Ask Kommissar a question, infidel dog!

Baghdad Bob
Comrades Infidels,

I bring good news to all the party. Now, God Willing, I am "taking over" as Kommissar. Some of you may remember me from the other web site CFK, or from the news reports of our glorious victories over the forces of the warmonger W. I will only report the "whole" truth, no matter how painful that may be for you Godless Infidels. Your questions will be answered, unlike the other current slackers in the Party, I don't want to mention any names here. (Laika) However, for now, do not address too many questions to me, as I am currently in the process of moving into my new all expenses paid luxury suite on the 13th floor of the CFK 5th Ave headquarters building, and therefore have no time for useless drivel. In conclusion, I wish to thank Allah, and also even those non believers who wrote in support of me becoming Kommissar. Also, the powers that be, knew that by making me Kommissar, that this would bring in the important Muslin wing to our Party. In time, I will make this site, "The Mother of all Web sites."

Your new Kommissar,
Baghdad Bob

Stooge of the Revolution.
Comrade Baghdad Bob,

Congratulations on your appointment as Kommissar at Too bad John Kerry lost the election, was declared a traitor and a non-person, sent to Siberia, and replaced by a cardboard cutout in the US Senate. The CFK days are over! Yet such a powerful position near the helm of CFK, the real power behind the DNC, should not be given lightly. Is it true that you have been given special increased vodka rations far above your comrades, for your acceptance of the high post of Kommissar? And further, is it not true that while you were negotiating with the Party at CFK, that you donated a used wonder computer that is even now being put to use at CFK's main Party headquarters on 5th Ave. as a doorstop? Is this not bribery? Is this not special treatment? Please answer these questions about Vodkagate, so that we can put this matter to rest, and move on with the Revolution.

Dear Infidel pig Stooge,

What Computer? There is no Computer, there never was a computer. God willing. And as far as Vodka, did not Lenin say, "each according to his needs?". May Allah watch you, closely. Very closely.

unanswered and ignored
Bob, why is it whenever I ask a question of a Kommissar at CFK that I am rudely ignored or flat out not even answered? I feel like my questions are not deemed important and that I and not viewed to have any value here.

Comrade unanswered and ignored,
You must excuse me while I go on to answer the next comrades questions.

Saddam Hussein
Bob, yellow running dog, remember me? Your old boss and leader. When things got a little tuff, you cut and ran, instead of fighting alongside of your comrades. I told The People's Cube not to hire you. And then there is the matter of your heavy vodka consumption. Unbecoming for a Muslim! But then we were never real believers anyway, right? Only use religion to control the people. Perhaps you can still be redeemed and put to some use for now. Continue my reports thru the medium of your high position at this Mother of all Web Sites. Let the word of our victories spread. Even now I am using the Great Leader Joseph Stalin's famous Stalingrad plan, for the defense of Baghdad. As of right now I am in my bunker, at the place that the foreign oppressors would never look. Yes, that's right Bob, I have set up my headquarters right under their noses at a place they will never look for me - in a prison cell run by them! Continue reporting our victories, even if you have to fabricate just a little bit. I know only you will report the truth, as I would like it to be.

Brave Leader of the Revolution, True Caliph and direct descendant of the Prophet, and all around nice guy, Saddam Hussein!

How are you, boss? I see that you have once again tricked the forces of Warlord W, with your brilliance as a military commander. I am most honored to report on your continuing fight for near total victory, God willing. Soon you shall have them surrounded. How many times Brave Leader must your forces continue to shoot down the entire US air force? They can not hold out long at this rate anyway. Oh, by the way, your demand that Infidel Brother Jacques Chirac allow to set up "government in exile in France," has not been answered yet. Knowing that you will be greatly pleased by your fans at this web site, I will be honored at times to pass a few of the better questions along from the Comrades for you to answer. Before you run out of time, that is.

Ivan Whakenov Tomuchski
What kind of a name is "Baghdad Bob" anyway?!?

Saddam Hussein
Continue your reporting of the news as you see fit. I liked your report at ... onquer.jpg This will show the Villian Bush that we mean business. As for Infidel Jockstrap Chirac, continue to press him to support our efforts. I got to go fall out now for roll call, so must close for now.

