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A Problematic Problem With Mrs. Al Czarweary

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Glorious Comrades, Party Elite and common Proles,

I have found some problematic problems revolving around new troll Comrade Mrs. Al Czarweary. Comradess Mrs.Al has been colluding with the reichwingers and their greedy capitalist endeavorments of over commercing. This must be denounced with firm denoucedness, should it not?!

While tending the needs of the collective in the gulag's kitchen, my eyes fell upon the Gulag Monthly Gazette and most troubling photos: Note all these bags of shopping! Full of commercing baubles and ornamentations. And also note the aghast look on the face of a loyal Prog.

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I agonized over these incriminating photo's of Mrs. Al, for I considered her a very comradic comrade. But the proof is in the photos, is it not?

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These photo's must be considered conclusive evidentiaries of Mrs. Al's hidden involvement in ravenous capitalist ways (not to even mention picture of her with someone not MR. Czarweary. Most sad). Our benevolent, beloved Obama government is more than happy to redistribute & supply our needs as he deems fit (look at glorious healthcare for all!) without the waste of others peoples money, or Obama forbid!, using our own monies on useless goodies and trinkets from these most expensive French store, like Target (pronounced: Tar - jeh for those not familiar with French-speak).

I implore, if you have received secret emails from "unidentifiable source" who wish to remain secret & anonymous, which contain any such revealing photo's of Mrs. Czarweary, please let the Party Elite know (just as you so joyfully did with dear Leader request). We must not allow such Trolling for Trinkets going on in the Cube. It only feeds personal greed, encourages individual thought and resourcefulness.


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Oh goodie, goodie (rubbing his hands together) I smell the makings of a show trial. I must fire up my photoshop search engine and see what evidence I can concoct find.

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Well, it didn't take much concocting searching to find a smoking gun. Tell us Mrs. Al, how is it you happen to be wearing the uniform of the imperialist occupier? For shame madame, for shame!

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O M G, DEAR COMRADE WHOOPSTER WHOOPIE! Just is so disturbing that I feel highly disturberated. And look what ananonymous secret person sent to my private secret account!

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Me too Obamugabe! In this case the Mullahs may be right: "Bikini bathing suits do cause earthquakes."

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Mrs Al Czarweary has been such an exemplary prole since joining the Cube, that I had to find out if this was really true, for myself. So I spent the entire day spying on Mrs Czarweary, and I was stunned to find out that she has a fetish for hats. Here she is in Miss Daisy's Hat Boutique. I see no alternative than to put Mrs Czarweary on show trial, so I am recommending to Colonel 7.62 and Red Square that we have a show trial to hear out all sordid details of Mrs Czarweary's excursions into capitalist shopping strongholds. This is a sad day. I'm am quite fearful of what might happen to her if she is convicted.

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What do I have to do with a show trial? Oh well. I've been nominated for something it seems. Never an award though. Just constant summons to show trials. Hmmmph. Just last week (was it last week? I had 14 summons to appear at show trials. Of course I couldn't make them all, so I redistributed the court's time around some. Several comrades are going to be waiting a very long time for their show trials...) Anyway, if I'm being summoned, I DENOUNCE COMRADE CZARWEARY FOR NOT YET ALREADY BEING IN THE COURTROOM AND PLEADING GUILTY! YOUR TIME IS NOW REDISTRIBUTED TO THE COURT'S TIME!

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AKKKKK! Fraulein where you to find first foto you to put on display??!! (hmmm… I am to be of looking like the rather smartness in that cute little blue number) Uh… oh… I am meaning to say I was to do at my best to be of the blending in kind like all good freedom fighter to do when they to be of pretending to be Amerikkkan citizen and really to be of subversive important freedom fighting business.

And as for visit to Times Square… well… I to say I was only of the curiousness since after watching the many episodes of the Gulag Acres program I was of having the song wording tune to be stuck in my head and it was to make for the ear worm. The ear worm to be so overtaking of the brain that I have not one choice left but to see such place for myself. You too to listen to song wording and to tell me you to not also be of curiousness.

For the peoples who not to be of familiarityness of Gulag Acres show, you can to be listening to song tune here https://www.televisiontunes.com/Green_Acres.html (I am not of knowing how to make for the MP3 file) but not to listen to song wording in link as those to be of song wording of spinning rip-off show.

Gulag Acres

Gulag Acres is the place to be
Shoveling is the life for me
Land full of holes and so much strife
Keep Manhattan just give me that Gulag Life

No New York is where I'd rather stay
It is the place Progressives play
I love to hate the New York J... ‘you know who'
Darling I love you let's live on Park Avenue

dada daDAda

Shov-el

dada daDAda

Oh hell

dada daDAda

Rank Air

dada daDAda

Times Square

You are my wife
Hello shitty life
Gulag Acres we're there

Ahh HAAA!! Are you to be of the better understanding now? It is the saying that New York is to be where all the Progressives to be playing and where I can be of good hating to the ‘you know who' and the song wording singer is of the pointing out that the Times Square to be of one place you must to be of visiting.

As for young man that was to be of my dragging around… can you not to see that to be a foto of young Faizal Shahzad? And also that such foto to be in Times Square vicinity? I was to be showing him where he will one day in future time be of making the great name of himself so all the freedom fighters to be looking up at him. As first wife to husband who is second in command to Osama Been Laidon I must to be of helping for the work of my husband as I have such duty too of the caring for all the young mens and childrens of the recruitment fostering of my husband. And who to accuse there to be cloth articles in such baggage I and Faisal to be of hauling all over? In bag I was to be of carrying in foto there is many of the alarm watches and wiring and other things for the teaching of young Faizal on how to be putting together.

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And in the brown bag of the lugging of young Faizal you can to see shape of box and that box is of fertilizer that is of commemorative style to the then recently late freedomess fighter Rachel Corrie.

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And now I am forced to be of admitting that the young Faizal is not to be of the very good student because even though I was to be of best teacher I can to be and have even been of sending him to Pakistan for more of the learning he still so stoopid he not know how to make such thing to do the ringing on time. I did to explain to Taleeban officials that he to be of possessing the AADDHD (Ability to make Auto Detonation Device Hindered by Dumminess) but they are not of listening because they to say I am ‘just of womaness' and not to know as good as them… Well who to be of better smartness now? I to know AADDHD when I to see it. They should be to listening to me but nooooo… they can to be of the dog(p*g is haraam)-headed type.

