This man must be silenced!!!

[O'Brien]

We have a leak Comrades!!! We must find out who this thoughtcriminal is and have him silenced immediately!!!

He knows far too much!!


O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

[Opiate of the People]

Not to worry, no one is paying attention. Everyone is riveted on figuring out how we're gonna fit Obama's face on Mt. Rushmore. Rightfully, his mug should be ABOVE the other four; after all, in just about a week as president-elect, he is already the country's greatest statesman!


Why fight it? Since the world has obviously deteriorated into idiocy, we might as well lead the charge to lunacy. Besides, with everyone wearing paper hats and frothing at the mouth, there will be no one left to tax. The Revolution (against sense) is here!

[O'Brien]

Paper hats?

Like this?



O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Comrades, all heil to the Chosen One! He wants to cut our military and have a national police force. Sounds right to me. For after all, the enemy is from within. Suspicion breeds confidence, and what better than for us to have a network of informers? We could hire out-of-work STASI officers to teach us how.

[Opiate of the People]

Paper hats?

Like this?



O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Monty Python previews the Obama heatlh care plan:

Voter: Doctor Gumby, my brain hurts!
Dr Gumby: Then it will have to come OUT!
Voter: Oh goodie, I don't need it anyway now that Obama is president!
Dr Gumby: Yes, it would just get in the way of your enjoyment of utopia. Don't worry, we'll rent out your skull cavity to ACORN as office space.
Voter: They are the ones I've been waiting for!

[Opiate of the People]

Comrades, all heil to the Chosen One! He wants to cut our military and have a national police force. Sounds right to me. For after all, the enemy is from within. Suspicion breeds confidence, and what better than for us to have a network of informers? We could hire out-of-work STASI officers to teach us how.

Das is goot! And when the terrorists freedom fighters suicide-bomb another building, the Civilian Security Force can swoop in and arrest the survivors for disrupting a religious ceremony! This will prove to the world that America has turned over a new leaf and developed a more tolerant, non-fascist attitude.

[Dr. Nyet]

That man bears a striking resemblance to Pre-Marxist champion of redistribution, Dennis Moore.

[Father Prog Theocritus]

the Civilian Security Force can swoop in and arrest the survivors for disrupting a religious ceremony!

I don't know if I started laughing and ended up crying or the other way around.

[Begemot]

We should begin a "Race to Poverty" campaign - the sooner we are all lazy, broke and apathetic, the sooner we will bask in Obama's glory as He rescues us from ourselves! Praise B. Hussein Obama!

[Che Gourmet]

Commissar Theocritis,

Are there any STASI officers left alive, or is the Enlightened One going to "channel" for recruits from our Necro-Proxy Party members? Grigori, where are you? The Obamessiah would like to talk to you, comrade. Remember, The Dear Leader-Elect is a Leo, which of course, makes him a natural born Leader!


Loving the occult and knowing the new Administration will make use of it,



faithful to the cause,

Che' Gourmet

[Grigori E.R.]

Comrade Che' Gourmet

I am without words. The One.........Speak to me? I am but humble servant to his Lightworkings.

Unfortunately the Collective's phone has been disconnected due to non-payment.
I would gladly make pilgrimage to Chicago, but we've been having problems with the free gas. The tractor and the People's '94 Honda will not start.

Please give Dear Leader-Elect a message for me:
I am Libra. I like things FAIR & Balanced. Makes me a true believer.

PS: Have post in works about good times in Baltimore. I think you'll enjoy.

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Ché Gourmet, there is lurking inside every progressive a STASI officer just waiting to get out. After all, after the ascension of the Chosen One, then we can all come out of the STASI closet. This is the same as the dickhead closet too.

"Bruce! I see you've let your internal STASI come out!"

"Yes, Kim, I have. I couldn't stand the silence any more. And I see that you've come out of the dickhead closet. Congratulations!"

"I know. I just couldn't stand pretending to think and be fair and not pitch a screaming fit anytime that I wanted something. It's so <i>hard</i> trying to pretend that it's not all about me. When I know it is."

"I know what you mean. But when you say 'all about me' you mean 'all about...' me. Me. Not you, but me."

"No, I don't. I mean <i>me</i>."

There follows a melee with bottles of chablis and an attempt to stuff a gallon of Cherry Garcia up Bruce's ass.

