Today Al Gore Almighty announced a new progressive multimillion dollar campaign to stop global warming. Behold "WE" as in "YES WE CAN."

Marvelous as this news is, Gore has another semi-covert operation even more impressive. It is the CLEAN AIR FORCE.

The Right Stuff

Are you an ultra-rich guilt ridden celebrity, with a strong desire to serve your country without actually serving your country?

Do you own a jet?

Do you worship The Goracle?

Are you smug and egotistic?

If you answered yes to these questions, chances are you are already a warrior in the Clean Air Force. So just look for your picture and then move on.

However if you can answer yes to these questions and are not in the CAF, today is your lucky day.

Tell Me More

Once you complete the rigorous training at our secret St. Barths location. You will be given the rank of 2nd Lieutenant and issued an official CAF flight suit. Don't worry, you will not be piloting your jet. The flight suit is just for show, only to be used when exiting your plane in front of an adoring media.

Then you'll begin your Tour of Duty, in your own private jet you will be flown around the world in a lifestyle you're accustom to, speaking about scientific matters that you have no knowledge of. Also you will tell of the fantastic benefits of purchasing carbon credits, and hand out literature about the Goracle's company where they can be purchased. And of course you will rail against the evils of kapitalism and denounce Bush and his cronies.

You will be treated like royalty and showered with gifts and awards. The progressive world will hang on your every word. You will feel smarter, loved and compassionate, you will wonder what would they do without me.



So what are you waiting for? Join the Clean Air Force Now and remember tell a ultra-rich friend.
 

I wanna be more important than other people! Sign me up!
 

Do those pictures of SUVs and smokestacks on the plane mean how many vehicles and factories they have already destroyed in sneak air attacks - or is it to demonstrate that the polluting power of Al Gore's jet equals to 7 SUVs and three medium-sized smokestacks?

The next time the news breaks out about some factory fire or an oil refinery explosion in Texas I'll know better than to believe the corporate media. Thank you, Clean Air Force!
 

What if you are already more important than other people? Can I... uhh... can my really, really important friend still join?
 

I'm not a celebrity, but I'm currently lusting after Brad Pitt. Will that qualify me?
 

Red Square

Do those pictures of SUVs and smokestacks on the plane mean how many vehicles and factories they have already destroyed in sneak air attacks - or is it to demonstrate that the polluting power of Al Gore's jet equals to 7 SUVs and three medium-sized smokestacks? I’m sorry that information is classified.

Except for Meow do any of you own a private jet? Of course not. So you are not qualified. Although Pinkie could marry Brad then divorce him, taking half his money and then buy a jet.
 

Ditto! Who the heck needs the Air Force when you have the peace-loving clean Air Force of Al Gore! I wanna be important and fly around the world in an eco-friendl jet. Hey! Wait a minute! I am important! I demand one now!
 

This makes me wanna build a pollution factory (that cuts down the rain forest and burns it to leave a mega-big carbon foot print), and then put up anti-aircraft guns all around it, so when this "Clean Airforce" attacks, i can blow a great deal of the worlds problems out of the sky.
 

Blasphemy! We will see who is shoveling dirt when our unarmed private jets surround your factory and deploy the most deadly weapon ever conceived. Yes, I am talking about the STINKY HIPPIE PROTESTERS!!!!!

[evil voice]
MMMUUUUUUAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!
[/evil voice]
 

then i will have no choice but to deploy my bush-supporting, nazi, facist, gun nut militia and the kkk plus maybe some of strike busters to wipe you pitiful pot-head, greatfull dead/Fish listening hippie protesters from the face of this planet. or ill crank up the pollution and let global warming take care of them, they will be incinerated before they know what hit them, they they will be washed away by the rising oceans.
 

Their odor alone will exterminate all life in the vicinity! No one will be alive to carry out your evil orders!
 

dear god your a madman... i know one thing that will be able to destroy your hippies, Death Metal. They wont stand a chance
 

Speaking of cleaning up *not contributions*.... let me do my part comrades...

http://www.linein.org/media/screencleaner.swf
 

NO! Not the death metal!!! Anything but that! If you even dare, I will be forced to bring out the Grateful Dead! No one but hippies can survive the drugged out repetition of the Grateful Dead!
 

Comrade Drago

then i will have no choice but to deploy my bush-supporting, nazi, facist, gun nut militia and the kkk plus maybe some of strike busters to wipe you pitiful pot-head, greatfull dead/Fish listening hippie protesters from the face of this planet. or ill crank up the pollution and let global warming take care of them, they will be incinerated before they know what hit them, they they will be washed away by the rising oceans.

Comrade Drago, I must admit I am sympathetic to your views. As a child of the Motherland, the birthplace of Progressive Policy, I am somewhat taken aback by this Amerikkkan party endorsement of so called "Green" policies. After all, the motherland did not grow to be the most progressive and powerful collective known to man without spilling a few minor chemicals and nuclear byproducts in the process of building a socialist Eden. What is The Greater Good­™? To encourage green policies as a proven path toward greater government control over the masses, or the responsible use of human and non-human resources to build the ideal socialist society where every prole has a beet in every pot and a mule or Moskvitch in every garage? This green drive also has a weakening affect on our need for the world's strongest military which we will need after the revolution to support and defend our socialist brothers.
 

First of all, if you bring out the grateful dead i will probably hang myself, but not before i put on some TED NUGENT!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! The grateful dead will flee in fear from the Ungrateful Ted (a band i will create fusing the hardest death metal band i can find with Ted Nugent on vocals). If this does not work then i will call up my back up militias and eradicate you hippies in a catchy montage to this song i just found on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-OT3F8aTRs

Watch it and be afraid, be very afraid.
 

Second of all, responding to Commissar Pupovich above comment, i would like to point out that it is nigh impossible to create a "workers paradise" without big uber polluting factories. The so called "Green" movement isnt true communist, its just dumb, and it brings a bad name to all us communist hardliners.

Its a Disgrace, and Al Gore should be deported
 

Oops, my apologies comrades. I am but simple man. I thought by "clean" you wanted air fresheners placed on the nose cones of the missiles being shipped to Iran...
 

Comrade Drago

Second of all, responding to Commissar Pupovich above comment, i would like to point out that it is nigh impossible to create a "workers paradise" without big uber polluting factories. The so called "Green" movement isnt true communist, its just dumb, and it brings a bad name to all us communist hardliners.

Its a Disgrace, and Al Gore should be deported

Comrade Drago, I can see we see eye to eye on this.

Secondly, allow me to exorcise the unprogressive spirits of the hippie Grateful Dead followers once and for all. Be Gone Evil Deadheads! Be Gone Wussies by the Power Below!!


 

You and your damn hippie countermeasures....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQTM7MMzj5Q
 

Noooooooooooooooo! Take it away!

Now feel the wrath of the Power of Rock!


 

 

I see my treatment is having a positive effect on you. Weird Al is certainly an anathema to hippieness. I was afraid I was going to have to bring out the most powerful of spells, David Alan Coe or even Merle Haggard.
 

Fighting for peace is like raping for virginity, but flying jets for Global warming just plain makes sense.
 

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EAT HEAVY METAL DEATH-CULT MUSIC DEAD HEADS!!!!
 

I believe we have exorcised the hippies among us.
 

Good work Commissar, it must have been a combination between my idle threats, and your action that helped scare them off.
 

Yes. but a ;little preventive manly music will help keep hippie's at bay!