Habana, Cuba -- Called to task by Fidel Castro to explain themselves for botching several operations on the 80 year old Cuban President, his surgeons have taken the unprecedented action of holding a news conference to explain to the world President Castro's medical condition.

Chief Surgeon Rafael Bernardo of the Cuban Escuela Latinoamericana de Ciencias Médicas explained to the gathering: "When we first operated on the Maximum Leader we'd thought that he was suffering from a broken Wish Bone. The operation made President Castro's condition even worse. After several more unsuccessful operations on a Funny Bone, his Spare Ribs, and Water on the Knee we realized that his problem had to be related to his Bread Basket.

Of course, if it were not for the U.S. embargo we would have had modern medical training devices and operated on his Bread Basket sooner," Cuba's Chief Surgeon said.


Cuban doctors went on to explain that Comrade Castro's medical condition could have been easily treated when his first symptoms appeared - if it were not for the criminal Yankee war of imperialism and the inhuman blockade of Cuba. "Our doctors, though the best in the world, are forced to learn medicine using 1950s pre-revolution medical training devices - much like the Iraqi doctors under Saddam Hussein when their country was also suffering from the U.S. embargo," the doctors complained.


Demonstration of the delicate surgical technique of removing a patient's Bread Basket using a 1950s era pre-revolution Halliburton Medical Group Super Fun Operation trainer.

"President Castro's grave medical condition proves once again that the capitalist Empire of America will do everything possible to force the Cuban people to live on so little for so long," Cuban doctors said. "The world community should make Americans feel shame and guilt for not allowing the heroic Cuban people to live off generous donations from rich Western individuals and corporations, like all the other heroic socialist nations of the Third World do."

* * *
Second opinion from Iran:
Castro's illness caused by Jews

The People Cube's columnist Dr. Leonid Fuku reports from Tehran:

A selected group of doctors, approved by the Guardian Council of Iran, have offered their professional second opinion on the ailing Cuban President's condition:

DIAGNOSIS:

The stress and anxiety from seeing the suffering of righteous Muslims at the hands of Zionist occupiers, have led to Fidel's spontaneous expulsion of blood from the rectum as a sign of solidarity with the murdered children. The condition is aggravated by a new Mossad-CIA program to assault Fidel's rectum by emitting secret death rays from Guantanamo Bay facility in Cuba, as well as by Zionist attempts to destroy Cuba's Socialized Health Care so that Jewish doctors could once again have unlimited access to people's blood.

RECOMMENDATION:

All people of good will around the world must ask Allah for an end to the madness and for the survival of our staunch ally in the fight against American imperialism.

* * *

Fruits of the Revolution: a well-treated Hero of the Revolution enjoying free health care in a free Cuban hospital.

"Doctors in Cuba aren't slaves to profit so they can do so much more. They were so good that they amputated four of my fingers to ensure that infection would not spread, that was of course after they used the leaches and blood letting to get out the poison that was in the splinter. Only Socialism cares that much."



This is Yamilet Fernandez Donate. She was lucky enough to get treated for all kinds of things and even got a free abortion! And since it's a Socialist country there's no expensive malpractice insurance for the Revolutionary State to worry about!
 

I always hated that game.
 

In Amerikkka, the average person might have had only one operation. But in Cuba, everyone can get three times as many! If I recall, JFK didn't get have even one operation -- they just let him die like a capitalist dog. And yet, Fidel is still with us. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever.

In the unlikely event that Fidel does die somehow, I will gladly submit a grant application to have a taxidermist prepare him for eternal display in my office.
 

The blog's RSS feed seems to be broken, it must be repaired.
 

Quote:

Second opinion from Iran: Castro's illness caused by Jews

The People Cube's columnist Dr. Leonid Fuku reports from Tehran:

A selected group of doctors, approved by the Guardian Council of Iran, have offered their professional second opinion on the ailing Cuban President's condition:

DIAGNOSIS: The stress and anxiety from seeing the suffering of righteous Muslims at the hands of Zionist occupiers, have led to Fidel's spontaneous expulsion of blood from the rectum as a sign of solidarity with the murdered children. The condition is aggravated by a new Mossad-CIA program to assault Fidel's rectum by emitting secret death rays from Guantanamo Bay facility in Cuba, as well as by Zionist attempts to destroy Cuba's Socialized Health Care so that Jewish doctors could once again have unlimited access to people's blood.

RECOMMENDATION: All people of good will around the world must ask Allah for an end to the madness and for the survival of our staunch ally in the fight against American imperialism.

Egypt reports 19th human case of deadly bird flu: Pharaoh blames God of Israel for sending 11th plague
Published: January 18, 2007
The Associated Press

CAIRO, Egypt: Bird flu has infected another Egyptian, bringing to 19 the number of cases afflicted with the deadly H5N1 strain of the virus, according to reports Thursday in Egyptian media. While Pharaoh blames the God of Israel for sending an 11th plague, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad just blames Israel and its Zionist occupiers.
 

