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CIA-Trained Geese Bring Down Plane in New York

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Special thanks to General Secretary for glorious suggestions.

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And here are the same headlines in text format in case someone wants to Mime-swipe them for a post on some other site.<ul> <li>CIA-trained geese responsible for bringing down NYC plane</li> <li>CIA agents fed geese on lunch breaks at DC parks during the 1980s; now they have come back to bite us </li> <li>A flock of Canada geese caught on film illegally obtaining Florida driver licenses</li> <li>ACLU: Term "Canada geese" may be offensive to some Canadians and some geese; lawsuit pending</li> <li>Hugo Chavez offers sanctuary to Canada geese in Venezuela </li> <li>Obscure flock of suicidal Palestinian pigeons take responsibility for New York bird strike</li> <li>All Jewish geese took the day off yesterday; conspiracy movie "Goose Change" expected soon </li> <li>Ted Kennedy calls on Detroit to design cars that can float on water like Airbus 8320</li> <li>Witness: Bush looks the other way as geese-striken plane falls in New York </li> <li>Study: gravitational pull has worsened in Bush years; things plunge faster</li> <li>Obama to reduce gravity by 60% in his first term, pledges to eliminate it completely by 2012, giving airlines better safety and fuel efficiency</li> <li>Investigation halted as community groups demand to leave fallen plane's left wing alone </li> <li>Sensing blood, mainstream media focuses attention on plane's right wing</li> <li>Noam Chomsky justifies bird strike as legitimate use of force against US expansionism by oppressed water fowl</li> <li>Geese scabs unwilling to participate in bird strike washed up dead on Long Island beaches; fowl play suspected</li> <li>Tragedy in the Hamptons: local reporter attempting to interview grazing geese found dead stricken by a stray golf ball</li> <li>In other news: most Canada geese prefer to get medical treatment in the US </li> </ul> <p>Captions:</p> <ul> <li>Vigilante Airbus planes patrol skies over the Bronx </li> <li>ACLU offers geese pro bono legal representation, declares them no flight risk, keeps window open</li> <li>Plane falls in New York, no one in the White House gets punished -- again!</li> <li>Vindicated after all these years, Sen. Kennedy explains how his car was also struck by a flock of Canada geese on a bridge in Chappaquiddick. "This pilot's only mistake was that he didn't wait 24 hrs before notifying his attorney."</li></ul>

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Sauce for the goose. (Although I prefer mine prepared with grandfather's crispy duck recipe.)

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These agents of destruction have been systematically sabotaging airplanes ever since Dick Cheney came to power.

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Exhibit A: this latest takedown was just before the inauguration!
Exhibit B: there weren't any Jewish passengers injured in this takedown!
Exhibit C: the two dollars from my back pocket was missing right after the landing!

These were controlled explosions on that plane, people, just like when pilots want to simulate an emergency landing and they blow off their own engines. The explosion pattern looks eerily similar to a controlled demolition of that nature.

Look at this diagram;
Image Can you see it?

Look again...
Image Notice that the cilia in my lungs are greatly diminished by too much smoking. That's no coincidence. The controlled demolition on that plane, masked by the attack of those geese allowed George Bush to sneak in while I was smoking my Dunhills and steal my 2 dollars.

Undoubtedly this was a diversionary strike by the avian wing of the CIA so that Bush could steal the money sitting under my ass.

Now where did all that money go? Taped evidence shows that George Bush wanted to plant this tree.

Listen closely to this clip and you'll notice the words "plant a tree for 2 dollars".

Top Secret Recorded message


Here is the tree Bush wanted to plant:
Image<br>We can only guess that Bush wanted to plant this tree RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OVAL OFFICE and thus disrupt the peace and harmony that comes with change.

Grim evidence indeed that these geese were a trained attack force to mask the controlled demolition of the plane's engines to create a diversion to steal the 2 dollars from my pocket to plant a tree in the house were Barak lives.

Next we can look for the trained dolphins to begin their attack against the progressive shipping lanes of the world.

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Man, the unequality is unbearable. I think that Israel is the blame, and a state of Palestine should be instead with rights for the geese.

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Citizens,

I believe that geese are Canada's number one export, surpassing even the venerable Canadian Club (reportedly a fascist organization dedicated to liver ailments). Since Canadian geese have no natural enemy, other than passenger aircraft, will PETA demand the airlines be grounded?

Publius

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We've just received a communiqué from another group claiming responsibility:
Jaybirds for Jihad.

In their release they are demanding that Israel cease to exist, all infidels must commit suicide, death to the Great Satan, The United States, and that all the trains run on time.
They are willing to compromise though. These demands may be dropped if Helen Thomas puts on a burqa before Obama's first press conference as President.

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Oh, Abecedarius Rex, do spare us your wild-eyed conspiracy theories. That's just too much. There's a very obvious, perfectly logical explanation for all of this that even a borderline genius can figure out.

May I present for your consideration the assmimeswipings of one Dennis T. Mccullough of the IFP:

https://blog.wired.com/defense/2009/01/ ... wsuit.html
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Vets Sue CIA Over Mind Control Tests
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For two decades or more during the Cold War, the CIA and the military allegedly plied the unwitting with acid, weed, and dozens of psychoactive drugs, in a series of zany (and sometimes dangerous) mind-control experiments. Now, the Vietnam Veterans of America are suing the agency and the Pentagon for perceived abuses suffered under the so-called "MK-ULTRA" and other projects.

Six veterans are suffering from all kinds of ailments tied to this "diabolical and secret testing program," according to a statement from the vets' lawyers, passed on to SpyTalk's Jeff Stein.

The experiments allegedly included "the use of troops to test nerve gas, psychochemicals, and thousands of other toxic chemical or biological substances, and … the insertion of septal implants in the brains of subjects in … mind control experiments that went awry, leaving many civilian and military subjects with permanent disabilities." Subjects were tested without their consent, the veterans say. And when the trials were over, the government failed to "provide health care or compensation."

In a book published last year, former military psychiatrist James Ketchum describes an Army project — separate from the CIA's efforts — that took place at Edgewood Arsenal in Maryland. There, he saw test subjects "carry on conversations with various invisible people for as long as 2-3 days." Others "salute latrines" and attempt to "revive a gas mask" that they mistake for a woman.

The feds insist that MK-ULTRA ended, when it was exposed during Congressional hearings. But interest in chemical mind-control lives along, in some corners of the military-intelligence community. In a 2003 memo, then-Justice Department lawyer John C. Yoo suggesting that interrogation drugs could be used if their effects were not permanent or profound. Since then, evidence has accumulated that some detainees may have been drugged. "It's coming back," retired Colonel John Alexander told Sharon.

Im glad to see more Americans/Residents take action and sue these abusive goverment agenecies.

Sue Bush impeach!

