Are they about to enter the orgasmatron?

Are you sure that's what it's called? A pod where they go in all black and come out all white?

Maybe Michael Jackson had one of those things?

OK, I'm bad, I'm bad, I know I'm really bad . . .

Only if your nose falls off and under your wig you're bald. Is the Orgasmatron worth that?

And Pinkie, you're our Pinkie. Don't sweat it. Especially since you read better than I do. We made progs need someone who can read well, to let us know when we should ignore things and be pig ignorant.

It's what it was called in Sleeper. But you could be onto something.

Comrades,

If you can bear with me, here is a story behind the story about the house in Sleeper.

The house was designed by an architect named Charles Deaton. Now Charles Deaton was really a very nice guy. He was, overall, a decent guy, but that house was everything to him, and I mean everything. You've heard of the expression "a magnificent obsession?" Well, this house was Charles' magnificent obsession. But, alas, he was not a rich man, and he had three children to support. He kept them in a ramshackle house with old furniture, while he put every penny into building the house. Even the beds he designed for the house were not standard ordinary beds, but rather shaped like watermelon seeds.

For years, it was all about the dream house that the family would one day live in (happily ever after, of course). While this dream went on and on, the girls grew and grew, and the wife grew too. She was a timid little thing, not really given to living in the limelight. The daughters were quite attractive. One of them was named after her father, and she was called "Charlie."

And then, one day, when the shell of the house had finally been completed, it was spectacular, and caught the attention of the New York Times. They put the house on the front page. And, suddenly, Charles Deaton was famous, world famous. And he drank that fame in. Unfortunately, this took a toll on the family. While Charles took a mistress, his wife continued to suffer in austerity and he soon divorced her. Before long, she found herself having to run a boarding house to eek out a living.

Charles Deaton never finished the house. Those watermelon seed beds were never made. It was sold, an empty shell for the next owner to finish it up. The girls never got to live there either.

Now, I'm not passing any judgment on Charles Deaton. He did, after all, give his family a dream for all of those years, and really, he was a nice guy. All I'm saying is, sometimes there is a price.

Post note: They were once our neighbors, and we too, lived the dream with them.

Leninka, that's one of the most interesting stories told on the Cube. So many ways to look at it. The dream--the self-made dream, not a prog dream of living on the (forced) kindnesses of others--is something that I understand. I'm 98% finished with my house and at times wonder if the other 2% will get done. But taking a mistress and divorcing a wife?

But I don't know which is worse once people cannot live together. I once left someone with no one else to go to. Is that more of a rejection than leaving <i>with</i> someone else to go to?

----

I'm still impressed by your self determination in surviving. Cleaning houses to live to make only the body tired. I've never done anything to make the body tired except weight lifting some years ago, and that was for bait. And I come home, utterly beaten, from a day in which all I do is solve other people's real-estate problems. Driving a truck sometimes looks very appealing.

Comrades, I need your help at once! I've been experiencing a throbbing stimulation that has lasted over 4 months! Should I seek immediate medical attention?

Ivan the Kulak wrote:Comrades, I need your help at once! I've been experiencing a throbbing stimulation that has lasted over 4 months! Should I seek immediate medical attention?

That's an Obama headache, take two aspirin and wait six months to see a doctor.

Reiuxcat wrote:

Ivan the Kulak wrote:Comrades, I need your help at once! I've been experiencing a throbbing stimulation that has lasted over 4 months! Should I seek immediate medical attention?

That's an Obama headache, take two aspirin and wait six months to see a doctor.

You can get appointment but only Doktor available is podiatrist.

AbecedariusRex wrote:I look forward to the excess of Bombay Sapphire Gin and want to do whatever I can to secure my truckload now. Pinkie? Red? What is required?

Comrades,

I am profoundly confused, for I have been drinking Old Milwaukee, OE, PBR, and Mickey's big mouths, libations of the working man (or at least the BA undergrad without a trust fund who found that his degree would make him a working man, to his regret, after imagining himself in university to be a working class hero).

Mickey's comes in bottles. I thought that alone qualified it as dangerously bourgeois, but I observed my comrades and, after a few more Mickey's, felt solidarity and prog group-think emerge as that pesky rationalism faded away.

Comrades,

It has been brought to my attention that some running dog capitalist has created a Darth Vader toaster.

While we all know that actually means Dick Cheney, would that the Stimulus Package delivered a union-made ACORN-approved eco-friendly Blue State-made toaster to the home of every citizen with the face of the highest ranking Congressional official from said citizen's state or district (think of the ACORN employment job creation possibilities!) who voted for the stimulus or an optional President 0bama.

Imagine all the people, eating toast in peace (and appreciation):

If that could be made an O'liness toaster then we could sell the pieces of bread as proof of a celestial visitation, much as tortillas with a picture of Jesus on them cause visitation lines.

And as far as Bombay Sapphire Gin--store-bought tonic, Schweppes being too sweet and the others vile, with lime. Or mint run around the rim of the glass.