I know there to be so much of the many more things to be of saying to others who are of accusing such things to me but I must to be taking of short break to hide rest of my clothing make for attending to underwives 64, 23 and 17 who are having squabble over what breakfast to be having. They have been of looking at Rachel Corrie Commemorative Fertilizer and thinking it pancake mix.

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Mrs Al Czarweary,

I also going to be pouncing on the denouncing. The shame to see yet another Comrade that had such fine potential fall victim to those tea-bagging reichwinger ways. Shopping till your dropping and then with the lame excuses to try to deflect what you were really up to as you made some corporate fat cat happy and exploited a Chinese child working in a sweathouse to make that dress you bought.

It's looking bad for you, very bad. Hummm.......she throwed around plenty of cash by the looks of things this might be worth a little shakedown action. Be advised though I still haven't quite made up my mind if your 100 percent guilty or just 99 percent. If you have some evidence that may actually be worth my while to examine I may be persuaded to overlook your deeds boy a few deeds to some oil wells sure would be nice.

While I'm mulling this over you might want to take your hubbies advice when things look bleak for you.


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"Don't Worry Be Happy"?!! Are you for being serious? That is not Progressive Way ™! I must denounce this worrisome (but most catchy) tune as Un-Progressive in Nature and Un-Mandated ™ .
But I digress . . . . what we're we talking about?? (blasted vodka!!) Oh yes, Mrs. Alzcarwar Mrs. Zc... Mrs. Al..... I think consider that she has offered some pretty lame excuses, which is very Progressive, and for that I must commend her. (spit) But, this does not relieve her (not in literal sense) of obligatories of fuller and better explanations! It's no excuse to be shopping, shopping, shopping ... whether with future terrorist freedom fighter of not. All those frilly kapitalist head ornamentation and bag full of stuff's - was this other- peoples- money or dear beloved hubbies money? More explanations!!

umm, humm, that was such a catchy tune . . . . . .

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Leninka wrote:Mrs Al Czarweary has been such an exemplary prole since joining the Cube, that I had to find out if this was really true, for myself. So I spent the entire day spying on Mrs Czarweary, and I was stunned to find out that she has a fetish for hats. Here she is in Miss Daisy's Hat Boutique. I see no alternative than to put Mrs Czarweary on show trial, so I am recommending to Colonel 7.62 and Red Square that we have a show trial to hear out all sordid details of Mrs Czarweary's excursions into capitalist shopping strongholds. This is a sad day. I'm am quite fearful of what might happen to her if she is convicted.

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I just spit out my milk! Then I wondered how I wasn't invovled hadn't heard of this fetish.

Then I realized it is a fetish with Hats, not Cats. (sigh)
Psst, do you like my ushanka Al? We can be yours...

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Reiuxcat wrote:
Leninka wrote:
I just spit out my milk! Then I wondered how I wasn't invovled hadn't heard of this fetish.

Then I realized it is a fetish with Hats, not Cats. (sigh)
Psst, do you like my ushanka Al? We can be yours...

Comrade Reiuxcat, I too my spitting and upchucking! Now, Mrs. Al is wearing cat fur?! How horrid! What is the cat to wear? Nothing, I say, it is wearing nothing! I am calling PETA to report cat abusements. Glorious silken & cotton wraps and glittery trinkets make fine head ornamentations, but not kitty!
(oops, I just upchuck again. I beg forgiveness for your dainty shoes)
See the distress in poor kitty. Had to resort to resting on dead thing for warmentation!

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Fraulein Pulloskies,

Comrade Reiuxcat, I too my spitting and upchucking! Now, Mrs. Al is wearing cat fur?! How horrid! What is the cat to wear? Nothing, I say, it is wearing nothing! I am calling PETA to report cat abusements. Glorious silken & cotton wraps and glittery trinkets make fine head ornamentations, but not kitty!
(oops, I just upchuck again. I beg forgiveness for your dainty shoes)
See the distress in poor kitty. Had to resort to resting on dead thing for warmentation!


Relax your Germanic jets: The pussy cat didn't lose her hair by a fur stealing cat hater. It was much more innocent than that. It involved a rocking chair and.....well the song explains it all in more detail.


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Germanic jets!!


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OUCH!!!!!!!!!!

Dang it Frau whacking a baby with a rolling pin? Oh the shame, shame, shame.........Thank goodness I got Obamacare. Now let's stop this petty squabbling between us.

A friendly suggestion while I'm out of range. Take that rolling pin and put it to better and a more civil use. You've inspired many a cookie baker who has gazed on your lovely visage in the past and in the present. Why don't you just roll out some cookie dough and forget about whacking me and make some of your world famous monster cookies.

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AKKKK!!! Now it to be claiming I am of possessing not just the fat cat or the hatted cat but hairless pusssssy!! That to be going just the one step too far. How to I keep such many animal in cave when it already to be overrun with underwives?

So many of the charges I am unknowing as to how to make for addressing... hmmm must find the better word... the answering if when I to be of telling what the real story behind all foto to be I am said to be making of the excuses.

Comrade Whoopie, I was being in part of under-covergirl operation for freedom fighting cause when I to dress as such. It much easy when woman to fool the infidels with womenly wiles and I do to taking charming womanly figure, is that not of truth?

And Frau, again I was acting as spy in Teabagger rally so as to get the information for the good reporting should I be to asked one day. I not to ever wave of Amerikkan flag like Teabaggers unless I to be pretending to be of such.

I will to admit ThePeoplesComrade has been of uncovering my shame. It true I to be of humungous proportion at one time even if only for one portion of time. Yes, Obamugabe, I was of undressing distressing too. And it to be true, Grigori E.R., I can be of making ground quake so I was to made as if uselessness because husband afraid I would be of letting his enemy to know of his where to be.

That foto had been of taking when I was to be hopeful contestant on Biggest Loser but they just to stick finger 'L' in my face and to tell me and my fellow country village womens that we were of the hopless cases. So husband not to want me around and Big Loser loser peoples did not even want to be of helping to me.

