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I Denonuce Comrade KOOK

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:
KOOK wrote:

I construe that as an admission that you have not given me permission to violate the laws of physics and that therefore, the fact that characters I stand accused of being were necessarily being controlled by persons other than me since they were appearing in this thread simultaneously while I was here trying to defend myself. Thus, I interpret your admission as a total exoneration of me. Thank you.

Try again Comrade. The Inner Party members who are bringing you to trial may trample on physics. You may not. In Socialist Justice, there is no Fair, there only is The Party, and by golly, The Party will do what it needs to ensure Justice.Care to explain how you were seen with a humvee parked in your garage?


I agree that the Inner Party members (and only inner party members) may trample on physics. Therein lies proof of my innocence because I cannot do so-- but if I were to somehow discover that I do in fact have such powers, the woe be to my Inner Party accusers when I begin weilding them.

Regarding your question about a certain vehicle parked in my garage: I am keeping it in a safe place on orders from a high party official so that I can deliver it to him upon his request as I have often done whenever he needs a Hummer.

As a lowly inmate in a Gulag, I have no choice but to obey the commands of the husband of the MTE.

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I can't wait to see if Kook has some of kind of screw threads in his neck, in order to make it possible for him to screw on different heads. Or does he just have a body to head snap on system going there.

I see I've missed a great deal here.

Kook, you remind of the Sheriff in blazing saddles. I wonder if you would be willing to carry out your own punishment for your multiple crimes. Hmm. I wonder.

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You do not get the rules of Physics as it applies in and out of the party. YOU are hoarding multiple personalities. That is proof of a capitalist abnormality. YOU accused Comrade Buffoon, a loyal and brave INNER Party member of violating physics. In turn, I did not say if he did or not, but merely stated that for the purposes of this trial, the laws of physics as are controlled through my department are suspended for Inner Party members.

Keep digging Comrade. It is proof you did learn something in the Gulag after all. I would question if you are truly Shovel Aware(TM) though.

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PHYSICS?

Let me tell you about physics.

If a rock falls to the earth it is by the will of the Supreme Leader!

In the Middle East, it is by the will of Allah, in Amerikkka it is by the will of Barack Hussein, in Africa it is by the will of ME!

Amandla!

Obamugabe

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*sigh* I'm cranky. The wormhole is acting funny, I keep getting crank calls from Stalin (Why, oh why did I ever install that telephone?) "Hello? Comrade Colonel? Is your wormhole running?" "Why yes Comrade Stalin it is." "Well then you better go get it before it escapes!" Or "Excuse me Comrade Colonel, could you page a comrade for me? Comrade Mike Hunt please." And so on. Don't ever give Stalin your phone number. But I digress.

Comrade Kook, look under your pillow. No, not that one, yes. That one. Excellent. Small velvet sack, full of gemstones. Good. It's called bribe material. Never mind where I got it from, just be grateful I hid it under your pillow instead of General Mousey-Tongue's. He'd just go get caviar, whale meat and hookers with it.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a dinner appointment with the good General.

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Leninka wrote:I can't wait to see if Kook has some of kind of screw threads in his neck, in order to make it possible for him to screw on different heads. Or does he just have a body to head snap on system going there.

I see I've missed a great deal here.

Kook, you remind of the Sheriff in blazing saddles. I wonder if you would be willing to carry out your own punishment for your multiple crimes. Hmm. I wonder.

Hhhhmmmmmm

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:You do not get the rules of Physics as it applies in and out of the party. YOU are hoarding multiple personalities. That is proof of a capitalist abnormality. YOU accused Comrade Buffoon, a loyal and brave INNER Party member of violating physics. In turn, I did not say if he did or not, but merely stated that for the purposes of this trial, the laws of physics as are controlled through my department are suspended for Inner Party members.

Keep digging Comrade. It is proof you did learn something in the Gulag after all. I would question if you are truly Shovel Aware(TM) though.


If you will be patient I will soon share with you additional indisputable videographic proof that a party operative (not I) in one of those special services created by the Party to enforce Party Disciplline is responsible for activity for which I have been accused. Perhaps my accusers may even deem my investigative skills as constituting grounds for acquittal. Don't forget, depending on the will of the party, just as Lies are Truth, Guilt is Innocence.

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Double speak, double dealing, double dipping, and intrigue. Interesting. And fascinating.

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Obamugabe wrote:PHYSICS?

Let me tell you about physics.

If a rock falls to the earth it is by the will of the Supreme Leader!

In the Middle East, it is by the will of Allah, in Amerikkka it is by the will of Barack Hussein, in Africa it is by the will of ME!

Amandla!


