municipalities you serve. Some users may find the "223 Automatic Ways to Make the Neighborhood Secure" Much Safer Space Kit more to their taste. For those with an expanded budget, the Barrett "Reach Out To Make Contact" kit (which Little Billy refers to as "Makes Big Holes Daddy") is also well worth consideration.

See our promotional literature (attached) for more information.

Let me remind you that per the contract terms, you must post the disclaimer cards supplied with the promotional kit at the point of sale. It simply will not do to have people in Detroit, New Orleans or North Minneapolis thinking that the standard residential kit will do the job in those areas.

Thanks Comrade Termen. Sharpshooter Putout is running a few test rounds through the collective's Barrett (which doesn't really exist) right now.

Konservative_Punk read my mind when he said wrote: RE: Craptek helping Putout...

Comrade Punk,

I was hoping to leave a little to the viewer's imagination. You imagined all too well - apparently I succeeded. Of course, now YOU'LL have to explain the resulting image to Comrade Putout! Thanks. I'll be watching. Call if you need help.

Comrade Captain Craptek is a practicing doctor.

Hammer and Loupe wrote:Comrade Captain Craptek is a practicing doctor.

Yeah, but I don't think hes an OB/GYN. Plus, that's out at the range, and the range is by law strictly for military or pleasure use only. And Craptek doesn't look like he has a uniform on, so...

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

Hammer and Loupe wrote:Comrade Captain Craptek is a practicing doctor.

Yeah, but I don't think hes an OB/GYN. Plus, that's out at the range, and the range is by law strictly for military or pleasure use only. And Craptek doesn't look like he has a uniform on, so...

Camouflage! I'm in my squirrel camouflage! See how well it works?

I haven't seen the new camouflage pattern. I guess it works!

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Comrade Putout wrote:.

Doesn't look like a very safe-space to me Craptek. It does raise some questions about Putout's extra-curricular activities and preferences though. Such hoarding goes against everything the collective stands for.

Konservative_Punk wrote:

Comrade Putout wrote:.

Doesn't look like a very safe-space to me Craptek. It does raise some questions about Putout's extra-curricular activities and preferences though. Such hoarding goes against everything the collective stands for.

Thank you for volunteering to do a cavity search.

Hammer and Loupe wrote:Comrade Captain Craptek is a practicing doctor.

Won't we all feel lucky when the medical board tells him he can stop practicing and actually work on people.

Lev Termen wrote:

Hammer and Loupe wrote:Comrade Captain Craptek is a practicing doctor.

Won't we all feel lucky when the medical board tells him he can stop practicing and actually work on people.

Practice makes perfect -

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Create your own Safer-Space™ World with a Major Craptek!

(Finally some tasteful modeling work for my curriculum vitae!)
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Comrade Putout wrote:.
Create your own Safer-Space™ World with a Major Craptek!

(Finally some tasteful modeling work for my curriculum vitae!)
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Comrade,

Your bathroom privilages have been suspended for 30 days.

Mr Hankey is missing

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Oh No... Mr. Hankey is transitioning into Mrs. Hankey!
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You know you want him...
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Coming winter, you get your yule log....

From the "You Can't Make This Shit Up" file:

Here's a great product for sufferers of autism, hypersensitivity, mental illness, overactive liberalism, dementia, gender feminism, fear of new or different thoughts, etc.

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CRAPTEK'S™ SAFER-SPACE™ WORLD™ has friends in high places!
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Stacey Dash is sweet on Craptek!
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I safely drove past this horrendous accident today thanks to Captain Craptek and Hillary Clinton!
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Appropriation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Comrade Putout wrote:.
I safely drove past this horrendous accident today thanks to Captain Craptek and Hillary Clinton!
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PUTOUT! I've got something that you may wish to edit. The cones are not painted on. The image is not mine.


And don't complain about it being a JPEG, the original was in JPEG. I prefer PNG too.