PeopleMath™: All Numbers Are Equal

I thought I was coming to the discussion late, but then I realized all times are equal, so I'm OK.

The People's Math also proves that true equality of possessions has already been achieved:

TP - total property
NC - number of comrades
SPC - stuff per comrade

TP/NC = SPC

Since there's only one value of SPC and all comrades are equal, every comrade ALREADY has the same amount of stuff.

Glorious!
 

Welcome Comrade Squealer. Your insight is impeccable. The implementation of the TP/NC=SPC formula will be entered into the next Five Year Plan.

And now let's see how the decadent capitalist though is savagely devouring itself in the absence of the true light of Progressive Math:

A friend writer Matthew Paris sent me this parody he wrote on this issue yesterday.

Heisenberg Jigsaw Puzzles

Heisenberg jigsaw puzzles are for young and old who want to explore the ultimate meaning of opacity, fierce implosive density, severe indeterminacy along with the mischievous random movement in and out of what we innocently call reality of everything from the human spirit to quasars.

The designs if one could call them that in our puzzles elude any analysis whether one is a genius, a mediocrity or an imbecile. None of the individual jigsaw pieces in any Heisenberg product fit together impeccably; some seem to connect with others in a vague and marginally disconcerting way that foals at best a nagging inner anxiety.

Many pieces in the vast pile of Heisenberg shards of nothingness defy any pattern at all. They seem to be perverse singularities that at once fill the veteran puzzle addict with bewilderment and beyond that a near lethal mix of discomfort and dread.

Jigsaw fans have been known to manipulate the pieces in Heisenberg puzzlers for months and even years before throwing them all into the fire in a fit of rank disgust, rage, pique, disdain, and scorn. Nobody, not even large computers, has ever solved any of our puzzles.

Yet these superficially perplexing riddles have a wonderful long term effect in honing the analytical gifts of our furious customers to the frontier and beyond of finding tenuous logic and subtly vague patterns in our more crepuscular enigmas.

We also offer an ancillary sputtering flashlight with a hissing weak bulb to make even the surface visual appearance of our puzzles shadowy and mysterious.

Heisenberg puzzles generally are known all over Germany for their earnest capacity to remind all of the inexplicable. Our catalogue includes video games that not only seem oddly endless and insoluble; they are indeed riddles unhampered by solutions. We purvey books with random words with apparent spiritually profound mantras, computer generated for ultimate ineluctability.

We have on placards decorating the walls of our Heisenberg firm in Upper Darmstat a company policy that affirms that nobody will ever be happy, even other than wretchedly, grumblingly miserable, with any of our products. We say at Heisenberg: "Dissatisfaction guaranteed!"
 

Comrade Squealer

I thought I was coming to the discussion late, but then I realized all times are equal, so I'm OK.

The People's Math also proves that true equality of possessions has already been achieved:

TP - total property
NC - number of comrades
SPC - stuff per comrade

TP/NC = SPC

Since there's only one value of SPC and all comrades are equal, every comrade ALREADY has the same amount of stuff.

Glorious!

Yes, welcome to the Cube Comrade. I can see you have grasped an important principle of PeopleMath™ quickly and have already deduced the beauty of this.

Just always keep in mind that while we are all equal, some ranks are also more equal than others. Therefore we have "The Power Has Its Privilege" Principle, and the Law of Hillary which states that all that any of us depends on the value Her Highness decides is as equal as hers.
 

How about Cat math:

Parachuting cats into Borneo! A Cautionary Tale.



In the early 1950’s, the Dayak people of Borneo suffered a malarial outbreak.  The World Health Organisation (WHO) had a solution: to spray large amounts of DDT to kill the mosquitoes that carried the malaria.  The mosquitoes died; the malaria declined; so far so good.  But there were unexpected side effects.  Amongst the first was that the roofs of the people’s houses began to fall down on their heads.  It seemed that the DDT had also killed a parasitic wasp which had previously controlled thatch-eating caterpillars.  Worse, the DDT-poisoned insects were eaten by geckoes, which were eaten by cats.  The cats started to die, the rats flourished, and the people were threatened by outbreaks of typhus and plague.  To cope with these problems, which it had itself created, the WHO was obliged to parachute 14 000 live cats into Borneo. Operation Cat Drop, now almost forgotten at the WHO, is a graphic illustration of the interconnectedness of life, and of the fact that the root of problems often stems from their purported solutions.

Ahhhh, the circle of life.......

Mental note for you Mathematicians:

(ddt+bugs+geckos+cats) = (Rats2+ 14000 cats with parachutes)

 

Thank you for welcome, Comrades, though I am actually Comrade from some time ago.  I've been on hiatus conducting secret thought experiments for advancement of Cause.

