Classical Art Exposed as Hoax



Shockwaves are reverberating throughout the art world following the amazing discovery of abstract ancient Greek statues and paintings that resemble today's modern art and apparently are its long-lost forerunners.

After six years of excavation, a team of archeologists from Columbia University has uncovered a giant metal container, buried deep within the earth under Kakanapolis, a suburb of Athens. The artifacts found within have been dated by specialists to the period between 500 and 300 BCE, corresponding to the Golden Age of Athenian culture, the days of Plato and Aristotle.
Greek statues in the days of Plato and Aristotle.
Professor Dan Browny is convinced that "The new discovery will revolutionize the way public thinks about art and all of Western civilization, and silence any further false claims about the alleged superiority of Western culture."
"Ancient art was not only vanguard-oriented, it was also government-subsidized," Dan Browny writes in an article describing his discovery. "It was just as easy to get a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts in Athens as it is today in Syracuse, New York. A famous example was a controversial project around 490 BCE that sponsored public defecation on a sketch of the Pythagorean theorem. It was hailed by critics of the time as a synthesis of art and science."

This ancient Greek sculpture (catalog #56Z82.3) is believed to have been on display in the Parthenon itself.

The realm of mixed media is best represented by catalog #76E38.2.
Paintings include a lively work, nicknamed Eternity by the research team, that once adorned the living room of Alexander the Great's Macedonian ranch.
Thaddeus Thistlebrain of the Center for Progressive Art in Washington is preparing an article exclusively about Eternity. "The resemblance to the work of Jackson Pollock is astounding," he notes. "Further evidence that our own abstract expressionists are deeply rooted in the timeless vision and expansive aesthetic of the ancients."



Columbia University's Morningside Heights campus was abuzz with discussion. Peggy Hooperdink, an architecture student from Flushing, Queens, could hardly contain her enthusiasm. "This is, you know, like, totally awesome. I can't stand all those columns and that everything has to be proportional. So, you know, like the whole Greek thing is a fake. I knew it all the time."
Researchers dismissed rumors picked up by the Fox News channel that what the archeologists had dug out was a garbage container, and that it also had a papyrus scroll attached on the inside. The scroll allegedly described the artifacts as a load of "useless junk resulting from a failed government program aimed at creating a class of state-subsidized artists," leading to a far-fetched conclusion that the container might very well be a capsule sent by the ancients to the future, warning us against experiments with government grants to hemlock-addicted artists.




Apparently, Machiavelli disseminated rumors of the statue's ancient provenance. His goal was to show that the thoroughly bourgeois, academic style prevalent in the Florence of his day was inspired by "rediscovered treasures" of hoary antiquity, representing a sort of "renaissance" of that culture.
"It's all hooey, just as we expected," explained Shlock-Jones. "Renaissance, shmenassance. Machiavelli was a White male chauvinist, and this supposed 'art' was designed to advance his ideology of cultural imperialism. For centuries, all of Europe has been duped, even Napoleon."



Looks like Rosie had a tooth pulled...




Fortunately our operatives are unveiling more and more bourgeoise inventions for what they are: a part of a plot to disenfranchise the workers! The latest example of our success is the dilution and eventual purging of mathematics, which is the worst example of elitism there is.
Here, the capitalist running dog, Michelle Malkin (damn she's hot!), is whining over our success!
http://michellemalkin.com/2007/11/28/fu ... -epidemic/
*This slogan is the property of Kommissar Vodkov.

Soon, these "artists" will make Nativity scenes and force the State, as represented by the ACLU, to ban these provocative and offensive displays of religion. This is America, praise Lenin and John Kerry, where unborn citizens are aborted and illegal aliens are welcomed!!! These displays of free thought must end!!!


Speaking of art: I went to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts today to view decadent Medieval and Byzantine Christofascist relics (to sprinkle on, of course) and was delighted - absolutely delighted - to have found my way into a gallery that featured a human head decked in leather bondage wear.
Also, during my trip the museum, an educator - a modest and underpaid educator suffering daily on poor pay and not enough summer's vacation - was telling her class of kids ranging from five to six-year-olds that the bondage mask was "art" and that some may find it "distasteful" but all the same it is "art" and should be appreciated. She didn't bother to tell them about what bondage wear was or for what purpose it served, but hey, they'll learn that next year in the 1st grade, right? It's for the Children™... we teach them about leather bondage mask, chains, whips and proper condom usage at a young age for their benefit. It's all for them. Oh, and We Do It for the Arts™! We suffer for the arts, Comrades! We suffer for them!
Ahh, I love Richmond... even in the South we have bastions of progress that can rival those of San Francisco or Berkeley.


Quote:
Didn't we have something in the 1963 Goals of the Communist Party that stated something along the lines of art being formless and in poor taste?Yes, here it is. #23
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?p=443#443

This is a sure sign that we need to have more taken out of our paychecks to use to nuture and sustain our progeny. The "Public"schools need more money to buy cucumbers, bananas, grape jelly and condoms to prepare "the Children" for adulthood, jailhouse rapes and making the next generation of Party members. Their math classes need only teach what the unit price of crack is and how to multiply by the number of friends that you have. They need to be taught what behavior is acceptable from their parents and how to report any deviant activities. These subjects and other curriculum are truly needed by the masses.




Premier Betty
Quote:
Didn't we have something in the 1963 Goals of the Communist Party that stated something along the lines of art being formless and in poor taste?Yes, here it is. #23
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?p=443#443
Damn it! I was just about to post that! Stupid time zones...
Don't forget #22 as well.
My personal favorite is #3, for which I made my namesake agitprop movie.







Hate Bush Poetry in Motion
See more here on the People's Blog - http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1606


In any case, Glory be to the Party! All Power to the Correct People!
-Arkady


Remember all the futuristic vanguard art coming out of Russia before the Revolution and for a few short years afterwards? It has all been purged and banned by the Bolsheviks to give way to the truly proletarian art of Social Realism!
It's all for the Children! We do it all for them!

And who can forget the depiction of our very own Kommissarka Pinkie?

Pinkie's Amerikan predecessor - or is it, indeed, our future whose seeds she is sowing? Come to think of it, this picture has all 57 varieties of meaning!



By Trotskty's Left Testicle! What is that insane woman sowing? Mustard Gas plant seed?



I believe that True Art™ really like...began in the 50’s...you know? guys like
maynard g. krebs and the like...too real? really, or not...perhaps so perhaps not.. not telling, not selling, not jelling? not yelling? or this...don't know...don't care...why should i? do you? and if so why? they all lie! they have all lied! liar's, politico's, lawyer's, mom, dad (no santa)? gay generals? too much...too much...or is it?


Red Square
And who can forget the depiction of our very own Kommissarka Pinkie?
What an amazing likeness! Everything from my perpetual grumpy scowl to the red headscarf that makes my butt look too big--it's all there, in frightening lifelike glory!
(Does this very image not make you tremble in fear, Pupovich? Bubalasky?)
Only what's with the angle of that shovel? It looks more like the type used to scoop up shi--oh, never mind, I think I just answered my own question.




My apologies, it is indeed best that we wait to unleash the full power of the Social Realism Restoration Movement until after the revolution.
After all, the proletariat may not yet be ready for the full length shovel-bearing glory of Kommissarka Pinkie.
Which is their loss, because damn, she's hot...
-Arkady