Creative things to do with vodka

[Comrade Vlad Linen]

Comrades! The world of next Tuesday is upon us. Our comrades over at the Huffington Puke Post have an article about other uses for vodka. So, if you get caught with more rations than you should have, or you happen to bring it to the labor camp with you, just say you're using it for one of the ideas they provide...

[Pamalinsky]

I use it all the time for window washing! That way I can't see anything outside of my humble government-issued abode.

I also use it for those stubborn stains you just can't get out! Like underwear, toilet stains, grubby walls and most importantly, dirty teacups.

[Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt]

I use it all the time for window washing! That way I can't see anything outside of my humble government-issued abode.

I also use it for those stubborn stains you just can't get out! Like underwear, toilet stains, grubby walls and most importantly, dirty teacups.

Very wise, comrade Pamalinsky. It's better to be undistracted from The Party's™ Current Truth™. Doing otherwise could lead one to thinking and we all know how dangerous that can be.

This could explain why my cooking appliance and utensils always appear unused. People have suggested that it's because I spend too much time consuming the product, which is absurd. That's not even possible. I can see now that my penchant for being clumsy and spilling the product on the range and counter tops and having to wiped it up leaves my kitchen sparkling and appearing as if it has never been used.

I should try it on the inside of the microwave. I never seem to spill it in there.

[Captain Craptek]

I should try it on the inside of the microwave. I never seem to spill it in there.

I remember when microwave ovens were thought to cause horrible diseases and inflict bizarre radiation deformities. Some fear mongers warned that frequent use would result in mutations - that users would grow giant feet and sprout tails and,... and... never mind. Good thing we didn't pay any attention to them!

[Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt]

I should try it on the inside of the microwave. I never seem to spill it in there.

I remember when microwave ovens were thought to cause horrible diseases and inflict bizarre radiation deformities. Some fear mongers warned that frequent use would result in mutations - that users would grow giant feet and sprout tails and,... and... never mind. Good thing we didn't pay any attention to them!

I never pay attention to anything, unless The Party™ tells me to, via the crystal radio set. When The Party does, I take a long swig from the bottle and collapse on the floor, relying entirely on hypnopedia to ensure that I take it all in. My memory tends to fail me, otherwise.

I thought I saw one of those things with giant feet and a tail looking in my window, one time. It turned out to be just a sq.....ah.....never mind.

[Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна]

I have a bottle that I bought in 2004 in the freezer. I made 1 cosmopolitan with it and had an immediate migraine, and now I just keep it there as an experiment: will it ever freeze? It seems to be shrinking in volume, which means there's magically less of it all the time....or I'm sleepwalking again.

I keep thinking I'm going to use it to make a pie crust for my incomparable apple pie, but I inevitably wait till the last minute and have to get the pre-made kind. I guess you use the cold vodka like you do cold water in the dough; you don't drink it while you make the crust although I guess you could.

[Lev Termen]

Mixed 50-50 with beet oil, makes good to start D-10 Caterpillar tractor on cold days. Motor then goes bang! bang! and we are driving to push over thought-criminal's hovel.

Also use to christen new heavy equipment yesterday. "I christen this glorious People's Vodka Distillation Tank model 310-01, the Michelle Obama." Ha! Ha! Engineering joke there. Perhaps too much vodka used.

[Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt]

I have a bottle that I bought in 2004 in the freezer. I made 1 cosmopolitan with it and had an immediate migraine, and now I just keep it there as an experiment: will it ever freeze? It seems to be shrinking in volume, which means there's magically less of it all the time....or I'm sleepwalking again.

I keep thinking I'm going to use it to make a pie crust for my incomparable apple pie, but I inevitably wait till the last minute and have to get the pre-made kind. I guess you use the cold vodka like you do cold water in the dough; you don't drink it while you make the crust although I guess you could.

Apples!? Where you find such luxuries? I live the utopian dream in my mountain trailer park and I can never find luxuries such as I hear people describe on TPC. It is a wonder to this humble worker.

[Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна]

I have a bottle that I bought in 2004 in the freezer. I made 1 cosmopolitan with it and had an immediate migraine, and now I just keep it there as an experiment: will it ever freeze? It seems to be shrinking in volume, which means there's magically less of it all the time....or I'm sleepwalking again.

I keep thinking I'm going to use it to make a pie crust for my incomparable apple pie, but I inevitably wait till the last minute and have to get the pre-made kind. I guess you use the cold vodka like you do cold water in the dough; you don't drink it while you make the crust although I guess you could.

Apples!? Where you find such luxuries? I live the utopian dream in my mountain trailer park and I can never find luxuries such as I hear people describe on TPC. It is a wonder to this humble worker.

We suffer the same scarcity of fruit here in the People's Republic of Ann Arbor. But we make do. If we can't find apples for a pie, we use grass, motor oil, small rats, or ....crackers! Here is my favorite recipe:

[Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt]

Comrade! What a wonderful recipe! Do you think it would matter if the water was replaced with vodka, as previously suggested. I could probably start on that in the morning. I don't have all the ingredients, but I'm sure I can find substitutes. Motor oil could definitely replace margarine.

[Comrade Vlad Linen]

Comrade Pamalinksky, most equal uses! But, if it can clean dirty teacups and other things, can it clean the lines from mostly redacted documents when the rethugs force Dear Leader to give them information? If so, we might need to drink up hide all the world's vodka supply!

Comrade Ivanovna, if rats can go in the fake apple pie, what about, uh, (Captain Craptek cover your eyes) squ.....? Sorry Comrade Craptek, but it had to be asked. Only for when they are already squashed on the People's Roads, of course.

[Ivan the Stakhanovets]

Yes, Vlad, squirrel in a pie works well, generally called pot pie every place but Colorado, Oregon, and states where marijuana is legalized... Ask for a pot pie there, and you get something you may not expect!

[Red Square]

Another use for vodka is sharing. You can spread the feeling of well-being with nature if you soak some breadcrumbs in a small puddle of vodka on a picnic table. The little fuzzy creatures will thank you for it later.

[Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt]

Ah yes. Those unforgettable moments in nature spent with a foxy lady.