I renamed this thread "Toobin's Masturbational MYSTERY Tour", Comrades because it's a Mystery as to which artist pops up next. We went from Beach to Boys to ZZ Top to Jimmy Cagney to George Thorogood to the Andrews Sisters, for Pyotr's sake, to Patti LaBelle. What was the common thread -- it's a mystery

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbs1luU ... e=emb_logo

If every pervert had a notion ... (Unghhhh!)
Across the USA ........... (Unghhhh!)
Then every pervert's masturbing' ... (Unghhhhh)
The Jeffrey Toobin way ... (Unghhhhh!)
You'd see us dropping our Hagar's .... (Unghhhhh!)
And tightey-whiteys too .... (Unghhhhh!)
And busting, busting our gonads .... (Unghhhhh!)
Toobin, USA

And we'd be tugging on WhatsApp
And on our fam'ly Skype
GoTo Meeting and Facetime
Australia's Tinder line
All over Ann's Snapchat
And down the DeviantArt way
Everybody's masturbin'
Toobin, USA

We're all planning our excuse
We're gonna need real soon
We're waxing down our dolphins
We cant wait for Zoom
We'll all be banned from the newsrooms
A bunch of jerk offs to stay
Tell Jeff Zucker we're 'turbing
Toobin, USA

Instagram and Tik Tok
Pacific Pinterest
OKCupid and Grindr
Redondo Beach MySpace
All over the NextDoor
At the WeChat bay

Tell the Zucker we're 'turbing
Toobin, USA

(Cue weirdly apropos 13 second organ solo)

Everybody's masturbin, .... Toobin, USA
Everybody's masturbin' .... Toobin, USA
Everybody gone 'turbin'.... Toobin, USA
Its so very disturbin', .... Tube-in, USA
Someone contact Dick Durbin ... Toobin', USA

Yeah, everybody's MASS 'turbin* ... Toobin, USA

(You see Comrades, it must be a MASS 'turbin .... cause everbody's doing it -- amiright, Comrades, amiright?)

Apologies to my fellow cubists....




Little Jeff's tube
We all know what he's got
Little Jeff's tube
We all know what he's got

Well he's there rubbin' hard he can't put it down
But he's got the fastest zipper in our town
When something comes up he's not the least bit shy
'Cause I was surprised at how fast he could open his fly

Look at Little Jeff's tube
We all know what he's got
(It's Little Jeff's tube)
(We all know what he's got)

It's just Little Jeff's tube with a fat head dill
But he'll beat it under desk when he's sittin' still
He's bushed and relieved that he's stroked till sore
He'll beat a hundred and forty with his elbow floored

Well it's Little Jeff's tube
We all know what he's got
(It's Little Jeff's tube)
(We all know what he's got)

He's got a competition crotch with his pants on the floor
And it purrs like a kitten till his vas deferens roar
And if that ain't enough to make you flip your lid
There's one more thing, he got a pink slip willie

And comin' off the line when his hand turns right
Well he blows it out like every fountain you've ever seen
It gets pulled out of shape and it's hard to veer
When he wears a rubber he's shifting gears

It's ol' Little Jeff's tube
We all know what he's got
(It's Little Jeff's tube)
(We all know what he's got)
Well it's Little Jeff's tube
We all know what he's got
(It's Little Jeff's tube)
(We all know what he's got)
Well it's Little Jeff's tube
We all know what he's got

Let's have a really big hand or the Comrade Director, ladies and gentlemen

Yes! All to The Comrade Director and his really big dirty(hand)job about pocketsnakes doin' as The Little Hooligan Band From Texazistan recently declassified as the Toobin Snake Boogie.

Is this thread wide open to shiftin' gears?

Howz 'bout Toobin, Texazistan Style?

forelock tugdid'pelipskysaythat?





Jeffry's just a guy he's dived nose down
Jeff's the one that really gets down when he Zoom-ie
Jeff do the Toobin snake boogie

Well now, Zoom-ie, little Jeff-y
Toobin woogie you been pwnd

Jeff's just a guy, he lives by the cock
He's kinda funky Toobin pink an' jagg off, Jeff likes to Zoom-ie
Jeff do the Toobin snake boogie

Well now, Zoom-ie woogie Jeff-y
Toobin woogie you been pwnd

Jeff's just a guy, hand drives DC Hill
Shouldn't do it but hand blisters can kill when he Zoom-ie
Jeff do the Toobin snake boogie

Well now, Zoom-ie, little Jeff-y
Toobin woogie you been pwnd

‘sposed your bop, ‘sposed your bop, ‘sposed your bop!

