Obama Fights Back With A Historic Speech on Rednecks

Dodging the flak over his description of typical small-town rednecks as those who turn to guns and Bibles if left without government supervision, Obama has once again skillfully turned the tables on his opponents with the same maneuver he used during the Jeremiah Wright "controversy": he returned to Philadelphia and delivered a sweeping speech on the legacy of rednecks in a post-redneck society and the importance of establishing a full government control over the redneck territories - a speech that political strategists agree hearkens back to those of America's founders, and deserves a similar place in history.

Obama, who grew up in the redneck-free paradise of Hawaii, could have easily stepped into a cultural void of corporate middle-class indifference if he hadn't embraced the winning theory of class warfare and challenged the country to do better - to drop the old redneck values of self-reliance, and to accept the State as an absolute, in comparison with which all individuals or groups are relative, only to be considered in their relation to the State.

Below are excerpts from Sen. Obama's speech.

"We the people, in order to form a more soviet union..." With these simple words, social workers and community organizers had traveled across the ocean to establish a state of planned economy and redistribution of wealth according to everyone's needs.

The state they produced ultimately remained unfinished. It was stained by the presence of corncob-smokin', banjo-strokin' chicken-chokin' inbred hillbilly rednecks, who undermined the great American experiment with their distrust of a strong government. They continued to cling to their guns and Bibles, and refused to sacrifice their personal liberties to the Common Good as defined by the government. The rednecks brought the creation of a perfect society to a stalemate, and so the founders gave up and postponed any definitive solution to future generations.

Of course, the answer to the redneck question was already embedded within our Constitution, which has at its very core the subjugation of the individual to a strong centralized government, requiring the surrender of all unauthorized guns, Bibles, and incomes.

Our founders Marx and Engels believed that the government was endowed with unalienable rights to regulate life, ration liberty, and dispense happiness - and that to secure these rights, governments must decide what's best for the governed, redistribute their property, and indoctrinate their children.

Now, the rednecks will argue that the Constitution says something completely different. But we mustn't allow rednecks to rewrite our Constitution. We mustn't allow some small-town, god-crazy, gun-humping non-people to inject bitterness into our brave new world of collective hope, planned tolerance, and organized compassion.

Today, when the promise of the parchment has almost come true, it is up to this generation to find a final solution to the redneck problem. We must redouble the government's efforts to control lives, ration liberty, and dispense happiness. We must close the gap between our ideals and reality, even if it means shredding the reality to pieces. Can we do it? Yes we can!

It is up to this generation to make the word "redneck" a non-word, completing the construction of a post-redneck society.

I hope none of you are rednecks.

I shall conclude my historic speech by addressing critics who say I'm out of touch with reality.

I would like to show them a letter of support that was sent to me by a nice small-town family of hillbillies. It consisted of only a few lines scribbled over a black and white photograph - a large redneck family in front of a shabby old cracker house. The house needed some serious renovation and was probably in danger of foreclosure. The haggard faces of adults expressed bitterness and determination to fight for whatever little piece of entitlement the government can give them. The children's eyes revealed the sadness of a child who had been robbed of the true love and compassion of a caring social worker. They were the typical small-town Americans in need of guidance and support of big centralized government - exactly how I had always imagined them.

The note on the photo said,

Y'all cum n'save us, Bawrock Whosane Obomber! We done fell through the Clinton gubbermint net, and the Bush gubbermint net too, so's we is a gettin' bitter as bitteroot, we cling to silly ol' guns, that ol' time religion, and we been shootin' folks that ain't like us, as a way to 'splain the lack of gubbermint supervision over our po' simple redneck lives.

Jus' don't give nuthin' fer free to those gawddam McCoys.

XOXOXO,
The Hatfield Clan

 

What were they fighting about again?
 

Obama had me at "We" <3. Ugh! Historic! Brilliant! Forward-thinking! I feel... I feel hope, Comrades. I feel the hope that comes with being so close to the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.

I feel a warm stream running down my legs, Comrades -- this is a sign of something big!
 

Eeewww....
 

Meoooowwwwww! Purrrfect politikal prose!

Beloved Chairman, perhaps you should focus now on Change. The next time Something Big is about to happen, you are welcome to stand in my kitty box...
 

Mousey-Tongue

Meoooowwwwww! Purrrfect politikal prose!

Beloved Chairman, perhaps you should focus now on Change. The next time Something Big is about to happen, you are welcome to stand in my kitty box...

...and deliver a Pantload of Revolution.
 

Dang, is that a Winchester 1873?
- I mean - Save us B'rock. I am bout to send in my check to support 4 we'fare families [and they never even send a thankyou note], and I been bitter since the first Klinton 'ministration. I sho would feel better if'n I could pay more taxes.
 

