FORWARD! Woman voter blown away by Obama slogan enhancement



WASHINGTON, October 31, 2012 – If adding an exclamation point to the word "Forward" won't excite women voters, nothing will. Our resident expert on women's issues at The People's Cube explains the science behind this wonderful enhancement and demonstrates how it's going to affect the average disillusioned woman voter.
By Karen Lingefelt
I'm so excited now!
For months I'd been feeling too bummed by the stagnant economy and demoralized by the polls to consider voting! I didn't feel there was any point! Until Obama gave me a point! An exclamation point!
According to AP, Obama's campaign slogan is getting a boost: "NASHUA, N.H. - Obama's campaign added an exclamation point to placards and banners bearing the campaign's motto. Instead of a stoic period at the end of the single-word slogan, the signs now read 'Forward!'"
That's right! Not the cheap political points Republicans are always trying to score, but an EXCLAMATION POINT!
President Barack Obama waves to supporters at a
campaign event in Nashua, N.H., as middle school
students carry his freshly printed signs with a
redesigned motto, 'FORWARD!'
Until now, Barack Obama tried just about everything to win my vote! Free stuff! The Lily Ledbetter Act, that gives me more time to sue my boss for discriminating against me! More free stuff! Cash for my clunker that I can put toward one month's payment on the principal for a Chevy Volt! And good grief, even more free stuff!
But none of it excited me enough to make me go out and vote for him - not even once!
Then Obama said if I didn't vote for him, Romney would win and fire Big Bird, because Romney said himself that he loves to fire people and even birds! But since I'm too old to watch Big Bird and thought maybe he could find a better-paying job in the private sector, I still wasn't excited enough to go out and vote for Obama!
Then Obama said that if I didn't vote for him, Romney would win and put women in binders!
Binders! Every progressive woman knows that when Romney spoke of being brought "binders full of women," of course he meant it literally! He couldn't possibly have meant anything else - and, besides, Joe Biden is always talking about how the Republicans want to literally do this and literally do that!
Yet when I heard Romney say it, I simply assumed he was referring to a three-ring binder, a presentation portfolio with a resume, certificates, letters of recommendation, and perhaps a professional portrait! Then again, I'm just a self-employed stay-at-home type who's never had to put together something like that, and since I'm not as enlightened and well-educated as the progressive women who thought he was referring to something more insidious and perverted, I must be wrong!
Still, the shocking prospect of being bound up for the amusement of misogynistic Republicans didn't excite me enough to switch my vote to Obama!
Then the Left tried to warm my heart - if not make my blood run cold - with children singing songs about how, if Romney steals the election, the whole world will suck so much we should all just curl up in a hole somewhere and die!
There was nothing exciting about that - in fact, the song itself made me want to curl up in a hole somewhere and die - until a mere exclamation point got me excited enough crawl out of that hole!
Nothing says "excitement" quite like the exclamation point!
Think of all the times you've seen an old, familiar product jazzed up in a different package labeled NEW! IMPROVED! NOW WITH MORE WHATEVER! Admit it - you bought it, even though you found out afterwards it was just more of the same old crud!
Or the packages labeled HEY KIDS! SPECIAL OFFER ON THE BACK! FREE INSIDE! Admit it - you threatened to throw a huge tantrum if someone else didn't spend their own hard-earned money on that package so you could get the freebie it promised! You didn't care if it was cheap and flimsy and of no purpose other than to separate someone besides you from their ill-gotten gains - it excited you because of that exclamation point!
So it is with Obama's dynamic, thrilling new slogan FORWARD!
That exclamation point will win back those women who let themselves get suckered into thinking they might actually care about something else besides abortion and birth control!
The exclamation point will get the masses too excited to think about unexciting things. Like the economy. Jobs. Operation Fast and Furious. Benghazzzzzzz...
This is it: the exclamation point is what will get the masses off the couch and out of whatever line they're standing in to stampede to the polls and vote for Obama!
Nothing excites me more than exclamation points!
Exclamation points are like whistling a happy tune when you're shivering in your shoes so no one knows you're afraid of Romney stealing the election!
Exclamation points are like happy talk, talkin' about things you'd like to do, like voting for Obama!
Exclamation points are like singing about your favorite things when the dog bites and the bee stings and when you're feeling sad because polar bears are dying!
Why, Rodgers & Hammerstein could write a song about exclamation points making you feel more excited, but they're dead! Oh, well, at least they can still vote for Obama!
If only Team Obama had done this sooner, I'm sure he'd be polling in the 90s and no one would be showing up for Romney/Ryan rallies!
FORWARD! Don't look back! Forget what's past! Something exciting and thrilling surely awaits us! Something that will make us jump and shriek!
I just hope that after November 6th, I won't be getting more of the same old crud!
FORWARD!
Halloween is coming! Kids, when you go trick-or-treating this Wednesday, don’t ask for candy! Obama will give you candy if you vote! He’ll make it rain candy if you write to him and ask him! So don’t trick-or-treat for candy! Instead, ask people to put all their money into your little pumpkin buckets, so you can give it all to Obama! And if people insist on giving you candy anyway, rip up their Romney yard signs, torch their cars, and burn their houses down! FORWARD!




I! am! loving! the! newspeak!
1%! GDP! Growth!
8%! Unemployment!
Obama! leads! Presidential! polls! from! behind!
Oh! my! excited! heart!


COMRADES! It strikes me that, from a distance, the exclamation point could easily be mistaken for a "1" - which is as it should be!











Now what?




Who else could accomplish such a feat? An exclamation point, right when it's needed...
Astonishing!


