BestObamaFacts.com: New People's Website

1. Every now and then, Obama opens his eyes and the world springs into existence.
2. When a tree falls in the forest, Obama hears it.
3. Obama can clap with one hand.
4. Prometheus was punished for plagiarizing Obama.
5. Obama can make a journey of a thousand miles without a single step.
6. Socks worn by Obama are used for climbing walls in Spiderman movies.
7. Hillary Clinton dropped out of the race when she learned Obama's true name.
8. "Obama" is the very first word in the English language to be a verb, adjective, noun, pronoun, adverb, interjection, superlative and pronad. (Pronad is a new category made specifically for the word "Obama" so its power can be fully realized).
9. When Obama squints dreamily into the distance, he can see next week's lottery winning numbers. But he never plays because that would mean poverty of ambition.
10. Obama can calculate your guilt just by looking at the numbers in your checkbook.
11. A microphone into which Obama has spoken, heals asbestos-related disorders and colorectal cancer by direct application.
12. Every time Obama talks about change, a baby diaper becomes clean and a homeless person's cup fills up with nickels.
13. Every time Obama talks about "hope," coma patients regain consciousness and chant "We are the ones we've been waiting for."
14. Obama's famous stare once converted 15 Islamic fundamentalists into secular progressives, all of whom are currently employed by Countrywide Home Loans.
15. Obama is 50% typical White person.

16. Obama's real mother was young John Kerry who reproduces asexually when coming into contact with foreign Marxists.

17. Obama often says "uh" in his speeches in order to irritate Bill O'Rilley who hangs onto his every word.

18. Obama always overpays his taxes because he believes that the government will find a better use for his money than he ever could.

19. When Obama rids the world of nuclear weapons, the red button in his office will control the thermostats in American homes.

20. Obama brings change to the world every time he closes his eyes and imagines that Twin Towers never existed.

21. After a hearty meal Obama has been known to send off a tiny ripple of hope. This tiny ripple of hope in Chicago can cause change throughout the world.
22. 

    When Obama relaxes at home with his family he switches to a British accent.

23. Obama's wife is a Klingon.

24. Obama's children are named Child 1 and Child 2 respectively.
25. Our universe is held together by the force of Michelle Obama's benevolent willpower, but her patience is running thin.
26. Michelle Obama has saved humanity from destruction many times and is slightly annoyed that we haven't returned the favor.
27. Monica Lewinsky owns "I Barack for Obama" bumper sticker.
28. Everything Obama touches begins to vote Democrat.
29. More dead people voted for Obama than for any other Democrat candidate in the history of Chicago politics.
30. The tingle that crawled up Chris Matthews' leg has taken control of his brain and is reporting a full preparedness to take over the world.
31. Obama can make things disappear just like David Copperfield can, but he hates taking things away from the community.
32. US Mail Service published Obama's resume on a new first class stamp.
33. In the movies, Obama's part is played by Robert Redford.
34. Obama can inflate a hot air balloon in one blow. He does it for the children.
35. Obama used to spell his name as Ubama but changed it to avoid confusion with Usama bin Laden.
36. When Obama fixes his gaze on the clouds, he is reading his next great line from the big teleprompter in the sky, which is unseen to ordinary humans.
37. One time the Republicans paid a voodoo priest to reprogram the teleprompter, and then Obama delivered the speech by Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick instead of his own. But courageous journalist Bob Woodward uncovered the plot, forcing the Republicans to resign. As a result, Obama became even more popular with the downtrodden who didn't know that it was Gov. Patrick's speech.
38. Obama wrote "Stairway to Heaven" and many other songs popular among the downtrodden.
39. Obama's love for the downtrodden heats up the planet's atmosphere by 5.8 degrees Fahrenheit, while his loathing of George W. Bush cools it down by the same amount. That's why the scientists have been unable to detect any significant variations in average global temperatures.
40. The main point of Al Gore's book "Earth in the Balance" is that a disastrous climate change can be averted if we all help keep Obama emotionally balanced.
41. Obama visited Benjamin Franklin in a dream and told him how to live his life serving the community, but all that Franklin could remember was, how to fly a kite.
42. Scientists discovered that a constant repetition of the words "hope" and "change" increases the size of penis in male patients by up to three inches.
43. Any sentence containing the name "Obama" and ending in a question mark has been determined to be racist. The only exceptions are rhetorical sentences such as "Is there any way that Obama could be more perfect?"
44. Obama smokes so you don't have to.
45. Obama's cigarettes have been registered at the EPA as a renewable power source contributing 5,000 Megawatts of electricity to the national power grid every time he takes a draw.
46. The "smoke" that comes out of Obama's mouth contains rare gases that help replenish the ozone layer and neutralize the industrial pollution.
47. Obama once downed a Fox News satellite simply by clicking on a universal TV remote in his living room. Obama then reprogrammed the remaining satellites to broadcast reruns of Keith Olbermann's show, thus expanding the consciousness of the average American TV viewer and raising awareness by 19%.
48. When Obama speaks about universal healthcare, the risk of cardiovascular diseases decreases by 58 percent, and the risk of cancer decreases by 60 percent.
49. Obama knows that his healthcare plan is going to work because he personally tested it in a leper colony, where he healed everyone by shaking hands and kissing babies.
50. In Portland, Oregon, Obama fed a multitude of 75 thousand with five government subsidy forms and two rolls of red tape.
51. An unkind word about Obama's family serves as a passkey to the hottest rings of Hell.
52. When Obama smiles, somewhere in America a door opens to an abortion clinic.
53. When Obama claps his hands, a child is born in a Third World country.
54. When Obama stomps his foot, a sweatshop closes in Asia, with thousands of children in the streets demanding that the United States send them financial aid, food, and medicine.
55. Deep down, everyone's an Obama.