Obamugabe

Like the Commissar of Time, you are proving my innocence. Allah in the Middle East, Obama in Amerikkka, and Obamugabe in Africa can defy the laws of physics, but I cannot; therefore, for the reasons already explained to the Commissar of Time, the evidence amassed today regarding those other characters proves my innocence because I lack the power to defy the laws of physics.

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:*sigh* I'm cranky. The wormhole is acting funny, I keep getting crank calls from Stalin (Why, oh why did I ever install that telephone?) "Hello? Comrade Colonel? Is your wormhole running?" "Why yes Comrade Stalin it is." "Well then you better go get it before it escapes!" Or "Excuse me Comrade Colonel, could you page a comrade for me? Comrade Mike Hunt please." And so on. Don't ever give Stalin your phone number. But I digress.

Comrade Kook, look under your pillow. No, not that one, yes. That one. Excellent. Small velvet sack, full of gemstones. Good. It's called bribe material. Never mind where I got it from, just be grateful I hid it under your pillow instead of General Mousey-Tongue's. He'd just go get caviar, whale meat and hookers with it.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a dinner appointment with the good General.


Somehow I'm beginning to feel Hope for a Change. I'm almost ready to submit my final item of proof to further butress my arguments founded on irrefutable logic from the evidence presented against me today (actually, by now much of it was yesterday).

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:Double speak, double dealing, double dipping, and intrigue. Interesting. And fascinating.


Most Honorable Commissar of Time a.k.a. Colonel 7.62:

Through my investigative efforts and contacts with certain operatives with one of the Party's sepcial-operations divisions, I now have videographic evidence (which I have no doubt you will find fascinating) revealing the identity of GAIA Minister Neytiri:

Image
As you can see, she is endowed with far more than unbounded loyalty to the Party.

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Comrade Kook, there is one simple explanation for your multiple personalities.

You think I'm the only one with a wormhole? You don't think the KKKapitalists have one? Who do you think we redistributed the technology from? Please... the CIA has it's own wormhole and ability to modify space and time. Why do you think we have a Temporal Counterproliferation Unit?

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Woo Hoo! A denouncement!
It seems like it's been awhile since we eliminated competition. trumped up charges. Convened a kangaroo court. Weeded out the bad apples. Will there be a separate show trial for each of our former comrades' alternate identities?
And I wondered what I would do on a Friday night with out any beet vodka!


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Colonel 7.62 wrote:Comrade Kook, there is one simple explanation for your multiple personalities.

You think I'm the only one with a wormhole? You don't think the KKKapitalists have one? Who do you think we redistributed the technology from? Please... the CIA has it's own wormhole and ability to modify space and time. Why do you think we have a Temporal Counterproliferation Unit?

Aha! You think I'm a CIA operative using CIA devices to defy the laws of physics. Clever argument. Of course it's your duty to the Collective to suspect everyone (including yourself). I understand. However, there are two things that you should consider: First, in the recent trade, our top-flight operatives identified real CIA spies to be traded, and not me because they know I'm not. Second, Anna kindly provided me with this videographic evidence to help me establish my innocence. Just ask Anna. It's obvious she has impeccable credentials.

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100% Infidel wrote:Woo Hoo! A denouncement!
No, it's a denouement ended by a denudement.

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Honorable Court and Fellow Party Members,

I believe since we are dealing with Kook and his multiple inner comrades that, errrr multiple offers of defense bribes evidence should be in order for us to examine.

I have not yet determined where I stand on this as far as this Kook fellow. However if Kook or one of his multiples wishes me to examine some evidence they would like to submit for my appraisal I will take the time to verify its ' true market value' and make sure it is distributed equally for others to examine.

Kook,

When submitting evidence please ensure that all court required forms are filled out properly using a number two pencil. Pencils can be purchased at The People's Navy Stationary Store for a very nominal price that can be negotiated later in private between us.

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Dear Accusers, Defenders, Skeptics, Comrades, & Judges,

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am being transported away from the Gulag to serve under Anna Chapman under sealed orders directly from Putin (not to be confused with Putout). Serving under Anna will, of course, be demanding, but someone has to do it. I'm told I will not be able to return to my Gulag until some time next Tuesday.

You think I should bring my Hummer? What about my copy of Glenn Beck's Arguing with Idiots, and my autographed picture of Sarah Palin? Damn she's hot.

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Comrades; this photo has mysteriously appeared all over the gulag.
I humbly submit this evidence to the wisdom of the Peoples Court.

'Jabba the Soros himself is also manipulating more than the mind of GAIA Minister Neytiri."

Copy of Jabba the Soros.jpg

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KOOK wrote:
If you will be patient I will soon share with you additional indisputable videographic proof that a party operative (not I) in one of those special services created by the Party to enforce Party Disciplline is responsible for activity for which I have been accused.