And that when I begin to do the wandering. And it was in the wandering I saw the big poster of the robust Karl Marx and I to just to sit in front of poster for the many weeks. But after one time I was in need of lavatory wash room I was to be of noticing the thinness of Gulag womens and the wonderment of how they to keep such good skinny figure (except for Frau who may have the little waist but always in possession of the endowing endowment) so I must also to stay not just to be of gazing on the Karl Marx robust image but to learn of secret of such the shapely womens here.

I have been of learning that the good diet of beet and beet is very good for the weight reduction and since to be here I have been loosing of at least the 500 pounds. I am almost of invisibility and that not to include the wearing of the burkha that we are all knowing makes all the womens into invisibility.

Leninka, you know I like to make the hats for so many of the peoples. How to I make good the hats if I not to visit all the hat places to know what to be of current hat wearing?

Commodore Snoogie Woogums, oil may not be of good trading now with Gulf spillage and all such things I am of aghast you have found private love song from husband to me and have put on display for all to see. hmmm... I think I have been of making of rhyming... have you been of sneaking into my cave when I have not been of looking? I am of rememberance of one night of the not so far back time when I was to be hearing of something opening and looking into the chest and drawers..... Commodore!! Have you been of peeking into drawers of mine??!!! You were of mentioning Chinese and they are to be living in Peeking so I am of wondering if you to be giving of the clue so I to know it was you in my bedding chamber. Hmmmmmm.......

Reiuxcat.... yes, verrrry prrrrrety ushanka. It is of good fitting for your face.

If there to be show trial am wanting of lawyer. Why I not to have lawyer yet? Who is to be of deciding such things?

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Mrs. Al, I think, I have pondered and come to a government mandated conclusion of your true progressive values and lack their of. (and p.s., NO lawyers are given proles. We are most capable of any and all correctly mandated decisions to be made).
As it happens, I just received this *secret email in my secret government mandated Prog account, which seems to vindicate you and your cat faux pas.
putin 1.jpg

I am not liking of cat ornaments and attirary, but for the moment, we shall move forward. I seems clear from this photo that you have the endorsement (and caught the eye) of dear commie comrade Putin (not to be confused with Comrade Puton). This works in your favor, does it not!?

Comarde Snoogie, I will accept your beggingness of forgiveness.
Here is a lovely Frau Cookie for consumption (or saving as memento!)
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Bonnie Appetite!... or whatever.

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Be careful, Mrs Czarweary! Think! Use whatever brain you've got under that headdress of yours. Who was it that brought up these charges against you in the first place? Hmm?
It was Fraulein, of course! So I would be very careful with that cookie. Place it in the fridge for the time being. It may be good, but then again, you might want to wait to see what else Fraulein has up her sleeve.

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The cookie is for Comrade Snoogie... and Mrs. Al might be most careful and not be taking what belongs to another for herself! (that is Obamo's job, is it not?) Equalness of sharing is only to be redistributed through benevolent government cooperatives personnel and not by less equal proles and trolls to most Superior Equals in Party Elite. (besides, this is a delightful Prog cookie, not lovely Beet Gonad Soup recipe) piffle!

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What's a trial without a judge? You up for the task Leninka? You seem to be the only one who's level headed enough to hear the evidence in an impartial manner and render a guilty verdict.

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Hail Judge Leninka! Whoopie should be the defense! I'll park a tank outside and an evidence gathering wormhole inside and be the bailiff.

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I accept the hopeless assignment of Defense attorney for the thought criminal Czarweary.

btw: Fraulein, your gulag release paperwork has finally arrived. Sorry for the delay but sabotage at the People's Paper Collective created an unforeseen shortage of vellum. Oh well, better late than never, eh? Congratulations! It's official.

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I am so of thrilledness, dear loyal Comrade Whoopie! At last, I am free able to locate a small humble hobble outside of the glorious gulag, where I of course, learned so much and am so grateful. (wheee). This is most delightfully gloriously celebratory news, is it not?! Vodka for everyone!! And please, leave your dollars in the cubbie by the door, to be collected after I sobered up. (Praise dear Leader. I can finally get the freak outa here!!!!!).

Now, about Mrs. Al . . . .ah, umm, whatever! Carry on!!!

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oh, my gracious. Please forgiven such a brazen photo that some prole secretly photographed. We were having such celebratories and I was too inebriated full of joy, to realize some &%$# had a camera! I am not even sure that is I and I have serious doubts it is. PHOTOSHOPED. That is it!! I am sure!!! Who is that woman? What is she doing impersonating me!!?

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:What's a trial without a judge? You up for the task Leninka? You seem to be the only one who's level headed enough to hear the evidence in an impartial manner and render a guilty verdict.

I'll be glad to judge Mrs Al Czarweary and send her where she deserves to go, but before I do that, if Comrade Nanski can bring an over sized gavel to the House Chamber to oversee the passage of the health care bill, I think I ought to be able to use my blow torch.

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Esteemed, honorable madame Judge, my client would like to submit to the court this oil futures contract entitling the bearer to 5,000 barrels of light sweet crude @ $85 a barrel for your consideration. While this is not an admission of guilt, she hopes that this "evidence" will move the court to mercy at sentencing time.

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Where is a woman who lives in a cave getting all that oil, I mean, perhaps she has some rich relatives, but she is just a woman in a collective of women, and one man.

However, perhaps I should not look this gift horse in the mouth. Oil is oil. I'll think about it.

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[quote="Fraulein Pulloskies"]oh, my gracious. Please forgiven such a brazen photo that some prole secretly photographed. We were having such celebratories and I was too inebriated full of joy, to realize some &%$# had a camera! I am not even sure that is I and I have serious doubts it is. PHOTOSHOPED. That is it!! I am sure!!! Who is that woman? What is she doing impersonating me!!?



lil fucker gets down...

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:The cookie is for Comrade Snoogie... and Mrs. Al might be most careful and not be taking what belongs to another for herself! (that is Obamo's job, is it not?) Equalness of sharing is only to be redistributed through benevolent government cooperatives personnel and not by less equal proles and trolls to most Superior Equals in Party Elite. (besides, this is a delightful Prog cookie, not lovely Beet Gonad Soup recipe) piffle!

Sorry Fraulein, I was confused.