Comrade LoneRedStar, I feel certain I must have misunderstood intent of your comment.  Surely, you do not mean to imply that Central Planning must defer to natural "law" or "unintended consequences?"  Party controls economy, society, and environment.
 

No, No , No my dear Comrade. I am just pointing out that when an incapable organization like the WHO seems to execute a plan, they dont think it through and must come up with a solution.( I.E. I shall fling a flying cat at your Rat problem) Our Proles should be thankful for the rats as they are like manna from Central Planning . If Central Planning sprayed DDT to kill the bugs to save the crops for the party why would we care if a few proles got the plague. Isnt that what the gulags are for?

Central Planning + Excessive Rats= happy proles


mmmmm fried rat


 

Is that what that thing is?  You're telling me that's rat?  It looks more like... um... well, it certainly doesn't look like rat.  I'm not going to say what it does look like for fear of an intimate meeting with the Mark IV.
 

LoneRedStar

Central Planning + Excessive Rats= happy proles


Sorry Comrade, you are still engaging in non-progressive math. Let me explain the error of your ways.

In non-progressive math, the poisonous capitalist math still being used to enslave the People, the equation you quoted:

Central Planning + Excessive Rats= happy proles

Would, due to the repressive rule that states whatever is done to one side of the equation must be done to the other side of the equation, also evaluate as:

Excessive Rats = happy proles/Central Planning

Central Planning dividing happy proles? I think not Comrade! That would be thought crime!

But PeopleMath™ proves that since all numbers are ≈, then we can say that:

(Excessive Rats = happy proles/Central Planning) ≈ (Excessive Rats ≈ happy proles * Central Planning)

It is a subtle difference, but an important difference to prevent thought crime.
 

But I like this formula! You have obviously drunk more than your quota of Putinka, Commissar Pupovich! We'll have to do something about that rationing soon, or all our People's Science will become moot like the sugar beet moonshine!

There were no / or * signs in that formula. Only +. That formula IS A PLUS!

if
{ Central Planning + Excessive Rats = happy proles }

then
{ Central Planning = happy proles -  Excessive Rats}

or
{ Excessive Rats = happy proles - Central Planning }

Is similar to Lenin's famous formula

"Communism is power of the Soviets plus electrification of the entire country"

meaning that

power of the Soviets = Communism - electrification

or

electrification = Communism - power of the Soviets

You wouldn't really argue that Lenin wasn't a brilliant People's Mathmagician, would you now, Pupovich?
 

What can I say? I must bow to the Party. I was just pointing out that we must get past the old rules of algebra since they can lead to thought crime.

Clearly we need more work. But I would suggest that Central Planning is not a variable that can fit into the X+X≈X formula. Central Planning is a Universal Constant, and not only is it a constant, it can never be a negative. Technically, it could be expressed as ABS[Central Planning] (ABS standing for absolute).
 

Quote:

Clearly we need more work. But I would suggest that Central Planning is not a variable that can fit into the X+X≈X formula. Central Planning is a Universal Constant, and not only is it a constant, it can never be a negative. Technically, it could be expressed as ABS[Central Planning] (ABS standing for absolute).


Ah, the "Saban Theorem of Central Planning."  This was recently annuciated by UA head football coach Nick Saban to explain the lack of performance by his squad.  The crux of his argument seemed to be that he (central planning) had provided the right calls to the players on the field (proles), but that they had failed to execute the plans properly, resulting in failure.  Since Central Planning cannot be at fault, it was the execution that was at fault.  Thus, the answer to all the problems of Central Planning is execution (or at least a vacation in the gulag).

ABS(CP) + EX = Success.
 

Ivan Betinov

Quote:

Clearly we need more work. But I would suggest that Central Planning is not a variable that can fit into the X+X≈X formula. Central Planning is a Universal Constant, and not only is it a constant, it can never be a negative. Technically, it could be expressed as ABS[Central Planning] (ABS standing for absolute).


Ah, the "Saban Theorem of Central Planning."  This was recently annuciated by UA head football coach Nick Saban to explain the lack of performance by his squad.  The crux of his argument seemed to be that he (central planning) had provided the right calls to the players on the field (proles), but that they had failed to execute the plans properly, resulting in failure.  Since Central Planning cannot be at fault, it was the execution that was at fault.  Thus, the answer to all the problems of Central Planning is execution (or at least a vacation in the gulag).

ABS(CP) + EX = Success.

Exactly! Brilliant deduction! The brilliance of that statement also means that:

ABS(CP) + (anything) = success!
 

Commissar Pupovich

Clearly we need more work.

Ahh, the subtle beauty of progressive thought!  

