SOUTH AFRICA - For generations, members of the impoverished baboon community in the Cape peninsula have suffered from inequality, forced to live in deplorable conditions on the margins of simian society with no access to education, subsidized housing, and universal healthcare - but this paradigm is about to shift.

The baboons - whom scientists describe as the most economically oppressed minority among the primates - are finally fighting back, forcing homo sapiens to rethink their place in the diverse biosphere they had exploited for too long without giving back.

---

Scientists are unsure about the cause of the baboons' sudden compulsion to organize and represent. Could it be that altruistic primate researchers have raised the apes' awareness by distributing Marxist literature - or, are the apes naturally evolving to the level of class consciousness? Regardless of the cause, the most radicalized of them are finally fighting economic injustice by redistributing and disposing of unfairly gained surplus "human" wealth.

Evolutionary experts can't hide their excitement. Researchers at Berkeley and other Ivy League schools were quick to point out that the so-called "crimes" are merely the result of social inequities, which have traumatized generations of the poorest baboons and led to the formation of a vibrant counterculture bent on direct action. No longer willing to sit idly by as the wealth continues to be unfairly distributed, the baboons are, in the words of one animal rights' activist, "taking it to the man; I mean, all the higher primates - especially the homo sapiens!"

---

Champions of progress across the globe are lining up in support of this recent "crime wave.""We think of ourselves as advanced species, but in reality we are the most oppressive and repulsive primates evolution has produced," says Prof. Kurgman, who recently styled his beard to look like that of a baboon in solidarity with the primates' struggle for equal rights. "We are all baboons now!" he tells his students, announcing extra credits to those who can spend a week acting like baboons and writing about their experiences in the college newspaper.

---

Many victims of "baboon crime" in the Cape Peninsula beg to differ.

"I put these bars on my windows," one of them laments, gripping the sun-warmed metal. "But still, the next thing I knew I had a baboon in my bedroom sleeping with my wife and drinking my Courvoisier."

Down by the roadside a group of tourists was recently carjacked by one baboon as they stopped to admire him. The visitors made the mistake of not locking their doors and within seconds the alpha male had yanked the driver out of his seat, cranked up the radio to full blast, and sped away with seven hostages. The fate of the unfortunate tourists is uncertain. However, one local has reported that he saw a pack of AK-47-wielding baboons leading a group of blindfolded hominids into a remote part of the jungle.

While this definitely provides educational fun for the visitors, the residents blame the tourists and progressive activists for most of the problems, alleging that the outsiders feed the baboons and even slip them drugs for amusement. Consequently, some baboons have set up Meth labs and are now dealing to the hyenas, as if they needed any more "uppers".

Progressive activists from all over the world converge on the Cape peninsula to raise awareness and distribute "The Workers' World" and other relevant literature.

"Reason is a myth invented by humans in order to oppress other species," writes Dr. Palimpsest, Professor of Revisionist History of Boulder, Co., in his new book exploring the vibrant counterculture of the baboon community. "Likewise, our alleged ability to think rationally, to conceive of our own lives, and to be selective in the choice of sex partners are all part of the same outdated chauvinistic narrative - the conspiracy of the intelligent few, as I like to call it - invented to set humans apart from other animals with the purpose of subjugation and exploitation."

"My studies of the primates and of the progressive community at the UC-Boulder campus have convinced me beyond any doubt that mind is a fiction. Our feelings, however, are a reality - and they are shared across the board. Animals too can feel injustice - which is what happens when things do not get distributed to each according to their need."

"Things generally belong to those who need them, not to those who create them. Private property is a joke; you can't possibly keep what you earn when the number of needy communities keeps expanding to other species and in the future may include fungi, bacteria, and even non-carbon-based alien life forms."

"The moral of this story is that nothing is moral as long as the means of production are in the hands of the human hegemonists," concludes Dr. Palimpsest who has been nominated for this year's "Stand on your Books" award in the category of Marxist ethics.

Special reporting by Red Square and Dr. Palimpsest

Propaganda Department wrote:the next thing I knew I had a baboon in my bedroom sleeping with my wife and drinking my Courvoisier.

I think this is a horrible insult on no other than the "Ladies Man"!

I am sure this no count completely ignored his wife like all Kapitalistic Pigs. I have also heard (and we need to keep this under raps) Putin himself has promised each Baboon that joins him a bushel of bananas, and a new scarf that matches their butt!

I'm sure the next thing they will be wearing chaps and riding Harleys! Who will be their bitches? Pinkie? I don't think so! No, they will probably go after the 11 year olds on birth control pills in Maine, continuing with their illicit behavior like the punks they are.

Bush Monkeys? That's what I think. There has been a lot of Bush's procreating for years, and now they have created their own army, know doubt being ran by the likes of Dick Cheney or Condie.