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There is nothing to be sorry for, dear comrade Leninka. Confusion is part of the progressive grandeur and can legally cover a 'multitude of sins'. It was something beloved comrade Kennedy always relied on!

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Leninka ,

I can't tell you what an honor is that your appointed judge! I'm sure you will sort out all the legal things and get this trial on a proper track. I did notice one slight little thing that may inhibit your decisions before rendering a guilty verdict on this 'swine' of a defendant.

A court examiner of the evidence submitted by the defendant to ensure it is legal and could be ...errr...restributed to the masses.

I humbly offer my services as the official Court Examiner of any defense evidence that is submitted to ensure it is legit and proper.

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How most generous of you, Comrade Woogums. I am sure your experience and due diligence of examinational techniques is beyond comparables. A guilty verdict must be assured after a fair and equally biased balanced trial, and with all the incriminatory evidencaries we have dutifully gathered (so grateful to all secret email providers) there can be no doubt to this defendants guilt. After that fair trail, naturally.
I shall have proles make a delightfully room made available in the newly renovated gulag. We are so humbly proud of my our hard work in this area and I am sure Mrs. Al will be most comfortable now the all some of the rats have been relocated.
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Speaking of the Defendant, where is she? DID SOMEONE TAKE HER PAPERS TO ENSURE NO HASTY RETREAT??

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pssst... Frau.... you had been of telling me you were to destroy all fotos taken of trip to Hooterville! ALA ZEG!!! I am not of any rememberance of being taking of such foto! I must be of agreeing it is work of evil fotoshopper. We must to find such personage and commit atrocities upon that personage. For shame!

I am of most gratefulness that Comrade Whoopie to be of my lawyering. It is of certainty now that should I to be of getting of any punishment it should not to be any worse than torch blow jobs I was at very first offered after I disburkha'd. Though I am of admittance that I am to be most fearing of the most terrible of punishments to be of falling on me or to any of the peoples who have ever had to be of submission to SHOW TRIALS... and that I have now learned is to be having of the watching to all Reaganhate videos!!! ALA ZEG!!! I am already of the writhing in the pains of such torture!!! I of glorious ObamaHope that I should not to be victim of such things.

Oh most beautiful of the light skinned peoples Leninka! I am of knowing that you to be the most fairest of the judges that have ever been to judging of the SHOW TRIALS!! And you to look of the glorious lovliness in judgely robe with pretty pink frilly neckline. hmmmm... um... ah.... maybe I not to be of noticing such outfitting... And I can to see that my most good of all lawyers, Comrade Whoopie, has to have been submitted of one of many bags of evidences that is of suredness to help me as trial is of continuing.

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Hmmm... it is seeming to me that Commodore Snoogie is of drooling over evidence bags.

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Frau... certainly you are to be knowing of me as cave dweller and I not to be of a custom of dachas or even of the hovels and most special not of those cement blocking cells you are of enjoying.

No, I am of most assuredness that once I to be cleared of all most terrible accusation you have been of accusationing onto me I will do of the upgrading to this most sweet little cave dwelling I have been of eyeballing. It even to already be of having latest Greening technology with the water tank collecting of the rain devices, even the panels of solar, and... I am of certainty that Judge Leninka will be of approval... the composting bins.

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Mrs. Al, in my most proudly humble opinion, the home is lovely and if you have secured home loan through the government Fannie Maybe or Freddie Makeme Mac, and it will be securely paid for with OPM (other peoples money) then I do not foresee any problems in future homeage. But until you have completed your Fair Trail ™ and mandatory sentence in the People Glorious Gulag ™ your new aboding will be more along the lines of this humble habitat, in which secret photographer by perchance caught a unknown picture of you. (surprise!) We do not want your overreaching of homeage projects until you are a happy and contented New Made Prog ™ ... and Party Elite have had a chance to rummage through investigate all your belongings in search of illegal contraband and items to be "shared" with the collective, which I am sure you will gladly participate, will you not!!!!

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I want to know what Mrs. Al Czarweary is doing with an early 1950's Rolls Royce. And more importantly if there is a way I can fit it in my garage.

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Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:Leninka ,

I can't tell you what an honor is that your appointed judge! I'm sure you will sort out all the legal things and get this trial on a proper track. I did notice one slight little thing that may inhibit your decisions before rendering a guilty verdict on this 'swine' of a defendant.

A court examiner of the evidence submitted by the defendant to ensure it is legal and could be ...errr...restributed to the masses.

I humbly offer my services as the official Court Examiner of any defense evidence that is submitted to ensure it is legit and proper.

Of course, you want a piece of the action, are so kind to offer your services as court examiner. As for the legal mumbo jumbo, may I also make you tester of the food, in the case that Mrs Al Czarweary might offer up a radioactive a tasty dish of some sort, or another?

I hereby appoint you the official Court Examiner of any defense evidence. Thank you, Commodore Snoogie.

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Mrs Al Czarweary,

Although, I am flattered to see my name on a bench, that hot pink color of that frilly blouse you have me in, went out of fashion before the Bushitler was elected to his second term. Nevertheless, I will take your efforts into consideration.

As for that cave dwelling? All those recycle buckets and bins are certainly unsightly! Of course, it is the way of the Goracle, and must be tolerated.

But don't forget one thing: my name may be Leninka, but I am descended from the great Roman Emperor, Claudius, if you know what that means.

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Most honorable light skinned Claudian madame Judge, my client is willing to accept a plea bargain on the charge of beastiality noting for the record that A) She didn't know the animals were under aged. B) Nothing happened. C) Whatever may have happened was entirely consensual.

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Please tell your client that these proceedings are just beginning. And, besides, I am the judge, not the DA. You might submit this request to Comrade Eric Holder, as he seems to favor those of Mrs Al Czarweary's ilk over and above native Amerikkan citizens.

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Comrades,

For those of you who don't have time to read the entire bio of my illustrious ancestor Claudius, below are some details of his actions that pertain to this case:

        Mystery item No. 1

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Leninka wrote:Please tell your client that these proceedings are just beginning. And, besides, I am the judge, not the DA. You might submit this request to Comrade Eric Holder, as he seems to favor those of Mrs Al Czarweary's ilk over and above native Amerikkan citizens.

