An early-morning car crash involving Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-R.I.), son of Sen. Ted Kennedy, has brought to the fore the excessive stress associated with being a congressman. At approximately 2:45 a.m. Thursday Pat Kennedy's car, with its lights turned off, narrowly missed colliding with a Police cruiser, then smashed into a security barricade. Patrick exited the vehicle staggering and declared he was a Congressman and was late to a vote. The House had adjourned nearly three hours before the incident.

The physician for the Kennedy clan has determined that young Patrick has been devoting so much time to his job and is so sleep-deprived that he was essentially "sleep driving" when he nearly injured himself in his vehicle.

Kennedy physician Dr. Hilby Shanker tells us, "the stress, late night hours, non-stop efforts that the Kennedy clan give to America often lead to personal heartache for them." In particular, Dr. Shanker mentioned the tragic result of Ted Kennedy's excessive work schedule at Chappaquiddick. "How many more Kennedy lives must be threatened before the Congress wakes up and imposes a limit on the working week?"

Lawyers for the Kennedys were unsure whether they would sue the Federal Government for overworking young Pat to the point of sleep driving. "I have devoted my life to the good people of this country," said Ted Kennedy, "but I will not let my son risk his life to create the best Government in the world the way I did."

Police on the scene have been reprimanded for attempting to test Patrick for alcohol. "The last thing we need is to add insult to injury here," said the D.C. District Attorney. "We will be lucky if we get away from this without being sued!"

I have sat and drank many a bottle with congressman kennedy, and I can attest that his body is so hardened by alcohol, that there is no way that 3 hours of post congressional duty drinking would cause a mishap such as this. I have personally witnessed Patrick on a 24 hour bender, drivin the mean streets of D.C with him, and have never seen him do anything more than drive over 4 consecutive curbs (when taking left turns) . It can only be a direct result of sheer exhaustion after doing battle with the republican nitwits. Just wanted to add a heartfelt testimonial.

<b>WOW! The Cube is really in the know!</b>

A mere 5 hours after publication of this story on the Cube, and we get CONFIRMATION THAT YOUNG PAT WAS SLEEP DRIVING!

WASHINGTON (AP) - Rep. Patrick Kennedy crashed his car near the Capitol early Thursday, and a police official said he appeared intoxicated. Kennedy said he had taken sleep medication and a prescription anti-nausea drug that can cause drowsiness.

Kennedy said he returned to his Capitol Hill home on Wednesday evening after a final series of votes in Congress and took "prescribed" amounts of Phenergan and Ambien, another prescribed drug that he occasionally takes to fall asleep.

"Some time around 2:45 a.m., I drove the few blocks to the Capitol Complex believing I needed to vote," his second statement said. "Apparently, I was disoriented from the medication."

I DEMAND MILLIONS TO EDUCATE AMERICANS ON SLEEP DRIVING! WE NEED A FOUNDATION, A MEDICAL SPECIALTY, AND A COLLEGE MAJOR ON THE SUBJECT!

I just hope that the tragic young Kennedy is not arrested should his next accident involve a negligent lazy pedestrian. Let me be the first to say that I have diagnosed sleep driving in hundreds of party officials and treated them all with some degree of success. The tragedy is when an able bodied pedestrian involves himself in a situation like this by confronting the vehicle. The emotional guilt of the Kennedy clan resulting from an accident through no fault of their own could be devastating.

Personally, I believe all non-essential vehicle and pedestrian traffic should be limited in Washington D.C. and Martha's Vineyard given the heavy work week and likely sleep driving of the Kennedies.

Ambien? Damn those French Bastards!
Whatever happened to Quaaludes? Are we sure it wasn't Quaaludes? How about Placidyls? I think Valium is still legal.....

https://www.erowid.org/chemicals/methaq ... lone.shtml

https://www.biopsychiatry.com/diazepam/valium.html

https://www.biopsychiatry.com/misc/placidyl-oldad.html

Give me Librium or Give me Meth!

https://www.biopsychiatry.com/librium.htm

All Spaced Out,
Laika

Pat & Ted's Favorite Band?

https://www.crashtestdummies.com/

Ted's pick:

https://www.crashtestdummies.com/albums ... nt_me.html

L.