Comment by Dennis M Mccullough — January 12, 2009 @ 11:20 am

Do you not see now?

The oppressed Canadian geese have long lacked the opportunities afforded to graceful white swans, cute ducks that waddle around going quack-quack, and pretty pink flamingos. Let's face it--geese just aren't as pretty and adorable as other birds. Why, the most prominent goose of all--Mother Goose--is meant to be nothing but a caricature of a preachy old crone who spreads propaganda among our children in the form of nursery rhymes. The marginalization and discrimination of the geese by capitalist, corporate America made them--if you'll pardon the cliche--sitting ducks for the insidious predators of the CIA and Bush Administration.

The geese were lured into service with bread crumbs and fish and promises of government-controlled and financed migration to warmer, more inhabitable climes. They were promised money for college, and lifelong health care. Having no other prospects, the geese signed on. And once recruited, they were subjected to terrible mind control experiments and waterboarding (it's a well known fact confirmed by truly independent sources that if you waterboard someone, they'll agree to anything and do whatever you want just to make you stop) as part of a plot to do the bidding of the Bush Administration.

Bush's goals were threefold:

1. He wants the golden eggs laid by the geese, to finance his illegal, immoral war for oil and pay bribes that he owes to all his cronies in the oil industry.

2. He wanted the geese to down that aircraft so he'd have an excuse to declare war on whoever--like it's ever mattered to him--oh, let's say Canada, since the geese are Canadian. And then he'll use that to divert the some 40,000 troops and security personnel assigned to Washington D.C. for the Inauguration, to fight his illegal, immoral war for blood and eggs. This will give Bush another excuse to cancel the Inauguration and Obama's election altogether, and shred what's left of the Constitution to declare himself Dictator for Life.

3. That farewell address on Thursday was nothing but a diversionary ploy to lull the masses into a false sense of security about his imminent departure and arrest as he leaves the White House. Because stupid as he is, he's not totally unaware that half the people coming to Washington are there to see him arrested for his Crimes Against Everything--or at least to chant and sing and wave signs and bare boobs in an effort to call attention to the need to have him arrested.

When you think about it, it really does make sense. Therefore, it must be the truth!


Comrads! You have fallen for Bush's eeevil deception! The plane was not brought down by geese! Yes, the birds went into the engines, yes they were damaged! (the engines and the geese) But what really brought down the plane was charges set by Bush himself! If you look really closely for a long, long time you will finally see little puffs of smoke, thus proving it was all Bush's fault!!! And the timing? Don't get me started on the timing!

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Still another communiqué.
This time it's The Mallard Mujahadeen claiming the responsibility.

Same demands as Jaybirds for Jihad except that Helen can't attend press conferences and leave her apartment unless her husband, Chairman Punchenko, gives her permission.

I'm guessing that there seems to be some confusion as to which Helen the MM is talking about, that is unless there is something the Chairman has failed to disclose to The Party™.
They are claiming that a certain couple were seen honeymooning at Ski Dubai from December 22nd to January 4th and they have pictures to prove it.

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Fifth Column wrote:If you look really closely for a long, long time you will finally see little puffs of smoke, thus proving it was all Bush's fault!!!

Like I said, little puffs of smoke - too many Dunhills! It's all Bush's fault. Plant my tree in a bush, I say!

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I do not think it was real. Planes do not float. That is all.

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Cone of Silence

As a conservative, I'm deeply frustrated at not only our porous border, but our porous airspace as well. These undocumented geese have been illegally passing through our airspace ever since Bush was inaugurated. What has he done about it? That's right, nothing! Keeping our country safe from terrorist attacks? Tchah! Don't get me started.

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{microphone off}

I live in New Jerky (aka the People's Republic of Corzania) and the media here are aglow, calling the pilot a hero. What, you mean he was a community orgranizer with a Harvard Law degree TOO?

Seriously, they are giving him almost as much airtime as Lord Obama. I thought they only did that for people with no accomplishments.

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[OFF]

The Mayor Bloomberg award ceremony was extremely tacky. It appeared like some tacky elementary school honor roll ceremony where everyone who decided to show up to work that day got a certificate of achievement. Ugh.

The ceremony even went so far as to have Spanish translators, and Bloomberg himself, communicate to the illegal masses in our nation's new language. Show up for work, win a prize and a certificate of monumental achievement! Hey, just like our new president!

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Punchenko! It's a bit off topic, but do you happen to have a twin brother named Rod who works as a governor somewhere in Illinois? His wiretapped phone conversation sounded very familiar. I haven't seen you in a while here, so I thought you might be there with him doing your magic with the Kennedy cop routine and stuff. He's still a governor, so I figure it worked out well. Now all that progressive anti-wiretap crusade suddenly makes sense. If anything we should've been more adamant. And careful too - like changing disposable cell phones every couple of weeks like all serious business people do.

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Laika the Space Dog wrote:We've just received a communiqué from another group claiming responsibility:
Jaybirds for Jihad.

Comrade Laika,

Woof! Am I correct in understanding that this means the University of Kansas' mascot and licensing business was involved? Ag and vet schools to produce trained assault birds, check; engineering departments to plan the strategic attack points, check. Maybe those Red states are more progressive than previously thought.

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Red Square wrote:Punchenko! It's a bit off topic, but do you happen to have a twin brother named Rod who works as a governor somewhere in Illinois? His wiretapped phone conversation sounded very familiar. I haven't seen you in a while here, so I thought you might be there with him doing your magic with the Kennedy cop routine and stuff. He's still a governor, so I figure it worked out well. Now all that progressive anti-wiretap crusade suddenly makes sense. If anything we should've been more adamant. And careful too - like changing disposable cell phones every couple of weeks like all serious business people do.

Princess Caroline will not permit me to do my Kennedy cop routine while she is trying to weasel a Senate seat out of the NY Party rank-and-file. She told me personally that she doesn't want anyone reminded of prior Kennedy scandals and she wants all press on the clan to revolve around either Camelot or Uncle Teddy's tumor. She also told me she is going to ride Uncle Teddy's corpse into the Senate and that President Obama owes her a personal favor (she also told me Andrew doesn't have a chance after placing his bet on a Clinton presidency).

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I am sorry to nitpick, comrades, but there is a typo in that otherwise excellent <s>propaganda</s> informative news piece.

Chiefly, the class of airplane is not an 8320, but is an A320.

Of course, this does not suggest that the creator of this piece is any less or more of a fallible person than any other person, who are fallible, save those who are not fallible, but are, only on days when they are telling their fellow progressive elements that the proletariat is "clinging to their guns and religion."

Otherwise, non-congratulations are in order for the author of this piece, as congratulations would imply that he somehow achieved greater than others, which would be the antithesis of our glorious people's progressive socialist worker's democratic <s>banana</s> republic.

