Democrats To Build Invincible Maginot Line Around U.S.

 
Democrat leaders agree: our soldiers won't be safe until they've pulled back behind a Wall of Safety around the U.S.A. In the years ahead, as world's freedom fighters fill the vacuum created by our strategic pull-back to the States, you - citizens of the no longer imperialist America - can sleep easy. The Democrats in Congress will keep you, your children, and your loved ones safe behind an impenetrable wall of iron, an American Maginot Line of defense that will encircle our country bristling with guns and bombs.

Our hardened fortress will be a powder keg of strength, ready to unleash a terrible storm of proportionate response on any freedom fighters that dare to wake us, the giant, with terrorism, sabotage, or invasion. We will stand tall behind our static defensive lines - and with a well rested army ready to fight anyone foolish enough to challenge our nation with war - we will together endure this challenge to our freedom.
 
Unfortunately, the only contracting company in the U.S. qualified to build such a massive fortification project is Halliburton Co.


 

As an old Union stalwart, I'm generally opposed to outsourcing; however, if I could pick one thing I'd like to outsource, it would be our military.  And, if there's one country to which I'd like to outsource our national defense, it would be France!

Frogiphiles of the world unite!  I love the sight of a white flag in the morning.  It looks like: Defeat.  

A votre sante,

--Dr. P
 

I am disgusted beyond words at your suggestion that there should be an Amerikkkan Apartheid Wall. I, for one, do not want to be trapped in an impenetrable fortress with monsters like Adolph Bush.

Someone call Roger Waters, fast.
 

I feel safer already. I knew the Democrats had a plan. Thank goodness grown-ups are back in charge in Washington. Now with all the soldiers coming back to the States there'll be a lot more fella's. Now that's a plan!
 

How in the hell am I going to get enough votes for the next election if their is a wall blocking the Indigenous Atzlan People from entering their homeland? Please, someone explain this to me.

Right behind you Dr. Dr. Dr. Kurgman - I'll bring the spray-paint!
 

I thought the Democrats scrapped the border fence plan....
 

Premier Betty

I thought the Democrats scrapped the border fence plan....

This isn't a border fence. It is a Maginot Line of strength ringing our borders built of government institutions, regulations, inspections of cargo, and a ring of defensive arms. Just as with the French Maginot Line in the '30s, during peacetime people will come and go through it as though it isn't even there. But! Just let the enemy approach and they'll set off a trip-wire of death and destruction and proportionate response that'll knock 'em right back to where they came from!
 

Dear Sirs,

It has come to our attention that your country plans to pull back from the world stage, thereby leaving your immediate geographic neigbours to be overcome by the freedom-fighting horde as they are sucked into the empty spaces left by your fast departing busy-bodies.  Your northerly neighbours would like to thank you for having once again eaten a vat of really bad chilli and come over to our place, taken a massive dump in our toilet, used up all our toilet paper and bunged up our shitter and then gone home without so much as a thank you <coughing... hack, hack, ha-afghanistan... cough cough ahemm... sorry... little tickle in our throat> metaphorically speaking.  Upon hearing this latest political news from your fair nation, several questions and concerns immediately come to mind:

1. If Halliburton is building your Wall of Safety, will it be called the Invincible Hallibut Line?

2. If it is designed to keep 'the bad guys' out, then as Kanadistanjans, may we rely on it to keep Billary, John Kerry-Heinz, NancyPPPelosi, Jimmy, Teddy Jr., Obama bin Laden, and Bonnie Fwank IN, and if they try to 'escape', may we expect a 'terrible storm of proportionate response' to be unleashed inward?  We guess what we're asking is, do the guns rotate a full 360 degrees... or more even?

3. Will the targeting systems also be designed by Halliburton?  We ask because we are hearing up here that Dick Cheney is going to be working for Halliburton after the current Presidential term is up and... well... maybe it would be a good idea to limit the sideways range of the turret installations... just a suggestion.

4. Do you honestly think we're going to keep sending you replacement parts for the Canad-Arm for your space-faring vehicles?

5. Don't think you can just blow your leaves into our country because you have a bunch of cement bunkers with guns pointed at us.

