Russia Grants Asylum to Homeless Syrian Migrant

[Colonel Obyezyana]

Putin hates to see a grown Arab cry (unless he's torturing one).

In a clear exception to Russia's prevailing immigration policy, President-for-the Forseeable-Future Vlad Putin has granted asylum to a homeless Arab migrant with no future potential and no worthwhile skills outside of "strongman" (that singular position is filled for the forseeable future).

[Komissar al-Blogunov]

Putin and Assad share a laugh over atrocities they committed in happier times.
 

[Colonel Obyezyana]

Bashar Al Assad shakes hands with Ambassador Boris Badunov under a plaque of the Republic of Pottsylvania featuring Double Crosses, Whynchatakea Peak and the motto, "Our Main Export Is Meanness."

[Colonel Obyezyana]

Putin and Assad share a laugh over atrocities they committed in happier times.
 

Comrade, I have appropriated your photo as The Party™ has deemed it useful for additional satire propaganda purposes.

In a traditional Syrian gesture of gratitude and humility, Bashar al Assad offers his left hand for Vladimir Putin to blow his nose in.

 

[Komissar al-Blogunov]

Breaking: Putin has personally given Assad a tour of his new high-rise apartment in Moscow. "The views are truly breathtaking," commented Putin.

[Komissar al-Blogunov]

Putin and Assad share a laugh over atrocities they committed in happier times.
 

Comrade, I have appropriated your photo as The Party™ has deemed it useful for additional satire propaganda purposes.


 

With a heart filled with kollektive joy, I offer my services for the Greater Good™.