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Comrad Rocas! The Party welcomes your zeal and watchfulness. The non-error has been corrected. Of course the Party always knew it was A320 and not 8320 (although it does sound almost the same on the people's Red Radio) - we did it on purpose to test the overall vigilance of the reading masses.

As a comrade who has passed the test you are now eligible for an entry-level job at the Visual Agitation Directorate. It comes with a slight increase in beet and potato rations.

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Dahlinks, I suspected when I first heard the Canadian geese brought down the plane in the Hudson that it was a terrorist attack! But little did I know that it was the devious scam perpetuated by the Bush administration to frighten the masses! Certainly Bushite was too inept to think of such a devious plan himself so undoubtedly big "Dick" Cheney was behind this!

And I do believe Publius Valerius was on to something. I heard from a reliable source that PETA will now protest all airlines and demand that they be melted down for scrap metal for killing the geese. This same source told me the ACLU will be representing Canadian geese everyone to sue the airlines for being so dangerous. Thank goodness I just bought that donkey cart!

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Comrade Red Square, it is an honor to be afforded the chance to engage in the people's work of visual agitation of the masses. The beets and potatoes shall also be welcomed, as they are the most equal of all the vegetables and starches.

For the glorious <s>socialist empire</s> people's revolutionary democratic republic!

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Now that the deed is done, I can tell you that the Khadr family (a Kanadistanian family who are unrepentantly avowed Jihadists and close to Osama bin Laden and Al Quaeda - their youngest son, Omar, is the only Canadian in Gitmo and has been their since he was 15) have been running a Kanadistanjian Goose and waterfowl Jihadist Suicide Training Camp in league with Qayyum Abdul Jamal, the leader of the plot to behead our Kanadistanjian KKKonservative Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, just north or Toronto in the wilds and upon a farm in the area around Lake Simcoe. These freedom fighters are also responsible for training the pheasants, and the actual quail who flew in the face of soon to be former Vice Presdient Dick Cheney's good friend, Harry Whittington, causing Cheney to point his shotgun in his friend's face and shoot him 'by accident'... It was no accident. The waterfowl of Kanadistan have taken up wings and beaks, feather and talon in the fight against the colonial oppressor, Amerikkka, finally taking revenge for the holocaust visited upon them and their water-residing brethren by the Exxon Valdez oil spill and other environmentally based horrors committed by the oil hungry Rethuglican Regime. Our waterfowl are not fooled by the promised Change of the so-called Obamessiah. Amerikkka will not Change its oil-guzzling ways and our waterfowl and other wetland and water-dwelling creatures do not trust that simply because the Amerikkkan Colonialist Opressor Regime has change its leading party that it will give up Hope of drilling in nature preserves in Alaska or pressuring Kanadistan to develop more of its tar sand oil reserves, leaving behind a toxic soup in the wetlands to which waterfowl and other wildlife are drawn in the mistaken belief that these waters present a viable habitat. It is time for those who would take their moral supremacy for granted to Duck!!! The Japanese whaling fleet is next, Fingermonkeys!

Water-dwelling and wetland creatures of the world unite!
The Dolphin

This story comes as no surprise to me. Last summer I was walking my infant son in a park in Denver so that he could breath more progeressive air than here in the Springs when I noticed a Canadian Goose lurking in a group of American geese. (they were not Canada geese, nor did they speak Spanish or tourist, therefore they were American...My logic is undeniable)....(I know nothing of geese other than they are birds)
ANYway, as I was also redistributing bread to my avian friends despite the signs telling me not to feed the water foul, the geese gathered around me. THEN IT HAPPENED, the Canadian Goose attacked! With blood curdling honking he begain to peck at my legs, trying to trip me so I would dash my skull on the concrete bench nearby. When I bent to slap him away I saw the U.S. Government issued tag on his leg so I knew he was trained by Bush himself!. This was just a training exersize, this goose would move on to bigger things. His attacks would become more brazen. Perhaps this was the same goose. Or just one from the same training camp...


Huh, I could make some sort of crack about the Royal Canadian Air Force, but I will leave it to the collective if they want it...

I was peoples farmworker41976 (or some such number). I like this nic better. So does Obama .



Image

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Comrade Kiko wrote:This story comes as no surprise to me. Last summer I was walking my infant son in a park in Denver so that he could breath more progeressive air than here in the Springs when I noticed a Canadian Goose lurking in a group of American geese. (they were not Canada geese, nor did they speak Spanish or tourist, therefore they were American...My logic is undeniable)....(I know nothing of geese other than they are birds)
ANYway, as I was also redistributing bread to my avian friends despite the signs telling me not to feed the water foul, the geese gathered around me. THEN IT HAPPENED, the Canadian Goose attacked! With blood curdling honking he begain to peck at my legs, trying to trip me so I would dash my skull on the concrete bench nearby. When I bent to slap him away I saw the U.S. Government issued tag on his leg so I knew he was trained by Bush himself!. This was just a training exersize, this goose would move on to bigger things. His attacks would become more brazen. Perhaps this was the same goose. Or just one from the same training camp...


Huh, I could make some sort of crack about the Royal Canadian Air Force, but I will leave it to the collective if they want it...
Did this
Geese (Goose?) say AFLACK?

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Comrade Kiko wrote:This story comes as no surprise to me. Last summer I was walking my infant son in a park in Denver so that he could breath more progeressive air than here in the Springs when I noticed a Canadian Goose lurking in a group of American geese. (they were not Canada geese, nor did they speak Spanish or tourist, therefore they were American...My logic is undeniable)....(I know nothing of geese other than they are birds)
ANYway, as I was also redistributing bread to my avian friends despite the signs telling me not to feed the water foul, the geese gathered around me. THEN IT HAPPENED, the Canadian Goose attacked! With blood curdling honking he begain to peck at my legs, trying to trip me so I would dash my skull on the concrete bench nearby. When I bent to slap him away I saw the U.S. Government issued tag on his leg so I knew he was trained by Bush himself!. This was just a training exersize, this goose would move on to bigger things. His attacks would become more brazen. Perhaps this was the same goose. Or just one from the same training camp...


Huh, I could make some sort of crack about the Royal Canadian Air Force, but I will leave it to the collective if they want it...

Ignorant Amerikkkan,

There is no such thing as The Royal Canadian Air Force. It ceased to exist in 1968 when Kanadistan's Air Force (RCAF), Navy and Armed Forces were united and became The Canadian Armed Forces, or Canadian Forces, of which the Canadian Forces Air Command (known as AIRCOM as of 1975) is one arm. There was a popular radio comedy show called The Royal Canadian Air Farce - perhaps that is what you are thinking of. However, AIRCOM flies CH-149 Cormorants, CC-138 Twin Otters, CT-142 Dash-8's, CC-115 Buffalos, CF-18 Hornets, CC-150 Polarises, CT-155 Hawks, CP-14 Auroras, CC-177 Globemaster III's, CC-144 Challengers, CT-156 Harvard II's, CC-133 Hercules', CH-124 Sea King's.... But not Geese...