The Free Republic is discussing this post already. Of course, they're all having trouble typing 'cause they're clinging to them their guns and wouldn't let go o' that danged Bible fer a minute, but collectively they managed to produce some relevant evidence.






 

Come the Progressive World of Next Tuesday, Lenin's Birthday!

 

 

Obamunism!
Only rednecks would vote for
Hindenberg '32/McCain '08


How do you do that morphing Che/Borat thing?
 

Red Bubba

How do you do that morphing Che/Borat thing?
Adobe ImageReady has a tool for image animation. Once you get the hang of it it's not hard. Just watch the file sizes, they can grow too big. This Prophet/Messiah image (author unknown) was almost 700 KB, and did only one-way transition. I changed it to make a two-way transition and brought it down to 80 KB while keeping the same dimensions. The quality is only a little lower, but in this case it's not important.
 

Here's more...


 

[Laughing so hard milk is coming out my nose]
 

And another one...


 

Da! They arrived behind Comet in Mothership. Comradeski Farrakahn knows them all by name.
Power to the troddendown and Mothers of children from the LDS that believe child abuse is OK.
 

Leave Barry alone!!!


 

Very funny, but turn a frigging light on.
 

Red Square

Red Bubba

How do you do that morphing Che/Borat thing?
Adobe ImageReady has a tool for image animation. Once you get the hang of it it's not hard. Just watch the file sizes, they can grow too big. This Prophet/Messiah image (author unknown) was almost 700 KB, and did only one-way transition. I changed it to make a two-way transition and brought it down to 80 KB while keeping the same dimensions. The quality is only a little lower, but in this case it's not important.

Aw heck. Now ya done got all teknical on me. I don't even have access to one of them computers here in the cabbage fields. Besides, "adobe" sounds like some kinda immigrint thing, and we don't cotton to no foriners.
 

NO! LEAVE HILLARY ALLOOOOONNNNNEEEE! BWAAAAAAA!


 

Is wondering, anyone in capitalist society having grasp on reality?
Nyet? Is thinking so.
Power to the troddendown and Senators from Las Vegas Nevada that believe the common man stinks.
 

Red Square

Leave Barry alone!!!


Is thinking very good idea. Leave Barry very very very alone. (Am thinking wrong dog was launched into space.)
Power to the troddendown and Principals that ban tag as Imperialist throwbacks to days of Empire Building aggressionistic society.
 

Quote:

Obama, who grew up in the redneck-free paradise of Hawaii

In the future Communist state, we will eliminate all rednecks! We will all be red, with no necks.
 

<off_karakter>
I was just lurking around the dKos, and came across a little nugget that goes directly to the heart of the sentiment of Obama's statement. The article is Poor, White and Pissed: A Word or Two from Mr. Bageant - make sure you also read the linked article (at the bottom) in it's entirety. The Obamob over there are exhibiting the disconnect between Liberals and "regular folks" we are so joyously satirizing. It's especially evident in the comments, where we find stuff like this:

Quote:

Even among just plain folks, there is a surprising level of savvy.

Quote:

Question: Why are poor people poor?
Answer: They vote like rich people.

Quote:

I love Joe Bageant. What I don't understand is why he (and his posts) don't get more replay here (currently only 13 comments)... He is wise and understands that the poor working class is a vital part of the Republican base. He is always exploring the many reasons why they consistently vote against their own interests.
I don't know. Let me know if I'm off base here, but I think these clowns just don't seem to get how snobbish and, dare I say elitist, these statements sound. "We Liberals know what's best, but the stupid rethugs won't even listen to our suggestions..."

-Mikhail
 

Just the other night down at The Cross-Thread Saloon while throwing back whiskeys with Hillary the Gunslinger......

ME: Say little lady, did y'all hear dem "bitter" RE-marks from dat Chicago Vampire, Count Brackula.

HILL: Yes, yes, I did. Hey bartender, another round on my friend here, and more peanuts.

ME: Just 'cause we is all screwing our sisters-in-law, he thinks, we is bitter. Hell, he ain't seen my sister-in-law!!!!

HILL: I have to piss, which way to the men's room?

ME: You mean the lady's room?

HILL: Can't you see I'm wearing pants, asshole. I can piss further up on the wall than you can reach on your tippy-toes.

ME: The girls 'round here sit down to pee.

HILL:**Whips out 1911 .45 and shoves muzzle under my nose** Girls do...I don't!

ME: Ummm....the boys go outside under the stars.

HILL: I'll be back!

HILL: I didn't TAKE a piss I LEFT one. [cackle-cackle] Hey, bartender, another round on my friend in Pennsylvania, and make 'em doubles. [more cackle]

ME: But what about that Balack Nobama guy?