6. Will you still be wanting our natural resources, i.e. timber, oil and water?  We could set up an oil for... ummm... oil for... decent TV programming programme... oh... no... wait... forget it... we supply all your good actors anyway...

7. With the recent concerns regarding a world-wide bird flu pandemic, do the guns point up too?  It's just that we've got a lot of ducks and geese and other wild fowl up here and some of them migrate seasonally.  Have you thought about the impact to migratory patterns and your country's various natural habitats that rely on seasonal migration from Kanadistan to keep them healthy, such as wetlands, boreal forest, and Miami?

8a. What are your plans for Alaska?  Given that the polar ice caps are melting and water levels rising, it may make sense to build there last since it may be under water by then.

8b. With the current climate change already impacting negatively on our Polar Bear population and the growing potential for them to migrate south, will you be accepting Polar Bear refugees?

8c. While we're discussing global warming, we forgot to mention Al Gore in question #2.

9. What are your plans for the United Nations in NYC?  It's just that... well... we would appreciate if you'd just ship the diplomatically immune f**kers straight to Europe... we suggest France, and are certain from past experience that they won't put up much of a fight, although there may be some rioting.

10. Would you mind taking Michael Ignatieff back please.  Although he was born in Kanadistan and did recently attempt to become our Princess, we believe this is a fair request as he has spent the last 30 odd years in the United States, teaching at Harvard, and... honestly, he's more trouble to us than he's worth.

We look forward to hearing back from you promptly.  Good fences make good neighbours, and vice versa.
All our love.
xoxo
Kanadistan
 

Sis:

1. No...Gallup is doing a poll now and we will announce the weiner ERR winner soon.

2. Full 360 degrees, yes, with Bonnie on the trigger. Don't be looking for much in the way of actual deployment of said weapon.

3. Cheney is perfectly capable of duck/geese/pheasant/what-have-you targeting.

4. We don't care as we've reverse-engineered it, courtesy of Haliburton.

5. We (Americans) won't be blowing leaves into your country, that's what the wetbacks are for.

6. We don't need your stinking resources as badly as you need our entertainment resources...oil for TV, anyone?

7. See #3

8 a. No plans as the Mexicans have not invaded there yet.

8 b. Why not? Do they taste like chicken?

8 c. We did not forget Algore...we ignored him.

9. We would love to export the UN to another friendly country, say, I dunno, Somalia?

10. We'll take him if you take Cindy Sheehan, Jesse Jackson, Jane Fonda, or Sean Penn. Your choice...

Hugs and Kisses,

Your Friendly Neighbor to the South
 

Bvt. Field Marshal Pravda

Sis:
6. We don't need your stinking resources as badly as you need our entertainment resources...oil for TV, anyone?

10. We'll take him if you take Cindy Sheehan, Jesse Jackson, Jane Fonda, or Sean Penn. Your choice...

Hugs and Kisses,

Your Friendly Neighbor to the South

Pravda, my sweet,

You shouldn't eat Polar Bears, and most certainly not their livers as you will die of vitamin A toxicity rather quickly... I'm told it is a very unpleasant death.

Re: Oil for entertainment... We nixxed that one almost as soon as we thought of it, since if you send back all our screenwrites and actors, all you will have left are Sean Penn, Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins and a few others... and if none of your filmmakers come north to Vancouver or Toronto or Montreal, where will they make 'affordable' films?

Can't we all just get along?  This is precisely why I was worried about channels of communication and the decoder rings... WHAT THE HELL AM I TO DO IF YOU ALL LEAVE ME ALONE!!!  

Tunneling with a spoon...,
Sis
 

Sis wrote

Quote:

Can't we all just get along?

YES!! of course! That's why we are pushing for a United States and Provinces of North AmeriKKKa, dahlink!

U.S.P.N.A.  hmmm maybe we need a better acronym...
 

Bvt. Field Marshal Pravda

6. We don't need your stinking resources as badly as you need our entertainment...
That's "our STINKING entertainment"...
 

Red Square

Bvt. Field Marshal Pravda

6. We don't need your stinking resources as badly as you need our entertainment...
That's "our STINKING entertainment"...

good point...
 

Wait... I think I've got it...