Yours, the Boss

Stooge of the Revolution.
Fellow Kommunists! Komrads!

It seems at first thought that I should be happy for the coronation and secret election of Bagdad Bob as the new Kommissar at the People's Cube. After all, his skill as a public relations man cannot be denied. His credentials as a Socialist and Kommunist also are beyond repute, his former employer being a Socialist and a big fan of Leader Joseph Stalin. And his skills as a truth teller to the Kommunist party is absolute, as I for one, have never seen Bob tell a lie. Also he brings with him from his Socialistic background, the ability to bring in the Muslim wing to our Party. Plus the fact that former Kommissars from the old site were absent more then a non-person Senator K was from the Senate before the last election. However, there are deeply disturbing things that must be answered first about Bagdad Bob. In a recent post on another section of CFK (, one Comrade Fearless Leader has asserted that Bob was negotiating with CFK and the Cube, to raise his Vodka allotment. Has Bob been given special treatment, over the masses? Are not all comrades to be given equal treatment? Someone will have to give up his share of vodka, so that Bob can drink more. If CFK gives in to the demands of Baghdad Bob, what will he demand next? Perhaps he will ask for a larger potatoes, bread, or beet ration allotment? Ask Comrade ADB who fought at Stalingrad during the Great Patriotic War what would happen to those who asked for extra rations. And how about those who persevered and held out at Leningrad during the Great Patriotic War, only eating a morsel or bread made with sawdust and rat dung that was swept from the floors? If only we could ask Comrade ADB (Andropov's Drunk Brother), who was a frequent critic of Bob. Since ADB's early and mysterious demise after Baghdad Bob took over the powerful post of Kommisar, one has to wonder, could this unfortunate demise of Comrade ADB, be rated somehow to his Vodka consumption, and Bob's demand for more Vodka? I therefore ask that someone at the Cube or CFK, to look into this "Vodka-gate" matter.

Comrade 3 Stooges of the Revolution and Infidel Godless Pig,

It is wise that you have seen my value to the Party at the Cube. As far as Truth Telling, I can only tell all the people at The People's Cube and CFK, that as Kommissar I would tell only the absolute TRUTH, and drink only Absolute Vodka. And the TRUTH sometimes has to be painful, as in your case, God willing. A little advice for you, drop these incessant questions of trivial value. Many have been purged, for the good of the Party, since the creation of The People's Cube. I fear that you, worthless camel dung that you are, are next. However, just to show you there are no hard feelings, I will give you an all expenses one way paid vacation to the Karl Marx Treatment Center, run by our own highly esteemed Comrade Dr. Otis. Pack and report right away. As far as Vodka-gate, what Vodka, there never was any Vodka. I am just a humble Kommisar, living in my Party-paid 5th Ave. apartment.


Ditch Digger
Gretings Bagdad Boob.

Sorry about my pour spelling, however my fingers are bit shaky after a day of toiling. Mind you, I write not to complain, but to put forth an idea that may inspire. I have decided to use my excellent digging skill and dulled but trusty shovel to excavate fired (yet unexploded, ie dud) ordnance from US militry bases. By removing the explosive filler out of several rounds, one can fashion a conventional weapon that would be the pride of any nation on earth.

Of course, one needs the ability to get on bases in order to execute such brilliance. So my question is, when will these bases be overun by our revolutionary forces so I can put my plan into action?

If this plan is a bit too spicy, or perhaps this message gets intercepted by imperialist spies, then I guess I would just like some ditch digging work if you know where to find it.

Possessed by the memories of
a recently deceased drunken veteran
of the Great War,

Ditch Digger
(my friends and family call me Stinky Pete)

What Infidel American Bases in Iraq? There never was any American Bases in Iraq! They are like a snake in the desert. Great Leader Saddam Hussein is crushing the forces of the Villian W as we speak. He will lure them into the trap, using the famous Stalingrad plan. However, Comrade, please be advised that perhaps your shovel can be put to good use, somewhere.

Bagdad Boob,
Commissar of Truth

User avatar
I'm still wondering, which website is the father of all websites?

If you don't know the answer to that question you deserve to be beaten by your mother's shoe! And I hope she wears spikes, like many infidel ladies do. But of course the father of all web sites is and always will be

Should a true communist really be dying his grey hair? You have allowed yourself to be brainwashed by the corporate lifestyle propagandists. In cultivating new markets, they have filled you with vanity!