Comrades, I don't think we want to be taken over by a bunch of Baboons and keep repeating the same things that we have done in America for the last 50 years! It will be like ground hog day for a century!

These RED BUTTED monkeys don't even brush their teeth. We must rally the troops to combat these vermin before they're able to get drivers' licenses in NY!

“Uno mas Vodka porfavor”

THE SIMIAN REVOLUTION SPREADS TO INDIA

Inspired by the revolutionary zeal of their baboon cousins in Africa, Rhesus macaques monkeys are organizing and taking bold action in New Delhi, India.

Earlier this week, a simian-rights protest turned violent when human onlookers provoked bands of monkeys with taunts and jeers. Outraged, the monkeys began throwing rocks and trash at their persecutors, breaking into businesses, and setting cars on fire. What had started as a peaceful demonstration degenerated into scenes of carnage, which culminated in the assassination of a corrupt right-wing government official.

The AP reports:

(CBS/AP) New Delhi - Wild monkeys attacked a senior government official who then fell from a balcony at his home and died Sunday, media reported.

New Delhi Deputy Mayor S.S. Bajwa was rushed to a hospital after the attack by a gang of Rhesus macaques, but succumbed to head injuries sustained in his fall, the Press Trust of India news agency and The Times of India reported.

<br>Read more here.

You know, I swear I've seen this movie before.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0068408/

Thankfully, we all know that Utopian Progressive Marxism is the natural order of the world, so there's no fear they will rebel and then become KKKonservative KKKapitalists.

(Or worse, libertarians!)

Of course, since this is a story involving nature, I would be remiss not to draw the usual connection between these events and anthropogenic global warming.

Comrades our secret 5 year plan is coming to fruition, worker primates of the world rise up and throw off your shackles! No coincidence, da?

<img src="https://content.answers.com/main/conten ... Apemen.JPG">

Could the elongated trapezoid above be the UN building of the future?

There we go! I never did make the connection before! The UN is the same enlightenment as the mysterious "object" that caused us to evolve! The UN is the knowledge of the future!

except the other UN building is really small. maybe because those running it back then still hadn't evolved from their single celled mindset....

It's time to get serious about this issue and cleanse the lexicon of anti-simian harrassment, most notably the numerous jokes that circulate freely, even among the Revolutionary elite. I am shocked and dismayed on a daily basis. There is an urgent need for hate-speech codes that protect the non-homo sapien primates. Here's some examples of speciest harrassment that should be grounds for an ACLU class-action suit:

--Put a chimpanzee in front of a typewriter...
--You pay peanuts, you get monkeys (a capitalistic theme to boot)
--Well I'll be a monkey's uncle
--Quit monkeying around
--A gorilla goes into a bar...

Once these speech codes are in place, we can expand it to include all of our non-human brothers and sisters. Just take a minute to think how insulting it must be to our hooved comrades to hear the expression "beating on a dead horse." Or the reactionary phrase "working like a dog."

Onward to the Revolution!

Meanwhile in Kenya our oppressed monkey primate-proxies rise up against the regime......

BBC News
Headline Kenya

In the Kenyan village of Nachu, where monkeys enjoy the freedom of a wild life, a troop of about 300 monkeys have been destroying corn, potatoes, beans and other crops, thereby creating a food crisis. Calls have been made for the Kenya Wildlife Service, which functions very much like the RSPCA, in its endeavours to protect the wildlife in the country, to do something to curb the aggressive behaviour of the monkeys.

It is against the law to harm or kill monkeys in Kenya but the farmers say the monkeys are not only destroying their crops but are killing their livestock and guard dogs as well. All this has caused the villagers to live in fear of what the monkeys will do next.

The wildlife authorities are not accepting that the monkeys are the troublesome ones, but what is certain is that there is such a loss of crops that the villagers have had to be given food relief supplies.

Not only that.


In Kenya, women are very much involved in farming, and the village women have complained that the monkeys are more afraid of men than of women and children. This means that when the women try to chase away the monkeys from stealing the crops the monkeys pay them no mind.

Even when the women try to trick the monkeys by dressing in men's trousers and hats the monkeys do not run away. Instead one woman explained, "the monkeys can tell the difference and they don't run away but point at our breasts and continue to steal the crops".

The women claim that, apart from stealing the crops, the monkeys "also make sexually explicit gestures. The monkeys grab their breasts and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts. We are afraid that they will sexually harass us".

The reaction of the wildlife authorities in Kenya to these claims has been most surprising. They are maintaining that nowhere is it documented that monkeys behave this way and that they will have to carry out detailed investigations on this.

Pelosi passes resolution condemning Mongol Invasion of China. (Comie News Network)

Nancy Pelosi declares today Primate Pride Day!