Feeling a bit lazy, Comrades, so I shall only be doing a short hooliganism today. But consider a principle that Jeffrey Toomin himself lives by: Sometimes good things come in small packages

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1ADAvr ... e=emb_logo

He's a Yanking Doodle dandy
A Yanking Toobin kind of guy
A real life hellspawn of his god, Onan
Porned on the Fourth of July
He's got a wanking noodle sweet spot
It's his yanking pride and joy
Yanking Toobin' went to Zoom Chat
Just to spank the monkeys
He is that Yanking Toobin' boy

He's a yanking noodle randy
A Yanking Toobin do or die
A low life hater of his Uncle Sam
Spawned on the Fourth of July
He's got his wanking noodle meat hard
It's his spanky pride and joy
Yanking Toobin, went to WhatsApp
Just to slide his bonie
He is that Yanking Toobin boy

Why, my dearest Sweet 'pelipsky Rodent, before your hooliganistic take on "Tube Steak Boogie" linking it to the deviant of the moment, it never occurred to me that there was a sexual connotation. I simply thought it was a dance performed while eating a hot dog

A most equal revelation

Dear 'pelipsky

The Rules are.........

There are no rules

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E9ydw_ ... e=emb_logo

I wank on Zoom
Yea, like nobody elseI
I wank on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
You know when I wank on Zoom
I prefer to apply myself

Now every evening just before bedtime
Don't need no high priced whore
Just me and my girl, Rosie Palmer
That's all I need to score
Cause I wank on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
Cause you know when I wanked on Zoom
I dont wanna deny myself myself

The other night went out for Beef Strokinoff
And who perchance did I meet
Twas my old perv friend Jack Mehoff
And his partner Ivan Beat'
And we jerked on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
You know when I jerk on Zoom
I prefer to defile myself

The other day I was asked to choke chickens
And it made me feel homesick
For my childhood pal Johnny Pullet
And his brothers, Tug and Dick
Cause I jerked on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
Cause you know when I jerked on Zoom
I concur I maligned myself

Now the whole damn world's done shunned me
And i'm feeling less than grand
The only one who aint judging me
Is that dear old Learned Hand*
Cause I jerked on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
You know when I wanked on Zoom
I concur I defiled myself


*(Actual name of the Chief Judge of the Second Circuit Court of Appeals in the Fifties)

Alternate, less esoteric ending to last stanza

The only one who will relieve me
Is that old Yank Lefty Hand

Incidentally Comrades, the main reason Judge Learned Hand has yet to be judgmental of Jeffrey Toobin is that he passed away in 1961

He was a famous news reporter out New York way
He had a liberal style no one else could say
He was the top man at his craft
But then his member came up and now he's feeling a draft
He's on the internet, a showin' everything
He's the woody pulley Toobin boy from Company C

He went and showed his chubby on the world wide web
It really brought him down because he didn't wasn't hid
Nobody seemed to understand
Because next he was capped cos he had haft in hand
Now his company dumps him he showed everything
He's the woody pulley Toobin boy from Company C

A root, a tube, a root diddelyada tube
He showed it here, near to far, in Toobin rhythm
He can't blow a load unless he Zooms and right hand is playin' with him
Now his company dumps him he showed everything
He's the woody pulley Toobin boy from Company C

He was our woody pulley Toobin boy from Company C
And when he played woody pulley Toobin he was busy as a bzzz bee
And as he played he made the company dump favorite star
He's the woody pulley Toobin boy from Company C

Toot toot toot, toot diddelyada, toot diddelyada
Toot, toot, he showed it here, near to far
He can't blow a load 'less he Zooms and right hand isn't with him
Now his company dumps him he showed everything
He's the woody pulley Toobin boy from Company C

He put his toy to sleep by pulling every night
And wakes it up the same way in the early bright
He slaps his glans while gets to his feet
Because they know how he plays when someone gives him a beat
He really broke it up when he showed everything
He's the woody pulley Toobin boy from Company C

Da doo da da doo da da da
Da doo da da doo da da da
Da doo da da doo da da da
Da doo da da doo da da

A a a and the company dumps him he showed everything
He's the woody pulley Toobin boy from Company C

I always suspected that the Andrew Sisters had a soft spot for amoral, masturbatory slugs like Jeffrey Toobin, Comrade Director

Also, I must say we are on an equality streak here that is quite unequal. It could not have been easy to conjure up WWII-era masturbation scat

There is some diddel Yaya going on there

That 'n' even more!