If you were attacked by a goose while you were redistributing bread to a flock, I assure you it was Kanadistanjian. Kanadistanjian Geese are vicious freedom fliers who will bite your ankles and hands, causing you to back up quickly into another goose who has snuck up behind you, thereby causing you to slip on their copious shit and land on your ass, whereupon they will mob you and beat you to death with their hard bills which cause massive internal injuries. You may not even know you have been badly injured until you bleed to death internally the next day. If you have a small child with you, they will snatch it and carry it away while you are down on the ground, whisking it away to secret training bases to be brought up to fly for the cause. Right now, there are thousands of student pilots in Florida who are actually Amerikkkan children snatched by Kanadistanjian Geese, who are being groomed as future commercial suicide pilots who will ultimately fly their Airbuses into flocks of geese for the cause.

We know why the Humpback sings.
The Dolphin


Pravda,
The Aflack goose just yells. His anger management classes work fairly well. This was a well planned and emotionless attack. Not the work of a spokes foul. I do hope that you are not too dissapointed.
Kiko

Dolphin,

How right you are! I knew that this goose was from the land far north when he attacked.
It was like
"honk honk honk. Eh? Honk Honk...."

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Rokas wrote:I am sorry to nitpick, comrades, but there is a typo in that otherwise excellent <s>propaganda</s> informative news piece.

Chiefly, the class of airplane is not an 8320, but is an A320.

'Twas not a typo, Comrade. The 8320 is the same as an A320, but without the geese whistles installed (the link is to a deer whistle, I know, but the same plant makes geese whistles for commercial aircraft).

The "A" stands for "AFLAC."

No doubt US Airways was trying to save a little coin to distribute to their greedy board of trustees by operating a cheaper model of aircraft without this critical piece of equipment. Now they are paying (I make joke!) for their folly.

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Comrade Pravda,

In Japan, the infamous capitalist insurance-pimping goose says AFLAC, defying the phonological stereotype that would suggest AFRAC.

Cormadette SMO,

Although the Bush regime is not Canadian, can Canadian geese not file a case against it all the same with a Canadian Human Rights Commission? The outcome is 99% certain to be against Bushitler (if not 100%) and would (1) guarantee he and his criminal gang never set foot in Canada, (2) be a symbolic gesture of international law, and (3) work to promote non-speciesist awareness.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:[OFF]

The Mayor Bloomberg award ceremony was extremely tacky. It appeared like some tacky elementary school honor roll ceremony where everyone who decided to show up to work that day got a certificate of achievement. Ugh.

The ceremony even went so far as to have Spanish translators, and Bloomberg himself, communicate to the illegal masses in our nation's new language. Show up for work, win a prize and a certificate of monumental achievement! Hey, just like our new president!

Image

Perhaps an element in this last election was the cultural obsession with self esteem. A culture in which it's simply impolite to point out, "But he really hasn't done anything." So we have the left urging us to give him a chance and to be open minded about his new ideas which everybody on this thread knows are old with a consistent record of failure.

Another thing that intrigues me or annoys me or both is how our congress with near single digit approval ratings got a promotion. I suppose it's because the "opposition" once again failed to offer a strong alternative (well, there are a few happy exceptions in the House, but none in the Republican Party leadership).

Obviously, I'm deeply disappointed in the Republicans who have now decided to be even more moderate while certain Republican senators nose each other out of the way to lick Obama's hand and get a pat on the head. Nevertheless, I don't despair as God is sovereign and does not depend on human government to bless and care for His people.

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Komissar Blogunov wrote:
Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:[OFF]

The Mayor Bloomberg award ceremony was extremely tacky. It appeared like some tacky elementary school honor roll ceremony where everyone who decided to show up to work that day got a certificate of achievement. Ugh.

The ceremony even went so far as to have Spanish translators, and Bloomberg himself, communicate to the illegal masses in our nation's new language. Show up for work, win a prize and a certificate of monumental achievement! Hey, just like our new president!

Image

Perhaps an element in this last election was the cultural obsession with self esteem. A culture in which it's simply impolite to point out, "But he really hasn't done anything." So we have the left urging us to give him a chance and to be open minded about his new ideas which everybody on this thread knows are old with a consistent record of failure.

Another thing that intrigues me or annoys me or both is how our congress with near single digit approval ratings got a promotion. I suppose it's because the "opposition" once again failed to offer a strong alternative (well, there are a few happy exceptions in the House, but none in the Republican Party leadership).

Obviously, I'm deeply disappointed in the Republicans who have now decided to be even more moderate while certain Republican senators nose each other out of the way to lick Obama's hand and get a pat on the head. Nevertheless, I don't despair as God is sovereign and does not depend on human government to bless and care for His people.

I see you have a Picture of the 'Infamous' Mr. Ed. A splendid Agent Provocateur and sublime undercover agent. I do not believe the Capitalist Pigs at the Production Unit ever caught on the he was not a horse but in fact a mule. We will miss him as he was a splendid agent. 100 I believe, just after Maxwell and his 'friend' 99.

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Guardian of Pravda wrote:
Image
I see you have a Picture of the 'Infamous' Mr. Ed. A splendid Agent Provocateur and sublime undercover agent. I do not believe the Capitalist Pigs at the Production Unit ever caught on the he was not a horse but in fact a mule. We will miss him as he was a splendid agent. 100 I believe, just after Maxwell and his 'friend' 99.[/quote]
I think it's safe to reveal one of the greatest secrets of the Cold War, which we would have won had not Reagan and Thatcher cheated by arguing from strength and moral superiority, but our turn may be coming again soon. I digress. The secret with Agent 100, who was really a Kaos mole inside Control, was that all of his quotes were encoded messages to our Fifth Column operatives - the hairy, dope-smoking war protestors and their allies in the media. Comrade Edvard was actually a brilliant work of Soviet genetic engineering combining DNA extracts from a horse, a donkey, and Jimmy Carter before he became president. What's more, it nearly worked!
Returning to the subject of this thread, do you not see that the geese that brought down the airliner over the Hudson were likewise genetically engineered? The difference is that this time it was done by al-Qaeda using old Soviet lab equipment, and they retrieved DNA samples from bird droppings and Bill Ayers to create geese that were vehemently and suicidally anti-American. Think about it. It makes perfect sense and really explains a lot.

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Perhaps they were suicide geese attempting to get revenge on the evil humans for encroaching on their sacred geese pooping ground.


