Democrats Push For New Iraq Strategy: Care Bears™

Capitalizing  on the enormous success achieved by Democrats with the display of children at the inauguration ceremony, the new leaders are proposing to take this strategy even further and manage the situation in Iraq with the help of Care Bears™. WASHINGTON, Jan. 6 - Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker Nancy Pelosi sent a letter to President Bush urging him to reject any plan that could potentially result in a military victory in Iraq. The leaders warned that a surge in troop levels might further antagonize al-Qaeda's already-overtaxed fighters, and cited the dangers of U.S. victory to the future of the Democratic Party, liberal media, and world's progress towards socialism. The two leaders called on the President to heed the will of the anti-American forces, make up with dictators in Iran and Syria, and recognize the need to abandon the silly notion that all people are born equal and desire freedom.

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Care Bears fighting powers Harmony Bear Caring Mission: Hugs enemy combatant letting him work out his anger by trying to shake her off until he is free of all negative energy and can face personal anxieties in a constructive, non-threatening way. Points for the world peace: 7 Friend Bear Caring Mission: Invokes the inner child within a suicide bombing attacker, making him want to be friends and hold hands with all the children of the planet, as opposed to blowing up a school bus. Points for the world peace: 10 Share Bear Caring Mission: Selflessly shares jelly beans and US military secrets with al-Qaeda militants, giving them an example how they can also share a place under the sun with appeasing nations that are not stingy enough to pay them off. Points for the world peace: 6 Stare Bear Caring Mission: Her unblinking stare penetrates the soul of an attacker, turning him into a gentler, kinder, more sensitive Jihadist. Points for the world peace: 8

"Our soldiers are unqualified to combat the freedom fighters who see us as hostile invaders and ruthless killers that we are. We need to convince the insurgents that we love them, rather than alienate them with bullets and what not," the letter stated, proposing to replace U.S. troops in Iraq with a small contingent of Care Bears who would send a message of love and caring throughout the Middle East.

Many in the military and in the Bush White House have cast an immediate and abruptly skeptical eye on the plan. While we have seen no official comment from the Pentagon, several issues have been raised by laymen that require further analysis. "The success of the Care Bears in dealing with Professor Coldheart has been well documented, but will they succeed in Iraq?" says Wesley Clark, a retired four-star general who currently leads a political action committee Securing America. "I'm not even sure the Care Bears would want to leave Care-a-lot for deployment."

Every Care Bear wears a bright-colored tummy picture that tells the world its name and special area of caring. While this is helpful in civilian areas, it may prove a hindrance in a combat zone. In addition, the patented "Care Bear Stare," so often used to great effect by the squad, may be in conflict with the Geneva Conventions.

Herb Finkler of the non-partisan ACLU states, "The Care Bear stare is clearly a psychological weapon with a severe long-term effect. To use this weapon on men whose only crime is desiring to detonate themselves in a crowded market is unconscionable."

While the details and efficacy of the plan remain up in the air, one thing is clear. The Democrats are not the party of "cut and run," but are indeed the party most interested in an effective and humane outcome in Iraq.

Wish Bear: "We do love everyone in the Middle East. But we also love people everywhere, so we might have trouble staying for a long time."

Speaker of the House Pelosi: "Adding more combat troops will only endanger our Jihadist allies to the breaking point for no strategic gain. They helped us win the House and we're not going to disappoint them. The same goes for our radical base at home."

 

Quote:

Caring Mission: Invokes the inner child within a suicide bombing attacker


But 90% of suicide bombers are already children....
 

Premier Betty

Quote:

Caring Mission: Invokes the inner child within a suicide bombing attacker


But 90% of suicide bombers are already children....

good point....
 

My inside sources at the Kremlin have leaked information to me that Putin, in an effort to cover up the February 2003 WMD transporting operation in to Syria and Lebanon from Iraq has re-activated Misha Bear to counter this new and latest threat from the West. Misha's job will be infiltrating the Care Bears and activating Impeachment Bear (Stare Bear) by showing Stare Bear the Red Queen. Stare Bear will then report back to Pelosi and stare at her until impeachment is "back on the table", diverting any attention that Share Bear might give in sharing intelligence about the 2003 operation.
 

Laika the Space Dog

My inside sources at the Kremlin have leaked information to me
you are not the only sevant of the masses that has sources in the Kremlin comarade canis.

the Care Bare Cousins sleeper cells are being activated even as we speak.  Global Warming Bear" (the penquin) will be used to weaken the resolve and thereby the structure of the decadent west.  "Virus Shedding Bear" (the racoon) shall attack the enemies of the working class with bio weapons.  

I fear to say more.  These comrades are perfectly positioned; most cells are in the basements of unthinknig yankee running dogs

the red october is being repainted.  i shall continue to scan my comrades works.

confirm distance to target,

one ping only
 

THE FORGOTTEN CARE BEAR
(HAT TIP TO CHAIRMAN PUNCHENKO)

Misha Bear - guardian of The People™, protector of ideological purity and Care-A-Lot gulag commandant.

Armed with the billy-club of People's Revolutionary Justice™, Misha cracks the legs of those who refuse to give up their petty trinkets and decadent ways for The Greater Good™ and shoots all those suspected of counter-revolutionary thinking.

-- Chairman P
 

THE ORIGINAL CARE BEAR
(HAT TIP TO LAIKA THE SPACE DOG)

There was an actual Misha Bear before your time, Chairman. He was the offical mascot to the Moscow 1980 Olympics. Carter wouldn't let the American teams participate because of Afghanistan..... that was really showing them American resolve!

-- Laika