I had hesitated to post this earlier, but after seeing this stirring story of baboons in for the fight, to be heard, to be represented, to be well, our comrades, I knew the time was right to break this news as well. For it is not merely our ape/monkey/baboon comrades seeking recognition, and we can not be said to be guilty of speciesism can we?

Turkeys Take Back the Streets!


Yes comrades, after hundreds of years of abuse and genocide, the turkeys have said "No More!" and are retaking the towns! Viva La Revolution!

LOL I saw that one earlier... and thought the same thing.



Fowl of the earth Unite !! Denounce your Oppressors and take back Thanksgiving!

That's what I thought. The trapezoid wasn't small - it's the apes that were big.

Here's a slightly sanitized image to be passed to the future generations. Thinking that it has ever been anything other than the Cube constitutes a thoughtcrime. The PC version, so to speak... Hehehe...

<img src=/images/Cube_Apes.jpg>

Even when the women try to trick the monkeys by dressing in men's trousers and hats the monkeys do not run away.

This explains Hildo's attraction!

Personally I think that the BBc acted like a bunch of baboons in monkeying with this whole story. We ought not to go ape over this nor act like total simians b/c it's not about humans and macaques; it's about the primates and the cars. The car hit the baboon, the car should pay. In order to avoid a gorilla war, though, automobiles from around the world and a delegate party of baboons need to get together at the United Nations and work their differences out. Maybe the primate of England could negotiate. Equality between all appliances and anthropoids, I say. Electric power to the prehensiles!!!

And remember, kids, a monkey is a primate and not a type of ape, an ape is a primate and not a type of monkey, and a chimpanzee is a type of ape (so it's a primate but not a monkey)

AbecedariusRex wrote:...baboons...monkeying...ape...simians...humans...macaques...primates...gorilla ...prehensiles...chimpanzee...

...And yet not one word about opposable thumbs...

(Nice job with the primate etc. references, though)
-Mikhail

AbecedariusRex wrote:...automobiles from around the world and a delegate party of baboons need to get together at the United Nations

How would we notice if such an event were to occur?

It would rather blend in with the current state of things on East 42nd street, yes.

This stunning bit of minutia from Wikiyouknowwhatsits:

As the main UN building is aging, the UN is in the process of negotiating to build a temporary headquarters designed by Fumihiko Maki on First Avenue (Manhattan) between 41st and 42nd Streets for use while the current building is being expanded (see United Nations headquarters#Renovation plans). NewsMax reported in March 2007 that the UN planned to begin a renovation of its complex, starting 2008. The Capital Master Plan is projected to last almost 10 years and could cost close to $2 billion.

$2 BILL!!!! That's of a lot of starving children to mash up for mortar.

Comrade Mego, at great risk to his own health, has smuggled this important footage out from the capitalist society.

Important characters in the immanent meeting of apes and cars:
The simian delegates assembling.

The automobile delegate named "Mater" (mother in Latin) seen here flying in on a helicopter to the meeting.
<br>Proceedings of the meeting

I have some wonderful news comrades! Well, at least some good news and maybe bad news... I considered starting a new discussion on this, but this may be an appropriate place to mention this.

Just for a teaser...

The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist...

Men will have symmetrical facial features, deeper voices and bigger penises.....
Women will all have glossy hair, smooth hairless skin, large eyes and pert breasts...

Human Race Will Split

The down side is this... at least the last stage envisioned here looks suspiciously like our dear Kim Jong.

Commissar Pupovich wrote:I have some wonderful news comrades! Well, at least some good news and maybe bad news... I considered starting a new discussion on this, but this may be an appropriate place to mention this.

Just for a teaser...

The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist...

Men will have symmetrical facial features, deeper voices and bigger penises.....
Women will all have glossy hair, smooth hairless skin, large eyes and pert breasts...

Human Race Will Split

Though the Ziggy Stardust feller looks kinda attractive:


The down side is this... at least the last stage envisioned here looks suspiciously like our dear Kim Jong.

By LENIN! It's happened already. The last creature looks like Rosie O'Donnell

<img width=500 src=https://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/ ... 00x326.jpg>

Though the Ziggy Stardust feller looks kinda cute.

But what a Gyp, Comrade PUP, I don't perceive the promised "bigger penises" in the picture. Just a bunch of emasculated gits. Why, if I'm going to be expected to evolve, damnit, I want a larger shlong! They promised an enhanced apparatus and I want to see the results. If they expect me to do my duty and follow the evolutionary trends then they better put out, baby.

Personally, I think this is much more likely a scenario (judging from my own slowly developing quasimodo hunch)

<img width=500 src=https://cyberpingui.free.fr/humour/evolution-white.jpg>

Mmmm... monkey love.



