Everything's Up To Date In Kansas City

[Red Salmon]

Most Equally Esteemed Comrades,

I wish to report on the progress towards the GWONT in this Midwestern cow town.  

It seems Kansas City is fraught with First World / Sanctuary City problems opportunities.  There has been a huge surge in burglaries at high profile, hip, woke, trendy businesses.  The city is a buzz with outrage over this terrible tragedy.  Doughnuts are at stake! 

What is the solution proposed by the intrepid leadership of this developing third world hellhole fair city?  Crime prevention?  Catching and incarcerating the perpetrators?  Heavens no!  They will give taxpayer money in the form of grants to the affected evil capitalist crony hucksters honest business owners.  I noticed that all of the owners of the business mentioned in the article also populate the donors list for his nibs The Mayor.  At no time has anyone in office even mentioned enforcing the law.  In fact, the KC MO police force budget is STILL over 25% below the level in 2019. 

No way the defunding of the police could have resulted in the surge in crime!  I will denounce myself for even typing that! 

On the encouraging side of things, the US Postal Service sent me a lovely piece of propaganda informative mail with a detailed account of how they are lovingly delivering each and every mail-in ballot this election season.  My fishy heart is warmed. 

I wonder if we will surpass Detroit with our murder rate AGAIN this year?  Go KC!

Red Salmon

 

[Ivan Betinov]

We must remain culturally sensitive to our newcomers, who have newly come from places where theft is simply the local way of saying "cheerio, nice day!" to their fellow citizens. This is cultural enrichment, not crime.

Of course Hizzonner is reimbursing his supporters. Great Obama himself approved helping friends and punishing enemies, so it has to be right. They (the donors) were investing in their future...and they don't have to worry about any new unrealized capital gains taxes on this kind of investment. They will simply build back better than ever before.

Now, as to the USPS delivering ballots: getting out the vote is one of the most important things we can do to protect our democrat-cy. I hope they will be delivering two, no, three, three ballots I say, to every address in the state to make sure that everyone gets theirs.