News We Don't Have Time To Write About (archive)

[mi]

General Petreus thanks Australian cleric for helping NATO troops in Afghanistan.

[Groucho Marxist]

Coon Pro-Masterbaters Set To March.

[Chedoh]

Massachusetts is plunged another 200 million in debt after Ted Kennedy's bar tab surfaces.

[I've got the Trotskys]

CNN's Rick Sanchez a Victim of the International Joooooish Conspiracy.
"I was only reading the cue cards," says fallen CNN host. "I paid no attention to what was on them."

[Groucho Marxist]

Bajillions march in DC on 10:2:10.

[Colonel 7.62]

Progressive demand Reproductive Neutrality in the interests of saving the planet.

[Groucho Marxist]

Liberals call off demand for civility in political discourse as election season closes in.

[Margaret]

If a trillion dollars falls into the forest can anyone hear the economic boom?

Nancy Pelosi can.

[Margaret]

New polling indicates Americans don't want Obama to give them change, American voters want their money back.

[mi]

Nation realizes, that a young community organizer really has no idea, how to run the country.

[Margaret]

Karl Rove thanks Obama for making fundraising skyrocket

One President Obama is worth millions of Republican donations in the field

[Margaret]

"I've been on a very fixed income since I came to Washington DC" stated Harry Reid from his posh residence at the Ritz-Carlton Washington DC.

[Margaret]

David Brooks: "Obama always knew Shovel Ready was just a pant-load of revolution."


In speech after speech President Obama vows to fight Republican proposal to legalize eating illegal alien babies.

[Groucho Marxist]

Harry Reid tells debate audience, "I really was born a poor black child."

[mi]

Proposed methods to eliminate Global Warming without destroying Capitalism frowned upon as 'band-aids' and will be banned.

[Margaret]

David Brooks offered job at NPR after confiding "I get nervous on flights with tea party people onboard."

[General Confusion]

Of course,

He was sitting in NPR's [Naturally Putrid Ridiculousness] lap saying exactly what they wanted
Placing his lips in the smooching position on their backsides did not hurt either.

Admitting the terrorist tendencies of the misfits corruption called a Tea Party.[puke!]

[mi]

A group uses extremely graphic footage in an effort to ban Cæsarian section.

[General Confusion]

Attention Comrads,

As you are all aware, hooman bodies has bloodski.

If you ever wetness a knife fight, there is a lot of bloodski.

Peoples are not liking cutting open of them, professionally or by amateur.

[Red Square]

General Secretary emailed me with this:

Katie Couric is touring what she calls "this great unwashed middle of the country" in an effort to divine the mood of the midterms.
Senior Geographer: "For this statement to hold true we must assume Katie's Left Leg is the East Coast and her Right Leg is the West Coast."

Wonder if this can go on the right-hand column and with what kind of editing.

[General Confusion]

General Secretary emailed me with this:

Katie Couric is touring what she calls "this great unwashed middle of the country" in an effort to divine the mood of the midterms.
Senior Geographer: "For this statement to hold true we must assume Katie's Left Leg is the East Coast and her Right Leg is the West Coast."

Wonder if this can go on the right-hand column and with what kind of editing.

Comrades, Knowing the truth of this truthfulness, we should be able to see the great beaver from several states at the same time without a great straining of the neck.

[Red Square]

Juan Williams hired by Fox News to represent liberals in a new show titled You've seen Juan, you've seen 'em all

[General Confusion]

Comrade Square, It is great to basque in the radiance of your personage.

Is there a chance he could become known as "The Juan"?

Maybe we should leave that Juan alone.

[Margaret]

Katie Couric pisses on middle America, tells them it's raining, asks them what their mood is

[General Confusion]

Comrade Margaret,

They should ask her what her ratings are relative to other "news" casts.They are right at der bottom.

[Margaret]

---

Obama's final appeal to voters: Have the courage and integrity to rubber stamp my rubber stamps!

---

In other related news no one has time to write about and that I think is funny, Obama actually said this:

“I'm not here because Tom votes with me on every issue,” he said. “Sometimes he disagrees with me. There are times where I know that his first allegiance is not to party labels, it's not to the Democratic Party; it's to the people of his district and the people of Virginia.”

President Obama lends Tom Perriello a hand

"Sometimes Tom's allegiance isn't to me or the party, sometimes Tom's allegiance is to the people that voted for him. Vote for Tom!"

