Classical Art Exposed as Hoax

Shockwaves are reverberating throughout the art world following the amazing discovery of abstract ancient Greek statues and paintings that resemble today's modern art and apparently are its long-lost forerunners.

"This finally proves my theory that the so-called 'aesthetically pleasing' 'classical art' with its 'proportions' and 'perfection' is a fraud and never really existed," says Columbia University professor Dan Browny. "It is a scientific fact now, that art has always been about a random grouping of disturbing shapes that required no special skills or training, and that intent is more important than result."

After six years of excavation, a team of archeologists from Columbia University has uncovered a giant metal container, buried deep within the earth under Kakanapolis, a suburb of Athens. The artifacts found within have been dated by specialists to the period between 500 and 300 BCE, corresponding to the Golden Age of Athenian culture, the days of Plato and Aristotle.



Professor Dan Browny is convinced that "The new discovery will revolutionize the way public thinks about art and all of Western civilization, and silence any further false claims about the alleged superiority of Western culture."

"Ancient art was not only vanguard-oriented, it was also government-subsidized," Dan Browny writes in an article describing his discovery. "It was just as easy to get a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts in Athens as it is today in Syracuse, New York. A famous example was a controversial project around 490 BCE that sponsored public defecation on a sketch of the Pythagorean theorem. It was hailed by critics of the time as a synthesis of art and science."





Thaddeus Thistlebrain of the Center for Progressive Art in Washington is preparing an article exclusively about Eternity. "The resemblance to the work of Jackson Pollock is astounding," he notes. "Further evidence that our own abstract expressionists are deeply rooted in the timeless vision and expansive aesthetic of the ancients."

"This is a truly awesome event," said Malcolm Malpenny, the noted art historian from Harvard. "It fully corroborates my argument that the ancient Greeks practiced modern art. I was mocked and scorned for my bold thinking, but now we'll see who laughs last."



A massive economic fallout is expected from the discoveries. The cost to museums from unloading worthless "Greek" forgeries and merging their classical and contemporary galleries is reckoned in the billions.

Columbia University's Morningside Heights campus was abuzz with discussion. Peggy Hooperdink, an architecture student from Flushing, Queens, could hardly contain her enthusiasm. "This is, you know, like, totally awesome. I can't stand all those columns and that everything has to be proportional. So, you know, like the whole Greek thing is a fake. I knew it all the time."

Researchers dismissed rumors picked up by the Fox News channel that what the archeologists had dug out was a garbage container, and that it also had a papyrus scroll attached on the inside. The scroll allegedly described the artifacts as a load of "useless junk resulting from a failed government program aimed at creating a class of state-subsidized artists," leading to a far-fetched conclusion that the container might very well be a capsule sent by the ancients to the future, warning us against experiments with government grants to hemlock-addicted artists.


 

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Looks like Rosie had a tooth pulled...
 

I heard that a famous artist made fun of abstract art and the people who buy it in one of his "pieces".  He urinated on a piece of paper and cut out cardboard that fit over the wet part then glued it together.  It sold for $40,000.
 

Everything that's hard to do is not only hoax, but insult to the proletariat too. What anybody can't do shouldn't be done at all.™*

Fortunately our operatives are unveiling more and more bourgeoise inventions for what they are: a part of a plot to disenfranchise the workers! The latest example of our success is the dilution and eventual purging of mathematics, which is the worst example of elitism there is.

Here, the capitalist running dog, Michelle Malkin (damn she's hot!), is whining over our success!

http://michellemalkin.com/2007/11/28/fu ... -epidemic/

*This slogan is the property of Kommissar Vodkov.
 

This "art" is the result of the deviant thoughts and behavior of capitalists with too much time on their hands. They waste time and material on their own ideas, instead of serving the State and the Common Good, as determined by our Beloved many titted Empress, Hillary Sodom Clinton, and our Progressive bretheren in Congress. Hopefully She will introduce legislation, in the Senate, to end these and other thought crimes.
Soon, these "artists" will make Nativity scenes and force the State, as represented by the ACLU, to ban these provocative and offensive displays of religion. This is America, praise Lenin and John Kerry, where unborn citizens are aborted and illegal aliens are welcomed!!! These displays of free thought must end!!!
 

Didn't we have something in the 1963 Goals of the Communist Party that stated something along the lines of art being formless and in poor taste? I think we did and I'm glad to see it implemented.

Speaking of art: I went to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts today to view decadent Medieval and Byzantine Christofascist relics (to sprinkle on, of course) and was delighted - absolutely delighted - to have found my way into a gallery that featured a human head decked in leather bondage wear.

Also, during my trip the museum, an educator - a modest and underpaid educator suffering daily on poor pay and not enough summer's vacation - was telling her class of kids ranging from five to six-year-olds that the bondage mask was "art" and that some may find it "distasteful" but all the same it is "art" and should be appreciated.  She didn't bother to tell them about what bondage wear was or for what purpose it served, but hey, they'll learn that next year in the 1st grade, right? It's for the Children™... we teach them about leather bondage mask, chains, whips and proper condom usage at a young age for their benefit. It's all for them. Oh, and We Do It for the Arts™! We suffer for the arts, Comrades! We suffer for them!

