No horse too dead to beat, Here comes PLUTO again...

[Ivan the Stakhanovets]

Comrades, 

it seems this young beet sprout is trying to modify Current Truth™ and is actually getting somewhere in her attempts.

A 10-year-old girl wrote to NASA asking them to restore Pluto to a planet, and NASA's chief replied with four words no one expected

Comrades who were awake in Zampolit lectures know full well that in 2006 Pluto was marginalized against its will, just exiled without even a show-trial.  We must ask, is Pluto's sentence in gulag limited to only 20 years?

And now a word from our sponsor:  Those of us in the collective know and love the merchandise from the People's Store™ and give full credit to Red Square and the boys in Agitprop for the following illustration of Current Truth™ as we know it. (Get your t-shirts today, Comrades. Don't be caught out of uniform.)



Join me in pondering the effects of restoring Pluto as a planet.  Do we redistribute any resources? Are there any gains to be Ill- gotten? What is the quota that Pluto can contribute to the People, and what about the CHILDREN™ ? 

If this kid succeeds, where will the next bright idea come from?  Is it possible that we have found the next "Greta"? and where did she learn such penmanship when everything for kids her age is done on a tablet?

So much puzzlement.  I shall be in the tractor barn in contemplation with some fermented  light beverages.

Ivan

[Ellsworth Toohey]

Seems the person writing the headline in the referenced article has trouble counting words.

Translating from Cantonese to Hindi to English must be the culprit.

[Red Salmon]

Most Equally Esteemed Comrades Ivan and Toohey,

I am also curious to learn what those 4 words might have been.  

“Keala (too many of the People’s Vowels™ in use there), we are looking into this.” 

While this sentence does have four words, it then continues on to utilize six words.  One of which is even a compound word.  I’m certain that counts as more than one word but not two.  I digress.

If the word total count can be attributed to NASA, then math (or arithmetic) isn’t NASA’s strong suit.  That Mars lander a while back kind of points in that direction.  Might want to skip the next series of Moon Smashing Landing missions.  Just sayin’.

Maybe the bright young sprouts will discover the existence of only two sexes and then the entertainment will begin in earnest (and elsewhere as well).

Abomination From The Deep,

Red Salmon

[Ivan Betinov]

"FOUR is the number of words in the sentence, the number of words in the sentence being FOUR. Thou shalt not countest unto five, neither shalt thou countest unto three, least you then proceed unto four. SIX is right out. Once thou hast reached four, four being the number of the counting, thou shalt compose thy headline and lobbest it toward thy Editor, who, being as illiterate as you, shall approve it."

From the Book of Journalism, Chapter Five Four, Verse Six Four

[Colonel Obyezyana]

[Colonel Obyezyana]

Comrades, 

Comrades who were awake in Zampolit lectures know full well that in 2006 Pluto was marginalized against its will, just exiled without even a show-trial.  We must ask, is Pluto's sentence in gulag limited to only 20 years?

Join me in pondering the effects of restoring Pluto as a planet.  Do we redistribute any resources? Are there any gains to be Ill- gotten? What is the quota that Pluto can contribute to the People, and what about the CHILDREN™ ? 

So much puzzlement.  I shall be in the tractor barn in contemplation with some fermented  light beverages.

Ivan

Comrade,

A friend just suggested that if you have a tractor barn, you probably have a tractor beam that you can use to pull Pluto (and Charon) closer to the sun and out of the Kuiper Belt. And further, he says you can then tug Pluto into an orbit less elliptical and closer to same plane occupied by the legitimate planets.

Once these tasks have been accomplished, Pluto would be a fully fledged planet plus the demeaning "dwarf" designation could be dropped.

He also says that —barring any commercial breaks—it could all be done in 60 minutes with no tribble at all and beaucoup bucks for residuals when footage of the process is syndicated, especially if our janitor, Davy Attenborough, gets to do the narration.

Speaking of Kuiper Belts, he had a few belts of his own before he laid out this brilliant plan.

Montgomery Scott, Chief HVAC Engineer, TPC Secret Underground Bunker 1, Nextnineexits, Florida. (We call him Full Monty).