I've already done some work.  Some work = X = ∑X.  Brilliant socailist mathematicians' work = X, and Comrade Squealer's work ~ ∑(all work).

I'll be off to my dacha enjoying the fruits of my labor.  Since Comrade Squealer is more equal than a prole, the more fruits I enjoy, the more the proles will enjoy.  In the interest of Socialist Progress, therefore, I shall enjoy a great deal.
 

Quote:

Since Comrade Squealer is more equal than a prole, the more fruits I enjoy, the more the proles will enjoy.  In the interest of Socialist Progress, therefore, I shall enjoy a great deal.


That's exactly why I get to enjoy more wallets than the common prole (including their own).
 

Comrade Squealer

[I've already done some work.  Some work = X = ∑X.  Brilliant socailist mathematicians' work = X, and Comrade Squealer's work ~ ∑(all work).

I'll be off to my dacha enjoying the fruits of my labor.  Since Comrade Squealer is more equal than a prole, the more fruits I enjoy, the more the proles will enjoy.  In the interest of Socialist Progress, therefore, I shall enjoy a great deal.

You have clearly shown great understanding of The People's Math™.

I myself am somewhat amazed, yet delighted to find that the People's Math™ has shown that my beloved LSU Tigers are more equal than the rest, and so will play for the Championship!
 

Ah, but competition is a barbaric, insensitive ritual that reeks of social Darwinism.  Better for all that your beloved LSU Tigers should just *take* the symbol of superiority.
 

Comrade Squealer

Ah, but competition is a barbaric, insensitive ritual that reeks of social Darwinism.  Better for all that your beloved LSU Tigers should just *take* the symbol of superiority.

That is what we shall do Comrade, we shall take the National Championship as a contribution,
 

Don't you DARE tell another AU fan, but good luck to yer boys, Pup!
 

I still can't believe that both Missouri and West Virginia fell! I could see Missouri losing to Oklahoma, but West Virginia to Pittsburgh? Who'd thunk it?
 

Commissar Pupovich

Who'd thunk it?


Not me!  I try my hardest not to thunk.
 

Premier Betty

Not me!  I try my hardest not to thunk.

And you do it better than most....

So sorry Premier, it was just laying out there so I had to pick it up.
 

Hey, it works....
 

Works? Works? What is this "works" Comrade? Is that some new Hot Pocket or something?
 

Um... uhh... nothing!

<scurries away with box of Hot Pockets>
 

Marshal, in the interests of promoting the only Party-Approved Discipline for Bean Counting and Injecting Politics into Subject Curriculum Where It Would Not Otherwise Have Any Relevance, I proudly announce the latest product from the PPPX:



Whitens teeth while destroying your sense of differential equations. Never mind the complimentary condom--the Chinese are kind of fanatical about that.
 

That appears to be a welcome addition to the PeopleMath™ discipline Comrade. One thing is for certain, the Party simply can not tolerate "differential" equations of any sort.
 

I believe PeopleMath(tm) will also bring equality in the math grades of pupils. I wish my school followed PeopleMath(tm).
 

What? Your school still uses such barbaric and divisive tactics as "grades?" That is outrageous and must be squashed immediately. PeopleMath™ as you rightly point out, makes such divisions between students non-existant!
 

These teachers are dictators. The problem is they're not socialist dictators unlike mighty Hugo Chavez. Socialist dictators are a blessing. They kill people who are not progressive.
 

We have used the progressive People Math™ for years and still we are not dead.
(*checks for mites under wing, cockles feathers and they are gone*)
 

Ah, PeopleMath. A Pupovich Classic.
 

Ivan Betinov

Final Exam
MA XXX-XX
The People's Math
Professor Betinov
Fall Semester, XXXX

Please mark your answer in the spaces provided, using capital letters only. Each question is worth X points.

_____ X. If Commissar Pupovich has X Mercedes-Benz automobiles with gold-plated hubcaps and hot and cold running vodka dispensers, and a common Prole has X elderly Dodge Caravan minivan with a flat tire and broken air conditioning, who is guilty of a hate crime?

A. Commissar Pupovich
B. The Common Prole
C. Germany
D. George Bush

_____ X. Comrade Theocritus contributes $XXXX to Hillary's campaign fund. If the maximum legal individual contribution is $XXXX, how much more can Comrade Theocritus contribute?

A. None
B. The Nazi Bush Administration is guilty of war crimes
C. Less than he ought to be able to
D. It depends on how many minimum-wage earning Chinese dishwashers he knows

_____ x. Sister Massively Opiated wants to create a legion of Necro-proxies to swing the Ohio vote. If the Rethuglicans have an XX,XXXX voter lead in the most recent CNN poll, and it takes SMO X minutes to create a Necro-proxy, how long will it take for SMO to deliver Ohio to the feet of the Empress?