Ahh, I love Richmond... even in the South we have bastions of progress that can rival those of San Francisco or Berkeley.
 

Quote:

Didn't we have something in the 1963 Goals of the Communist Party that stated something along the lines of art being formless and in poor taste?


Yes, here it is.  #23


http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?p=443#443
 

Chairman, as usual, you have shown great insight on this topic. Education and Indoctrination are very important in the enlightenment of our Children. Everything is "for the Children", the future of the Party and the State. Only the State and our Progressive friends can truly appreciate the responsibility of educating and inspiring the fruit of our loins.
This is a sure sign that we need to have more taken out of our paychecks to use to nuture and sustain our progeny. The "Public"schools need more money to buy cucumbers, bananas,  grape jelly and condoms to prepare "the Children" for adulthood, jailhouse rapes and making the next generation of Party members. Their math classes need only teach what the unit price of crack is and how to multiply by the number of friends that you have. They need to be taught what behavior is acceptable from their parents and how to report any deviant activities. These subjects and other curriculum are truly needed by the masses.
 

Education should be about preparing our youngsters for a lifetime of government dependency all the while taking pleasure in the simple things like unfulfilling sexual exploits and mind-numbing drug usage. See, it's the simple things that will keep the proles happy and not too worried about where the next meal is coming from or how they hate working in the fields from 5 AM to 4 AM. Sex and drugs, Comrades... sex and drugs. A clever little alternative to the classical "bread and circuses" that was used in antiquity to keep the peasants contented.
 

Premier Betty

Quote:

Didn't we have something in the 1963 Goals of the Communist Party that stated something along the lines of art being formless and in poor taste?


Yes, here it is.  #23


http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?p=443#443

Damn it!  I was just about to post that!  Stupid time zones...

Don't forget #22 as well.

My personal favorite is #3, for which I made my namesake agitprop movie.
 

This is the only art The People need and want.


 

Madame comrade president-to-be-for-life-forever, I am confused.  Why have you posted a photo of a statue of Steve Buscemi?  And when did he grow a pair of hooters?
 

Progressive art:

Hate Bush Poetry in Motion
See more here on the People's Blog - http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1606


 

Comrades, we all know that the creative needs of "artists" are most effectively expressed through the genre of Social Realism, where the media utilized is limited primarily to canvas and sculpture, all designed to glorify the prole, er, "enobled worker" as photo-realistically as possible, in order that no capitalistic hedonist misinterpretations may be applied to sully the Peoples' Cause. (that may have been my longest sentence yet.)

In any case, Glory be to the Party! All Power to the Correct People!

-Arkady
 

The introduction of mass-representative art shall be implemented after the Revolution, comrade Renkovich - not until the bourgeoisie destroys and discredits itself with the decadent "art."

Remember all the futuristic vanguard art coming out of Russia before the Revolution and for a few short years afterwards? It has all been purged and banned by the Bolsheviks to give way to the truly proletarian art of Social Realism!

It's all for the Children! We do it all for them!



And who can forget the depiction of our very own Kommissarka Pinkie?



Pinkie's Amerikan predecessor - or is it, indeed, our future whose seeds she is sowing? Come to think of it, this picture has all 57 varieties of meaning!


 

"Every garden is a munition plant"

By Trotskty's Left Testicle!  What is that insane woman sowing?  Mustard Gas plant seed?
 

I believe that True Art™ really like...began in the 50’s...you know?  guys like
maynard g. krebs and the like...too real? really, or not...perhaps so perhaps not.. not telling, not selling, not jelling? not yelling? or this...don't know...don't care...why should i? do you? and if so why? they all lie! they have all lied! liar's, politico's, lawyer's, mom, dad (no santa)? gay generals? too much...too much...or is it?


 

Red Square

And who can forget the depiction of our very own Kommissarka Pinkie?



What an amazing likeness!  Everything from my perpetual grumpy scowl to the red headscarf that makes my butt look too big--it's all there, in frightening lifelike glory!  

(Does this very image not make you tremble in fear, Pupovich?  Bubalasky?)

Only what's with the angle of that shovel?  It looks more like the type used to scoop up shi--oh, never mind, I think I just answered my own question.
 

Ah, Pinkie.  Your portrait does indeed make me tremble, but with anticipation rather than with fear.  Here is the very image of Mother Russia, stern and challenging, promising a sound whack with a shovel (already bent from previous application) for any slacking.  This is the future of America if we can but prevail and bring the glorious benefits of Scientific Socialism to the benighted masses that even now toil under the cruel lash of capitalist materialism....
 

Comrade Red Square-

My apologies, it is indeed best that we wait to unleash the full power of the Social Realism Restoration Movement until after the revolution.

After all, the proletariat may not yet be ready for the full length shovel-bearing glory of Kommissarka Pinkie.

Which is their loss, because damn, she's hot...



-Arkady