Party Announcements

[Chairman M. S. Punchenko]

Party members not invited to attend the multi-million dollar coronation of the Messiah have been asked to send in their prayers. Please take your Party-issued prayer card and jot one of ten Party-approved prayers on the card with your name, serial number and the name of a family member who you suspect has lapsed in his/her daily devotions to the Messiah. If your prayer card is selected, your family member will be transported to an undisclosed location where he/she will be saved from their crimes against humanity.

The month of September marks the beginning of Sexual Harassment Awareness Month. All male Comrades are asked to wear revealing skirts, make up and wigs to feel the plight of women everywhere as the female Comrades will partake in the various roles of the stereotypical male chauvinist pig. All male Comrades will be required to involuntarily undergo strenuous sensitivity training followed by group humiliation and criticism exercises.

Reminder: Casual Fridays have been discontinued and have been replaced with Consensual Fridays. All attractive Comrades are required to sleep with Comrades who are ugly. Those who do not fulfill their quotas will be shot at the start of the new work week which as of today will begin on Saturday.

[General Mousey-Tongue]

Comrade Chairperson, I have always been an Equal Opportunity Partner, without regard to physical attractiveness or financial status. My only requirement is purity of political thought.

That being said, I am of course very popular with the kittens in the cathouses of Kunming Province, and the vast majority of my favored entourage are rather winsome creatures indeed. This is purely because of my personal magnetism and the Cult of Personality that the People have deemed necessary to inspire their otheriwse desperate, pointless lives. I am sure Marshal Pupovich could relate to this dilemma, he faces the same scourge of popularity with his own species - it's a dog's life, to hear him tell it.

I must decline from the cross-dressing thing - some of my best friends are cross-dressers - but being in a leadership position in the People's Army, I am held to a high standard and expected to lead by example. We would not exactly strike fear into the running dog capitalists by threatening to invade wearing revealing skirts and wigs. Surely you understand my disappointment, but military bearing is essential for one in my position.

We will be happy to help with shooting any slackers at the beginning of the work week, just say the word. I only live to serve the Party and the People.

[Laika the Space Dog]

Has the Chairmammal gone off his rocker again?
What's next? "Open Gulags"?

On the other hand, I must congratulate Meow for his insight into laundering party money through hair salons in Denver.
"Free" haircuts for the "Homeless"! Brilliant!

[Marshal Pupovich]

Comrade Chairperson who has drank too much. I must concur with General Cat in every respect. especially in regard to the dress. If you will, may I suggest that you refrain from this as well? After all, when the blood letting begins, I believe you will find pants easier to run in terror. The last thing you will want is to have your dress get caught on some already fallen comrade or shattered table when the Beast, aka Hillary lets loose her wrath. Remember, survival is the ONLY thing when it comes to us.

[Red Bubba]

I will vote as instructed at the proper time. Just let me know how I voted,... and that's how I voted.

Comrades, please note that former Capitalist Glenn Beck has joined the party.
http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articl ... 4148/?ck=1

[Opiate of the People]

I will vote as instructed at the proper time. Just let me know how I voted,... and that's how I voted.

Sssst, Comrade..... it's a secret ballot. You are not permitted to know how you voted.

[Opiate of the People]

Chairman, must agree with my colleagues regarding dress. To a Soviet-Era TV set, clothing is essentially redundant. In fact, it would have negative consequences for me as I employ modern Eastern-Bloc vacuum tube technology which creates much heat when I work. Clothing would prevent escape of that heat, much like Berlin Wall prevented escape of traitors to the Revolution. But, like Americanski Jury Duty, you have a fine idea for harrassing those who cannot think of an excuse to get out of it.

[Ivan Betinov]

Uh, Mr. Chairentity, sir...don't we already have a permanent open thread called the People's Blog?

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY I'M SORRRREEEE! PLEASE TAKE THE ELECTRIC EELS OUT OF MY JAR!

