On a dark resort roadway cool wind in his hair
Warm smell of Chivas Regal filling up in the air
Up ahead in the distance, he saw a shimmering light
His head grew heavy and his sight grew dim
Bridge was left but he went right

There he stood in the doorway; He was dripping wet
There'd been a accident, didn't mention Mary Jo Yet
After he talked with a lawyer, he showed us the way
It was 10 hours later in the middle of Day

Welcome to the Hotel Chappaquiddick
Such a lovely place, she had a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Chappaquiddick
Any time of year (any time of year) you can find him here

His story was definitely twisted, didn't know the roads or bends
he made a lot of calls to family and to lawyer friends
How he sweat in the sunlight, how he's to beat this rap
Some things he remembers, others he forgets.

So I called up Uncle Teddy; lets go for a drive
he hasn't seen the backseat of a car since nineteen sixty-nine
He can hear her voice calling from beneath the waves
Wakes him up in the middle of the night, just to hear her say

Welcome to the Hotel Chappaquiddick
Such a lovely place, she had a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Chappaquiddick
When you tell lies (when you tell lies) We have alibis

Autos in the water, girl is now on ice
And he said, was just a horrible accident let's cease and desist
Among the Kennedy Family, there's no greater beast
The press asked some questions, he doesn't care in the least

Last thing he remembered was swimming to the shore
He had to find the shortcut back to the place he was before
Relax said the family. We are programmed to deceive
You can check it out anytime you like but the truth will never leave.

"On a dark resort roadway cool wind in his hair
Warm smell of Chivas Regal filling up in the air
Up ahead in the distance, he saw a shimmering light
His head grew heavy and his sight grew dim
Bridge was left but he went right"

Classic!! Has to be one of the funniest karaoke lines ever!

I have always told myself that if I live the rest of my life without having to hear Hotel California again that would be a true blessing. However. After the updated People's Karaoke version I had to hit the repeat button a couple of times.

This is one I wrote for the old Ann Coulter board. I must confess.. Someone referring to the Sainted not yet Dead Ted, said that, "he hadn't seen the backseat since 1969"... that's when I heard it. I live in my cell still in the shadow of this piece. Everything I write is weighed against this. Sadly much falls very short. It always warms my heart like a little Stolichnaya when something in the Party News Bureau reminds us of the Sainted Dead Ted and there is reason again to roll this one out. Thank you for your kind words...

"He can hear her voice calling from beneath the waves..."

Powerful.

Reminds me of the old Massachussetts saying

Time and tide wait for no Kennedy

(46 years ago the day before yesterday)

Edward K is my name and I sponged off the Kenn'dy name
Till Vineyard tragedy came
And I went off the rails again
In the summer of '69
She was pinned in, just barely alive
By 10 AM my story had jelled
It was a lie, I rehearsed it oh so well

The night he drove Kopechne down
And all the Teds were swimmin'
The night he drove Kopechne down
And all the flacks were spinnin'
They did lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
Lie, lie, lei, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie lie lie

Back in my Edgartown room suite, and my press flack called to me
Edward, check TV, they're showin' Jo Kopechne
Now I don't mind talking bull
And I don't care if my family's got pull
You stall as you need and say you're stressed
But you should never be taking blood alky test

The night he drove Kopechne down
And the Ted was swimming
The night he drove Kopechne down
And all the flacks were spinnin
They did lie, lie, lie lie, lie ..........

Like her father before her, she loved the Kennedy clan
And like her mother before her, she took a lib'ral stand
Well she was just thirty, proud and brave
But a Kenn'dy drove her to her grave
I swear by the mud below his feet
He couldn't save Kopechne cuz of what he had to drink

The night he drove Kopechne down
And all the Teds were swimming
The night he drove Kopechne down
Justice wheels weren't spinning
They went Nah, nah nah nah nah nah
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah .....

How did I miss this most equal piece comrade Lennie?

I am truly underwhelmed by its equality....

There truly are no words, Comrade Director, that can adequately convey the depths of the totality of my mind-numbing incomprehension with respect to the words in your last comment .. But I shall treasure them, nonetheless

Bump

This one keeps floating to the surface...

I was going back to Chappaquiddick
meet some girls and have a few drinks there
And the lights all went out at Chappaquiddick
The night I went right instead of going left

Made a dozen calls to my lawyers
something about a license had expired
And the lights all went out at Chappaquiddick
Twelve hours later I made it back to you

Talk about life 'fore Chappaquiddick
I was going to be the presidente
And the lights all went out at Chappaquiddick
The night I left her drowning in my car

How I remember Chappaquiddick

Don't think I've ever posted this one here...

Trapped in a car that had fell in
And everyone knows the one escaped was Ted
and he left Mary Jo
When they got in to pull her free
The only one left to tell the tale
Was Ted Kennedy

Kennedy, Kennedy, where on earth did you go?
Kennedy, Kennedy, God why don't we know?

Drunker than hell Chivas Regal
And Ted said that he would sell his soul
For just an alibi
Water just was too deep he said
And Ted said to me, I took a swim
And left there Mary Jo."

Kennedy, Kennedy, where on earth did you go?
Kennedy, Kennedy, God why don't we know?


He must have blacked out just around then
'Cause the very next thing that he could see
Was the light of the day again
His lawyer was cool as he could be
And nobody ever got around
To question Kennedy,

Kennedy, Kennedy, where on earth did you go?
Kennedy, Kennedy, God why don't we know?