Actually Margaret, I have it on good authority that Castro has been dead for years. Raul Castro has been the real power. Because of our Imperialist embargo the Cubans don't even have enough money to make a cardboard cutout of the Maximum Leader so, for important photo ops, they just prop up his body with a stick; as you can see here:


 

hehe..."Weekend at Fidel's"

What's with the grin on non-person what's-his-name? Thinking adultrous thoughts again?
 

Bvt. Field Marshal Pravda

hehe..."Weekend at Fidel's"
What's with the grin on non-person what's-his-name? Thinking adultrous thoughts again?
Y'think they take him waterskiing?  "Serpentine...SERPENTINE!!!"  I'm beginning to wonder about the whole 'golem' thing again... First Lenin... then Evita... Now Fidel (I once saw him with a bunch of packing peanuts flying around him, and apparently emanating from his back... this explains it)... And now, James Brown... The Maximum Leader AND the Father of Soul... Gives Papas Got a Brand New Bag a whole new meaning...
 

Hey... just had a thought... that's a great picture of Fidel, standing there with his eyes shut, rigid, and seemingly at peace... I bet he could be plopped nicely into many different situations... sort of a
"Where's Fidel" thing... anyone up for it?
 

I hardly find this funny. Fidel Castro with a stick up his ass isn't funny.
 

Comrade Otis

I hardly find this funny. Fidel Castro with a stick up his ass isn't funny.
No... but it certainly explains his ongoing gastrointestinal issues...

And I wasn't trying to be funny... I just thought they might like to air him out more, since I'm sure the embargo has left them short of mothballs (especially since they contain naphthalene and so can be used to manufacture explosives... )
 

Sister Massively Opiated

Comrade Otis

I hardly find this funny. Fidel Castro with a stick up his ass isn't funny.
No... but it certainly explains his ongoing gastrointestinal issues...
It certainly does!



CASTRO: "Look, Hugo - I just pulled this out of my ass! That certainly explains my ongoing gastrointestinal issues!"

CHAVEZ: "Awesome! Can I hold it?"

...and now we know what happened to that South Korean-made prosthetic large intestine that was implanted in Fidel's ass the previous night at the cost of 50% of Cuba's national budget.

Guardianreports it has been now replaced with a Spanish-made implant. The international progressive community is collectively hoping that Fidel won't go poking his finger in his ass once again. Those damn capitalist contraptions aren't cheap!
 

That picture is a pant-load of revolution - just look at the glimmer of approval on Uncle Fidel's face!

SMO - I'm up for a childrens book entitled Where's Uncle Fidel?.

OR "What's Hiding Up Uncle Fidel's Ass?"
Pravda
 

I just noticed something.
Compare the two pictures...the one with rabbit molester versus the one with Hugo.

Fidel had his hair and beard dyed. It's gray with Jimmy and brown with Chavez.

Walt Frazier and Keith Hernandez must have smuggled some "Just For Men" past the embargo.

I guess Fidel wants to look 40 years younger when he croaks or maybe he had been "rejected" by one of his nurses. Now that he has "Just For Men", Fidel can "score" again!
Maybe he got some Viagra too.
 

Red Square

Sister Massively Opiated

Comrade Otis

I hardly find this funny. Fidel Castro with a stick up his ass isn't funny.
No... but it certainly explains his ongoing gastrointestinal issues...
It certainly does!



CASTRO: "Look, Hugo - I just pulled this out of my ass! That certainly explains my ongoing gastrointestinal issues!"

CHAVEZ: "Awesome! Can I hold it?"

...and now we know what happened to that South Korean-made prosthetic large intestine that was implanted in Fidel's ass the previous night at the cost of 50% of Cuba's national budget.

Guardianreports it has been now replaced with a Spanish-made implant. The international progressive community is collectively hoping that Fidel won't go poking his finger in his ass once again. Those damn capitalist contraptions aren't cheap!

What about
CASTRO: "Hey, Hugo - Pull my finger!"

CHAVEZ: "Awesome! Fidel Castro asked me to pull his finger!"

And from the Guardian article:
During a second operation to clean up the infection doctors removed the remainder of the large intestine and created an artificial anus....

Which explains why Chavez was hanging around for so long and has been little seen in the intervening time... he's moonlighting for his hero (no pun intended... well... okay... a little bit)
 

Bvt. Field Marshal Pravda

hehe..."Weekend at Fidel's"

What's with the grin on non-person what's-his-name? Thinking adultrous thoughts again?

Ex-president Peanut is also being propped up with a stick.  All part of the luxurious People's Republic of Cuba treatment of foreign dignitaries.
 

Red Square

Sister Massively Opiated

Comrade Otis

I hardly find this funny. Fidel Castro with a stick up his ass isn't funny.
No... but it certainly explains his ongoing gastrointestinal issues...
It certainly does!



CASTRO: "Look, Hugo - I just pulled this out of my ass! That certainly explains my ongoing gastrointestinal issues!"

CHAVEZ: "Awesome! Can I hold it?"

...and now we know what happened to that South Korean-made prosthetic large intestine that was implanted in Fidel's ass the previous night at the cost of 50% of Cuba's national budget.