Comrade_Tovarich

I see Darth Cheney was finally released by the J-Cops. Too bad he didn't learn his lesson and went on to create this vile toaster. As for my favorite libation, I believe you are familiar with the term, 'Nama Des'.

Considering that toasters have long ago become officially recognized as sexual, romantic, and marriage partners among some members of our progressive community and enjoy equal human rights and voting privileges on par with vacuum cleaners all other household appliances, the Darth Vader toasts must therefore be also recognized as children of such relationships and given full citizenship and voting rights.

The question remains, which member of our progressive community could have a romantic relationship with a Star Wars toaster and produce Darth Vader babies? Mr. Janet Reno, is that you? Or is it Mr. Rosie O'Donnell?


Wedding Bells & Whistles (Literally Wedding Them)

Pelosi is out. She simply bypassed the age of electricity.

I have a one quart Cuisinart food processor. Do you think that I can get rid of Bruno and have fun with it? It doesn't mind going into the kitchen closet, and it cares nothing for shiny things. It is perfectly happy making pesto and marinades and quenelles.

But I also have a KitchenAid mixer which I use to make bread dough. Since I find that too to be entirely more entertaining and useful than He Who Worships Babs and Cher, do you think that, as a made progressive, I could use that as a partner?

What happens if the Cuisinart and the KitchenAid get jealous?

I need advice from the collective. And I'm looking for another home for Bruno.

Now here is a toaster a truly made prog could have a little 'quality' time with.

ZAP! BAM! POW! He's come to save the day.

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Comrades, I need your help at once! I've been experiencing a throbbing stimulation that has lasted over 4 months! Should I seek immediate medical attention?

Were you sitting outside in a bathtub (next to an identical bathtub) when the symptoms began?

Red Square wrote:The stimulus works!


And that's why we need a second round!

Any fan of the matrix will look twice at this scene...

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Ivan Betinov wrote:

Comrades, I need your help at once! I've been experiencing a throbbing stimulation that has lasted over 4 months! Should I seek immediate medical attention?

Were you sitting outside in a bathtub (next to an identical bathtub) when the symptoms began?

Ivan the Kulak was minding his own business (do other comrades remember the good old days when decent people actually did that?) and up pops this happy little couple in a bathtub overlooking the Pacific. They looked so happy, and the scenery was glorious, and all Ivan had to do was pop one of those Cialis pills to make it happen. Sure, the nice man in the commercial warned me about an erection lasting more than four hours - perhaps warn isn't quite the right word; promised is more like it. (Ivan thought he should be so lucky!) Four hours - Woo Hoo! But four months of this endless stimulation is more than poor Ivan can bear. Ivan is in way over his head!

Please help your comrade Ivan before immediate medical attantion is required! That could get really embarrassing at the emergency room.

Take one wad of OPM to the Pup's Pleasure Palace immediately.

Comrade Snoogie Woogums wrote:Comrade_Tovarich

I see Darth Cheney was finally released by the J-Cops. Too bad he didn't learn his lesson and went on to create this vile toaster. As for my favorite libation, I believe you are familiar with the term, 'Nama Des'.

Indeed! I hadn't seen that but the cringing police is about right. It's tough to look bad-ass on a white three-speed bicycle with an umbrella tube on the steering column. I say this as a good thing, because Japanese police are usually stoic-professional, bumbling-friendly, or (as the first time I got ticketed) apologetic.

I don't know if you can read the characters at the bottom right but they say "unexpected" for 1 and "very unexpected" for 2.

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:

Comrade Snoogie Woogums wrote:Comrade_Tovarich

I see Darth Cheney was finally released by the J-Cops. Too bad he didn't learn his lesson and went on to create this vile toaster. As for my favorite libation, I believe you are familiar with the term, 'Nama Des'.

Indeed! I hadn't seen that but the cringing police is about right. It's tough to look bad-ass on a white three-speed bicycle with an umbrella tube on the steering column. I say this as a good thing, because Japanese police are usually stoic-professional, bumbling-friendly, or (as the first time I got ticketed) apologetic.

I don't know if you can read the characters at the bottom right but they say "unexpected" for 1 and "very unexpected" for 2.

Comrade_Tovarich

One of the things that I love about living in this sometimes frustrating, but oh so fascinating country is similar to your observation about the J-Cops. The cops could slap on a 'Hello Kitty' sticker on the three-speed bicycle and nobody here would even bat an eye. They would be to busy saying, "Kawaii".

I don't think this is very funny you all making fun of Dear Leader like this. When Dear Leader replaces me with that 16 year old with cue cards for his stimulus package I'm going to be pissed!

And just so you all know. Barry and I had a wonderful relationship, so many moonlit nights while Michelle boxed Mike Tyson's ears, and on the sunny beaches of Cuba... oh the memories...

Comrade Snoogie Woogums,

Mine and thine eyes have seen the light (and dark) of the Rising Sun!