[Has anyone else noticed that comments at articles like this about Obama are about 100% opposed to Obama and the Dems? Where are the Dems? Hiding under the couch?]

[Red Square]

Ha. So in other words, Obama distances from self to court American voters? Or is he throwing self under the bus to save own presidency?

[Margaret]

Obama: "Help me, I've been run over by my own bus and I can't get back up."

[General Confusion]

Comrades,

The question then becomes did he throw himself under the bus or did he have help?

[mi]

US Treasury to begin selling Obama's autographs. Markets rally expecting quick repayment of US National Debt.

[mi]

[IMG align=left]https://d.yimg.com/a/p/rids/20101031/i/r1433985915.jpg[/IMG]
Brother, can you spare an autograph?

[General Confusion]

Comrades,
Photo interpretation

These cover every contingency:
1] This poor man is really a paid plant. 2] He suffers from a congenital knee joint disease
3] He is under the influence of Alcohol or drugs and is unsure of location 4] This is an attempt for 15 minutes of fame 5] Something else

[Margaret]

~~~~ Danny Glover thanks Obama for shiny new dime

[Groucho Marxist]

The Markets Respond: Botox futures drop sharply.

[Margaret]

Obama's permanent vacation sends America postcard from India - "Wish you were here! Wire money."

[General Confusion]

Comrade Margaret,

Has that communication been verified?

One would expect genuines if it had said "send Trillions" to cover expenses.

Expenses mount quickly when there are forty aircraft.

[Margaret]

Obama tasks Vice President Biden with teaching congressional political wilderness survival course to the Democratic party. Big Wild Joe says:

"You can go longer without food and water than you can go without taking a pee."

"If you need to find the north star, it is always pointing north."

"It's easy to fashion rudimentary shelter for the night by stacking several multi-thousand page Bills into a lean-to."

[General Confusion]

Comrade Margaret,

What he is teaching them is boll sheetsky.

There are easy to follow rules for finding the North Star:
Stand Up, Face North, lookup, find the star pointing North, that's it!

As a cheat you find the drinking gourd [beeg dipping] look off the handle to the right, there is the North Star, unless it is moooved into a different outhouse.

Simpliski!

[Margaret]

Republicans beg Nancy Pelosi to remain as House minority leader

[Margaret]

Soviet Union laments: I died because I just couldn't get my message out

[mi]

Soviet Union laments: I died because I just couldn't get my message out

Demise of the USSR blamed on the leaders' poor communication abilities, teleprompters not having been invented yet.

[Margaret]

"Change? Change? I'm not the change we're looking for. The party doesn't change. America is supposed to change, not me. I'm not going anywhere, you hear? Quit pushing. Hey, hey... You can't do that, I'm Nancy Pelosi!"

[Margaret]

Obama promises corrections to his five year plan

[General Confusion]

Comrades,

Look to the right of the page, the sign says "Free Pluto". What is his owner Goofy supposed to do?

Why not free them both?

[Margaret]

Republicans to Pelosi: Thanks for welcoming us to share ideas with you - we invite you to join us with these subpoenas

[Margaret]

Aging democratic party politburo refuses to give way to young party members

[General Confusion]

Comrades,

I thought the Soviet Union collapsed because the money to save them was tied up in a UN committee.

[mi]

China's concern for the environment prompts it to toughen export rules.

[Margaret]

"We can't afford Republican "bridges to nowhere," explained president Obama of Republican governance - just as news came of 111 waivers to exit the President's highway to healthcare before coming to the "bridge out" sign

[Margaret]

Everyone to get a waiver from Obamacare except you

[Margaret]

U.S. Government targets U.S. Government in Vast Insider Trading Probe

[General Confusion]

Harry Reid tells debate audience, "I really was born a poor black child."

Comrade GM,But through the investment of several million in public funds, the necessary changes were made. Now I am a grouchy old rich white man.

[Margaret]

Old Paradigm: The rich fat-cat bankers and the Jews are robbing you blind

New Paradigm: The rich fat-cat bankers and the Zionists are robbing you blind

[My goodness, I think I've seen this tactic before.]

[Chedoh]

Obama's "Gluteus Maximus osculation" tour will be delayed due to basket ball injury to his lips. North Korea extremely disappointed.

[Groucho Marxist]

Obama under goes lip stitching. VP Biden president for 15 minutes.

[Margaret]