Don't stop me now....I'm on a roll......

We need T-Shirts:

Pat & Ted's Excellent Driving Adventure!

Have Ted driving and hanging out the window with a bottle of Jameson's and Pat hanging out the other with pills flying out of a Ambien perscription container.......
Just a thought.

Laika

Or how about?


Patrick Kennedy: Better Congressmen Through Chemistry.

L.

Comrades!

Isn't this all a little too obvious?
The Cheney/Rove/McHitlerburton axis is again running a covert op to distract us from IRAQ and discredit the great champions of the proletriat, the Kennedy family.
These pills young Patches were proscribed because he works so hard and can't sleep were no doubt exchanged for some kind of date-rape drug and the whole incident was staged; probably by the underling fascist capos who reported the "accident".
We must organize a march to demand a special prosecutor to look into the Bush regime's involvement in this criminal act of character assassination, as well as thier involvement in the real thing against Patch's uncles.

Excellent point, Gorky! Who are these petty little officers to go behind the backs of their superiors and report this very sneakily alleged incident? This incident reeks of Rovian perfume.

I say we investigate the reporting police officers in a closed-door Senate session with Massachussets Senators as the judges and jury. Only the impartial members of the Senate from a state other than Rhode Island can put this matter to rest.

Thursday Pat Kennedy's car, with its lights turned off, narrowly missed colliding with a Police cruiser

If his lights were off he might have been trying to smuggle something past the police. Maybe he is an illegal Ambien trafficker bringing sleeping pills to the rest deprived....

His lights were off because one can't really sleep with the lights on, can he now? We all know how irritating those lights can be....

Kennedy The Heroic.....

What a bravre and heroic man we have leading the way. I am proud that this man will be coming to my home town, Rochester Mn to seek guidence, rehabilitation, re-education. If anyplace can set Kennedy straight, its the Mayo Clinic. Ok, so they failed once during the Holiday break. Apparently he will be flying in this afternoon. Please donate generously to "Friends of Patrick Kennedy" to help him through this trying time. In leu of that, please donate generously to your local union steward. Excuse me while I grab my camera, and go to the municipal airport to await his arrival.

(See! I told you it wasn't alcohol. Alcohol is never a problem for the Kennedy's)

<b>UNBELIEVABLE!</b>

THE CUBE PREDICTED THE KENNEDY DEFENSE:

From the Cube:

The physician for the Kennedy clan has determined that young Patrick. . .was essentially "sleep driving" when he nearly injured himself in his vehicle.

Now from the horse's mouth and the AP:

Kennedy stated, "in all candor, the incident on Wednesday concerns me greatly. I simply do not remember getting out of bed, being pulled over by police... I am deeply concerned about my reaction to the medication..."

Ambien, the medication Kennedy took, has been linked to occasionally causing <b>sleep driving.</b>

Man, sometimes art imitates life even when the art is a joke! Good job Patty!

Don't these cop cars have cameras now? Let's see the video! And where are the newshounds running a timeline of young Kennedy? Where was he before the crash? Was he really at home? Was he out drinking? Just where was he? I know he is innocent, but let's remove all doubt! Maybe Dan Rather will investigate?

Herschel Von Trapp wrote:Don't these cop cars have cameras now? Let's see the video! And where are the newshounds running a timeline of young Kennedy? Where was he before the crash? Was he really at home? Was he out drinking? Just where was he? I know he is innocent, but let's remove all doubt! Maybe Dan Rather will investigate?

we believe that comrade herschel (sounds vagely zionist does it not?) did not read the quote that the great workers friend paddy kennedy said ...

"AND WHEN I RETURNED, MARYJOE AND THE CAR WHERE GONE!"

Undervasser Commandant Kennedy has all the people's submariners respect.

CONFIRM DISTANCE TO OLDMOBILE,

One Ping Only

I finally figured out why Maria Shriver married Arnold Schwarzenegger:

It's an attempt to breed a bullet-proof, crash-proof, drown-proof Kennedy!

SylviasDaddy wrote:I finally figured out why Maria Shriver married Arnold Schwarzenegger:

It's an attempt to breed a bullet-proof, crash-proof, drown-proof Kennedy!

BRILLIANT OBSERVATION!! it's so obvious now