Comrade, the Inner Party is inscrutable. They know the identity of the computer that created these "subordinates" and they know that the same computer was used to create the posts of these "subordinates" over the period leading up to this show trial. It's impossible for you to claim that someone other than you is responsible. Furthermore, by referring to these characters as your "subordinates" you admit to ownership of them. By complaining that they have now been turned against you, without your foreknowledge proves that up until now, you have had sole control of them.

Do not insult the intelligence of the Inner Party by trying to muddy the waters with talk of "physics" or trying to cast doubt on the accusations or the veracity of the evidence.

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The People's High Court
A large green bird is standing at the Prosecution table. It's busy shuffling papers, filling out forms and croaking orders to a small army of Latino workers;

"Manuel, are my solar panels in place? Good good. Juan, how's my wind turbine coming along? Not so good is not the answer Juan, now CHOP CHOP! Consuela, replace all these bulbs in here with energy efficient bulbs. Go go girl, you know the drill!"

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:Try again Comrade. The Inner Party members who are bringing you to trial may trample on physics. You may not. In Socialist Justice, there is no Fair, there only is The Party, and by golly, The Party will do what it needs to ensure Justice.Care to explain how you were seen with a humvee parked in your garage?
Most loyal Comrade Colonel! That is so gloriously and precisely well said. You have given the most humble pride to all your fellow comradrics, here in the People's Cube. Image Please wear this audacious award with pride.

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Comrade Kook, would you care to explain this empty can of QUANTUM FOAM I found outside your overly large house? Doing a little messing around with of physics are we? Hrmmmm.... Where is Nikola Tesla when you need him?

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Comrade Tesla? Oh goodie! His hair raising testimony is always electrifying.

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Tesla? This that the 2nd cousin of the ex-brother-in-law of Testosterone Vandyke?

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KOOK wrote:
Comrade Buffoon wrote: Your defense is bullshit.
No, it's shinola. You need to re-watch the scene in "The Jerk" in which the father teaches his son the difference between "S__t" and "shinola."

You Herr Kook, need to pay attention to the scene in "The Jerk" at the peoples fueling station. And I assure you, Red Star's goon squad will not be shooting at the cans!




I promise you, now is not the time to be obfuscating like a DC prog (e.g. Obama) trying to make excuses for his failures!

Only true remorse for your actions (and some bribes) will free you from your silly ideas of free market and trickle down.

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KOOK wrote:
Lt. just_a_car wrote:
KOOK wrote: Sorry, I only use GunPal.Net, which, mysteriously, seems to be off-line at the moment.

WHAT?!... Are you purchasing unapproved weapons of the collective without prior approval from the Special Weapons Czar?! There are only two viable weapons to be issued as of yet and they are the People's Rifle™ and the People's Knife™!

Now that I see you have been doing such things behind the Collective's back, I will now put my full force into investigating you for the People's Court™.

My weapons were grandfathered long ago.

NYET!

There is no grandfathered weapons in the great People's Collective Resistance Revolution™! There are only the People's Revolutionary Arms™, approved of course, by me.

YOU SIR, have contraband to the People's Collective™ and have all but admitted to being guilty of such.

Not only that, the only 'grandfather' to the people is Grandfather Marx; how dare you soil his great name with reference to contraband weapons.

I DENOUNCE YOU and your alternate identities for collusion to possess contraband to the People's Collective™ and committing thoughtcrimes against Grandfather Marx!

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KOOK wrote:
Colonel 7.62 wrote:Double speak, double dealing, double dipping, and intrigue. Interesting. And fascinating.


Most Honorable Commissar of Time a.k.a. Colonel 7.62:

Through my investigative efforts and contacts with certain operatives with one of the Party's sepcial-operations divisions, I now have videographic evidence (which I have no doubt you will find fascinating) revealing the identity of GAIA Minister Neytiri:

Image
As you can see, she is endowed with far more than unbounded loyalty to the Party.

Hoarder at large Kook,

I denounce you once again for presenting this "evidence" that gave me pause... to draw the blinds for further scrutiny.

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ORACLE dodo wrote:The People's High Court
A large green bird is standing at the Prosecution table. It's busy shuffling papers, filling out forms and croaking orders to a small army of Latino workers;

"Manuel, are my solar panels in place? Good good. Juan, how's my wind turbine coming along? Not so good is not the answer Juan, now CHOP CHOP! Consuela, replace all these bulbs in here with energy efficient bulbs. Go go girl, you know the drill!"

You look familiar, did we do Peace Corps time together on the Arizona border offering food and water to Mexican invaders migrants?

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Comrade Buffoon wrote:
ORACLE dodo wrote:The People's High Court
A large green bird is standing at the Prosecution table. It's busy shuffling papers, filling out forms and croaking orders to a small army of Latino workers;

"Manuel, are my solar panels in place? Good good. Juan, how's my wind turbine coming along? Not so good is not the answer Juan, now CHOP CHOP! Consuela, replace all these bulbs in here with energy efficient bulbs. Go go girl, you know the drill!"