User avatar
I think I agree with Comrade_Smirnoff... wait, I'm not allowed to think, the party is supposed to do that for me. Then I will wait for a sign from the party to tell me what to think.

Ditch Digger
Greetings Bob, and othersl. It is with great joy that I pass along news of my gainful employment. No, this does not involve work in a ditch, nor digging, but it is laborious nevertheless. I have found an explosive utopia! The paradise known as Vieques island, Puerto Rico! A former naval bombing range shut down after protests by the masses!! Seems a trespasser (protester) got hit on the noggin with a Mk 82 500lb'er, and the islanders got angry with the Navy for not being more careful! After all, Trespassers have rights!

Anywho, I am toiling 50 hours a week (for government contractor/slave driver) surveying the landscape for future cleanup. The good news is that the live impact area can be reached via boat/canoe/raft/innertube and minimal fence busting! Anyone who wishes to loot the area, be forwarned that there is considerable amounts of deadly unexploded ordnance lying about. (proof of inferior US weapontry). So don't get too close unless your slightly insane, or an experience ditch digger, like myself.

Recruiting the masses down in the carribean.
Ditch Digger

User avatar
Hey Bob!

I haven't heard any nice things ABOUT ME coming from you lately. And you call yourself Mouthpiece of the Party. Ok Mr. Mouthpiece, here's a pre-owned Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky used cigar for your piehole. I hope you enjoy its tuna-like flavor. Bill did. Now get back to real work and get my puff (no pun intended) pieces out there or it's a spider hole for you too.

Looking Great in 2008,

No cigar ever tasted as sweet as this one, or royal one! You infidels do know a few things about hygiene, let me tell you - not like that Baghdad whore I used to spice my cigars with in the good old days at the Ministry of Information. Thanx!

BTW, is it true that Monica stuck Bill's cigars up her butt so that he would quit smoking? And is it also true that even though Bill did quit smoking, Monica still continues to stick cigars where the sun don't shine because the habit turned out to be addictive?

Speaking of addiction, are we on for Friday again?


Your Baghdad Bobby

Politruk Tito
Dear Baghdad Bob,

Is Baghdad Bob a bigger slacker than the last kommissar the Party Razor? Or does he trump kommissar Finn in laziness?

I do not know who this Commissar Finn that you speak of is. He has never existed, so I wonder where you obtained such a name. Such infidel as you should be re-educated. What are you doing on this page? Go to the re-education page and fix yourself before I get our forces to corner you!

And as for the “slacking,” we don't slack at the People's Cube. We redistribute efforts so that nobody comes off too smart or too slow. Now pick up that shovel and keep digging!

Commissar B.Bob

Talib Khattabych
Dear Baghdad Bob,

I recently viewed the infidel movie 'Kingdom of Heaven.' It truthfully portrayed the great warrior Salahuddin as one who fought the heathens inspiredly, and overwhlemed them steadily - praise be to Allah. The Christian pig lead in the film was played by a boy so graceful and maidenly that he could be in the Sultan's Harem. My Fahtima was even envious of the softness of his moustache. But I ask you Bob, why did this otherwise enlightened film not expose the Jews as the begrimed infestation on the Holy City which they were then, and are still today?

Peace be upon you, Talib Khattabych (a.k.a. Pensioner Vasya)

Mr. Bob

I thought I would write to you and inquire about the impending cuts in my social security benifits. I am scared to death that I will no longer be able to afford my medication, doctor appointments, trips to Vegas, bingo night, Cadillac payments, lottery tickets, expanded cable service, mail order tea, monthly saloon visits, gifts to my grandchildren and veterinary care for my dog Angelica. Then what? I will tell you what. ...Death. I will have nothing but the impending visit from the Grim Reaper. What can I do to ensure us senior citizens maintain the mere basics to sustain our lives? People are just trying to sweep us under the rug. Its criminal!

You seem like such a sweet man. Always wearing your uniform so proudly. Not a stain or a wrinkle. That's all I have for now. Hope I did not take you away from anything too important or cause you too much worry with my circumstance. I hope to hear from you soon.