Only in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™, folks! I can't wait!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

Mmmm... monkey love.

What's the point of having an increase in my Missile size if I'm only shagging Monkey's? Or I guess that's better than having to shag Rosie..Oooh Bad visual! Sorry Comrades.

The future! Once we' ve achieved our goals, Party!

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I like the one on the left.

This must be the underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, they talked about.

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Is this Miami or Los Angeles?

Or is this the future!

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/o3xMaZPdi8s&r ... ram><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

Perhaps it's time to re-visit Evolution.

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/JWwk8I1ou9k&r ... ram><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

The Governor of California takes time off (from the fire's) and gets involved with saving the Monkey's! What a Great Man, his wife and in-laws are Socialist's too!

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/6Y6fGFMyJH0&r ... ram><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

THE NEW KGB....

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AbecedariusRex wrote:But what a Gyp, Comrade PUP, I don't perceive the promised "bigger penises" in the picture. Just a bunch of emasculated gits. Why, if I'm going to be expected to evolve, damnit, I want a larger shlong! They promised an enhanced apparatus and I want to see the results. If they expect me to do my duty and follow the evolutionary trends then they better put out, baby.

And just what do you think that "Ziggy Stardust" in the picture is having to support with his hands comrade?

I must say, given the amazing response, I am glad I did reveal this evolution research. But it still seems rather odd to me that it supposedly took hundreds of thousands of years to see the supposed evolutionary changes in man, yet this guy is talking about a thousand years from now to the Kim Jong man, or Rosie man depending on your view.

I love the South Park explanation the best!

Commissar Pupovich wrote: The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist...

Men will have symmetrical facial features, deeper voices and bigger penises.....
Women will all have glossy hair, smooth hairless skin, large eyes and pert breasts...

Isn't this pretty much the red state/ blue state paradigm of today? Your typical bi-coastal leftist already views himself this way compared to "lesser" hicks in flyover country and various ethnic minorities, who would be nothing without his guiding and protective influence.

Based on the description of the "woman of the future", does anybody think this "top scientist" (Oliver Curry) watches too much anime? hehehe

I want a Trunk Monkey! I loved the road rage version, the kids egging the car and especially the car theft protection system.

HA HA!!! Trunk Monkey's rule! I need one of them. Do they come equipped with their own catapults? It would be perfect when you are behind some idiot going slow in the fast lane. just shoot the trunk monkey at his car and let the monkey take him into the lane he needs to be in.

Just remember, trunk monkey union rules are pretty strict, and you can well imagine they are quite effectively enforced.

Comrades,

One of our themes for 2008 should be "Animals Are People, too!!!"

--
ZB

2088? That must be a typo as there will be no need to campaign after 2008!

Commissar Pupovich wrote:2088? That must be a typo as there will be no need to campaign after 2008!

Duoh!

It's been corrected.

--
ZB

Of course I knew that was a typo, I just wanted to emphasize for any new comrades that there will be no need for elections post 2008, unless the Party simply decides to for image sake. I personally think that would be good, but the main point being of course we will know who the winner is. I have always maintained even that we should at least report say, about 2% vote for someone else, just to show we are "balanced." LOL Also a good way to track the mentally ill.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Mmmm... monkey love.



Only in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™, folks! I can't wait!

LOOK what Alzheimer's disease has done to Chuck Heston!!!!! He is KISSING Rosie O'Donnell!!!!!! My Lenin!!!!

--
Blokhayev

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Mmmm... monkey love.



Only in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™, folks! I can't wait!

LOOK what Alzheimer's disease has done to Chuck Heston!!!!! He is KISSING Rosie O'Donnell!!!!!! My Lenin!!!!

--
Blokhayev

Did Rosie shave? She looks so clean in this photo.

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:Comrades,

One of our themes for 2008 should be "Animals Are People, too!!!"

--
ZB

Ha Ha Ha. I like the part about the "mature black bear". How does one know it's mature? Does it stop asking to borrow the car? Or pick up its own underwear off the floor? Or is it more a philosophic thing, like learning humility and one's own sense of responsibility? If so, are black bears more or less mature than a mature liberal? And do we know that liberals are mature b/c we can pick them off the tree? mmmmmmm. that's good eatin!

The answer to those questions, Comrade AbecedariusRex, is the standard socialist answer that was approved by The Party™ decades ago, which is:

It's all relative.
--
ZB

Speak for yourself Rosie is NOT my relative...... Them's purgin words....

Shouldn't it be "People are Animals," too!!

Comrad Bubalasky wrote:Shouldn't it be "People are Animals," too!!

Are you begging to be purged, Comrad Bubalasky? The Chairman and I can have that arranged?