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Komissar Blogunov wrote:
Guardian of Pravda wrote:
Image
I see you have a Picture of the 'Infamous' Mr. Ed. A splendid Agent Provocateur and sublime undercover agent. I do not believe the Capitalist Pigs at the Production Unit ever caught on the he was not a horse but in fact a mule. We will miss him as he was a splendid agent. 100 I believe, just after Maxwell and his 'friend' 99.
I think it's safe to reveal one of the greatest secrets of the Cold War, which we would have won had not Reagan and Thatcher cheated by arguing from strength and moral superiority, but our turn may be coming again soon. I digress. The secret with Agent 100, who was really a Kaos mole inside Control, was that all of his quotes were encoded messages to our Fifth Column operatives - the hairy, dope-smoking war protestors and their allies in the media. Comrade Edvard was actually a brilliant work of Soviet genetic engineering combining DNA extracts from a horse, a donkey, and Jimmy Carter before he became president. What's more, it nearly worked![/justify]
Returning to the subject of this thread, do you not see that the geese that brought down the airliner over the Hudson were likewise genetically engineered? The difference is that this time it was done by al-Qaeda using old Soviet lab equipment, and they retrieved DNA samples from bird droppings and Bill Ayers to create geese that were vehemently and suicidally anti-American. Think about it. It makes perfect sense and really explains a lot.
[/quote]

Agent Mark Wahlberg has been listening to these messages.
Apparently Gilda Radner was talking to the animals as well...<br>Secret Party Message!

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Guardian of Pravda wrote:Goslings with Gusto?

More like Goslings with Guano!

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Comrades, comrades,

I see that the conspiracy themes abound around here. Such wild imaginations we have here at the glorious Cube!

I may be considered by PETA to be a somewhat (sane) inhumane Chef ...like I give a rat's ass, anyway....haha and I don't want certain comrades getting into a tizzy, but where did they take the... ummmm...errrr...dead geese to? Did they give the freedom fighter geese military burials? I am wondering only because I have such marvelous recipes for geese and duck.....(I know, I shall give myself a stern talking to for my disparaging words, comrades, if they were indeed military geese, so don't hate me....not too much, ok?) Really, comrades, the recipes are to die for....oops..excuse that pun.

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Che Gourmet wrote:Comrades, comrades,

I see that the conspiracy themes abound around here. Such wild imaginations we have here at the glorious Cube!

I may be considered by PETA to be a somewhat (sane) inhumane Chef ...like I give a rat's ass, anyway....haha and I don't want certain comrades getting into a tizzy, but where did they take the... ummmm...errrr...dead geese to? Did they give the freedom fighter geese military burials? I am wondering only because I have such marvelous recipes for geese and duck.....(I know, I shall give myself a stern talking to for my disparaging words, comrades, if they were indeed military geese, so don't hate me....not too much, ok?) Really, comrades, the recipes are to die for....oops..excuse that pun.

What my committee wants to know, comrade, is what your recipe for rats asses is to which you refer in your post. This sounds particularly nasty and could result in punitive measures.

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quote from Che' Gourmet
I may be considered by PETA to be a somewhat (sane) inhumane Chef ...like I give a rat's ass, anyway....haha [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]and I don't want certain comrades getting into a tizzy[/HIGHLIGHT]


Oh, Good Grief Rex, as Charlie Brown would say, and just what committee would this be? Don't you enjoy eating duck or goose? It's an old, old saying, meaning "I DON'T CARE WHAT PETA THINKS!" They are a bunch of 'tards, anyway!...LOL..... Oh the poor nasty smelling little geese ....... and their dispositions are foul...err...fowl..haha... (I would rather be warm and eat what I want, Rex, not what PETA would have me eat)....We, the Party(tm) Rex, are the top of the food chain...comprende?

PS It's my birthday today, and I'm freezing up here...damn no man's land....so I'm in a fowl....haha... foul mood anyway.....a nice dinner perhaps?.....Wolfgang, get me some Grey Goose Vodka...hahaa....I'm having a drink to me! Anyone care to join me?

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Che Gourmet wrote:quote from Che' Gourmet
I may be considered by PETA to be a somewhat (sane) inhumane Chef ...like I give a rat's ass, anyway....haha [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]and I don't want certain comrades getting into a tizzy[/HIGHLIGHT]


Oh, Good Grief Rex, as Charlie Brown would say, and just what committee would this be? Don't you enjoy eating duck or goose? It's an old, old saying, meaning "I DON'T CARE WHAT PETA THINKS!" They are a bunch of 'tards, anyway!...LOL..... Oh the poor nasty smelling little geese ....... and their dispositions are foul...err...fowl..haha... (I would rather be warm and eat what I want, Rex, not what PETA would have me eat)....We, the Party(tm) Rex, are the top of the food chain...comprende?

PS It's my birthday today, and I'm freezing up here...damn no man's land....so I'm in a fowl....haha... foul mood anyway.....a nice dinner perhaps?.....Wolfgang, get me some Grey Goose Vodka...hahaa....I'm having a drink to me! Anyone care to join me?

Sorry, comrade. Please excuse my tizzy of willful misconstruction and failed sarcasm. I will attempt a tizzy of simulated penance and contrition.

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Oh, and happy birthday.
Enjoy your shredded roast goose with rat's asses in vodka coulis.

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A security footage showing what really brought down the plane in Hudson River. Apparently what choked the engines were the small turbans.

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AbecedariusRex wrote:Oh, and happy birthday.
Enjoy your shredded roast goose with rat's asses in vodka coulis.

Gracias Abecedariusrex

I'm sure glad that you're not doing the cooking LOL

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Apparently what choked the engines were the small turbans.

Anti-Turbine turbans?! An urban myth, I sure. I did a goosgle search and trolled through quackipedia and could find no mention of such a thing.


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Ivan Betinov wrote:Anti-Turbine turbans?! An urban myth, I sure. I did a goosgle search and trolled through quackipedi and could find no mention of such a thing.

Then perhaps we should create a new section for "turban legends."

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Turbine Legends, perhaps?

Such as this one?
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In Vancouver here, there are masses® of Canada geese. In the autumn, most of them migrate illegally across several borders, in the direction of Cuba I believe, despite the embargo. But the male geese outnumber the females, and the leftover "bachelors" have learned to stay in town and subsist on french fries and muffin crumbs. When weather permits, they graze on grass just like sheep, dropping big green poops. Don't eat those wild birds. Full of worms.

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Adnan Hajj wrote:In Vancouver here, there are masses® of Canada geese. In the autumn, most of them migrate illegally across several borders, in the direction of Cuba I believe, despite the embargo. But the male geese outnumber the females, and the leftover "bachelors" have learned to stay in town and subsist on french fries and muffin crumbs. When weather permits, they graze on grass just like sheep, dropping big green poops. Don't eat those wild birds. Full of worms.

Hm; shredded wild goose with worms in a rat's ass vodka coulis. This sound better all the time. Maybe I should go and cook for Gitmo before they shut it down.