HILL: I dodged sniper-fire for that pussy-whipped clown. If he had any sense he'd bitch-slap his uppity wife. She acts like she wants to be co-president or something.

ME: Well, I see it's midnight and my sister-in-law's husband has the graveyard shift over at the paper cup factory. Better go see if she needs anything.

HILL: Hold on... buy one more round and I'll come with you.....
 

Da but.

 

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

<off_karakter>
I don't know. Let me know if I'm off base here, but I think these clowns just don't seem to get how snobbish and, dare I say elitist, these statements sound. "We Liberals know what's best, but the stupid rethugs won't even listen to our suggestions..."l
well written comrade

as phil ochs, the songster of the Maoists said

"There are many shades of political opinion and the shadiest of these are the Liberals."

I go to civil rights rallies
And I put down the old D.A.R.
I love Harry and Sidney and Sammy
I hope every colored boy becomes a star
But don't talk about revolution
That's going a little bit too far
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

Love Me, I'm a Liberal
By Phil Ochs

Confirm distance to Workers Paradise

one ping only
 

Help us Obomer we R stuk in a smull tuwn.
 

Comrade Hasan

Help us Obomer we R stuk in a smull tuwn.
Has u gotts big gun? Iz u bored and bitter? Get u sum.
 

Hey'll, ah haint bittuh, I got squarrel meat in th root cellah, plenty o ammo, goin fishn after church on Sunday, then we uns'll go up ta cuzn Rafe's tah watch the demolition derby....sum folks call it the dimocrat primary.
 

In order to form a more perfect union, I apologize if I offended anybody.
To show my heartfelt apologies, I have taken the liberty to inject some Barry White into the most typical White movie of all time.

Now it has soul. No pea knuckles though.


 

Animal New York is selling a new Pope's poster styled after Obama's HOPE poster (ushanka tip to Van der Leun). I put them next to each other for comparison.



I don't know if it's good or bad. The Pope poster cost $99.00 (editions of 666 are signed and numbered). The Obama poster is free everywhere for all to see on the bus stops.


 

There are more parodies:



The creatures that made the Pope poster turn out to be rather progressive animals. They style themselves as creative punk-rock intellectuals and consider McCain much scarier than Obama or Hillary. There's a name for them in the Party lexicon: "useful geniuses."
 

If only we were more sophistiacted, we could punish thought crimes, like they do in Eurabia.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080417/ap_on_re_eu/france_bardot

Help us Borat Huzany Obomba.
 

Brigitte Bardot defends animal rights but speaks up against Muslims? How can she make such a choice between the two equally oppressed minority groups? There is a rigid party-approved hierarchy of victim groups whose rights must be protected, and both groups are in it. Pitting one group against the other is prohibited to anyone except qualified Party professionals for the purpose of raising funds and controlling the election process. Then it is allowed because it is for the Greater Good(TM).

Is Comrade Bardot a Party professional? I can't seem to find her record in our files. Has anyone seen her Greater Good(TM) balance sheet? Perhaps if she were to register on the People's Cube we could review and upgrade her status. Until that time she shall remain a mere francophone septuagenarian thoughtcriminal and should keep her wrinkled trap shut.

Pitting animals and Muslims against each other... I don't even want to go there.


 

Red Square

I can't seem to find her record in our files.

Sorry, I was looking at the pictures
and forgot to put it back. Some facists would no doubt assert that even a broken watch is right twice a day. From her dossier:

"Political incorrectness has dogged Bardot in recent years, being fined by the French government no fewer than four times in recent years for "inciting hatred" with her books. Her views that gays are "fairground freaks", that racially mixed marriages are an abomination, and that France is being "Islamized" have been problematic, as has her denunciation of the ritual slaughter of sheep during the Muslim feast of Eid. Bardot was an outspoken supporter of France's failed fascist presidential candidate Jean-Marie Le Pen."
 

 

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

I feel a warm stream running down my legs, Comrades -- this is a sign of something big!

I like it!
Chairman MS Punchenko is doing the Chris Matthews rumba.
Let's all join him?
 

Excellent work, Maksim! I'm assuming you're the author.
 

Red Square

Excellent work, Maksim! I'm assuming you're the author.
Thanks, you don't even want to know how long it took. I justify the disgraceful waste of time by telling myself the skill may someday be useful. LOL
 

Remember when you wished she would climb through your bedroom window?

Now your son is afraid she's hiding under his bed.


 

[quote="Commissarka Pinkie"]Remember when you wished she would climb through your bedroom window?

Now your son is afraid she's hiding under his bed.

All of those waisted wrist exercises for this? I thought it was Sally Struthers!