The phrase "Animals are People, too!!!" is progressive and approved by The Party™.

--
ZB

*Yes... Pup adds Comrade Bubalsky to his "dance card" for Purge-a-thon*

<quick look in the door> Ut-oh...

(Um, I'd better go...)

<quickly hurries from chatroom>

Why are you rushing off Comrade Kalishnakov? Your reputation as a Party Member is beyond question is it not? We were talking the other day how we can always count on you... yes, count on you indeed.

Der Commissar wrote:Why are you rushing off Comrade Kalishnakov? Your reputation as a Party Member is beyond question is it not? We were talking the other day how we can always count on you... yes, count on you indeed.

<peeks>
You see, my many years in the Peoples Army™ have taught me to put my head down when I hear a chambered round.
And "The Chairman and I can have that arranged..." to me qualifies as a chambered round when it comes to the Cube™, da?

Just being prudent, comrade. I like being perforation free.

-Mikhail

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote:

Der Commissar wrote:Why are you rushing off Comrade Kalishnakov? Your reputation as a Party Member is beyond question is it not? We were talking the other day how we can always count on you... yes, count on you indeed.

<peeks>
You see, my many years in the Peoples Army™ have taught me to put my head down when I hear a chambered round.
And "The Chairman and I can have that arranged..." to me qualifies as a chambered round when it comes to the Cube™, da?

Just being prudent, comrade. I like being perforation free.

-Mikhail

me too. plus I never let my chads dangle.

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote: You see, my many years in the Peoples Army™ have taught me to put my head down when I hear a chambered round.
And "The Chairman and I can have that arranged..." to me qualifies as a chambered round when it comes to the Cube™, da?

Da, but that comment was aimed... er...directed to Comrade Bubalasky was it not? You have done nothing, thought nothing, dreamed nothing that could bring suspicion upon you have you? Hmmmmm?

Commissar Pupovich wrote:Da, but that comment was aimed... er...directed to Comrade Bubalasky was it not? You have done nothing, thought nothing, dreamed nothing that could bring suspicion upon you have you? Hmmmmm?

Of course not. I merely worry about "friendly fire" and "collateral damage". Many fine Comrades have cashed in their burial benefits that way, you know.

-Mikhail

Comrades--

Just a wild thought thrown up for your consideration, but might it be time we come up with some alternate terminology for the word "purge?" It has, in some circles, developed a negative connotation and may damage the self-esteem of those subjected to the process.

The more progressive public school systems and institutions of higher education have eliminated the grade of "F," replacing it with the less offensive and degrading grade of "E." F, it seems, has developed a negative aura, being the first letter of the word "failure." We cannot risk hurting the feelings of children or young adults by suggesting anything they have done is a failure, so the grade of E is now used to denote those students who have not passed a course. It isn't like they "failed;" they just "haven't passed." This makes them feel better about themselves as they fill out their forms for progressively-minded government programs.

Perhaps it is time we developed a similar attitude toward purges. While it is absolutely essential that those deserving of a good purge receive it from a loving and caring Party, can't we come up with some term that will not cause them emotional distress? Possible new terms:

"Subjected to Retroactive Pro-Choice Procedure" (Has a nice progressive ring to it)

"Permanent Universal Reassignment by Government Edict" (Lets us keep the big rubber "PURGE" stamp, but as a more people-friendly acronym.)

"Promotion to Hero of Soviet Agriculture" (Because organic fertilizer is important too.)

Anyone else have any ideas?

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote:

Commissar Pupovich wrote:Da, but that comment was aimed... er...directed to Comrade Bubalasky was it not? You have done nothing, thought nothing, dreamed nothing that could bring suspicion upon you have you? Hmmmmm?

Of course not. I merely worry about "friendly fire" and "collateral damage". Many fine Comrades have cashed in their burial benefits that way, you know.

-Mikhail

Mikhail Timofeyevich, my honored friend and comrade,

You and I have been through many purges together, there is no need for paranoia! Why remember the time when our glorious leader Josef Stalin (May Lenin rest his soul (if he had one)) went on one his pogroms and Baria got purged? We didn't get purged!!! Why? Because we had Stalin's back! Well... ok... that was because Stalin had your backs ..... up against a bayonette, that is. But we maintain The Party discipline!

Comrade Bubalasky is the one in need of a good old fashion purge since he has committed a Thought Crime against Soviet Americans and progressive peoples all over the world. And in the grand tradition of Stalin our Empress, Hillary R. Clinton, will give Comrade Bubalasky what he is due.

Let's continue to keep the dream of a Marxist/Leninist AmeriKKKa alive!!! Just look at the good Socialism has done for the people of the District of Columbia!

--
Blokhayev

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:Mikhail Timofeyevich, my honored friend and comrade...