Most honorable Judge, Eric Holder says he's busy trying to fix the cases of those SEIU thugs patriots who beat up that Tea Bagger and that kid who hacked into Sarah Palin's email account.

Who is the Prosecutor in this case? I believe he left a briefcase full of money in my office and I'd like to return it to him.

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I wonder if this could be your benefactor the perp the owner of lost article, Comrade Whoopie? He was "seen" entering your office about the time of this suspicious drop and then "reported" losing the briefcase. He looks vaguely familiar. In any case, I'm sure he'd want you to keep any found booty as a "reward".

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Fraulein you are of the most terrible of accusationers in the world! First you to say I am of possesing a naked pussy and now you to claim I am of having a big box!! I am being most shamed!

And if I to look closely as man with briefcase I also to say he is of familiarity.... hmmmm... OH! He is looking to me to be lecherous cousin of Osama been Laidon... the playboy Fuq'n Obama F'riq Hussein!!! You must to be very careful if you to be of association with that man. He is of liking to be of staring and all the womens butt cheeks and other parts of womanly body. He was once of tryiong to look under my burkha but I was quick to to knee him in private parts that the mens feel much hurting in.

Oh glorious relation to venerable Claudius... our own most beautiful light skinned beauty of Afrikan descent... Judge Leninka!! I am of hoping you are of approval of red silk blouse that was to be of leaving in your chamber room? Oh... and I to see you even are of having more evidence of my guiltlessness of all the most nasty rumor mongering that has been of going on. It is of Dear Leader hoping that you are of enjoyment of ruby and diamond necklace evidence of my innocence?

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Fear not Mrs. Al, I have everything under control. Since the Persecutor Prosecutor appears to be absent I'll begin by double cross...examining the Fraulein who started these horrendous accusations against my client.

Fraulein Pulloskies, if that's really your name, do you remember uttering these words?

Fraulein evidence.jpg
Don't try to deny you said it madame, I have an affidavit from an unimpeachable witness, none other than the People's Chairman himself, Red Square.

Tell us why the court should give any heed to a Nazi lover's baseless accusations?

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Fraudulent none-scenically lies & fabrication & misinterpretations!

Your most proudly humble Honorarian, I object. This line of cross haired examination has little and nothing to do with the kapitalist buying binge of Mrs. Al Czweary, who looks most fetching does she not? And, I might add, you do also, today! Red IS your color, is it not?! Oh my gracious, look at all those coins on your desk! How glorious that you're more equally equal and have receive redistributed Obama monies. You must be a 'shovel ready' project (a little joke ha ha) humm, I wonder if this is part of the redistributed Obama monies that masquerading Solicitor Whoopie took? oh my, look at the time! I promised to run by the gulag and drop off a memo from one of dear Leaders underlings.... must'n be late!

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No one is above suspicion in this courtroom, Fraulein. I wonder if you, yourself have not been the recipient of some of Mrs Al Czarweary's shopping sprees. Especially in the hat department. Now I know you always don the same headdress when posting on the Cube, but I bet when you are out and about, you make the old switcharoo.

As for you being accused by Comrade Whoopie, does that not help deflect guilt from Comrade Mrs Al Czarweary? She ought to be breathing a little easier, I'll say.

Now, Mrs Al Czarweary, I see you are getting a hold on how we do business in Leninka, descendant of Claudius the Emperor's courtroom. I find that frilly red blouse most pleasing, and it's a fashionable color, in the fact, "the" fashionable color for this year. Very well, done. I can take or leave the gold. However, I expect Commodore Snoogie Woogums to be dropping by with some of his shipmates any time to take it for korrect re-distribution.

One more hint to you, Comrade Fraulein: Any descendant of Claudius is easily influenced by those in the victim classes, those with disabilities, in other words, those who are both ethnically, and ethically challenged. Dear Leader is a perfect example of one who has both of these disabilities, and look how far it brought him?

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Fraulein, I was merely calling into question your credibility as chief accuser. I am prepared to dredge up the muck and fling mud at any and all witnesses against my client...Including myself.

Yes, through the miracle of wormhole technology I'm prepared to summon myself from before I was appointed Defense Attorney.

Defender Whoopie: Your name is Comrade Whoopie?
Comrade Whoopie: That's correct comrade Public Defender.
DW: You posted a picture of my client which you said you found using a search engine. What was the name of that search engine?
CW: Um...photoshop
DW: Louder please so the court can hear.
CW: Photoshop
DW: You are aware that this Photoshop is not a search engine at all, it's a photo editor often used to create false evidence.
CW: Umm...I suppose...er, ah, uhh
DW: Answer the question.
CW: Yes, it's a photo editor.
DW: Thank you comrade you may return to your timeline.

Honorable madame Judge, it's it obvious that this witness Comrade Whoopie is was a liar. So eager for his moment of fame he manufactured false evidence against my client.

When next this court meets I'll be calling Commodore Snoogie Woogums to the stand.

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How well said your Honorableness Comrade Leninka, and since you have delved into the "challenged" topic I will humbly admit to many challenges. My ancestors were most severely and unjustly persecuted for decades and decades. Great uncle was, yes, of 'mixed' ancestry himself, who married one of mix ancestry and together they had many mixed future ancestries between them. (and we proudly proclaim our glorious mixedness!) Dear great great Uncle Vlad fought his bigoted critics bravely for years, so misunderstood, was he.
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Then my own dear sister was mocked and harassed by the village people who kept calling her Erhard even after the operation! (such anti-trans bigots they were!)
old  sister.jpg
And Brunhilda is such a fine temperate guy woman.
I won't even mention the food stamps, WIC services, free school lunches and discrimination we endured, trying to survive with one drunk, drug addicted dear sweet Mama and poor Papa, locked in the hoosegow for 50 yr. (innocent, of course!!). Nor my game, bent leg, too poor to receive proper medical care (we couldn't find anyone else to pay for it!) and the hours of waiting in hospital lines, trying to learn spanish.
Alas, I have this one glorious head ornamentation that belonged to dearly beloved Mama, until she passed on to that great hatery in the sky 20 yr. ago. sniff sniff

Well, I see it's time for my medications and time to tend to poor sisters, as well... then off to overseeing the glorious beets.