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There's a golf course in my city that a bunch of geese have claimed as their own. It isn't very large, but every time I play there there's always a bunch of them lounging around on the fairways and getting in the way. I think I hit one of them once, but he just walked away.

The goose shit is annoying as hell though.

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We have Goose Pond near Florence Alabama. Same thing.

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Well, here's another white bird that drops a different kind of load...

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It's the Tu-160, nicknamed "white Swan" (although NATO calls it "Blackjack"), and it's Russia's newest Strategic Bomber. A couple of these were escorted by Norwegian F-16s just off their coast a couple of days ago. After about 15 years of inactivity, Russia's resumed those northerly patrols again.

Looks suspiciously like the imperialist B-1B, no? The capitalist pigs knew a good thing when they saw it, and stole it, hoping to use Tupolev's design against the Proletariat when the war of western economic aggression was still raging in the 1970s.

But we fooled them! We let them test our design against our former client state of Iraq in 1990, and dissolved the CCCP in 1991 before they had a chance to fly it over the Motherland!

Since then, we have slowly, stealthily, worked one of our faithful back into power to catch the decadent imperialists off-guard while they sip leisurely on their Bud Light and watch transsexuals on that "Next American Model" tripe.

And, in time, we will let this goose crap all over the imperialist golf courses.

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DDR Kamerad,

I was under the distinct understanding that the CIA, evil intelligence force of the now defunct USA, had confiscated all the UFO materials to make such a flying fortress? I am happy to know that the technology made it out, before the CCCP was disbanded (that's what the imperialist oppressors think....hahah!)

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Che Gourmet wrote:DDR Kamerad,

I was under the distinct understanding that the CIA, evil intelligence force of the now defunct USA, had confiscated all the UFO materials to make such a flying fortress? I am happy to know that the technology made it out, before the CCCP was disbanded (that's what the imperialist oppressors think....hahah!)

You are correct, Master Chef of the Caribbean Revolution (say, do you make a good Jerk Chicken?--just a thought, since we were talking about matters pertaining to birds)...the US perversion of the White Swan was clearly inferior, since they had to use extraterrestrial materials on account of not having enough spoon-benders on hand to manage the delicate, proprietary fabrication techniques involved.

Still, it was nice of the capitalists to beat our former client state into submission for us...THAT is subversion at work! Our allies in high Amerikan places were not all ferreted out by McCarthy, nor his harpy disciple, Ann Coulter.

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Rex wrote:Hm; shredded wild goose with worms in a rat's ass vodka coulis. This sound better all the time.
Rex, this is getting dangerously close to Pupovich's territory; is the concessionaire for Fried Rat on a Stick. The problem with a rat's ass vodka coulis is that it makes people feel too good to work, and the vodka covers up the taste of the wormy goose and the fried rat. On a stick.

True progressives do not go for fancy French cuisine--pardon Che--just honest, down-to-earth good old collective cooking. We snap our fingers at food processors for any food processor that we have is one not being used to make Soylent Green wafers for People's Tasty Créme canapes.

Although I do admit that this would be a good way to get rid of all of that vodka contaminated with PCPs.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:
Rex wrote:Hm; shredded wild goose with worms in a rat's ass vodka coulis. This sound better all the time.
Rex, this is getting dangerously close to Pupovich's territory; is the concessionaire for Fried Rat on a Stick. The problem with a rat's ass vodka coulis is that it makes people feel too good to work, and the vodka covers up the taste of the wormy goose and the fried rat. On a stick.

True progressives do not go for fancy French cuisine--pardon Che--just honest, down-to-earth good old collective cooking. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]We snap our fingers at food processors [/HIGHLIGHT]for any food processor that we have is one not being used to make Soylent Green wafers for People's Tasty Créme canapes.

Although I do admit that this would be a good way to get rid of all of that vodka contaminated with PCPs.

Commissar Theocritis,

I agree with you that the Marshal does has exclusive trademark rights to the concessionaire for the fried rat on a stick. (like I would ever want it...ugh!), but I worry more about using food processors! Are they not on the "sex with small appliances list? I don't want any progressive mad at me for misuse of one's sex partner! (Hahaha.....so strange these customs)

I easily get around this problem, by using (unmercifully, I might add) legions of proles at my command to chop, slice and dice for the Party's dining pleasure, Sir. My kitchens are truly, 24-hour operations that I run (with the ruthlessness of Ghengis Khan), but it is all for the good of the Party. Bon Appetit!

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Che, I know that your heart is set on Lucrezia's, as is mine--those braised beef cheeks I had at the London West Hollywood and the French Room still are sealing my lips with their gelatin. I recommend that as a signature dish.

But this is O+4, when all the people of the world will get together and have a big cuddly group hug. When the liar lion shall lie with the lamb. I think that you ought to plan for only one seating per night at Lucrezia's, with perhaps only 20 tables.

But because we are shortly to have socialized medicine, that means that cost must be controlled somehow. And that means a fast-food chain Hemlock. Would you do me the favor of developing recipes for that?

They must be tasty, addictive, and poisonous. I would suggest lard with bound breading, deep fried, of course, with a shake with palm oil and of course lots of nitrates and nitrites.

Potatoes fried in lard. Or perhaps palm oil. Is that worse for the arteries? And sugar in everything.

The objective is to get the proles as fat as possible so that they keel over before they need medical care. And since medical research, such as it is, will be directed not by profit but by political will, you may be sure that we will lead the world in liposuction and tummy tucks and brow lifts but operations for proles? Ain't gonna happen.

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I knew there was a reason the State-Approved Diet made beets its centerpiece.

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Beets alone won't kill off the populace: they won't clog your arteries. It's lard, man, lard. Or palm oil. Fatty beef. They need to eat mountains of suet.

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No, no, no, you miss my point. Beets for the proles, Lard for the worshippers of the almighty capitalist dollar. Who would you prefer to last the longest?

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I want worker to last and people who want the same things that I want to die. Of course I'll give them my best sorrowful face, but competition is something that I just don't do.

The reason that I became a Progressive is that I want to use political power to make sure that I don't have to be judged on my merits. In other words, politics unlinks actions from consequences.

It's a very tough thing if you actually believe, fool, that you have to man up and take responsibility for what you do. Being a Progressive means never having to say you're sorry.

You just grab and go.

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The objective is to get the proles as fat as possible so that they keel over before they need medical care.

I like this plan, as it carries the happy bonus of continuing news coverage and hyper-hysteria over the obesity crisis. This will allow even further appropriations of OPM to combat this dreaded scourge.


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I am a hefty lad meself. It always brings a bark of derisive laughter to my lips when the newsies do a piece on "Poverty in America!!!!" that includes soundbite after soundbite from "the poor." Most of whom could, with the addition of some flowers and festive bows, walk unnoticed among the floats of the Rose Bowl Parade.