*sniff* ( wipes tear away )

No one has called me that since dear Mum-ma passed...

Comrade Blokhayev wrote:You and I have been through many purges together...Why remember the time when our glorious leader Josef Stalin (May Lenin rest his soul (if he had one)) went on one his pogroms and Baria got purged? We didn't get purged!!!...

Let us drink to the health of those who still have it. (and to saving our own skin!)


"za zdorovje"
-Mikhail

Um, Chairman, what the f@*k are Katarina and Tatiana, two of Red Skies One's most dependable pilots, doing with this cheesy cigarstack of a cheap-suit-wearing fratboy with bad hair?

Please tell me you're not pimping them again. And, if you are, why have I not been getting my cut of the proceeds?

Cheers,

Dr. P

Ivan Betinov wrote:Comrades--

Anyone else have any ideas?

Comrade Ivan,

I recently discovered this video, and I do believe, you are the one with the ideas. Teaming up with Pinky is Brilliant! However, should we as Progressive's, make videos of our real intentions? Even my Wife can understand the real meaning of your message!

I do believe the release of this video may keep ME from the deep freeze of Siberia. Pupovich, Blokhayev, Da?

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Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:
Um, Chairman, what the f@*k are Katarina and Tatiana, two of Red Skies One's most dependable pilots, doing with this cheesy cigarstack of a cheap-suit-wearing fratboy with bad hair?

Please tell me you're not pimping them again. And, if you are, why have I not been getting my cut of the proceeds?

Cheers,

Dr. P

It's OK, Dr. P – it's all part of the plan!

That cheesy little fratboy happens to be the son of a powerful and rich industrialist who our Party operatives are shaking down as we speak. You see, we had to keep Junior preoccupied while his father signs over his trust fund to our HillRaisers outfit. Of course we will be using that photo of Junior smoking a stogie, pouring vodka and groping two fine Communist whores to “seal the deal” in regards to his father handing Juniors livelihood over to… errrhmmm… “proper hands” for “investment purposes” (wink wink, nudge nudge).

And if that doesn't work we also happen to have photos of Junior doing lines of coke off of Janet Reno's ass crack (I know, supposedly the photographer croaked after snapping them! Shocking!).

Once it's all said and done we will have Junior's trust fund and will then proceed to sue him for sexual-harassment, rape and whatever else we can stick on him (think Duke lacrosse team only with more money to shake down and more reputations to ruin). We'll also sue his father too for good measure after I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife. Such news is bound to make him go ape sh*t and try to attack me. Oh, and between you and me, Dr. P: his wife is great in the sack... I'll give you her number.

Cheers, *clink*

Meow

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:
Um, Chairman, what the f@*k are Katarina and Tatiana, two of Red Skies One's most dependable pilots, doing with this cheesy cigarstack of a cheap-suit-wearing fratboy with bad hair?

Please tell me you're not pimping them again. And, if you are, why have I not been getting my cut of the proceeds?

Cheers,

Dr. P

It's OK, Dr. P – it's all part of the plan!

That cheesy little fratboy happens to be the son of a powerful and rich industrialist who our Party operatives are shaking down as we speak. Of course we will be using that photo of Junior smoking a stogie, pouring vodka and groping two fine Communist whores to “seal the deal” in regards to his father handing Juniors livelihood over to… errrhmmm… “proper hands” for “investment purposes” (wink wink, nudge nudge).


Cheers, *clink*

Meow

My dear comrades Palimpsest and Meow,
I am sorry to make your arguments impotent but the two female comrades in the picture are neither flight attendants nor whores. Indeed, they are brave paraplegic veterans of the party's struggle against sanity. Both have lost their legs in the struggle (probably leaving them behind in a hotel somewhere) and now are wasting away miserably in a mercy home. The comrade seated between them is doing charity work trying to lift their spirits and stoking the fires of revolution within them. They, in turn, are elevating his joy in the party and massaging away any doubts he may have as to the ongoing fertility of the party's future, lifting him to greater heights and making him firm in his resolve. Their continued ministrations will, hopefully, pump him vigorously with all the rich loyalty at their command, stroking his intent and bringing his furor to a climax. Please do not let the picture deceive into any lusty or anti party thoughts (which are often the same thing, btw) and instead rest assured that what we see is no more than the burning, pulsating, throbbing desire of good comrades to come together in the heated union of the party's intent.

<digging around desk drawer for infamous red pen> Are you calling me a liar, Comrade Abecedarius??? <pulls out Comrade Abe's State Work Record> I mean, I can handle being called a liar... can you? <takes cap off red pen and is poised to write something rather nasty in Comrade Abe's State Work Record> I'll give you a few minutes to think over this whole business of me being a liar. Let me know what you come up with and make sure it has "Bush made me say it" included.