Tovarichi
In FOUR years, we are right where we started!Actually, Comrade, sometimes it's necessary to take a step back in preparing to launch
Which is exactly what Dear Leader has done, thereby ensuring an even more amazing showing of his glorious Oneness!
We are several trillion dollars deeper in debt, the Mislooms are on the rise globally (with an Islamation Point, I might add), all the bowed-to leaders of various nations respect us significantly less and those who weren't personally bowed to did see all the bowing and also view us as weaker, our military is being cut deeper and deeper, tens of millions more are on food stamps, millions more are out of work, and so on.
And ALL done on purpose, so that Dear Leader can lead us more spectacularly FORWARD!
Is there no end to his wisdom and genius?


Glorious, simply glorious.


I look Forward to recycling the many now exclamation-point-less and obsolete Forward placards at our next communal cookout!















You da Bomb!


>>> BEET OF THE WEEK!!! <<<



Your wit stings precisely because it resonates with The Guilty.







But I was actually expecting marriage proposals! Red Square got one for one of his columns over there, so I thought surely I would need my shovel--or maybe just one of my back copies of Modern Bride magazine (I would never use the current issue to do this)--to beat off all the good looking hunky guys, bronzed pecs glistening in the sun, who would surely make a stampede to the doorstep of my hovel, holding diamond rings in open boxes perched in their outstretched hands! At the very least I dreamed of men dueling and shooting each other in the streets for my hand, and then threatening to shoot themselves if I didn't agree to make them the happiest men in Obamadom!
But no. Nothing. Not even from the usual losers lined up outside my hovel each Friday night, reeking of Calvin Klein's "Desperation" with a box of half-priced chocolates from the Scratch-and-Dent in one hand and a wilting nosegay of dandelions in the other.
Instead I'm told to give myself Beet of the Week--like what am I, Miss Lonely Hearts, that pathetic old spinster in Hitchcock's Rear Window? I can't get a proposal or even a date, so I should just sit in my hovel having a romantic candlelit dinner with an empty chair?
Oh wait--never mind. That must be my dream date with Barack Obama!


I can only propose and marry you if your shovel fits.
Could it be the Cinderella story come true? I can only hope so as I'd like a chance to whack her back.

Commissarka Pinkie
But I was actually expecting marriage proposals! ... But no. Nothing. Remember! You're totally blown away by The One's New Slogan! Why would you bother with fickle suitors? Let them pack the streets waiting on you, putting Tokyo Rose to shame, the envy of all Twitterdom.Commissarka Pinkie
Instead I'm told to give myself Beet of the Week--like what am I, Miss Lonely Hearts, that pathetic old spinster in Hitchcock's Rear Window? This isn't at all pathetic -- It just needs a heroic narrative, so you can soak it for all the pathos it deserves. By all means, get some political leverage out of this in some shape or form!Besides, if that's you in the B&W photo getting blown away, you're much closer to Grace Kelly than to the spinster, and Jimmy Stewart never had bronzed pecs anyway.


All will glorify the shriek mark soon!(!)!
Hail Obama!
(and Barrack Bless Pinkie... May all Her Dreams of Socialist Utopia Come True... !!!!!!)



Don't worry my sweet little babushka! Your dance card will be filled up soon again with the usual


R.O.C.K. in the USSA
Comrade Putout, you do realize that seeing an interrobang could send Joe Biden into an endless loop, yes?Is that circular logic?


I.M. Craptek
images.jpgI look Forward to recycling the many now exclamation-point-less and obsolete Forward placards at our next communal cookout!They burn too?
I was using them for the dogs poop mats.



--KOOK




That, and the shovel inside! Tell me, who did you badger and threaten to beat up if they didn't buy you that box of cereal?
And as for the idea that I can do the proposing, then that means I have my pick of comrades!
Who here among you considers yourself worthy of me?


I shall, therefore, humbly and forthwithly remove myself from the list of potential suitors, at least until such time as I have a shovel of my own to call home.


Stop sniffling, I'll be fine. No, really... don't beg. Save yourself Pinkie, you deserve better than an old soldier...






Comrade Pinky, I almost forgot to enclose a picture of me that should most certainly seal the deal. Drink it in !!!!


Commissarka Pinkie
BFK, your graphic actually corresponds to a point (ahem) I made in the article. What drew you to that package? Why, the exclamation point that got you all excited over the prospect of 17% more beets!That, and the shovel inside! Tell me, who did you badger and threaten to beat up if they didn't buy you that box of cereal?
And as for the idea that I can do the proposing, then that means I have my pick of comrades!
Who here among you considers yourself worthy of me?
Comrade Pinky, Indeed when I created the graphic in honour of your esteemed article, I instinctively knew that beets at the 17% level would taste much better than even 75% beets( sans Exclamatory punctuation). It seems you alone understand my pain in this all too exclamationarilly challenged world.


seven letters, "suprise attack" AMBU_H
something tells me it's appropriate... Again, welcome!


Encore Encore -




Guardian of Pravda
!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cough) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!




FORWARD!


Commissarka Pinkie
Thank you for the compliments, Kevin; however, I hope never to see any more of your less interesting spam links on my thread or elsewhere, because if I have to delete another one, I will rip out your eyeballs and shove them down your pants so you can watch me beat the crap out of you with my shovel.FORWARD!
Hahahaha. You don't tug on Lenin's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the shingles off the old gold Kremlin and you don't mess around with Commisarka Pinkie.






I have always been told by the Feminatzies in my life to "look out for myself," always put yourself first: I most certainly did look out for myself, winning many personal "battles." Something deep within me told me something different. I can also go for myself by doing this:
For Stalin's sake, please don't tell anybody I said this. Especially Pinkie, she'll kill me! Please. I beg you!