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Photoshop? Is Mrs. Al Czarweary shopping for photos also? I don't have photo's ... not that I shop for, anyway. They were all sent to me! Who shops photos??!
This is all irrelevant! I am not the defendant. I have merely posted possible Prog concerns regarding possible un-Proggish behavior! All I did was what dear Leader expects - turning in trouble makers!! I am not the judge and jury. I am not guilty!!

Mrs. Al, I am hoping you are found innocent not guilty with special circumstance,as Solicitor Whoopie says, even if he's lying. You can prove fake photo's were sent to me and others? Yes? that would be good, no? oh, an abandoned birdie! I must leave.... I have to take the poor little abandoned cat and puppy to the vet for special needs attention.... and now a birdie.

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Why Fraulein, you've out-victimed yourself. This will, indeed, have a influence over my decision, because, like Judge Sotomayor, and the future judge Kagan, I can empathize better than a white judge could with the downtrodden rapists and murderers sitting on death row, and other victims like them who find themselves in such unfortunate circumstances. And of course, Mrs Al Czarweary can claim victimhood for her beard, that is, until I burn it off with my blow torch.

Comrade Whoopie,

You have done a most excellent job as both the attorney for the plaintiff (that would be the Cube), and the attorney for the defendant, Mrs Al Czarweary. Now, I did ponder your conundrum, and I wonder if it wouldn't be simpler for Mrs Al Czarweary to prosecute herself. No, no, no. She might end up bringing charges against me. That will not do. I would only use that option if we have no others. In the meantime, I will accept you representing both sides until we come up with a prosecuting prosecutor with a prosecutorial vehemence enough to send Mrs Al Czarweary right out of her burka on a train to the furthest reaches of Siberia.

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Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:Mrs Al Czarweary,

I also going to be pouncing on the denouncing. The shame to see yet another Comrade that had such fine potential fall victim to those tea-bagging reichwinger ways. Shopping till your dropping and then with the lame excuses to try to deflect what you were really up to as you made some corporate fat cat happy and exploited a Chinese child working in a sweathouse to make that dress you bought.

It's looking bad for you, very bad.

Commodore Snoogie Woogums. How interesting that you too should be so quick to pounce on my client, the hapless Mrs. Al Czarweary.

Perhaps you can explain to the court this photo taken just days before the start of this show trial.

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I would like to remind the court that Commodore Woogums has a long and sordid history of scheming with Inner Party members to make false accusations against innocent proles for their own perverse amusement.

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Whatt!!! Well, I never. And to think that all these years, I have held Commodore Snoogie Woogums in the highest esteem. Wild Turkey? And, here I'm stuck on Friday nights drinking McCormicks Bourbon? And I can't quite see what Fraulein's favorite poison is, but I bet it's expensive. Someone is skimming off the top of the redistribution pile, like a drunken sailor, and/or an AIG executive attending a swank New York Cuban themed party in his Che T-Shirt.

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OH MY!!!!

Comrade Whoopie you to be THE BEST DEFENSE LAWYER EVUH!!!

psssstt May I to show to you in private what underwive #66 (she not full devil yet) was to be of uncovering?

Underwive #66 prove to be very good uncoverer of incriminating evidences against accuser Frownline Pulloskies. That is because underwive #66 is of even more hating despising detesting loyal to husband sometime than even to me be of him. But not to tell my husband that, please.

She to find this foto of the Frau from time past when she to be of much cloth mindedness. #66 to say Frau is just now the most jealous kind because she to be stuck in same worn and dated clothing why I can to be changing of the burkha since too often the burkha get the use of the mens for private usages and make for the messes on the burkhas. And we are all of good knowing that Moose-alimb womens can not to be of the outing with such stainy burkha.

frau fancy dress.jpg

And then little imp #66 to uncover this foto of the Frau when she was dressed in PETA prohibited ermine cloaking device. At first I was to be of wondering that the Frau was to also have the many underwives but #66 to say that not to be underwives but the many tailoresses that the Frau was of [highlight=#ffffff]EMPLOYING[/highlight]!!! YES!! The Frau was to be so evil rich kapitalistic dog (p*g is haraam) when her now deadened husband, thanking to many mushrooms, who should to receiver of OPM but what really to be most cheesy business owner that make for him the riches beyond what anyone to be of allowing, that she to have bought many of the tailor women peoples and they to follow here all over the world so they can be to making the most updated of the fashion.

frau seemstresses.jpg

So who is to be the real fashion raven now, my most wonderful lawyer, Comrade Whoopie?
But I think this most important uncovering by #66. Look to see who the Frau to be of conspiring between against my own very innocent personage. Her most evil kapitalist reichwing BROTHER who is fake intellectualist and speaker against our most glorious Dear Leader... the CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER!!!

frau and charles.jpg

Are you of maybe opinion that such fotos may to be of proving my innocence or maybe just even to be of good distractionary practice? Or should they be keeping secret like all the school transcript, passport information, and such like Dear Leader?

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Mrs. Al, I think we've cast enough doubt on the accusers that there is a good chance of a reduced sentence. Perhaps only a few moments of Community Service holding the target for the firing squad to sight in their rifles.

But I don't want to get your hopes up. We never know who may yet step forward to denounce you.

And let's not forget, we've yet to hear the People's Prosecutor cross examine any of the witnesses.

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I think Mrs Al Czarweary needs to make us all a feast. I'm tired of eating beets, beets, beets, and potatoes and cucumbers, every day. Especially, if we're going to be in this courtroom for the next 29 days.

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I demand to know why Mrs. Al Czarweary's Social Security Number matches that of a person born in Texas, when in fact she was never there?

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Comrades, I was hiding in my cellar all night in fear unable to sleep, the acrid smelling salts of cat urine wafting from the kittie litter box. Every boot-step noise I heard from the sidewalk outside caused terror and the deep depths of despair to wash over me.....am I next? Is it the trepidation of the falsiefalse charges or the sickening sound of the padded paid accusations of race baiting whitenesseswitnesses; the terror of the barbed underwire that skulks silently in the dark outside my door. How can one escape the lies and "false information" being disseminated by AM radio talking heads and net neutered bloggers. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Oh most venerable Judge Leninka be merciful on us all.