You look familiar, did we do Peace Corps time together on the Arizona border offering food and water to Mexican invaders migrants?

I don't think so, maybe Farm Aid '07?

Farm Aid Last Tuesday.jpg

BTW, can you believe this Kook and his hoarding? Surely he must be killed.

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By the many teats of the MTE, now I've seen everything!

Comrades,
I just came from the People's Court House. Is the Kollective aware that there's a large, very ugly, green bird remodeling the People's High Court? It has a tattoo of the Goracle on it's beak or bill or whatever you call it!

I must protest these entire proceedings. First......
Grigori having spent time in the Orient with Zen Monks senses the low frequency whoosh of a boot sailing through the air and ducks "Bush Like" just in time.

Ahem, First, we do not have a Prosecutor yet. Second this Auntie Semitic Judge is a complete unknown. When I was volunteered for this duty I thought I was.......
Grigori ducks another boot, but this time it hits poor Commodore Snoogie Woogums smack in his little forehead.

OK, that's enough! I can duck these boots all day! Now look at poor Snoogie! Are you OK Commodore? Now where was I? Oh yes, I thought I was going to be dealing with our normal group of wonderful Comrades. This Auntie person is most irregular and that's not FAIR!

Third and most importantly......
The golden shovel cuts through the air with the speed of lightening. It hits poor Grigori in the back of the head with a resounding WHACK.

That hurt Pinkie! I'd go to the Emergency Room, but the last time I went they said they wouldn't accept Medicare. Third and most important is that my client has been whisked away on what's probably a suicide mission for Comrade Putin.

Fourth, I can't defend anyone if I'm unconscious!

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I have finally bothered to read about comrade Kook's crimes. I must say that I'm appalled! Kook has used proxy infiltrators to sabotage the Party. I don't care who these infiltrators are. Whether they are his inner comrades or CIA agents doesn't matter. I mean ... why would you infiltrate the Party if not to harm it?

I say we skip the show trial and drag comrade Kook down to the basement and shoot him.

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Lt. just_a_car wrote:
Now that I see you have been doing such things behind the Collective's back, I will now put my full force into investigating you for the People's Court™.

Perhaps Lt. JAC would like to be the Prosecutor?

(now, can I have my boots back?)

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:I say we skip the show trial and drag comrade Kook down to the basement and shoot him.

Didn't Comrade Buffoon already suggest this remedy?

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What the? I just read the earlier ORACLE dodo comment. The dodo is the Prosecutor?
Lenin help me! This thing is getting surreal.

Kommissar Vodkov, Let's not get hasty now. It's Saturday Night and we Kommissars should be kicking back.

Anyway, I've been busy all day putting together a little "Save the Kook" fundraiser for tonight. Comrade Putin sent some very fine talent for the fundraiser and you're all invited.
Here's a live feed:
Вика Дайнеко - Что теряю я live



All I want to know now is WHO STOLE Whoopie's boots?

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Grigori E.R. wrote:What the? I just read the earlier ORACLE dodo comment. The dodo is the Prosecutor? All I want to know now is WHO STOLE Whoopie's boots?

Surely the thief should be killed... and if he smokes marijuana in Muskogee.... OYE!


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Comrade Prosecutor Dodo? Very well then, we are ready. Grigori I don't envy your job having performed similar duties myself. Of course, in my case I won an acquittal for my client. Perhaps the first time in the history of show trials (I don't mean to brag...Ok, I do).

Someone made off with my brand new boots? In the name of Marx what will I throw now? Oh wait, I forgot, I have blighted tomatoes and some old smelly eggs, maybe an empty vodka bottle or two. Ok, I'm all set. Let the trial begin, Tuesday morning bright an early.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Comrade Prosecutor Dodo? Very well then, we are ready. Grigori I don't envy your job having performed similar duties myself. Of course, in my case I won an acquittal for my client. Perhaps the first time in the history of show trials (I don't mean to brag...Ok, I do).

Someone made off with my brand new boots? In the name of Marx what will I throw now? Oh wait, I forgot, I have blighted tomatoes and some old smelly eggs, maybe an empty vodka bottle or two. Ok, I'm all set. Let the trial begin, Tuesday morning bright an early.

Until then



dodo is ready

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Comrade Vodkov, you shoot thoughtcriminals in your basement? Come on over to my office, we have a special outdoor range set up for thoughtcriminals. We have a pistol range, rifle range, trap and skeet range (ever try to blast a thoughtcriminal flying through the air?) and a suborbital weapons platform range as well.