Mass Hooliganator...and the glib one...

That 'n' even more! BIG Lots of diddel Yaya

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdxCurf ... e=emb_logo

(And speaking of which .....)

Hey Mister, go Mister, show Mister, blow Mister
Hey Mister, go Mister, show Mister, blow Mister

He flashed his press aide down at old Zoomie Chat
Shucking his stuff on the screen
She said, "Hey, hello there Toob
You gonna give it some lube?"

Gitche, gitchee ya yas diddle
Gitchee gitchee ya ya here
Stroke-a Choke-a chicken ya ya
Cretin Jeffrey Toobin guy
Toobin-vous doucher bagging guy, ce swine
Toolez-vous doucher Onan guy

He lost all his cool when it stood up
That boy viewed too much man-boy-loving porn
On that blank Zoom chat screen
Where he started his freak

Gitchee gitchee ya ya fizzle
Gitchie gitchie ya yas here
Chicken choke-a lata ya ya
Cretin Jeffrey Onan guy
Pullez-vous crankshaft Toobin guy, ce slime
Pullez-vous crankshaft Toobin guy

Seeing his jizz filthy spew
Color of coffee latte
Made the moral girl inside
Abhor till she cried. "No! No! NO-O-O!
Now he's at home with no 9 to 5
Trying to pass off a lie
But when he turns on the news
They joke of his spews ... Ho! Ho! HO!!

Jizzie jizzie ya ya fizzle
Jizzie jizzie ya ya here
Tallywhacker spanky ya ya
Cretin Jeffrey Tobin guy
Zoomie-vous doucher Toobin guy, ce slime
Toolie-vous doucher Toobin guy
Pullie-vous crankshaft Toobin guy

Cretin Jeffrey Toobin GUY!

Spewie-vous, crankshaft Toobin guy, ce slime
Spewie-vous, doucher bagging guy

Chicken choke-a lata ya ya??

Just pop it in the karaoke oven @350º for a newz hour, and just keep cookin' long after it's done.

The High School French teacher did not offer translation to whatever this song is about. Lenniesky, you made it so much more graphafluent so that an older/wiser horned rodent understands at last.

thanks.
'pelipsky

This may sound terrible saying this in this particular thread...

but... please... don't stop. Give me more.

I wish I could oblige you, Comrade Presidente, but I'm afraid I popped my wad with "Lady Marmalade". (Cue People's rimshot) .... At the moment, my Muse is shot.

Maybe later, when the moment's right, I'll go see Alice and ask Alice if she has anything to perk me up. Hey, I'm talking about my energy level, Comrades. Get your minds out of the gutter

Toobin in a crowded conference room
Really didn't hide away too good
I can't imagine anything that's sadder
The world is watching a masturbater
This ain't the place for you to be beating off

Toobin in a lonely rendezvous
Beating everything you like to do

There's always lots of things that we could see
It could be anything we'd like to see
We watch Jeffry Toobin beat his meat
Just Toobin in a crowded conference room
Really, didn't hide away too good
oh, No, No...

He'll keep spending too many days this way
He's gonna go blind now just any day
He feels it coming closer wave by wave
Cheap thrills his ecstasy, beating meat endlessly

Toobin in a crowded conference room
Really didn't hide away too good
Oh, No, No, No
Toobin'
Toobin'
Oh, No, No, No
Toobin...

Mass Hooliganator, that has got to be the grooviest Toobin up the river karaoke e.v.a.h.

Just when the collective thought Toobin's Masturbatal Mystery Tour thread was a spent force...new levels of ecstasy are achieved.

Lenniesky?? Could you have even imagined the depths that could be plumbed with this Toobin when you thunk up this tour??

Good think you and the Mass Hooliganator are pro-fessionals!

groovin' Rascal forelocktug,
j.

No my dearest Comradienne, I did not expect it to blow up like a CNN talking head's career. But now that we have eight hooliganisms,.I believe we should emulate Comrade Biden and call a lid on it

As for Comrade Groucho .. using Young Rascals to tribute and old rascal -- most equal.

And speaking of rascals .. actually Haskells .. It appears that actor Ken Osmond was also caught "doing the Zoomba" recently. When asked to explain himself he said, "I used to Leave It to Beaver, but Jeff Toobin inspired me to take matters into my own hands."