[Komrade Zarkof]

Chairperson Punchenko is right. We must be humiliated to appreciate the plight of our female comrades.
If we have to wear a skirt, makeup and a wig, then we must do it for the good of the Party and the Children™. This will teach them at an early age to be tolerant of other comrades, no matter what their gender or species.
Will we be forced to watch the "Vagina Monologues" to hear of the harsh treatment of our female comrades in their struggle to obtain their rations of beets and potato vodka? Will we have to spend time watching decadent porno films to see the way KKKapitalist's treat their women?
If we don't know who our parents were, can we name a person who we know is lacking in giving our Messiah, His daily devotions and prayers?

Has anyone seen or heard from Premier Betty?

[Commissarka Pinkie]

What a bunch of whimpering, whiny, wimpy wusses! (With the obvious exception of Komrade Zarkof.)

What happened to the big strong men always pounding their fists on their chests, belching and scratching themselves? Who think they can take anything? Now you're all soiling yourselves in fear from the prospect of having to wear skirts and wigs and makeup?

Are these the same guys who wanted to come to my slumber party makeover last month? You just like to watch, is that it? You're all content to stay on the sidelines. None of you can PERFORM! You're all INADEQUATE!

Imagine the horror if the Chairperson said you all had to give birth, too. Oh, and undergo a Brazilian wax!

I'll be running this place in no time.

[Marshal Pupovich]

All I have to say is this: Show me Comrade Lenin, Uncle Stalin, Chairman Mao, Comrade Castro et al in womans dress, then we will discuss what is proper wear for more equals.

[Commissar_Elliott]

What a bunch of whimpering, whiny, wimpy wusses! (With the obvious exception of Komrade Zarkof.)

What happened to the big strong men always pounding their fists on their chests, belching and scratching themselves? Who think they can take anything? Now you're all soiling yourselves in fear from the prospect of having to wear skirts and wigs and makeup?

Are these the same guys who wanted to come to my slumber party makeover last month? You just like to watch, is that it? You're all content to stay on the sidelines. None of you can PERFORM! You're all INADEQUATE!

Imagine the horror if the Chairperson said you all had to give birth, too. Oh, and undergo a Brazilian wax!

I'll be running this place in no time.

Commissarka Pinkie,
You have obviously never been to the Republik of Minnesota. Up here, the men are big, strong, and can support themselves without The Party for a time (I know, I know I won't hear the end of the last statement.) The women are the same with one difference, they don't have beards or other facial hair. So to say we can't preform? Come up here. Also, what is this "Brazilian wax" you speak of? Is it some kind of wax made in Brazil? I don't know, I've never been there, and The Department of Commerce has seen fit to leave it out of here.

Second, to the Chairman, I'd show you some of my attire for the month if I had the right software for my special computer I could show you and everyone here. (not many people have a computer in the camp, I got it because I squealed to my local Chairman about a capitalist. I didn't get an apartment room, instead, they sent me this.)

[Laika the Space Dog]

Alright Meow.

Haircut coupons traded for carbon credits traded for dollars traded for rupees traded for yen.

What's the bottom line?

There might be a liquid cash flow problem this week and we need some Hsu numbers NOW!

Coupons ain't free. The Party™ has top notch whores of every stripe flying into Mile High. The Party™ is depending upon you.



"Are you HOPING these balls will turn your life around?"

"There's always HOPE...."

Good answer!

[Marshal Pupovich]

Wait a minute.... I want to see what is coming up at 6!

However, in the meantime, perhaps if they are serious about the war on poverty, they can take the Democratic Convention on tour across the US to clean up the homeless.

[Commissarka Pinkie]

Commissarka Pinkie,
You have obviously never been to the Republik of Minnesota. Up here, the men are big, strong, and can support themselves without The Party for a time

Not all the men. May I present for your consideration Exhibit A:




I rest my case.

Also, what is this "Brazilian wax" you speak of? Is it some kind of wax made in Brazil? I don't know, I've never been there, and The Department of Commerce has seen fit to leave it out of here.

<br>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazilian_wax

Childbirth, anyone?

[Superkommissar Maksim]

To avoid the embarrassment of wearing the same outfit as another comrade here is a preview of my SHA month attire.


Marshal, I'm assuming you'll be wearing the usual.