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Commissar Colonel 7.62,
Sounds like fun to me. It's been a while since I've been to the range. Maybe tomorrow afternoon? I've got my latest invention and we can try it out. It blasts things to parallel dimensions. No wreckage, no bodies, no fuss and no muss.

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Comrade Grigori, that sounds delightful. I'm always up for sending proles to other dimensions with a minimal of fuss and muss.

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Colonel 7.62 wrote: ... trap and skeet range (ever try to blast a thoughtcriminal flying through the air?)



I've always wanted to try that with cats.

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My friends and I built a catapult once intending to use it for skeet practice. Turns out it was more fun just watching the cat sail through the air and splatter against the side of a brick building.

Well, after we launched a few strays the cops showed up. They didn't care about the cats, turns out the building owner complained. So we had to go over there and hose off his wall and clean up the carcasses.

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I DENOUNCE VODKOV AND WHOOPIE! I'm thinking I may run a wormhole from your toilets to your bedroom now.

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Cats are the liberals of the animal kingdom. Repulsive, selfish, manipulative and stupid beasts - but useful. Since all heterosexual white men hate cats (yes comrade 7.62, they do!), they are very useful tools in the hands of progressive womyn for torturing their white heterofascist boyfriends or husbands. They learn to feel guilty for hating their girlfriend's/wife's cat(s) and as a bonus they learn to endure oppression and show submission in the face of emotional torture.

So, as you can see, cats are quite useful. But like liberals (who have the same purpose and traits as cats), their usefulness will come to an end when the World of next Tuesday has been realized. Pure oppression will replace guilt-inducing mechanisms and all liberals and cats will be purged.

Regarding comrade 7.62's newly discovered sexuality (if it's indeed newly discovered), I say congratulations on your increased progressivity index.

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I'm sorry, it's time to return to the guilty verdict for this guilty thought criminal.

I'm ready to execute the sentence.


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I'm sure this is worn out:
lost-cat.jpg

My personal favorite:
shrodingers cat.PNG

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Even if you don't break for Schrodinger's cat, you can't know if he's dead unless you get out and check. Anything else would just be an unproven assumption.

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I've made a lot of money selling this one in the back alleys of asian enclaves.



Image

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I denounce all of this cat hatred!

Don't make me invoke the wrath of Shakes McGillicutty!

Shakes McGillicutty.jpg

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Now this is one cute bitch...

Ahhhhhh-one cute bitch.jpg
And then there's Amy Winehouse...

Amy Winehouse topless.jpg



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Comrade Vodkov, your insinuations aren't even worth addressing. Meanwhile, please pay no attention to the wormhole that opened over your bed, or the fact that it seems to be used as a receptacle for used kitty litter.

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WHO IS THIS DODO?! Why do we allow any thought criminal falling out of the gulag, to speak in our trials?? I DENOUNCE IT AND HIM.

I DENOUNCE all who denounce cats!! Image I have many wonderful wonderful kitty's running around the gulag who keep Rethulicans away!! CATS ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
(btw, if anyone wants a pet kitty, they are free to good home - after you fill out 20 page applications!)
cats2.jpg

back to the trial.... I say we end this and pronounce - denounce him guilty guilty guilty!

That is one ugly poodle and the reason I don't have dogs... just say'n.

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KILL THE THOUGHTCRIMINAL! Errr ahhh APPLY PEOPLE'S RESTORATIVE JUSTICE! PURGE THE MULTIPLE OUTER COMRADES!

PURGES! PURGES! PURGES! PURGES! PURGES! Bring on the People's Ex-Lax!

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Frau, I never pictured you as the crazy cat lady type.

Here's a mat for people to wipe their feet on when they leave your house.

beware of cat mat.jpg
(insert nervous smiley face)

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I AM NOT A CRAZY CAT PERSONAGE DESCENDANT! Image You are a shovel ready project, dear Comrade Whoopie!!

but, I do like the mat. It will be most useful and fitting for the comings and goings of those who come and go.
and pssst, would not be insulting the cat!
catmad.gif

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I wonder if Pinkie can be hired to do custom whackings? Hrmmm

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I have a phone call into your now, comrade Colonel! If anyone is up to the job, it is glorious Pinkie, is it not?!

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Frau, I was feeling all morose and now you're making me giggle, quit it.

(btw: I'm ready for the next time Pinkie comes out swinging)

Pinkie Proof Helmet.jpg

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Frau, I was feeling all morose and now you're making me giggle, quit it.

(btw: I'm ready for the next time Pinkie comes out swinging)

Pinkie Proof Helmet.jpg

You should get out more Whoopie, you could use some sun...

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Oh Comrade Buffoon, you stole the words right out of my mouth...err, fingers. I was carefully considering the paleness of dear Whoopie . . . having an ax in one's head, is one thing - we must assume he's grown used to it, but having NO vitamin D from lack of sunning, is disturbing. I good hard week of toil in the beet fields, would do the trick.