[Dr. Nyet]

We should begin a "Race to Poverty" campaign - the sooner we are all lazy, broke and apathetic, the sooner we will bask in Obama's glory as He rescues us from ourselves! Praise B. Hussein Obama!

Poverty is such an ugly word that is often used to pervert or diminish the true beauty of the ideal of "absolute equality"

Only by giving up their wage slavery and endlessly toiling for mere subsistence can The Masses truly be free.

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Egestuosity is I think the word that you want. Horace praised it. But then Horace had all those slaves and he was not in fact a slave. So there's some rewriting of history there.

Lots of Muslim religious schools in Indonesia teach people how to be poor. (V.S. Naipaul, <i>Among the Believers</i>.)

[Commissar_Elliott]

Let us destroy this man, or better yet, let's destroy Georga! It voted for McShame, unlike the republik of Minnesota, it stayed progressive, heck, my county stayed progressive.

[Opiate of the People]

We should begin a "Race to Poverty" campaign - the sooner we are all lazy, broke and apathetic, the sooner we will bask in Obama's glory as He rescues us from ourselves! Praise B. Hussein Obama!

Great idea! The "Race to Poverty" campaign will encourage each of us to abandon rational thinking and decision making in favor of pointless gestures and empty promises proffered by a slick con man who has somehow bamboozled an entire nation (well, 52% of its voters, anyway) into believing he will solve each and every one of our problems. Sign me up! I'm going to take all my life savings and spend it on a trip to WashedOut, DC, to see the messiah coronated (the prices they are getting for inauguration tickets and hotel rooms tells me that the sellers are not enrolled in the "Race to Poverty" campaign yet.) Then I'm gonna come back, sit home and wait for Him to call me up and pay my mortgage. What about y'all? Let's see who can get to Poverty first!

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Opiate, if you haven't spent all your 401K on Kristal Brut for the upcoming coronation, then you're some sorry-assed progressive. I mean. How often do you get to see the founding of a theocratic succession?

[Opiate of the People]

Y, I might as well blow my 301K (down from 401K due to market losses) on Budweiser and arugula to celebrate the final defeat of the evil villian, sanity. If I don't, the Dummocrats will be confiscating what's left for their "universal" retirement plan (i.e. they're gonna take everyone's money and shoot it out into space.) Well, actually, they will take it from you and invest it in "special" government bonds (with the logo "In O We Trust") which pay a guaranteed 3% a year. The only problem is the long-term inflation rate is 5% which means you lose 2% purchasing power every year they "help" you out in this way. Of course, that 5% inflation rate was what it was BEFORE the current disaster causes them to print money faster than ACORN registers voters in order to bail out every politically connected industry in the country. After the Treasury recreates the last days of the Weimar Republic, we'll each need a pick-up truck loaded with currency to buy our official Obama souvenir key rings and that 401K money will be enough to secure each of us a good spot under a bridge in need of repair. I guess I'm just an old-fashioned crank who just doesn't "get it"; i.e. someone who can count.

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Opiate, you are forgetting that a considerable use of this money will be for thought police.

Also the Chosen One has said that he will seek Supreme Court justices who believe in social justice and fairness instead of bothering with that tattered old rag, the Constitution.

What a man. I'm tired of laws when I'm a law unto myself.

[Dr. Nyet]

Commissar,

I beleive you left out "tragic" in reference to that outdated document of oppression.

One can only hope that our new Fearless Leader reads the document just enough to realize that the number of Supreme Court Justices is not actually set to any particular number.

Not that the document actually matters mind you, that is laughable to good revolutionary agent of Change like Comrade Barry. But it does seem to assuage a few of the useful idiots in the media who like to actually pay attention what is going on.

It may be asking too much for our beloved Obamassiah to bring about the Dictatorship of the Proletariat immediately. But perhaps he can create a Supreme Court the size of the Supreme Soviet, or at least the Presidium.

I mean, how can the Congress of People's Deputies oppose him in such a noble effort?

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Dr. Nyet, you have reminded me of FDR's court-packing attempt. Such a man, FDR. He destroyed the system that he inherited, while doing it, he said, to bring the country out of depression.

And the Chosen One has just such a chance now. The world is going through the worst depression since the Black Death in 1349. Every day 110% of the people here in Culo del Pecos die, their bodies shriveling in the desert sun in the street. Most have died of starvation--so many #400 welfare babies wasted away to nothing in just a few short days before the election before the eventual triumph of the Theocracy was assured.