Silence D

What Grim Reaper? There has never been a Grim Reaper! Trust me, that will never happen to you if you sign up for Al-Aqsa Retirement Plan! Yours shall be an abode with 80,000 servants and 72 wives, over which stands a dome decorated with pearls, aquamarine, and ruby. Can your American social security give you such an abode? Ours can! You shall be attended by boys graced with eternal youth, who to the beholder's eyes will seem like sprinkled pearls. And your family will get $25,000 into the bargain. It's a win-win all around! All you need to do is to strap yourself to a nice explosive device and greet some infidel in the streets!

Baghdad Bob

Fashion Designer
I have a question for your EX-Boss, Hussian, there PR boy,

Is it not true that you intend to take over the clothing market in Paris? Starting with your own underware line, modeled by yourself, of course. And what plans do u have in the future? Please, pass this question on to the Man, underling.

Uday, the son of my former boss, used to force fashion designers into plastic shredders for fun. We would have a boisterous laugh as the victims screamed in appalling agony. If we didn't laugh heartily enough, however, Uday would put one of us in the plastic shedder. So, of course, we all learned to laugh in the most maniacally uproarious manner. (The room was always filled with the most nightmarish cacaphony of screams and laughter--I still have trouble sleeping to this day. But that's neither here nor there; a good lackey always does what he's told.) Those were crazy times!

But, since I've been living here in NYC, I've grown to better appreciate the sartorial arts. I've even been caught using the word "couture" on occassion, much to my mortification.

Nevertheless, I will ignore your petty insults and tell you that we are launching a line of fitted bourkhas in an effort to target the untapped Western "market" (dare I use the word) of infidel women. Bust and hip lines will be more accentuated, as opposed to the tent-like Taliban version, but the woman's face will still be covered, since that's one of the ultimate objectives. This way we will slowly "bore from within" and soon the Western woman will think it's fashionable to be a walking curtain.


Muhammed Jihad
Baghdad bob,

aim taired of americane forcseses in my homelaynd, you knaw they wons thayt do nayt exist. may unclets cousin, akmed, blue hemslef up on americane troops and the americane troops gate punished haha idioths. wane will oar liberale friends over thare stop this rightous rebublican shaith and freeh us to continue killing innocante people, air they liberals even traying to sabotage they republicans evale plane?

Red Bubba
I ain't never been to U-rope and all them sofisticated placed and all and I gots a couple questions for ya, BB. Why can't you use your position to do more reporting on the evil W regime? Seems like lots of obvious questions aint been asked yet. Probly you are just waiting for the right time, eh, gonna spring it on em like a coon in the chicken house waiten fer dark. How did them freedom fighters get them Ko-rans in their cells anyhow? I got a strong suspicion it was the gubment gave em out to opiate the prisioners. Seems like the gubmint spending money on toleratin religion oughta be big news when they could just take care of prisoners the way old Joe Stalin did.

Dearest Bagdad Robert,

Where is our rightfully elected 43rd president? I am speaking of Al Gore. I have some interesting news for him. I am really getting the hang of this computer stuff. I found an interesting program. I thought I would liven up his normally dull column with my find. Since he is nowhere to be found, I guess I will cheer up the masses on YOUR dull column. Who knew anagrams can be so much fun. See if these anagrams tickle your fancy.

Senator Hillary Clinton of New York, can become
1.Hero's know-it-all or tyrannic felony.
2. Loony filthy arse licker now on rant.
3. Nice harlotry wrinkles on fat loony.

William Jefferson Clinton, can become
1. Jail Mrs. Clinton, felon wife."
2. Jilts nice women. In for fall."
3. Flown slim, coital Jennifer.

Revolutionary Spirit at The Peoples Cube gives us:
1.Eruptive publication or petty arseholes."
2.Loutishly receptive reprobate utopians."
3.Boorishly cute perpetrate utopian's evil.

Chairman Howard Dean reads as:
1.And now march airhead.
2.Aha! Damn rancid whore.
3.Darn maniac had whore.