But, I do like your hat. So fashionable.

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Comrades,
I'm pleased to announce that a plea agreement has been reached. The DoDo and I we're burning the midnight oil (so we didn't have to turn on the lights) and we accomplished what we initially thought was impossible. I'm off to classified to have my client sign the agreement.
Here's the cover sheet:

The People's High Court - 7/20/2010
Trial #075636C696U57583B227E - The Many Faces Of Kook
manyfacesof02.jpg

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So many identities is still shocking. I hope in your plea agreement it is clearly stated he must chose one identity and cut the multiple personality crapola. Only dear Leader is allowed to speak in public with so many different personalities as to cause confusion and ensure his election.

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What is this plea agreement? You mean there to be no blood letting? No asking for so much of the mercies of the court? No groveling to all such Made Progs who have once been of prolishness and had to be of endurance of Show Trial?

Kook has been of so much of arrogance he is to me reminding me of... oh... um... SARAH PALIN!! YES!!! He is of such same arrogance and smart alecness.

There must be the puurrrrrrrging.

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Dear Comrades,

I'm writing upon my return from being whisked away by minions of Comrade Putin to participate in what I had been led to believe would be an intimate meeting with Anna Chapman. (Who would not gladly meet Chapman regardless of ideology?) I expected it to afford me an opportunity to "redeem" myself with my accusers.
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All comrades know the reason I'm in the Thought-Crime Gulag and am forced to wear a straightjacket: It's because I'm not only prone to think thought-crimes but to also verbalize such thoughts in the form of speech-crime, and, even worse, to occasionally illustrate thought-crimes with art-crime (also known as photo-shop crime).
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My outstanding lawyer, Grigori E.R. was kept in the dark about this meeting by those who spirited me away, but by now he is learning the terms in the classified meeting he is attending.
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Putin's minions showed me the conclusive proof held by my accusers revealing that I had developed character-hacking software that enabled me to manipulate the characters of important members of The Collective to stage interactions creating opportunities for me to commit speech-crime and art-crime in ways designed to denigrate the reputations and views of such other characters. Until this was discovered, party leaders believed it to be useful to the Collective to permit me to commit speech-crimes and art-crimes as KOOK in order to enable other characters to show the lunacy of individualism as a form of insanity warranting confinement in the Thought-Crime Gulag and in a straightjacket. Party leaders thought this would serve as an effective warning to members of The Collective who might occasionally feel an impulse of individualism not totally eradicated by the Jiffy Lobo. (Some comrades have shown the need for successive Jiffy Lobos.)
.
However, now that party leaders have discovered my hacking-crimes enabling me to exercise secret control over loyal Party Members in order to further my own thought/speech/art-crime individualism, they have concluded that such actions undermine, rather than serve, their goal of allowing me to rant as a way of showing others in The Collective the "wages" of such anti-social individualism (i.e., being confinement in the Thought-Crime Gulag in a straightjacket). They also compelled me to admit that my ultimate goal was to eventually manipulate the characters of other party members in ways that would cause them to facilitate my escape from the Thought-Crime Gulag.
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Yet, they needed to know the technical specifications and full range of hacking techniques I had managed to create using only the eye-control computer (similar to the one used by Stephen Hawking) they gave me as the means for me to express and illustrate my thought-crimes within previously established limits. As an inducement for me to disclose such information, they offered a bargain and suggested that I propose it to my accusers. Then, to encourage me to accept their terms and to also validate the correctness and completeness of information then provided by me, they used an interrogation technique they stole from Gitmo-- not waterboarding, but something even more sinister developed by Rumsfeld at Gitmo: WretchBoarding (illustrated in Flash here and in Windows Movie Video format here).
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Here's the bargain they offered and then suggested that I also propose it to my accusers (with their recommendation):
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In exchange for my having revealed to them the entirety of the special code I had created to enable me to control other characters, I would be allowed to remain in the Thought-Crime Gulag (rather than being shot, hung or beheaded) and continue expressing my thought-crimes in ways that could continue to enable loyal comrades to discredit individualistic though-crimes expressed by me and continue to deter loyal comrades from lapsing into such thought-crimes themselves. Absent such agreement, the Collective would forever be deprived of the wisdom of those characters (controlling themselves, of course): Kommisar of Fatwas, Gorbels Cube, GAIA Minister Neytiri, Thought-Crime Warden, Doctor Obama, Peeples Journalist and Fearless Leader.
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Using their decryption of my special codes, they returned to the characters I had been manipulating their own complete control of their avatars and they also used such codes to make it impossible for me to hereafter use my eye-control computer to recreate such means of remotely controlling those characters (or any other characters).
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I'm confident that my lawyer, after being briefed in classified session, will agree that this approach best serves The Collective by continuing to allow me to express my insane rants from within the Thought-Crime Gulag and thereby (a) continue the advantage of such insane thoughts being discredited by other members and continue the deterrent effect of showing what happens to those who actually succumb to thought crimes and (b) restore the abilities of those other characters to express their true feelings (which was apparently temporarily restored at the beginning of this trial by use of a special beam blocking transmissions from me to those characters).
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If my accusers were to not find this acceptable, then it would appear that the only alternative would be termination with extreme prejudiced not only me but also Kommisar of Fatwas, Gorbels Cube, GAIA Minister Neytiri, Thought-Crime Warden, Doctor Obama, Peeples Journalist and Fearless Leader.
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I await the recommendations of my accusers and the verdict of my judge. Of course, I must also uncharacteristically beg for mercy.
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--KOOK