[Commissar_Elliott]

Commissarka Pinkie,
You have obviously never been to the Republik of Minnesota. Up here, the men are big, strong, and can support themselves without The Party for a time

Not all the men. May I present for your consideration Exhibit A:




I rest my case.

Also, what is this "Brazilian wax" you speak of? Is it some kind of wax made in Brazil? I don't know, I've never been there, and The Department of Commerce has seen fit to leave it out of here.

<br>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazilian_wax

Childbirth, anyone?

I forgot about the Silent Killer, forgive me.

(karakter off)
I was joking with the Brazilian wax, but thanks for the article.

[General Mousey-Tongue]

All I have to say is this: Show me Comrade Lenin, Uncle Stalin, Chairman Mao, Comrade Castro et al in womans dress, then we will discuss what is proper wear for more equals.

Marshal, I'm assuming you'll be wearing the usual.

I just love those purrty puffy paw booties! The Marshal is such a cute widdle puppy...

Purrrr...purrrr...purrrr...

[Father Prog Theocritus]

What happened to the big strong men always pounding their fists on their chests, belching and scratching themselves? Who think they can take anything? Now you're all soiling yourselves in fear from the prospect of having to wear skirts and wigs and makeup?

Bruno offers you lessons.

[Chairman M. S. Punchenko]

The requirement of wearing a skirt, wig, and makeup only applies to those Comrades -- and I'm quoting from the directive -- "who demonstrate visible signs of masculinity". I don't recall any Comrade here -- or any in the Party, for that matter -- who demonstrates such characteristics. I think the closest we have is Paul Begala. Yes, I think Paul is the manliest of us all.

Now then, we will all still have to partake in the group humiliation and criticism exercises. I hope everyone here is vaguely familiar with a fat kid's experience in a highschool gym class because this group humiliation session will be very, very similiar.

[Marshal Pupovich]

Marshal, I'm assuming you'll be wearing the usual.

Comarade Maksim..... I can assure you that you'll be shoveling the usual.


<center><img src="https://members.cox.net/1sickpup/talktothepaw.jpg">

[Marshal Pupovich]

Speaking of the Obama....

Yes We Can... Kill Babies!

"Though the event was interrupted several times by interlopers who shouted such accusations as “Obama is a baby killer,” the speakers focused on tacking social ills, such as poverty, racism and crime. Initially drowned by boos, the protests were followed by cheers of “yes we can.” Hecklers were escorted out by police."

How Progressive!

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Chairman, need I remind you that the most masculine of all our members is The Many Titted Empress? That is when she's not being a bubbling cauldron of estrogen turning her into an emasculating, Huskvarna-wielding ultrapowerbitch.

I know. Comrade Brain in a Jar is starting to charge me rent for my testicles.

[Commissar_Elliott]

The requirement of wearing a skirt, wig, and makeup only applies to those Comrades -- and I'm quoting from the directive -- "who demonstrate visible signs of masculinity". I don't recall any Comrade here -- or any in the Party, for that matter -- who demonstrates such characteristics. I think the closest we have is Paul Begala. Yes, I think Paul is the manliest of us all.

Now then, we will all still have to partake in the group humiliation and criticism exercises. I hope everyone here is vaguely familiar with a fat kid's experience in a highschool gym class because this group humiliation session will be very, very similiar.

And to think I survived with my sanity intact.

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Personally I think that we should hire, in the interest of good health for party members, an exercise guru. I nominate Richard Simmons. He could come and give us group hugs and his hair could drag lightning. Or be used used to clean that last nasty residue off the bottom of a skillet.

[Commissar_Elliott]

Personally I think that we should hire, in the interest of good health for party members, an exercise guru. I nominate Richard Simmons. He could come and give us group hugs and his hair could drag lightning. Or be used used to clean that last nasty residue off the bottom of a skillet.

(Shakes really hard)

[Father Prog Theocritus]

And the squeals, comrade Elliott, the squeals. You would have a roach-free house.

[Commissar_Elliott]

Well, those roaches have been, shall we say, "bugging" me.

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Richard Simmons has been bugging me. I understand how Clarence Thomas feels about Al Sharpton.