    

1. When the people learn to vote themselves money from the public trough, Obama will appear.
2. Obama is not exactly what he seems, nor is he otherwise.
3. Obama doesn't seek the truth, he puts an end to hurtful opinions.
4. It takes a wise man to use own words, but an even wiser man to use words spoken by others. And then there's Obama.
5. The beginner's mind sees many opportunities in America. The expert's mind sees few opportunities. Then there's Obama's mind.
6. To those who can correctly commiserate with the downtrodden, the whole universe surrenders.
7. To believe that America has no hope without Obama, and to grieve that it is so difficult to communicate it to Americans - this is the life of Obama.
8. Only Obama can see real need for change with his third eye that sees everything and yet nothing at the same time.
9. Obama's economic plan: No taxes, no progress. Little taxes, little progress. Great taxes, great progress.
10. The fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that Obama is not an illusion.
11. There is no beginning to Obama nor end to Barack; There is no beginning to Barack nor end to Obama.
12. If you wish for true love, learn to love Obama.
13. There is nothing that you want that is not change; there is nothing you feel that is not hope.
14. Obama's message of hope: when you reach rock bottom, start digging.
15. Big government is like a thousand foot fishing line with a hook, but efficiency is always an inch beyond the hook. Every time you realize this, Obama wants you to believe that the government must grow an inch bigger.
16. To seek hope for hope's sake is like stepping onto a boat that is about to sail out to sea and sink. But as an inspirational leader with a focus on the community, Barack Obama is not afraid of such challenges - which is a refreshing contrast to the current administration.

1. When Obama was three years old he rode his bicycle across the street and saw terrible injustices along the way. They made him want to unseat George W. Bush and become the first People's President of the United States.
2. When Obama was five he fixed Social Security, but George W. Bush broke it again on purpose.
3. In first grade Obama wrote a school essay on how to help the downtrodden. As soon as George W. Bush heard about it, he ordered to shred Obama's essay into tiny pieces before the downtrodden could read it.
4. In second grade Obama developed a concrete plan to save the children. When George W. Bush heard about it, he killed the children and exiled Obama's family to Hawaii because Bush hated the children.
5. George W. Bush deliberately added "Hussein" to Obama's name on all official records, hoping that it would traumatize young Obama psychologically and stigmatize him for life.
6. When Obama gained control of the Good Forces of the Universe, George W. Bush locked him in a tower with an iron mask over his head to prevent a telepathic contact with the Force. But Bill Ayers received the signal, blew up Bush's tower and liberated Obama.
7. In college Obama majored in hypnotism and minored in white and black arts. That's why George W. Bush couldn't catch him ever again.
8. Obama statues decorate all progressive capitals of the world. George W. Bush became jealous and stole one such statue, hoping to melt it and use the metal to make world's strongest cannon to kill women and children. But Obama's statue destroyed the furnace and made its way to freedom. Nobody knows where it is now, but the rumor is that it is fighting for the rights of the downtrodden all over the planet. Al Qaeda wants to capture the statue and turn it into an indestructible suicide bomber. If they ever succeed, it will be George W. Bush's fault.
9. Obama wrote the United States Constitution that gave all power to the downtrodden, but George W. Bush replaced it with a version that gives all power to corporations.
10. Bush can't destroy the original Constitution because Obama's handwriting is indestructible. That's why Bush is hiding it in a lead container at the bottom of the Potomac River. If you find and open the container, all power in the land will at once return to the downtrodden.

1. Obama's bathroom has two toilets. One is made of gold and the other one is made of wood. Obama only uses the wooden toilet out of solidarity with the downtrodden. The sight of the golden toilet helps him to maintain class conscience.
2. Obama owns an expensive Sleep Number Bed but sleeps on an off-brand mattress in the corner in order to be down with the masses.
3. When Obama buys caviar he always tries to get the one that is runny and tastes fishy, because that's the kind of caviar that the downtrodden eat.
4. When Obama's children get sick, he buys them the cheapest generic drugs. It helps him better to commiserate with the downtrodden.
5. Obama's bank once offered him a low 5.5% mortgage but he refused because he wanted to experience the bitterness the way all other Americans feel it.
6. Tony Rezko once offered Obama a sweetheart land deal, but Obama said "no" because he wanted his family to stay within the community of which he was the organizer.
7. Obama once had a chance to save 10% on car insurance by switching to Geico but he said "no" because that would mean a sellout to corporate interests.

There is more to see on BestObamaFacts.com - but those glorious truths that have already been featured on the People's Cube. The truths posted above are the most current and original ones. The Obama site was not designed to have input from the masses (naturally). Therefore, if you know a truth about the Obama that hasn't been listed, here is the place to post it.