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My, but that is a huge excess of outer comrades. *chambers round* I'm sure the sentence will be Fair and benefit The Party. *safety off*

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And so it appears we have an admission of guilt. I commend the accused for making a full confession, sparing the court and the People the necessity of a long drawn out trial. We can only wonder what other co-conspirators might surface over time. Rest assured, the Inner Party never sleeps. If the proles take away anything from this sordid affair let it be the sure and certain knowledge that the Inner Party is watching, always watching.

Kookhydra copy.jpg
And now we will await the honorable judge's reading of the plea agreement and her sentence.

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I suppose there's no chance of my being let off the hook (as was Bill Ayers-- "Guilty as sin; Free as a bird") by virtue of the material flaw in the commencement of my trial, which flaw I had not detected until now:

I think the correct translation of "I Denonuce Comrade KOOK" is "I applaud KOOK and recommend him for an Order of Lenin Medal plus an Order of Obama Medal plus an Order of Pelosi Medal plus an Order of Reid Medal."

Am I wrong? Is it merely an inadvertent transposition of "un" as "nu"?

Even so, shouldn't the Progressive System of Justice being administered by General Holder to those "poll watchers" be applied also in my case? That would mean that my guilty plea and all charges would be dismissed nunc pro tunc.

If not, I humbly and meekly withdraw my special for a "Bill Ayers" acquittal.


--KOOK

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Spell checking is the last refuge of a scoundrel. However I blame Bush for sneaking in to my house and swapping caps on my keyboard. Probably an act of revenge for the W keys that the Clinton staffers stole when they left office.

Rest assured Komrade Konvict Kook, when this trial is over the Party Elite will be policing these threads again, seeking out mis-spellings, grammar, formatting, page breaks and linked images.

(I miss our Spell Cheka Olga Katrina)

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If the Truth were to be known, it was probably Karl Rove remotely controlling my mind (just as he controlled Bush's) and thereby making me commit such unpardonable Thought-Crimes.

But, alas, I realize I can't continue seeking to interpose additional pleas.

--KOOK

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Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:What is this plea agreement? You mean there to be no blood letting? No asking for so much of the mercies of the court? No groveling to all such Made Progs who have once been of prolishness and had to be of endurance of Show Trial?

Kook has been of so much of arrogance he is to me reminding me of... oh... um... SARAH PALIN!! YES!!! He is of such same arrogance and smart alecness.

There must be the puurrrrrrrging.

ah ha! This is truly a glorious idea! I DEMAND GROVELING. We deserve groveling considering all of the tomfoolery which has transpired from this tomfooler!
OR . . . . he can make a paypal deposit to my favorite charity to be decided by myself at some future point in time @ [email protected]

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The things I do for the Kollective. What a journey!

Ahem, I'm sure my Brothers and Sisters will give this case a thorough consideration and arrive at a fair and balanced decision. I'm positive that my client was manipulated by forces beyond his control and as such deserves the lightest sentence possible or acquittal.

On a totally unrelated note, I'm pleased to announce the distribution of the Political Correctness Offset Credit card to all Commissars. Comrades, your cards are in the mail. Card use is simple. If any cardholder offends anyone, then all the offended party has to do is call 1-800-555-5555 or go to IWantMyMoney.com, file your grievance and give them your card number. It's that simple.

After careful consideration and a tiny processing fee your account will be credited the awarded amount. These credits are fully redeemable at a rate of 1 euro to 1 credit minus a minuscule processing fee.

As these cards are in the mail, the Kollective may use my card:
pcoc01.gif

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:
Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:What is this plea agreement? You mean there to be no blood letting? No asking for so much of the mercies of the court? No groveling to all such Made Progs who have once been of prolishness and had to be of endurance of Show Trial?

Kook has been of so much of arrogance he is to me reminding me of... oh... um... SARAH PALIN!! YES!!! He is of such same arrogance and smart alecness.