The United States Protectorate Of Northern Governments in Exile

USPONGE

I know I'm pushing it a bit, but it hits all the right notes... The US is protecting their friends... like the Kanadistanjan Government to the North, which will have been sent into exile by the influx of freedom fighters... and... and... oh... F**K... Look... I tried... and it's got the word "SPONGE" in it...
 

...and the Liberals go wild cheering for SMO's definition of the new regime (come the Revolewshun!).
 

Oh!  Oh!! <crying... patting pockets for speech>

I TRIED!!!  THANK YOU!!!  THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THIS LOVELY AWARD FOR TRYING!!!  Cause all we gotta do is try... just a bit... not hard... wouldn't want to make anyone else feel like they needed to try... really... just do whatever you feel like and you're all winners...

And next up... THE AWARD FOR NOT TRYING!!!
 

American Maginot Line!  What a wonderful idea!  I do feel much safer now.  Tell me, what is the Democrates mighty plan to save us from Iran's nukes?  Or will the major cities be a sacrifice for The Common Good?  Secondly, why do we have to employ the peoples enemy build this for us?  The french with their military expertise should be the contactor to set us up (that way more money goes to our socalist brothers for their Common Good, instead of a evil-blood-sucking, corporate empire).
 

$.$. Halliburton

Premier Betty

I thought the Democrats scrapped the border fence plan....

This isn't a border fence. It is a Maginot Line of strength ringing our borders built of government institutions, regulations, inspections of cargo, and a ring of defensive arms. Just as with the French Maginot Line in the '30s, during peacetime people will come and go through it as though it isn't even there. But! Just let the enemy approach and they'll set off a trip-wire of death and destruction and proportionate response that'll knock 'em right back to where they came from!

What about the disenfranchised workers from Mexico.   They don't have an escape route to help the Democrats assist in wealth distribution.
 

Now I'm confused... escape IN or OUT... and when you say Democratic wealth distribution, how does that take into account the billions of dollars 'disenfranchised' Mexican workers and other 'working visitors' to the US send out of the US?... The bullets made it all sound so simple... and really... when I think about it, I get so confused...

I'd better not think about it...
 

I see it now, the next headline



Dig faster, Sister MO.
 

$.$. Halliburton

Premier Betty

I thought the Democrats scrapped the border fence plan....

This isn't a border fence. It is a Maginot Line of strength ringing our borders built of government institutions, regulations, inspections of cargo, and a ring of defensive arms. Just as with the French Maginot Line in the '30s, during peacetime people will come and go through it as though it isn't even there. But! Just let the enemy approach and they'll set off a trip-wire of death and destruction and proportionate response that'll knock 'em right back to where they came from!

Holy crap!  You have trip wires that sense the enemy and let friendlies through?  How is that possible?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
 

When the pixies are not making magical juice with which to replace oil imports, they magically detect friend from foe... As I understand it, Halliburton has set up a captive breeding programme, although no stem cells were used in the making of the pixies... Once there are enough pixies to do all the juice and monitoring work, the Queen will gift them to children... A Pixie for Every House - A Beet for Every Bowl!!
 

O'Brien

Holy crap!  You have trip wires that sense the enemy and let friendlies through?  How is that possible?

If we were to tell you, sir, we would have to shoot you. It's a Democratic Party secret. Highly classified. They have it all worked out. Your job is not to ask questions that could undermine national Party defense, your job is to be a soldier for Party defense. There is a war on. For starters I suggest buying thousands of Party bumper stickers and sticking them on cars, buildings, small children, appliances, your shirts and jackets, all vertical surfaces - bumperstickers across the nation! Some of my favorites, sold exclusively by the way through Halliburton Bumperstickers USA Group and our national affiliates, are:

MY DEMOCRATIC PARTY
   RIGHT OR WRONG

WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE DEMOCRATS
      IS GOOD FOR THE NATION

NO COUNTRY IS AN ISLAND
      IT IS THE PARTY!

         TAKE AMERICA BACK!
AMERICA IS THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY

    AMERICAN MAGINOT LINE
DEFENSE IS AS DEFENSE DOES!
 