Spanish woman that owns the Sun sued for sunburns, melanoma, unpredictable weather patterns due to solar fluctuations, and illegally parking it "in my galaxy."

[Margaret]

New Moveon video ads show ordinary everyday Americans begging Obama to stop the rich kulak hoarding of wealth
======================================
I see you comrade!

-Supreme Commander of Thread Jacking and Stuffed Mice Toys™

[Red Rooster]

Ariana Huffington goes Dada with Huffington Post, trades Catty opinion Journo-Lists for R.Mutt...

[Margaret]

Obama defends wikileaks as first amendment issue

[Margaret]

Economic indicators continue upward as GDP soars to 14.256 trillion from low of 14.369 trillion in 2008 Unemployment continues down from 9.6% to 9.8%

Economists wonder: will the new Republican majority in the House stifle the Obama economy?

[Margaret]

Frank Rich compares bipartisan compromise by Obama with Obama being taken hostage

[Margaret]

"Live by bad faith, die by bad faith."

~Barack Obama
TPC Big Book of Quotations

[Margaret]

Michael Moore claims that Cuba banned his film Sicko as part of an Orwellian international free market health insurance conspiracy

[Margaret]

The FCC cites the need to preserve the internet as an open, free, entrepreneurial, and creative force as the reasons to turn it into a public utility monopoly governed by politics.

[Margaret]

Major reorganization of president's staff just a simple modernization like Stalin's reorganization in 1930's, explains Obama

[Margaret]

EPA chief Lisa Jackson claims that raising electricity rates ten-fold is best way to ensure the health and welfare of Americans

[Margaret]

No Labels movement hits supermarkets with disastrous results

[Margaret]

DHS "See something, say something" program scrapped due to flood of whistleblower whistle-blowing about DHS and the Obama administration

[Margaret]

Obama's popularity surges up to 47%, Americans dizzy with his success

[Margaret]

National Labor Relations Board rule requiring communities post Workers Collective Rights Now posters runs into snag as unions fumble the work of posting Workers Collective Rights Now posters in protest for higher wages, more bennies, less work.

----------------------------------------------------------------
TRANSMISSION FROM COMRADE RED SQUARE:
Margaret! This was too big for a headline and not big enough for a story, but just right for a picture...

[Margaret]

Republican forces finally in enemy territory fight Obamacare battle of the bulge, Harry Reid's white flag message: 'You are encircled, surrender or be annihilated' - Boehner to Reid: 'NUTS!'

[Margaret]

Dangerous deviationist Trotskyite self-promotion leads masses to spontaneously rise up in anger, demand 'socialism on one website,' Let a Thousand Posts Bloom cultural revolution

[Margaret]

Izvestiya Sovetov Narodnykh Deputatov NYT [New Izvestiya] reports:

Obama administration proposes Internet Identity Numbers for all Americans as 'bold first step to quell the toxic tone of the nation's political discourse' and prevent further senseless violence

[Margaret]

New Democratic Party ad urging political civility suggests civility can be enhanced if Republicans would go to Republicans Anonymous meetings. Sarah Palin look-alike in ad: "Hi. My name is Sarah P. and I'm a recovering Republican with blood on my hands."

[Cradle to Grave Marxist]

New Federal Entitlement Unveiled:
All Memorials Require Yaqui Pray Reader.

[Margaret]

John Kerry's plan to end the partisanship and rancor dividing the nation caused by the Right's stand for constitutionalism and individual rights is to launch an all-encompassing program of national collectivism

[Margaret]

From The New York Times correction page:

In a recent news article we incorrectly reported: "After another student read a poem about getting an abortion, Mr. Loughner compared the young woman to a 'terrorist for killing the baby.'" This should have been reported as: "Another classmate, Lydian Ali, recalled the incident as well. "'A girl had written a poem about an abortion. It was very emotional and she was teary eyed and he [Loughner] laughed at her and said something about strapping a bomb to the fetus and making a baby bomber,' Ali said."

[Margaret]

Detroit's new public school core curriculum to focus on Green education, school children to learn by tearing down, recycling, and "harvesting" the raw materials from the city's hundreds of school buildings and using the proceeds to finance the teacher's union benefits

[Rock Tsar]

China's president calls international currency system 'product of the past', wishes to use shiny clam shells.

[Margaret]

Obama administration refuses to allow Cuba irresponsibly borrow from China, allows more US remittances and tourists