Thanks!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:<digging around desk drawer for infamous red pen> Are you calling me a liar, Comrade Abecedarius??? <pulls out Comrade Abe's State Work Record> I mean, I can handle being called a liar... can you? <takes cap off red pen and is poised to write something rather nasty in Comrade Abe's State Work Record> I'll give you a few minutes to think over this whole business of me being a liar. Let me know what you come up with and make sure it has "Bush made me say it" included.

Thanks!

Comrade Meow,
I've acquisitioned two, no no THREE, lovely paraplegic flight attendant whores to be sent to your office to stoke your fires of revolution and thrust you into a greater climax of revolutionary zeal.
(Bush made me say this)

Ivan Betinov wrote:Comrades--

Just a wild thought thrown up for your consideration, but might it be time we come up with some alternate terminology for the word "purge?" It has, in some circles, developed a negative connotation and may damage the self-esteem of those subjected to the process.

And your point is? Why would the self esteem of the soon to be purged need to be protected? As Commissar of Mental Health, our studies have conclusively shown that in the rare case of someone facing purging but being spared, while there may be some temporary stress caused by the word, the resulting relief only serves to increase the love of the Party for it's wisdom and merciful justice. For those in whom no rescue is forthcoming, their discomfort is also fleeting, and they leave the Worker's Paradise knowing that they too have served The Greater Good™ by their absence. It's a win-win process.

Comrad Bubalasky wrote:I do believe the release of this video may keep ME from the deep freeze of Siberia. Pupovich, Blokhayev, Da?

So you think that linking Comrade Pinky....excuse me....Commissarka Pinkie, a dedicated hard working up and coming, more equal than other equals, to a video in which Pinkie is referred to "as insane" will spare you? Just whose vodka have you been appropriating comrade? I wonder how much ink is left in the Chairman's pen.... You did bring your work record with you? Never mind, we have it....

Comrade Commissar Pup--

I disagree (to the extent that it is permitted). The tender psyche of the people needs to be nurtured. The people need to feel good about themselves, even the ones who ought to feel bad about themselves. For example, we don't want to go around calling people who have entered the country through bypassing the regular means of immigration "illegal aliens;" that might hurt their feelings (it has certainly hurt the feelings of Vincente Fox). No, instead we choose the kinder, gentler "undocumented worker." Yes, for those who DESERVE castigation--Republicans, Christians, military personnel and etc--for those we have the tags of "fascist" and "nazi" and such, but for those who were once of the Party, who had once embraced the pure light of the truth, for them I say we should ease them into the gentle darkness with a feeling of dignity and self worth.

Besides, we can make a ton of cash on "Proud to be Purged" T-Shirts.

But don't you see, the Purged will feel good once they realize the contribution their demise will bring to the People. But why would anyone pay good money for a Proud to be Purged t-shirt that will only end up under 6 feet of glorious People's top soil, other than perhaps on election day?

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:It's OK, Dr. P – it's all part of the plan!

That cheesy little fratboy happens to be the son of a powerful and rich industrialist who our Party operatives are shaking down as we speak. You see, we had to keep Junior preoccupied while his father signs over his trust fund to our HillRaisers outfit. Of course we will be using that photo of Junior smoking a stogie, pouring vodka and groping two fine Communist whores to “seal the deal” in regards to his father handing Juniors livelihood over to… errrhmmm… “proper hands” for “investment purposes” (wink wink, nudge nudge).

And if that doesn't work we also happen to have photos of Junior doing lines of coke off of Janet Reno's ass crack (I know, supposedly the photographer croaked after snapping them! Shocking!).

Once it's all said and done we will have Junior's trust fund and will then proceed to sue him for sexual-harassment, rape and whatever else we can stick on him (think Duke lacrosse team only with more money to shake down and more reputations to ruin). We'll also sue his father too for good measure after I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife. Such news is bound to make him go ape sh*t and try to attack me. Oh, and between you and me, Dr. P: his wife is great in the sack... I'll give you her number.

Cheers, *clink*

Meow

Well played, cunning Chairman. Your plan is brilliantly conceived. I guess I overreacted a bit. But you know I hate sharing -- that's the lot of the proles. I should have known that you were employing Katarina and Tatiana in service of The Greater Good™.

On another topic, I hear that EvilEmperor Cheney dressed up one of his "running" dogs as Darth Vader for Halloween. Whatever... His attempt at irony is so lame. It can't hold a candle to our oh-so-clever "Dick in a Box" costumes!