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Ah yes, Betinov. There is more to me than there ought to be, too. One of the things that I find interesting is that when you dine at a really good restaurant the people there are slim. When you eat at a hash joint like McDonalds (not since 1974) or Long John Silvers (not since 1984) you see people in all their adipose glory.

I think that we need an entitlement. Not that long ago a fat man was a sign of wealth. An Arab with a fat wife is a rich man. A fat African can afford enough cows to have all the milk he wants. Here in Culo de Pecos, a poor town about 90% "minority," I routinely see people in the grocery store so fat that they can wear only sweat suits. Often I see women with bellies which come halfway to their knees.

These days a metabolism which stored weight was worth as much as really good hair and cheekbones now.

Obviously this is unfair.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Che, I know that your heart is set on Lucrezia's, as is mine--those braised beef cheeks I had at the London West Hollywood and the French Room still are sealing my lips with their gelatin.[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00] I recommend that as a signature dish.

[/HIGHLIGHT]But this is O+4, when all the people of the world will get together and have a big cuddly group hug. When the liar lion shall lie with the lamb. I think that you ought to plan for only [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]one seating per night at Lucrezia's, with perhaps only 20 tables.

[/HIGHLIGHT]But because we are shortly to have socialized medicine, that means that cost must be controlled somehow. And that means a fast-food chain [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Hemlock.[/HIGHLIGHT] Would you do me the favor of developing recipes for that?

They must be tasty, addictive, and poisonous. I would suggest lard with bound breading, deep fried, of course, with a shake with palm oil and of course lots of nitrates and nitrites.

Potatoes fried in lard. Or perhaps palm oil. Is that worse for the arteries? And sugar in everything.

The objective is to get the proles as fat as possible so that they keel over before they need medical care. And since medical research, such as it is, will be directed not by profit but by political will, you may be sure that we will lead the world in liposuction and tummy tucks and brow lifts but operations for proles? Ain't gonna happen.

Ahh...My dear Theocritis,

You are brilliant in your assumption that what we need to do with Lucretia's. A "Bistro" is the perfect solution, and the more exclusive it is, the better! Make it so hard to get in, that the reservation list will be booked for years! This insures that we will only need to cater to the Elite that have money, regardless of the economy. Si, Si, on this I totally agree. Of course, the beef cheeks will make a wonderful signature dish, as what are we in the Inner Circle, if not cheeky..hahaha......

As far as the creation of a fast food outlet.....called Hemlock?....well....how about giving that one to the Marshal? He seems to be rather bored lately, and perhaps this idea would rekindle his passion for something other than sniffing up my leg,.... following the Chairman around, and dealing with talent-shitting birds! Have you seen (the commercial),his latest foray? He sent the bird squadron on a mission to steal the information technology from the Wall Street and banking sector. It was a very funny sight, Commissar. They are really talented birds, alright!

Let me know how you want to proceed, Sir. And the phrase, "Being a Progressive means never having to say you're sorry" is just precious, Theocritis, even if you did plagerize it...LOL

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Che, I'm thinking that Pupovich might be busy--he doesn't know it but there's <i>another show trial in his future!</i> It's his birthday you know. Gotta love that pup and there's nothing he likes more.

I'm thinking that Red Star might be good for this. After all, he has some brain-dead goons with room-temperature IQs carefully trained corpsmen of great loyalty. He's done a good hand in sabotaging things and he's a shifty bastard. So he would be a perfect CEO for the chain Hemlock.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Che, I'm thinking that Pupovich might be busy--he doesn't know it but there's <i>another show trial in his future!</i> It's his birthday you know. Gotta love that pup and there's nothing he likes more.

I'm thinking that Red Star might be good for this. After all, he has some brain-dead goons with room-temperature IQs carefully trained corpsmen of great loyalty. He's done a good hand in sabotaging things and he's a shifty bastard. So he would be a perfect CEO for the chain Hemlock.

Thank you Kind and Generous Leader I promise I will not let you down. Most of my Goons highly trained Troopers would not be what we would consider management, leaders of men, in fact these knuckle draggers highly trained Troopers have great difficulty chewing gum and breathing this is extreme multitasking to them.

But what I do have are a select few that will grease our palms work long hard hours for us. Yes I see a bright future, Look out Olive Garden........

Deep fried Everything....Yum....Grease is a Food Group you do know this.

Red Star CEO Hemlock inc
Director of kicking doors at Midnight
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the faith

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Che Gourmet wrote:As far as the creation of a fast food outlet.....called Hemlock?....well....how about giving that one to the Marshal? He seems to be rather bored lately, and perhaps this idea would rekindle his passion for something other than sniffing up my leg,.... following the Chairman around, and dealing with talent-shitting birds! Have you seen (the commercial),his latest foray? He sent the bird squadron on a mission to steal the information technology from the Wall Street and banking sector. It was a very funny sight, Commissar. They are really talented birds, alright!

Hmmmm, now I understand why the Marshal refused my suggestion to investigate rectal temperatures in Kalifornia for the weather experiment the Central Office of Climate Standardization was holding. I insinuated he had the best nose for the job, but it seems that nose has been employed elsewhere.

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Comrades, Hemlock, Inc., which will d/b/a as the Hemlock Bowl, for that cute 'n' cuddly feeling, will have a special California menu. They're very sensitive to foods in ways that say Oklahomans are not. In Oklahoma we'd have no trouble having deep-fried lard. And in California we'll have no trouble selling deep-fried lard, as long as we call the lard tofu.

The problem though is this, and Che, you can help. Lard actually makes things taste <i>good</i>. Whereas tofu wishes it could taste as good as library paste. How do you make lard taste as bad as tofu?

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Red Star, I think that you also need to consider training your staff in helping diners with eating disorders. We do not want any of our diners to purge after eating; after all that would defeat the point of the exercise. Also we should encourage diners to eat all of their deep-fried lard with People's Tasty Crème. We can have pictures of thin and big-eyed Bangladeshi babies.

"This darling girl has only a stick with a nail in it to play with. What would she do for a Hemlock Bowl <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croque-monsieur">Croak Monsieur</a> with People's Tasty Créme?"

And on the next wall we can have a picture of a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur covered with flies. "The most discriminating flies on earth are Ethiopian flies. If Ethiopian flies love a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur, do you need any more proof of our quality?"

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrades, Hemlock, Inc., which will d/b/a as the Hemlock Bowl, for that cute 'n' cuddly feeling, will have a special California menu. They're very sensitive to foods in ways that say Oklahomans are not. In Oklahoma we'd have no trouble having deep-fried lard. And in California we'll have no trouble selling deep-fried lard, as long as we call the lard tofu.