Another from my files that were covered up

PROGG OFF: I finally understand one of your prize lines .. So and so was left but I went right. You're talking about how Ted "accidentally" turned right on Dike Road instead of turning left on the road back to Edgartown

Because he ... "mistook" that glorified donkey cart trail that leads directly to the extremely hazardous Dike Bridge crossing for the road that takes him back to 95% of the island. Well SURE you did, Ted. A lifelong resident could EASILY make that mistake ... after killing a fifth of Scotch that is

Only time he ever turned right. ..

Yes.. I like to bury lines and quotes...

I actually research some of these for historical tidbits

"Buoyed" with inspiration from Comrade Groucho's last offering I will now attempt an updating of a post originally done by the Great Cubesman himself, General Moussey Tongue



Well I got me an Olds and it's ready for flipping
Oh Miss Kopechne, she's calling my name
Fat Ted's been drinking, his prospects are sinking
Black water keeps foiling her chance to escape

Oh black water, keep on foiling
Massachussetts moon wont you keep on shining on
Oh black water keep on foiling
Chappaquiddick moon wont you keep on shining on
Old Cape Codders keep on snowing
Massachussetts clan gonna douse that light's that's on me

Yeah keep on dousing that light
Gonna make everything
Pretty Gargan, gonna make everything all right
And I ain't got no worries
Cause the thing will be buried for all

Well if she's trapped I dont care
Dont make no difference to me
Just swim that channel and go to my room
I'd like to hear some funky Dem'crat spin
Supplant this drunky-dunk
And I'll be driving all the Beam from my blood

Oh, Fat Frauder keep on snowing
Massachussetts clan gonna keep on dimming that light
Oh bad story, keeps on growing
Massachusetts goons gonna keep on dousing that light
Oh hack lawyer, keep kowtowing
Massachussetts clan gonna flex all its might for me

Yeah, keep on flexing your might
Gonna make everything
Everything, gonna make everything all right
And I aint got no worries
Cause the DA done scurried and crawled


I'd like to hear some funky Dem'crat spin
Cranky Papa come and smack me by your hand
By the hand (hand) hit me with your hand, cranky Papa
Getting smacked by your Daddy all night long
I'd like to hear some funky Dem'crat spin
Cranky Papa come and slap me by the hand
By the hand, smack me by the hand, cranky Papa
(I done the drunky-dunk, drunky-dunk)
Gonna smackdown your Teddy all night long
(Drunky-dunk with her all night long)

I'd like to sink this funky Kenn'dy clan
Pretty Mary, come take me by the hand
By the hand, take me by the hand, pretty Mary
(We're gonna hanky-pank, hanky-pank)
Gonna dance with your Teddy all night long
(Hanky-pank with you all night long)
I'm gonna sink this funky Kenn'dy clan
Cranky Papa, gonna smack me by his hand
By the hand, gonna smack you by the hand, stupid Teddy
(I wanna drunky-dunk, drunky-dunk)
Get smacked by your daddy all night
(Drunky-dunk with her all night long)

I've gotta save the funky Kennedy brand
Pretty Gargan, come tell me what's the plan
What's the plan, tell me what's the plan, pretty Gargan
(I done the drunky-dunk, drunky-dunk)
Gonna console on your Teddy all night long
(Drunky-dunk all night long)
I done and wrecked the family's master plan
Cranky Papa, don't make me feel unmanned
I'm a man, let me be a man, cranky Papa
(I gone and hanky-panked, hanky-panked)
Dont lambast your Teddy all night long
(Hanky-panked with her all night long)

You owe me two bowls of beet soup

49 years ago today
Teddy Kennedy started to sway
He was weaving in and out of lines
Then completely missed the curve in the road sign.

So may I introduce to you
The Pack that puts him in the clear
Edward Kenn'dy's legal defense team!!

We're Teddy Kenn'dy's legal defense team
We hope you folks will have a ball
Teddy Kenn'dy one and only legal defense team
Sit back and watch the DA crawl

It was 50 years ago today
Teddy Kennedy drove his Olds the wrong way
So to celebrate this drunk poltroon
Got a whole album side of tunes
So may I introduce to you
The act you've known for all these years
The Groucho Marx and Callmelennie band!!

It's Ted Kennedy's car sinks band....
You know that he's to drunk to show
It's Ted Kennedy's car sinks band
Sit back and feel the water flow

I dont really want to stop the show
But I thought you'd all like to know
That the newbie's gonna show xhir* face
And the Teddy's gonna be disgraced
So let me introduce to you
The one and only Bunny Shears
And The Groucho Marxist Callmelennie band

*(I refuse to confine the boundless talents and enthusiasms of the Energizer Jackalope to a concentration camp of restricted cisgender roles and expectations ... hence the inclusive xhir)

Thank you for including the mythical horned rodent, Lennisky. And like, when are you scheduled for release from the basement treatment room's rack and pinion machine of wellness?? Jackalopelipsky is very concerned that your treatment isn't stretchin' your capacity for submission. Jackalopelipsky's own "issues" turning lungs to the plastic visual man in High School biology lab are working overtime...that's the thing with autoimmune...it's like Hard Communism - killing the comrade with "good intentions". hug.

So take your basement treatment and learn to like it...so you can pretend being 'cured'...like Jackalopelipsky fooled em to get out of this fine institution's basement and out into the general gulag population.

JackalopelipskyRose,
#BR 549