Sister Massively Opiated

Tunneling with a spoon...
One man's spoon is another man's shovel
 

Red Square

Sister Massively Opiated

Tunneling with a spoon...
One man's spoon is another man's shovel
Every Spoon Counts... and I'm sharpening mine... (which should please Pravda as it might then count as a "spork" ;-) )

... yes... it has been a difficult day...
 

hmm...sis...I believe the Chairman is the one with the "spork" fetish...what is up with that anyway????
 

The "spork" is the universal symbol of utinsil equality, Marshal. It is both a SPOON and a FORK! My Lenin, it truly is a marvel.
 

Sorry Pravda... the last time he mentioned it was in the middle of that entire last monumental un-swallowing incident and of necessity, I've blocked out much of it...

... of course, one of the things about SPORK is its versatility... is it an utensil, or is it a mysterious type of canned meat?  OR is it both... and what happens when a spork meets SPORK...

As for The Chairman's fetishes... Do you really want to know?  I honestly believe there are just some things in this world that are better left a mystery (like canned meat)... after all... the universe is vast to the point of infinitude, and we can never know everything, so we might as well choose to know things that won't wake us up screaming from the depths of our souls in the long dark of the night... which was kinda my whole point about Boy George...
 

Quote:

I honestly believe there are just some things in this world that are better left a mystery (like canned meat)...

There's a saying "You're better off not knowing how some things are made...like sausage and laws."
 

It’s not a FETISH! My "fetish" is hookers, booze, $oft-ca$h and the social causes that generate $oft-ca$h. My decision to allow Boy George to serve as a lifelong People's Wal-Mart greeter was solely based on a large monetary contribution made to me by The Society for The Ethical Treatment of Washed Up 80's Musicians (S.E.T.W.8.M). Henceforth, my decisions to champion the rights of utensils (transgender sporks in particular) was also motivated by a hefty sum of ca$h that is currently being wired to numerous front-charities, think-tanks and other prop organizations which will launder the money into my bank account. I am a PROGRESSIVE, SMO, not some two bit business kulak making a profit off of "trinkets" and other decadent lies! My dignity, please, do not take away my dignity! Those sporks (both utensils and canned-meats) must be registered in time to vote for Hillary in 2008. My life and yours depend on it...unless, of course, you want to share a cell with me and my toaster in Siberia.
 

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

It’s not a FETISH!... I am a PROGRESSIVE, SMO, not some two bit business kulak making a profit off of "trinkets" and other decadent lies! My dignity, please, do not take away my dignity! Those sporks (both utensils and canned-meats) must be registered in time to vote for Hillary in 2008. My life and yours depend on it...unless, of course, you want to share a cell with me and my toaster in Siberia.
Darling Chairman,
I have never equated your championing of SPORK with fetishism.  In fact, I belive that if you review my previous post, you will see that I made a definite distinction between the two.  I would never impugn your character by insinuating that your fetishism and your pursuit of filthy lucre had anything to do with one and other (although, when you yourself say "My "fetish" is hookers, booze, $oft-ca$h and the social causes that generate $oft-ca$h", I have to admit to some confusion as to the difference between your work on behalf of SPORKs everywhere, and "$oft-ca$h and the social causes that generate $oft-ca$h." - but I'm sure that is simply a failing on my part... a lack of imagination.)  I do understand that your love for your vacuum (or is it yout toaster this week?) and your work as a high-powered lobbyist are two completely different pursuits.  After all.... one is for love (and love of money) and the other is simply for money... what could be clearer.

Be still, Meow... your dignity is unquestionably still intact.
S.M.O.
 

the party approves of the Maginot Line! but-

Sister Massively Opiated

Wait... I think I've got it...

The United States Protectorate Of Northern Governments in Exile

USPONGE

I know I'm pushing it a bit, but it hits all the right notes... The US is protecting their friends... like the Kanadistanjan Government to the North, which will have been sent into exile by the influx of freedom fighters... and... and... oh... F**K... Look... I tried... and it's got the word "SPONGE" in it...
the party will never approve of that name.. EVER!
back to fiddling again i guess...
parrots: http://www.greyforums.net
pigeons: http://www.pigeons.biz