Al Gore Technology Consultant can become:
1.Tough goons not rectally clean
2. Glutton ornately conceals hog.
3. An ugly gnat collects on hooter

Chris Matthews Socialist Hero also reads as
1.Harmless or atheistic cow shit.
2.Is this harlot's warmest choice.
3.He's a smooth, rich, classier twit

Laika The Space Dog can be
1.Ideal gestapo hack.
2.Aged as a hot pickle.
3.She a pale goat dick

And my personal favorite that has so many combinations
California Democrat Nancy Pelosi
1.Fiery, moronic, despotic anal canal."
2.Ordinary anal feces complication."
3. Carnally fisted in/on a comic opera."
4. Loony, anti-american, flaccid poser."
5. I am an infected, rascally, poor icon."

The program was Anagram Genius. See if you can pick out some progressive phrases and do better. Warmest regards

Silence D

Silence Dogood = No Dose Dog Lice

Thank you for playing the anagram game!


Hamster Herder
Hello Bob,

I just obtained a tasty recipe for hamster stew from one of my friends. But now I am wondering - are hamsters Halal? Is it ok to eat them, or do I need to observe special protocols?

Dear Hamster Herder,

Is Hamster Herder your name or your profession? You may want to consider changing that in any event because it just doesn't sound halal. You see, our open-minded and tolerant religion views all rodents (including hamsters) evil and inacceptible. The very fact of keeping them in a house like some infidels do, will doom a faithful Muslim to eternal damnation. But since you are doomed anyhow, let's not worry about that right now.

To answer your question, let me quote our outstanding cleric Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

The Fatwah on Mickey Mouse

Islam calls mice and rats fuwaysiqah (evil) and allows us to kill them even in Makkah, and that they are a means which the Shaytaan tried to use to burn down the house of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and we know that they are one of the main reasons of damaging food and spreading the plague, we find it very strange that the foolish people in the west seek to make their children like mice and rats by propagating the character of Mickey Mouse in games, comics and funfairs. Go figure!!

And Allah knows best.

Let it be Known. American NFL authorized footballs are not made of pigskin. This is W's evil plan, devised to keep the glorious Baathist Football Team from winning the Super Bowl and proclaming the superiority of Iraqi sportsmanship. We're all counting on you Bob

frequent flyer
Baghdad Bob
Why would a man of your obvious talents to persuade others come to Amerika--where there is an excess of mainstream media persons--all trying to emulate you? Is it to serve as an inspiration, and role model?

It is my fervent hope that you will take your place as the Blue State Truth Detector--a challenger to the running dog Limbaugh. CNN has been in a ratings slump, losing market share to the infidel Fox (are foxes fuwaysiqah?) Network. CNN would certainly be a good fit for a man of your obvious talents--it is about time someone challenged O'Reilly and Hannity (Colmes looks like he has recently returned from a re-education camp). I have not heard from Radio Free Air Amerika lately--perhaps you could take some of the oil-for food money and help them purchase electricity and air time to spread our glorious message through the Blue States--telling them that all is NOT lost.

Here in the People's Republic of Minnesota ("where absolutely NOTHING is legal"), we are not only the home of the Hero of the Socialist Republic Al Franken, but we are the leading producer of "neutral grain spirits" (alcohol). There is so much alcohol in this Socialist Paradise that the bourgeois Capitalists are MANDATED by the local government to run it in their cars (for which they do not even need government permission to acquire!) Yes! I swear this is true!

PLEASE, Baghdad Bob--come to the People's Republic of Minnesota, and spread your truth and message of hope to the Blue State Believers!

How come my papers are never in order? Everytime I think I am squared away, they always find something wrong with my paperwork. Can you explain this? Does this mean if they were out of order to begin with they would be in order?

Can you do an article on the messiah under his cone of silence, a dunce cap?

From: Stooge of the Revolution,

I am back now, and I remember you! Having been away these many years now, since accepting the generous offer from Kommissar Baghdad Bob of an "one way paid vacation to the Karl Marx Treatment Center, run by our own highly esteemed Comrade Dr. Otis. Pack and report right away." It was good that Kommissar Baghdad Bob at least told me to bring my own shovel to this fun reeducation camp in Tropical Northern Siberia.

I learned some many things there at the camp, some had to be beaten into me. One thing I learned about Vodkagate. Vodka has to come from somewhere. If ones rations are to increase, another's must decline. Vodka's law. As Bob's ration increase, mine at the camp was nil.

Remember this Bob, I am here watching you, for the Party. As I suspect, you may be up to no good.