Guardianreports it has been now replaced with a Spanish-made implant. The international progressive community is collectively hoping that Fidel won't go poking his finger in his ass once again. Those damn capitalist contraptions aren't cheap!

Am I the only one who finds something vaguely homoerotically obscene in this picture?
 

Quote:

Am I the only one who finds something vaguely homoerotically obscene in this picture?
Is this a trick question?
 

Those matching red shirts may be a tad on the gay side; but, other than that, I don't see anything else incriminating. ;)
 

As someone with extensive experience in homoerotica, sometimes finding some when there is not in fact any to be found, I found nothing in the slightest homoerotic about that. Contrary to popular belief, it is not automatically sexy for a man to hold something long, thin and hard.

But then, on second thought, look at all the carving, and ribbing and so forth. I wonder if the Doc Johnson catalog has anything like it? Maybe is is for some play time, and they're waiting for Golem No 1., Whacko Jacko, to come in, and the one who draws the short straw gets the long straw.

So it's not homoerotic to me. But then some idiot man named Daniel Edwards made a bust of Our Many Titted Empress, on display at the New York Museum of Sex, in which he opined that people are afraid of her sexual power. So if she has sexual power, other than the Hildo 7.0, I suppose that Fidel and Hugo's Doc Johnson plastic appendage might have sexual appeal.

And we do not know for sure that that is dead Fidel being propped up. What happened to Lenin's body after they disconnected it from the formadehyde-bearing tubes? Was it made into cat food or lent out to be used as Doppelganger of the odd dictator under the weather? After all, give or take a little stage makeup, one mass murderer is much like another, differing only in the counting up of victims. If only we could use a counter, much like one of those announcing that "You are visitor 63,348,354" or a counter like McDonald's "Over 30 million murdered" could we reliably tell them apart.

But then, who knows? You know how those commie butchers lie. And with the Chinese, it's even worse. Perhaps that's the reason for Mao's current lead in the body count: A million here, a million there, and an hour later you're still bloodthirsty.
 

OK, I guess they are a couple of fairies afterall, but that's only because they're holding the Great Wand of Socialism.  Rumor has it that the Wand turns kapitalists into cigars that are distributed among the toiling proletariat for their smoking pleasure.
 

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest, I hate to tell you, but the Great Wand of Socialism is in fact a PhD in economics from Harvard. If you have wondered why the Philippine Senate was so insistent in its anti-Amerikkkan stance in forcing us out of Subic Bay, know that all the Senators are elected at large and more than half, at that time, were Harvard graduates.

And let's never forget that Harvard is the home of John Kenneth Galbraith, who is as we speak unionizing the worms feeding on his flesh.

So bad is Harvard that the man who wrote the Starr report, an old friend of mine, once researched one of the first articles on internet smut, and in doing so, went into a gay bookstore in Georgetown, thinking that I might like something. (I really don't care about the theory but the gesture was nice.) I suggested that he might get a bad reputation and he said, "Theocritus, it would be a lot worse for me if people knew that I'm conservative than if they just thought I was gay." He attended a Harvard gathering in Cambridge and someone outed him as the author and people were utterly beastly to him. Because, it seems, he had revealed other things about cigars.

My lord. I'm a double threat.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest, I hate to tell you, but the Great Wand of Socialism is in fact a PhD in economics from Harvard.
And here I thought that given its apparent wooden make-up, it was a beaver poop...
 

Commissar Theocritus

A million here, a million there, and an hour later you're still bloodthirsty.

A million here, a million there, and pretty soon you're smeared as a mass murderer.

But that's nothing compared to war criminal Bush and the Imperialist embargo.
 

Margaret

Commissar Theocritus

A million here, a million there, and an hour later you're still bloodthirsty.

A million here, a million there, and pretty soon you're smeared as a mass murderer.

But that's nothing compared to war criminal Bush and the Imperialist embargo.To quote one of the running-dog magazines of the imperialist right, some decades ago the joke was that if Ronald Reagan walked on water, the Washington Pravda would have the headline

Ronald Reagan Forgets How to Swim

Not only is there a double standard, but there is a double standard about double standards, and with this I could descend into recursive idiocy.
 

<off>Hate to tell you folks, but half the straight men I know have had fun with butt play with women and with themselves. In vino veritas.
 

Eewww?
 

The world is stranger than you know, Betty. And it gets stranger all the time. Believe me. All the time. The world is not Invasion of the Body Snatchers but after a while you find out all sorts of things...

I am seldom surprised any more.
 

I'm scared to set foot outside my house....
 

TMI
 

My thoughts exactly.
 

Japanese magazine Shukan Gendai

Kim Jong Un’s health appears could be more serious than initially believed, according to reports.

[They] subsequently detailed how the surgeon in charge of Kim’s operation was not used to dealing with obese patients and was too nervous during the operation, leading to delays that left Kim in a “vegetative state.”

The sanctions are killing Kim!

If it wasn't for all the US sanctions Kim would be just fine right now. The doctors there have nothing to train with except the cheapest thinnest scrawniest pre-revolution Halliburton Medical Group Super Fun Operation trainers. If only we'd impeached Trump. He's a mad man!