And the rest of the people killed themselves. We have to bus in people from other towns to replace the people who died in this depression. Even opening the borders from Mexico cannot replenish the people dying.

So the Chosen One must lead us, as did FDR, and packing the Supreme Court is a good start. I'd day with the entire DNC. And they'll always get back from lunch on time--waiters say they generally walk their checks.

[Obama08121620242832]

Ché Gourmet, there is lurking inside every progressive a STASI officer just waiting to get out. After all, after the ascension of the Chosen One, then we can all come out of the STASI closet. This is the same as the dickhead closet too.

That's an inspiring idea, you demonstrate great confidence in the progressive movement! If every party member followed your example, victory would come very fast.

As others have said, this is a unique opportunity to turn a new leaf and demonstrate to the world that we have moved beyond facism and the dark days of bushitler. In that spirit, I propose the following:

1. Arrest George Bush and his cabinet for war crimes. Get a confession by pardoning the first one who confesses having overheard Bush order genocide in Iraq.
2. Undermine the power of the authoritarian-right by reinstating the fairness doctrine and getting these facists off of television and off of radio. Expand the fairness doctrine to the internet to stop them there as well!
3. Purge the military of officers loyal to Bush, lest they attempt a facist right-wing coup.

Any other ideas?

[Father Prog Theocritus]

I quite concur. But to make sure that it sticks, make sure that the educational system is functioning properly.

1. Literacy is not required for graduation from high school. Or some colleges.
2. American history will reflect only the oppression of minorities by white males.
3. The Constitution will be considered a living and breathing document, which can yield any result required.
4. Every child gets an award for every subject and sport.
5. Outlaw the word "achievement" if it applies to something that everyone cannot do with utter ease.
6. Define "justice" as meaning equality of outcome, and not equality of opportunity.
7. Tell students that the reason that they are not instantly successful from the cradle is that they are being oppressed.
8. Tell students that there are no right answers.
9. Do not tell students that lies which are politically correct are the correct answers and that truths which are politically incorrect are the wrong answer. Blame Republicans when engineers, trained in this, design airplanes that fall from the sky.
10. Strengthen teachers' unions. Give them two break periods a day which they use to write up performance reviews on their students and on other teachers.
11. Double the budgets of schools and all of the increase goes to administration and in-service training such as sensitivity courses.

That ought to do it.

[Dr. Nyet]

Commissar,

Have you read the short story by dead running dog imperialist James Clavell called "The Children's Story"? In it, the old teacher, being a tool of the capitalists, is replaced by the New Teacher.

The story shows how this wonderful New Teacher quickly and effortlessly begins to re-educate the impressionable young elementary school children on patriotism by cutting up the flag so they may each have a piece close to their heart.

She explains how their parents need to go to school now as well, because while they are not having BAD thoughts, they are having WRONG thoughts.

And this wonderful New Teacher gives lie to their foolish religious belief systems, and shows them that praying to the Fearless Leader brings about a far preferable outcome than the prayers their parents have forced them to say.

It is a wonderful book, and it gives me great joy to know that the Promised One has decreed an ARMY of New Teachers for our schools, along with "Teacher Helpers", to flood into our educational collectives.

There they can join the already numerous teachers who have great sympathy for the methods and ideology of the New Teacher. For example, that woman who explained to the little girl how the evil neocon John McCain wanted her father to remain in Iraq for a hundred years will fit in nicely with the New Teachers.

Regarding your point number 6, I have been considering the idea of what I like to call Continuous Total Equality through Continuous Redistribution.

Using tools that are used by the capitalists for oppressive quality measurements, it should be possible to archive a constant state of total equality between all of the masses.

Of course, the administrative cost of such a thorough system is likely to exceed the actual amount of wealth transferred. But come now, do we want equality or not? Besides, the closer the income and wealth of each of the masses gets to zero, the more equal they will be. And then they WIN!

[Father Prog Theocritus]

Dr. Nyet, 72¢ of every dollar taken in for welfare is spent on administration. This seems entirely fair to me for if the poor got the money they might be less poor and therefore good and worthy administrators might have to do productive work.

My god. That was a thoughtcrime. By definition any work which is financed by taxpayer dollars is good and productive work. Any work which is innovative and for private good is by definition bad work.

That is the reason that we have community organizers to commit as much voter fraud as possible and intimidate bankers' wives and families help the poor exercise their franchise.

But let us never lose sight of the fact that all comrades are created equal but some are more equal than others.