{prof off}
Years ago a young Japanese told me J-rap wasn't good because it was happy and didn't feel angry like "real" (c)rap. I suggested that being happy is better than being angry. He said he'd never thought of it that way but concurred. Were he a prog, I'd probably be called a racist.

The kawaii! can get tiring, but I'll take it any day over the rantings and (f)art of some aggressive self-expressive in-your-face 0bama-lickspittle. There's something right about a country where adults getting emotional in public, barring some obvious event like witnessing a terrible accident, is looked down on as showing a lack of self-control and, by extension, intellect.
{prog on}

Yo, BO!

Comrade TOTUS #1,

That picture brings a tear to my eye.

The Ogler-in-Chief... he gives new meaning to "knock. knock. knocking on heaven's door"

that's a great gif, comrade!

Hey, why is Our Many Titted Empress only using 3 of her hands in this photo? I'm confused.

Well, didn't she bust an elbow or something recently? At any rate the look of sheer pleasure on her face as the feeding tube extrudes itself into the victim's sternum brings back such memories of happier days...

It's a much better portrait of her. She looks terrible in red.

AbecedariusRex wrote:It's a much better portrait of her. She looks terrible in red.

Comrade,

I concur. However, I suspect this is the "Before" picture; we have yet to see the latest "After" one.

I have had the honor, many times, of hosting our Many Titted Empress here at the Rancho de Rio Grande. I have seen her every way that she has, and I can say with complete assurance that she is never more beautiful at one time than at another time.

When she's dressed in her steel-toed drillers' boots she is just as lovely as when she's passed out in a pool of her own sick. When she's digging her trotters into my terrazzo flooring she is just as lovely as when she's, er, passed out in a pool of her own sick.

When she's riding Bruno and whipping like like a rented mule, she's just as lovely as when she's, and I'll say it again, passed out in a pool of her own sick.

In fact, I can say with authority that Our Many Titted Empress is never more lovely than when she's passed out in a pool of her own sick.

Because the Rancho is much the safest then.

But does she ever choke on it? Or does she thrive on it, her sick?

She leaves it, much like the French duchess who at a party would shit on the floor thinking that duchess' shit was just fine. (I am not making this up.)

Many years ago in The Economist, before it came to suck, it had very interesting obituaries; perhaps it still does, but the rest of the magazine sucks almost to the point of the NYT. One person featured in the obits was a Japanese human rights activist who, as a young girl, had seen a special toilet built in her village, solely for the use of the Emperor who would be passing through. She said that when she realized that the Emperor craps, she also realized he was human, nothing special. I believe she later worked at the UN and with an historical Japanese underclass, but I cannot recall her name.

Anyway, perhaps Mr. Shakespeare might have penned "To shite is to be human."

I just read that editorial; I got the book of collected obits and it's some of the best toilet reading I've ever had. Very wry in some cases.

I had no idea there was such a book. It probably makes good reading indeed (and the mag's photo captions used to be rather good). However, I wonder how the version 20 years from now will be, with obits for Teddy "the Fish" Kennedy, Clinton B & H, etc. I'm guessing hagiographic, but will there even be enough materials with which to work?

Anyway, perhaps Mr. Shakespeare might have penned "To shite is to be human."

Nope. It was Descartes: "I shit, therefor I am."

Ivan Betinov wrote:

Anyway, perhaps Mr. Shakespeare might have penned "To shite is to be human."

Nope. It was Descartes: "I shit, therefor I am."

You're thinking of Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Hoseyni Khāmene'i (علی حسینی خامنه‌ای) who said, "I Shi'ite, therefore Iran!"

Heraclitus said "you cannot step into the same shit creek twice, for fresh shit is ever flowing in upon you."

And judging by his bio he knew what he was talking about.

Of course with the Czars flying all over the country telling us about the virtues of the Progressive World of Next Tuesday, including euthanasia for old people, we could say that it's raining shit.

Or it's raining MENSCH! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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Once in a seedy capitalist dive, I saw someone of questionable character, like, er, everyone else there, wearing a tee-shirt which said, "So many men, so little time." This person would have been most impressed by the CGI.

And let's not forget the highly accurate movie <a href=" the Spartans.</a>

I knew there was a reason for studying all those classical languages. It's all in the declining.

Thaumatapoioi

Comrades! A pleasant day is upon us. I hear from members of The Party that a second stimulus is in the pipeline. Only those with a clear "poverty of ambition", the Capitalist Dogs, could have the "audacity of hope" to oppose such measures of progressive social enlightenment.

As a comrade of mine once said, "From each according to his ability, to each according to his ability to befriend the Progressive Elite (i.e. Comrade Soros, Comrade Oberman, The New York Times Editorial Staff - praise be upon them) and subvert the Capitalist Dogs with higher taxes."

Another stimulus? Now if any of the comrades didn't get his or her name into the pot to be bought and bribed a beneficiary of the people's largesse, then I am going to be one pissed-off commissar.

From another thread...

Very good, Red. Very good.