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Have I not mentioned twin sisterine before? I was sure I had. Fraulein Carlotta Frumpet, the bride of Commanding Brigadier General of the Royal Command, (or something...) was indeed married to a delightful Moslem gentleman, but that was years ago, after 2nd husband died fighting evil Kapitalist and before she married 4th delightful husband Frumpet. And of course she knows Commodore Woogums, with whom she works with on top, top secret duties for dear Leader (who was in great part responsible from bring down the evil Bushitler regime. {it took a most long time to remove all those wmd from Iraq. Did you think these things just vanish on own??} The lovely photo was taken while attending a party for dear glorious Leader Himself, who in fact, took lovely photo on the Icamera which he doesn't know how to work.
Herr Krauthammer is not Mr. Krauthammer, but Herr Fudrucker Krauthammer, a well known secret conspirator of dear Leaders, working privately against the reichwingers to defeat their lies and fabrications.
How do you not know this?
I think I feel a case of the vapors over coming my abode. Such stressful stress, questioning my ill-repute in such a ill manor. There could not be a better, most loyal Comradess to dear Leader and glorious Cube, than I, the Frau!

I must have a sip of vodka to stable my weak, weakness of stress related stress before I go back to toiling and caring for poor dear sick sisterinhood. Where did I put my medical needs? Where am I? What's happening? hello??

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Komrade Kofky wrote:....am I next? the terror of the barbed underwire that skulks silently in the dark outside my door.

Well, it seems the proles are duly terrified of the spectacle unfolding in this court.

Be afraid comrades, be very afraid!

Leninka wrote: I think Mrs Al Czarweary needs to make us all a feast.

Ooo, great idea Leninka. I bet Mrs. Al could whip a fine feast of roast goat head and her award winning goat gonad gulag goulash.

Goat1.jpg

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:
Reiuxcat wrote:
Leninka wrote:
I just spit out my milk! Then I wondered how I wasn't invovled hadn't heard of this fetish.

Then I realized it is a fetish with Hats, not Cats. (sigh)
Psst, do you like my ushanka Al? We can be yours...

Comrade Reiuxcat, I too my spitting and upchucking! Now, Mrs. Al is wearing cat fur?! How horrid! What is the cat to wear? Nothing, I say, it is wearing nothing! I am calling PETA to report cat abusements. Glorious silken & cotton wraps and glittery trinkets make fine head ornamentations, but not kitty!
(oops, I just upchuck again. I beg forgiveness for your dainty shoes)
See the distress in poor kitty. Had to resort to resting on dead thing for warmentation!

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How very typical Amerikan Fraulein Pulloskies! Next I suppose you shave your legs and underarms too. Shameless. You're not going to be very popular in the EU.


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Now I know why Fraulein wears that shawl around her shoulders. And notice how strategically placed her cube is. What is she hiding? A third breast?

Note to Mrs Al Czarweary:

I have hereby issued a bench warrant for your arrest for slipping out of this courtroom. You are as slippery as Sandy Burglar when he slipped out of the National Archives building with stolen documents stuffed in his pants. On the other hand, the ruby and diamond necklace is quite pretty. My attention was so focused on the frilly blouse, I didn't notice it before.

Message to Commordore Snoogie Woogums:

Where the heck are you? I'm holding on to this gold for you to take and re-distribute. I've got grasping hungry hands crawling all over the place. If you don't get here soon, it will be most unequally re-distributed, including into the hands of Comrade Infidel Castrate who has his eyes on a new solid gold poop bag.

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Whatt!!! Well, I never. And to think that all these years, I have held Commodore Snoogie Woogums in the highest esteem. Wild Turkey? And, here I'm stuck on Friday nights drinking McCormicks Bourbon? And I can't quite see what Fraulein's favorite poison is, but I bet it's expensive. Someone is skimming off the top of the redistribution pile, like a drunken sailor, and/or an AIG executive attending a swank New York Cuban themed party in his Che T-Shirt.


Oh most Beautiful and lovely looking Judge Leninka,

I have a perfectly innocent explanation for tossing back some of the good stuff with the Frau instead the usual State Issued rot gut vodka. And also explains my momentary absence from these proceedings.
As a loyal party members the Frau and I was keeping tabs on a local racissst, reichwinging tea bagging protest. I mentioned to the Frau that even though in a million years I would never ever make any sort of amorous advances to the protesters I did find myself attracted to some of them as a male of the species. They had some real hotties there. The Frau as a good party member decided to save me from temptation and suggested we follow the sign's advice which turned out to be a very good thing after all.


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Of course my momentary absence was because I was nursing a two day hang-over after taking the Frau's advice......Boy, she can knock em back though with no ill effects.


Now as for the gold that Al. C has seen to offer as evidence......GIVE ME, GIVE ME, GIVE ME....er....I will have it examined post haste for ensure it wasn't tampered with in anyway.

Oh did I tell you Judge it is obvious you have been working out and boy you look good in those robes. You wouldn't mind signing a little immunity from testimony action for me would ya, just a technicality really on your part and saving my ass from Whoopies cross examination.


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Leninka wrote:If you don't get here soon, it will be most unequally re-distributed, including into the hands of Comrade Infidel Castrate who has his eyes on a new solid gold poop bag.
Let's be clear here Comrade Leninka, I had suggested that bag was for my brother Raul. And don't tell me it depends. Pssst, do you take Cuban cigars for trade?

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Judge Leninka

Note to Mrs Al Czarweary:

I have hereby issued a bench warrant for your arrest for slipping out of this courtroom
I actually must give a defense for Mrs. Al leaving the courtroom. It is on legitimate court business. She and her Defense lawyer Whoopie have been meeting at a library to research law and to prep for their defense case.

I dare say though they could have chosen a better library then the one they so obviously enjoy to go to so much.


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Order!!! Order!!! Where's my giant Nanski Peloski sized gavel? I need to hit every single one of you over the head with it.

In the meantime, Comrade Snoogie Woogums, I do have a thing for Japanese Beer, if you could sneak me some through customs, and throw in a couple of bottles of Saki while you're at it.