There must be the puurrrrrrrging.

ah ha! This is truly a glorious idea! I DEMAND GROVELING. We deserve groveling considering all of the tomfoolery which has transpired from this tomfooler!
OR . . . . he can make a paypal deposit to my favorite charity to be decided by myself at some future point in time @ [url=mailto:[email protected]
[email protected][/quote[/url]]

Dear Fraulein,

I fear the only thing I can offer is groveling because Putin's minions took all the funds I had been hoarding for bribes and redistributed then to Comrades they deemed worthy, so I'm assuming that the balance has aready increased in your own special account, or, if that were not to be the case, that perhaps Putin's minions think you already have an overabundance of funds matching, or even exceeding, your pulchritude.

This leads me to groveling. Of course if I were to write praises to your pulchritude, my doing so would not constitute "groveling" since your pulchritude is so obvious to everyone that it would insult everyone's intelligence for me to describe your pulchritude.

However, knowing that occasionally you enjoy dominating a subject, perhaps the Thought-Crime Warden (now having regained control of himself) would authorize my being transported (with straight-jacket still intact) to your abode to submit to whatever form of domination you may deem satisfying.

I have been conditioned to behave as young tomcat for a seasoned cougar.

In the alternative, since my esteemed, legendary counsel has provided an easy mechanism for you to recover offsets for my misconduct, you may prefer that approach, after which he will extract from me (in the form of rigorous labor) the value of funds disbursed on my behalf in this manner.

--KOOK

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Grigori E.R. wrote:The things I do for the Kollective. What a journey!

Ahem, I'm sure my Brothers and Sisters will give this case a thorough consideration and arrive at a fair and balanced decision. I'm positive that my client was manipulated by forces beyond his control and as such deserves the lightest sentence possible or acquittal.

...
I'm pleased to announce the distribution of the Political Correctness Offset Credit card to all Commissars. Comrades, your cards are in the mail. Card use is simple. If any cardholder offends anyone, then all the offended party has to do is call 1-800-555-5555 or go to IWantMyMoney.com, file your grievance and give them your card number. It's that simple.

After careful consideration and a tiny processing fee your account will be credited the awarded amount. These credits are fully redeemable at a rate of 1 euro to 1 credit minus a minuscule processing fee.

As these cards are in the mail, the Kollective may use my card:
pcoc01.gif

My Dear Grigori,
Words cannot express my appreciation for your zealous and expert representation of my interests in these matters. I can only hope that the opportunity were to soon arise to afford me an opportunity to amply pay you for your selfless work. I enjoyed our brief telephone conversation today following your participation in the classified conference.
--KOOK

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Grogori, I found this form on the interwebnet. I think it might be suitable for filing grievances.

HurtFeelingsReport.jpg

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Comrade Grigori E.R. dear Sir - what an absolutely glorious find you have found. I can see having my account grown as I have so many who offended me (I can't wait to go shopping!).

And Comarde Whoopie, you never fail to impress with your innovation of inventiveness. Now, to have a positive form to submit to the Collective for our grievance, which, lets admit, are many. Most impressive work done her comrades.

Now back to your business of being offended and seeking those big cash awards for the Greater Good.

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No thanks are needed Comrade Kook. This is what we do here. We work tirelessly for Social Justice, the Common Good and the Children. We expect and usually receive nothing.

Private Conference:
Everything is taken care of. Your fundraiser was a success and the MTE loves you. She's putting her weight on everyone.

Whoopie, that's perfect!

Don't leave home without the Card Fraulein. "Big cash awards for the Greater Good" I love it.

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Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:What is this plea agreement? You mean there to be no blood letting? No asking for so much of the mercies of the court? No groveling to all such Made Progs who have once been of prolishness and had to be of endurance of Show Trial?

Kook has been of so much of arrogance he is to me reminding me of... oh... um... SARAH PALIN!! YES!!! He is of such same arrogance and smart alecness.

There must be the puurrrrrrrging.

Indeed Mrs Czarweary, your mention of blood letting makes me want to vacuum your cave and beat the dust from your prayer rug. (No filthy innuendos intended!) (seriously).

Full disclosure: My inner man pig would also force me to beat the dust from Sarah Palin's Wolf skin socks. (Filthy Innuendo intended) (seriously)


Image As for this hoarder Kook

Image

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Comrade Buffoon wrote:
Mrs Al Czarweary wrote: ...

As for this hoarder Kook

Image

Comrade Buffoon,

I humbly and meekly bend my back towards your lash. Let me know when you're finished. I will do my best not to scream. Your terms are demanding, but I've proven I can take it-- even though the results of my session with Comrade Anna Chapman (one of Putin's minions who kidnapped me from my Gulag) were extremely hard, not only did I not scream, but at the conclusion I courageously said, "May I have more?"
--KOOK


 
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