[Commissar_Elliott]

Richard Simmons has been bugging me. I understand how Clarence Thomas feels about Al Sharpton.

and perhaps the Obamasiah to Jesse Jacksonovich?

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Perhaps I was unclear in my sarcasm. What would a principled man like Thomas feel on seeing Jackson or Sharpton and think that others might judge blacks by him.

[Commissar_Elliott]

Perhaps I was unclear in my sarcasm. What would a principled man like Thomas feel on seeing Jackson or Sharpton and think that others might judge blacks by him.

I see good sircomrade, thank you for the enlightening comment, really, I mean that.

[Father Prog Theocritus]

<off>That's one of the reasons that I came out to the world. There are lots of perfectly sensible gays and we don't even know who we are all the time; gaydar is not 100%. But to put a human face on it. "You mean Theocritus is gay? I didn't know that. Theocritus has taken care of my title for decades; he solves problems. I had no idea. And I thought that were all <i>liberals</i>." Liberals don't play in Texas.

It really works and it is the most charitable thing that I do because I think that lots of young gay people, perhaps without financial, mental or family support, leave for big cities and don't have any sort of support and don't have a mind for their own. What do they do? They ally themselves with moonbats because they will with <i>something</i>. If it's okay to be gay then they'll stick around, won't lose their families, live lies, and by the way feel forced into marriages, producing children they'll abandon who will carry that gay gene, and yes there is one. If you see my family.

[Marshal Pupovich]

Sort of like being a black republican? Seriously.. Already we hear how republicans and racists will vote against Obama because he is black. Hell, I know one black I would absolutely love to see run for president... JC Watts, and there are other great black republicans. But to hear others speak....It sickens me. The Republican party was helping end slavery etc long before the democrats, and yet we are the ones smeared. Now I grant, the Republican party has not taken such an open stand on gays.

[Commissar_Elliott]

(karakter off)
Amen Marshal and Theocritus, and haha. . . moonbats.

[Red Square]

Commissarka Pinkie,
You have obviously never been to the Republik of Minnesota. Up here, the men are big, strong, and can support themselves without The Party for a time

Not all the men. May I present for your consideration Exhibit A:




I rest my case.

Also, what is this "Brazilian wax" you speak of? Is it some kind of wax made in Brazil? I don't know, I've never been there, and The Department of Commerce has seen fit to leave it out of here.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazilian_wax

Childbirth, anyone?

I finally found too much time on my hands to click on the Brazilian link and my first question is this: if a mime does Brazilian waxing, does he make a sound? Never mind the fact that Zen Buddhism has just become one zinger richer - has anyone heard a mime do Brazilian waxing?

The questions seem serious enough to pose them to the Mime directly and maybe even suggest that he adds a pantomime of doing Brazilian waxing on himself to the usual Bar Mitzvahs and birthday party repertoire.

Curiously enough, professional waxing is considered haram in Islam and thus may be offensive to some of the more sensitive part of the audiences who may later rightfully channel their legitimate grievances into beating the Mime unconscious and setting him on fire.

Which prompts us to suggest another pantomime to Mikael Rudolph: a mime being beaten up by an angry Muslim mob who then set him on fire. In silence.
<br>On a different note (if any) the fatwah against professional waxing in Islam and against plucking eyebrows may prompt a whole new discussion of big enders vs. little enders.

[Commissarka Pinkie]

According to the links, though, I should think they'd only want to beat him if someone else performed the wax on him. My understanding from the links is that no one can wax you except your spouse; otherwise you must wax yourself.

However, I'm all for pouring hot wax onto the Mime's man-bits, catheterizing him with a wick, then lighting it and letting the whole thing burn down to a stub.

I hear it's a common practice at Gitmo as well as the Ramsey County Jail in Minnesota; and that Sarah Palin did it to her enemies at the local library while mayor of Wasilla.

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Pinkie, do you think that the Mime has man-bits? For a while I thought he had to have them to piss and moan all the time but I figured he just squirts piss out his pores.

And hadn't you heard that Sarah Palin taught Tonya Harding all she knew?