Comrade Buffoon, are you saying that the women of the Cube were partying with none other than Sarah Jessica Parker? THE Sarah Jessica Parker? The Sarah Jessica Parker that Maxim magazine named as the least sexy celebrity of all? Well, I guess I'll take that as a compliment, as the rest of us do come off looking better than her in comparison.

Comrade Infidel,

I know you're itching for that solid gold pooper. You're fantasizing how good it would look strapped to your waist. Okay, bring me all the cigars you are able, but make sure they're in a high quality, reliable humidor, and make sure they are rolled by Dominicans. I don't want my cigars rolled by slave labor.

Again, Comrade Snoogie,

Aren't you the sneaky one! Incriminating Mrs Al Czarweary by claiming she's hanging her burka at the Reagan Library. What's she looking at? "How to Bring Down an Evil Empire" by RR? This is a trick. I may be a descendant of the Emperor Claudius, but I can smell a decoy ruse when I see one. You couldn't have learned this in the Navy. No way. This comes only from the deepest darkest parts of your deepest darkest little heart.

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Aren't you the sneaky one! Incriminating Mrs Al Czarweary by claiming she's hanging her burka at the Reagan Library. What's she looking at? "How to Bring Down an Evil Empire" by RR? This is a trick. I may be a descendant of the Emperor Claudius, but I can smell a decoy ruse when I see one. You couldn't have learned this in the Navy. No way. This comes only from the deepest darkest parts of your deepest darkest little heart.
My most Fair Judge!

I see the defense has been successful in deflection from the real issue here1 Ms. Al's obvious GUILT! Her crimes are an outrage to the party and we must be vigilant against allowing her and her shifty defense mouthpiece to divert the courts and your attention away from the purpose of this most fair and just trial. My heart is not dark put pure as the driven snow. Everything I do is for 'the children'. Did I not volunteer to serve as the courts defense evidence examiner? I offered my humble services to the court free of charge with no thought of taking on this thankless task as a true progressive in the party. The only reward I seek is that I do a good job with the defense evidence and that is is properly deposited in the evidence vault. Speaking of which the vault is kinda sparse right now and has plenty of room for more defense evidence slips, the ones that are watermarked with that Benjamin Franklin guy to ensure they are authentic.

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Why, Comrade Buffoon, what a lovely photograph you happen to come upon. Aren't we the Lovely Loyal Ladies™ , basking in the glory of the People's Cuba Private spa for the Comrades. My vodka diet is certainly paying off, is it not. Loyal Comrade Wooguns, I agree completely with what ever it was you said. Very well put. Some appear to be attempting to distract from the real proceedings, which is Mrs. Al's guilt trial! I am most shocked from the evidence that Mrs. Al is co-hearting around with the RR Library. *spit Here case is looking more and more certain of guilt. The loyal Judges seems to be wanting to place an order. Find out if she wants more fried beets or... gold.

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Comrade Buffoon, it good to see you are of producing foto that is showing my very good losing of the weight since my arriving in gulag. But what has to have been happening with my turban!!! ALA ZEG!!! I not to remember when last time it was of the head hair washing. And I to have much hairs on head... I am not of nakedness on head. First Fraulein is of making claim that I to have hairless pussy and now you to be of making claim as if I to have the almost hairless head!

Of most beautiful Judge Leninka of the most esteemy lineage of the Claudius! Commodore Woogums is not a truth teller. I have not ever to have been at Reagan Library SPIT! SPIT! now if he had said the dreaded Bushitler ranchero... But of course you are of most wisdom and of great ability to see such no truthfulness of the Woogums. I have been of slaving at the kitchen so as to make for you the feast! I can only be of the ObamaHope that the foods to be of your liking as you have not been of saying what would to be your enjoyment.

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[quote="Mrs Al Czarweary"] ...Of most beautiful Judge Leninka of the most esteemy lineage of the Claudius! Commodore Woogums is not a truth teller. I have not ever to have been at Reagan Library SPIT! SPIT! now if he had said the dreaded Bushitler ranchero... But of course you are of most wisdom and of great ability to see such no truthfulness of the Woogums. I have been of slaving at the kitchen so as to make for you the feast! I can only be of the ObamaHope that the foods to be of your liking as you have not been of saying what would to be your enjoyment.


I have never seen such astounding progressive sucking up in all my years!! I think I must upchuck...

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Mrs Al Czarweary, If I may be so bold, what is this object in the photo? Is that a party member? Jeez I thought the Great Castrate® was "great" .. at least when I still had mine. Image

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Most honorable madame Judge, I wish to offer the court this tasty roast beet salad with goat cheese to go along with the yummy goat BBQ that Mrs. Al cooked up (Mmmm, smells good).

roast beet salad and goat cheese.jpg
In the meantime I suggest we keep a close eye on Commodore Snoogie and his handling of the evidence.

Now let's eat, I'm starving!

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:Why, Comrade Buffoon, what a lovely photograph you happen to come upon. Aren't we the Lovely Loyal Ladies™ , basking in the glory of the People's Cuba Private spa for the Comrades.
Fraulein, Something troubles me about your hairstyle

....
Image Image

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Comrade Infidel,

You would have a dirty mind, or is it Mrs Al Czarweary, who has to share her one cucumber salads with 60 other wives?

Yes, Mrs Al Czarweary is a suck up, Fraulein, but we might as well all take advantage of her during this show trial. Once the trial stops, so does the sucking up. Feel free to make her grovel to you, too.

And I'm thinking about appointing Commisarka Pinkie, or Obamissar V (if he ever gets back to the gulag from his service under the Peloski) as my prosecuting attorney, not that Comrade Whoopie has been doing a bad job of arguing with himself.

I see now, Comrade Whoopie that you have presented me with a lovely salad to make up for that goat head you left on my desk earlier. I won't forget the goat head incident that easily. Don't forget, under my ancestor Claudius, many Senators lost their lives -- I kind of like the way Romans conducted their politics.

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My sincere apologies madame Judge for the goat's head. It was inexcusable of me. To make amends and save my own head I wish to turn over some new evidence which has come into my possession. I realize this new evidence may look bad for my client but I'm sure there is a good explanation (as soon as I think of one). Regardless, as an officer of the court and loyal Party member, I'm duty bound to hand over these pictures.

Shopping binge.jpg

Mrs. Al hairdoo.jpg


 
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