The problem though is this, and [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Che, you can help[/HIGHLIGHT]. Lard actually makes things taste <i>good</i>. Whereas tofu wishes it could taste as good as library paste. How do you make lard taste as bad as tofu?

Commissar Theocritis,

You might be missing the point here. We want the proles to eat the lard, and we are certainly not serving tofu to anyone, but if you want the lard to taste terrible, then use asafoetida resin. Just dry some resin, grind it and use it to season whatever. Guaranteed to be bitter to the taste, if that's what you really want, Commissar.

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Che, I misspoke. We want people to eat lard as much as possible. I just want to make the lard taste like tofu so that the Californians will eat it.

Lard, and suet, and 84% butter-fat butter. Heavy cream. All that artery-clogging stuff. I intend to breed chickens with extra cholesterol in their eggs.

It will be the same ingredients no matter where it is served, but the taste needs to be varied.

In California it has to taste like tofu. Or library paste.


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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Red Star, I think that you also need to consider training your staff in helping diners with eating disorders. We do not want any of our diners to purge after eating; after all that would defeat the point of the exercise. Also we should encourage diners to eat all of their deep-fried lard with People's Tasty Crème. We can have pictures of thin and big-eyed Bangladeshi babies.

"This darling girl has only a stick with a nail in it to play with. What would she do for a Hemlock Bowl <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croque-monsieur">Croak Monsieur</a> with People's Tasty Créme?"

And on the next wall we can have a picture of a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur covered with flies. "The most discriminating flies on earth are Ethiopian flies. If Ethiopian flies love a Hemlock Bowl Croak Monsieur, do you need any more proof of our quality?"

Hummm We can stop purging by not having restrooms, no toilet no yacking, but the state may not like that so what I propose is spikes on ether side of the toilet, if some one with an eating disorder attempted to kneel or put hands down they would be injured. Also placing A goonHighly trained trooper in the restrooms should work, The Ladies room I will have them wear a wig, just dress in drag, should be good for some serious laughs

So many ideas..



Red Star CEO Hemlock inc
Director of kicking doors at Midnight
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the faith

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Red Star, what about inserting ball gags after they eat? If they hurl then they'd be done away with all the sooner. And it would force them to keep down the deep-fried lard.

I have been doing some research. Doesn't palm oil have more nasty cholesterol than lard does? We'll have to fry lard, of course, but in palm oil?

So many decisions.

Also I think that we should sprinkle the deep-fried lard with Imodium. Pack on that weight any way possible.

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Yes Kind and Generous Leader: Ball gags, might work, further if we provide leather accessories, some might die of Heart attacks, when they see a 600 Pound Hemlock bowl patron, dressed in leather S&M Gear.

For snacks we can serve “Pine nuts” extra high in bad cholesterol, Lard fried Pine nuts. Extra MSG,

Check the list of Food additive we can incorporate.

Acesulfame-K - "Sunette"; may cause low blood sugar attacks; causes cancer, elevated cholesterol in lab animals.
Acesulfame-potassium - same as acesulfame-K.

Animal or vegetable shortening - associated with heart disease, hardening of the arteries, elevated cholesterol levels.
Artificial color FD & C, U.S certified food color - contribute to hyperactivity in children; may contribute to learning and visual disorders, nerve damage; may be carcinogenic; see FD&C Colors.

Artificial flavoring - may cause reproductive disorders, developmental problems; not adequately tested.

Artificial sweeteners - associated with health problems; see specific sweetener.

Aspartame - may cause brain damage in phenylketonurics; may cause central nervous system disturbances, menstrual difficulties; may affect brain development in unborn fetus.
BHA - can cause liver and kidney damage, behavioral problems, infertility,
weakened immune system, birth defects, cancer; should be avoided by infants, young children, pregnant women and those sensitive to aspirin.

Brominated vegetable oil - linked to major organ system damage, birth defects, growth problems; considered unsafe by the FDA, can still lawfully be used unless further action is taken by the FDA .

Caffeine - psychoactive, addictive drug; may cause fertility problems, birth defects, heart disease, depression, nervousness, behavioral changes, insomnia, etc.

FD&C Colors – colors considered safe by the FDA for use in food, drugs and cosmetics; most of the colors are derived from coal tar and must be certified by the FDA not to contain more than 10ppm of lead and arsenic; certification does not address any harmful effects these colors may have on the body; most coal tar colors are potential carcinogens, may contain carcinogenic contaminants, and cause allergic reactions.

Free glutamates - may cause brain damage, especially in children; always found in autolyzed yeast, calcium caseinate, enzymes, flavors & flavorings, gelatin, glutamate, glutamic acid, hydrolyzed protein, hydrolyzed soy protein, plant protein extract, protease, protease enzymes, sodium caseinate, textured protein, yeast extract, yeast food and yeast nutrient; may be in barley malt, boullion, broth, carrageenan, malt extract, malt flavoring, maltodextrin, natural flavors, natural chicken flavoring, natural beef flavoring, natural pork flavoring, pectin, seasonings, soy protein, soy protein concentrate, soy protein isolate, soy sauce, soy sauce extract, stock, whey protein, whey protein concentrate, whey protein isolate, anything that is enzyme modified, fermented, protein fortified or ultrapasteurized and foods that advertise NO MSG;

Hydrogenated vegetable oil - associated with heart disease, breast and colon cancer, atherosclerosis, elevated cholesterol.

Hydrolyzed vegetable protein - may cause brain and nervous system damage in infants; high salt content; may be corn, soy, or wheat based. Contains free glutamates.

MSG - may cause headaches, itching, nausea, brain, nervous system, reproductive disorders, high blood pressure; pregnant, lactating mothers, infants, small children should avoid; allergic reactions common; may be hidden in infant formula, low fat milk, candy, chewing gum, drinks, over-the-counter medications, especially children's, binders and fillers for nutritional supplements, prescription and non-prescription drugs, IV fluids given in hospitals, chicken pox vaccine; it is being sprayed on growing fruits and vegetables as a growth enhancer; it is proposed for use on organic crops.

Natural flavors - may be chemically extracted and processed and in combination with other food additives not required to be listed on the label; may contain free glutamates; see MSG.

Nitrates - form powerful cancer-causing agents in stomach; can cause death; considered dangerous by FDA but not banned because they prevent botulism.

Nitrites - may cause headaches, nausea, vomiting, dizziness; see nitrates.




Today I am testing some of these on my Goons Highly trained Troopers


Red Star CEO Hemlock inc
Director of kicking doors at Midnight
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the faith

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That's right, Comrade Red Star. All food is hazardous to your health! Furthermore, the production of many of these ingredients requires the use of non-renewable resources. The only way to stop this evil, and the potential cancer that comes from everything we put in our mouths, is to stop eating. This will help us all reduce our carbon footprint!

-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products


 
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