 

Having grown up in the counter-revolutionary redneck state of Alabama, it with great reluctance that I say that Comrade Obama-rama is correct. These people, like the people of Pennsylvania, are just to stupid to responsibly manage their own lives. And they certainly cannot be trusted with guns. This is why Socialism is the only progressive path for the proletarians of AmeriKKKa. As it was with Marx and Engels, it is with Obama and Clinton ... the educated elite know what is best for the those less educated and less enlightened than they are.

First a video remix of Deliverance a la Brokeass Mountain, then pics of Bridget Bardot and Sally Struthers. What is this sudden obsession with Hogs?

--
ZB
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Remember when you wished she would climb through your bedroom window? Now your son is afraid she's hiding under his bed.
There are scarier things than that. For example, I think this thing is hiding in my closet. And the longer I look at it the scarier it becomes.


 

Back to the issue at hand...


 

Dude, you need to blow up your closet....
 

holy crap I forgot what a real piece of a** Bardot was back in the day...damn!

Sally Struthers, on the other hand...not so much, no?
 

Red Square

Commissarka Pinkie

Remember when you wished she would climb through your bedroom window? Now your son is afraid she's hiding under his bed.
There are scarier things than that. For example, I think this thing is hiding in my closet. And the longer I look at it the scarier it becomes.


I thought I saw that in my toilet after some Mexican food...
 

I put that poster in the barn, and milk production is up 850% ! [Ignore what the farmhands say, they are so modest]. The wether goats tend to gravitate toward the HOPE poster, though, and stand around shaking their hind legs and smiling.
 

 

Obamer has the gall to 'change the tone' of the Demokratik Primary by raising the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate to our MTE:


http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2008/04/obamaflipsoffcl.html
Another shining example of how his superior oratory skills have been helping him so much lately! If I were him though, I would take care. Our Empress and her proxies may well yet crush his lychee nuts!


 

Hillary!

Put that .38 snub-nosed nickle plated 5 round Smith and Wesson down.
I can see the chambers are empty.

We need Show Tunes!

Lighten up honkies! Get some popcorn.


 

Exactly what did Obama say that is objectively wrong? Believe me, I know where he is coming from - this is seared in my mind - I live in the Midwest amongst these ignorant capitalist-pig brute-rubes. As any superior, brilliant philosopher or economist - from Karl Marx to Paul Krugman - can enlighten you, the only way to ease this economic bitterness and hatred is to tax these asshats to the sky. Only through onerous taxes and heavy regulation can true opportunity flourish. Only the most successful and righteous system in World History can save us now - socialism. As any person whom has rejected False Consciousness knows, the only good job worth having is most likely created by the State. It is finally time for these rubes to give a vote in favor of their self-interest…Obama!!! You know it, Amerikkka. Now come and give me a hug.
 

We dissidants in small towns who home school, buy guns, go to church, support NON-government charity, just want you to know...

I can still shoot 50 out of 50 at 25 meters with my Sig P229 9mm... come get it from me, PLEASE...PLEEEEEASE TRY MR YOMAMA.. or whatever the f**K your name is!!!! By the way, my 1911 back up will really help you out of your misery, if you get close enough for me to use it. It is so plain WHO is bitter, and out of touch.

By the way, I never screwed my sister or my cousins, I am not bitter, I am rich, I and you don't fool me.

Dissidant
 

For G-d's sake you vultures! Just let the man eat his waffle!

...hey, waffle! I just got that!
 

Red Square

Brigitte Bardot defends animal rights but speaks up against Muslims? How can she make such a choice between the two equally oppressed minority groups? There is a rigid party-approved hierarchy of victim groups whose rights must be protected, and both groups are in it. Pitting one group against the other is prohibited to anyone except qualified Party professionals for the purpose of raising funds and controlling the election process. Then it is allowed because it is for the Greater Good(TM).

Is Comrade Bardot a Party professional? I can't seem to find her record in our files. Has anyone seen her Greater Good(TM) balance sheet? Perhaps if she were to register on the People's Cube we could review and upgrade her status. Until that time she shall remain a mere francophone septuagenarian thoughtcriminal and should keep her wrinkled trap shut.

Pitting animals and Muslims against each other... I don't even want to go there.

I think she only supports French animals' rights.

P.S. It would be really cool if one could animate this pic of Comrade Bardot to blink infrequently, like every few minutes or so, to make people think they are hallucinating. It would be really creepy. Post it on a prole web site; some would catch it and some wouldn't, adding to the mass hysteria.
 

Update from Laika:

Brigitte Bardot convicted in race case

AP

PARIS, France (AP) -- A Paris court on Tuesday convicted Brigitte Bardot of provoking discrimination and racial hatred for writing that Muslims are destroying France.


 

Make that two reasons Elton should have Bernie retool this song.
 

I don't know why he's worrying about rednecks, I mean, they are in Red-State land, and we are in a seperate, independent, perfect Communist society.