Cheers, *clinkitty clink*™

Dr. P

Commissar Pupovich wrote:
So you think that linking Comrade Pinky....excuse me....Commissarka Pinkie, a dedicated hard working up and coming, more equal than other equals, to a video in which Pinkie is referred to "as insane" will spare you? Just whose vodka have you been appropriating comrade? I wonder how much ink is left in the Chairman's pen.... You did bring your work record with you? Never mind, we have it....

<door is opened by guards, and the solemn Bubalasky with head down slowly approaches the conference and gently, but firmly, lifts a rather large old brown leather case upon the table. Curiosity and apprehension is obvious on the Politburo's faces>

“Comrades, since hearing of Hillary's cry for more donations, and my obvious poor standings with my Comrades,”

<slowly opening the case, Bubalasky, reveals it to be tightly packed with hundred dollar bills>

“I wanted to donate this considerable amount of money to our Empress's campaign. This cash is all clean and was actually donated by Chinese orphan children who know in their hearts that the untouchable leader must prevail as she is the chosen one too help the "children". They worked 23 hours everyday for .10 cents and hour for the Supreme Governess. Hopefully dear Comrades you will see my intent as being only to save the cause. Since our pitiable Empress was chastised severely by that Russert fellow, who we all thought was on our side, and her screams for more monies were heard around the world, I thought this may help.”

<tail tucked between legs, Bubalasky withers his way towards the door>

“Sooo Sooorrrry about the Pinky and the Brain thing”!

<exit stage left>

I'll take that old brown leather case Comrade Bubalasky <begins counting the cash>. Mmmm... crisp bills <smells it, eyes roll back into head>. Our friends in Beijing spoil us, Comrades, and for that we are eternally grateful.

Dr. P - You know me, always plotting, scheming and using people as mere pawns in the everlasting game of our own personal enrichment... which is for The Children, of course. Yeah, The Children who need all that money for SCHIP since BUSH WON'T GIVE IT TO US... ummm... I mean them.

Comrade Abe - I forgive you... for now. Just make sure those broads you're sending over aren't the whiney kind. I can't stand other people's suffering... makes me want to puke when people think their problems are greater than mine.

Chairman! I see you beat me to the... er.... that as usual, your dedication to securing donations from misappropriation is beyond compare. Well, that does not matter of course, I am just glad that perhaps I may have contributed to some small measure to helping a comrade to see the light and to express it with such a generous donation....<Commissar grumbles to self, pours some vodka and kicks proles cat... "Meow that!">

Oh crap! Comrades, stop squabbling and make nice quick!

Comrade Red Square was just spotted stalking the halls, carrying his AK and several 75 round drum magazines Comrade Kalashnikov recently sent him. He was mumbling something about petty factionalism, disunity and purges.




p.s. That damned theme song has been stuck in my head all day.

Commissar M wrote:Comrade Red Square was just spotted stalking the halls, carrying his AK and several 75 round drum magazines Comrade Kalashnikov recently sent him. He was mumbling something about petty factionalism, disunity and purges.

Quick! Everyone start chanting something progressive! Here, I'll get you started...

Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Big Monkey Business has got to go! Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Blood for bananas has got to go!

Quick! Everyone start chanting something progressive! Here, I'll get you started...

I'll break out the five gallon buckets and wooden spoons to get the drumming circle going, and I picked up a stack of old checkered table cloths last week at a rummage sale...let's get those passed out. Anybody got any smelly neo-hippies on speed dial?

Hot, hot hot, those ladies can pilot my plane anytime ......

LoneRedStar wrote:Hot, hot hot, those ladies can pilot my plane anytime ......

Keep your sexist pig comments to yourself, Comrade RedStar! You damn well know those Commie broads are the *exclusive* property of the good doctor and I <slaps Tatiana on the ass>. The last thing we need here at the Cube is a sexist pig that demeans womyn as nothing more than mere sex objects for male gratification <slaps Katarina on the ass>.

Here, Comrade RedStar, take this ultra high-definition photo of a naked Janet Reno to prevent you from exhibiting intolerant male qualities. It's the least I can do to help curb your blatant sexism <slaps both Tatiana and Katarina on the ass>.

Ivan Betinov wrote:

Quick! Everyone start chanting something progressive! Here, I'll get you started...

I'll break out the five gallon buckets and wooden spoons to get the drumming circle going, and I picked up a stack of old checkered table cloths last week at a rummage sale...let's get those passed out. Anybody got any smelly neo-hippies on speed dial?

I've stripped down and slathered myself with a paste made from the oil of the Guanafacadac tree, so I'm ready!!! Where's the drum circle and progressive male bonding??? Let me at 'em!

Oh yeah! Let the wild rumpus begin!!!

Commissar M wrote:Oh crap! Comrades, stop squabbling and make nice quick!

Not to worry Commissar, when it comes to OPM, the Chairman and I see things the same... Some just see it faster than others.