A. X Days and XX hours.
B. She can't, because Bush will rig the election
C. It depends on what the definition of "is" is.
D. This is a trick question because CNN would never report that a Rethuglican leads in the polls

_____ x. If Jorge the undocumented worker will mow lawns for X dollars per hour, and the average lawn takes X hours to mow, how many lawns does he have to mow to make the maximum legal contribution to the Hillary campaign?

A. George Bush is a racist
B. It depends on how many minimum-wage earning Chinese dishwashers he knows
C. It depends on what stance Hillary is taking on the question of issuing driver's licenses to undocumented workers at the moment
D. X

_____ x. It will require X dollars to implement the enhanced S-CHIP coverage for the poor and neglected children that Bush hates. How many babies did Dick Cheney eat for breakfast?

A. X, because he's trying to manage his cholesterol
B. X, because he was really hungry this morning
C. X, but only because brave patriots were using the rest to block access to military bases
D. X, because he had to share with houseguest Karl Rove


Teacher! Teacher! I'm done with my test! Can someone check it please? I used a number X pencil just like you told me to.

Final Exam
MA XXX-XX
The People's Math
Professor Betinov
Fall Semester, XXXX

Please mark your answer in the spaces provided, using capital letters only. Each question is worth X points.

D___ X. If Commissar Pupovich has X Mercedes-Benz automobiles with gold-plated hubcaps and hot and cold running vodka dispensers, and a common Prole has X elderly Dodge Caravan minivan with a flat tire and broken air conditioning, who is guilty of a hate crime?

A. Commissar Pupovich
B. The Common Prole
C. Germany
D. George Bush

B____ X. Comrade Theocritus contributes $XXXX to Hillary's campaign fund. If the maximum legal individual contribution is $XXXX, how much more can Comrade Theocritus contribute?

A. None
B. The Nazi Bush Administration is guilty of war crimes
C. Less than he ought to be able to
D. It depends on how many minimum-wage earning Chinese dishwashers he knows

B____ x. Sister Massively Opiated wants to create a legion of Necro-proxies to swing the Ohio vote. If the Rethuglicans have an XX,XXXX voter lead in the most recent CNN poll, and it takes SMO X minutes to create a Necro-proxy, how long will it take for SMO to deliver Ohio to the feet of the Empress?

A. X Days and XX hours.
B. She can't, because Bush will rig the election
C. It depends on what the definition of "is" is.
D. This is a trick question because CNN would never report that a Rethuglican leads in the polls

D____ x. If Jorge the undocumented worker will mow lawns for X dollars per hour, and the average lawn takes X hours to mow, how many lawns does he have to mow to make the maximum legal contribution to the Hillary campaign?

A. George Bush is a racist
B. It depends on how many minimum-wage earning Chinese dishwashers he knows
C. It depends on what stance Hillary is taking on the question of issuing driver's licenses to undocumented workers at the moment
D. X

D____ x. It will require X dollars to implement the enhanced S-CHIP coverage for the poor and neglected children that Bush hates. How many babies did Dick Cheney eat for breakfast?

A. X, because he's trying to manage his cholesterol
B. X, because he was really hungry this morning
C. X, but only because brave patriots were using the rest to block access to military bases
D. X, because he had to share with houseguest Karl Rove
 

Comrade Stierlitz, you are a credit to the current system of higher education. Few Proles are capable of following any directions that are not accompanied by a sound beating. Your self-starting initiative will be brought to the attention of the highest authorities in the Party.

Rest assured, Comrade Stierlitz, we WILL be keeping an eye on you....
 

Ivan Betinov

Comrade Stierlitz, you are a credit to the current system of higher education. Few Proles are capable of following any directions that are not accompanied by a sound beating. Your self-starting initiative will be brought to the attention of the highest authorities in the Party.

Rest assured, Comrade Stierlitz, we WILL be keeping an eye on you....

Thank you very much Professor Ivan. But there is much more to my self-starting initiative you speak of. I have been so enamored, so inspired, so empowered by the glory of PeopleMath that I have even written a basic school curriculum for PeopleMath! Please see below:

The Comrade Stierlitz PeopleMath Curriculum

Written By Comrade Stierlitz
Inspected and Approved by the KGB for wholesomeness and quality

There are no test questions. Please modify the examples given with different numbers and phrasing to generate test questions.

Lesson 1: The Number X

All numbers known to exist are X. X is the only numeral, yet it defines all numerals. X always equals X. Because X=X then X<X and X>X logically must also equal X. Furthermore, the two can be combined so that X>=X and X<=X.

Examples:

X Strikes and you're out!
That new black and white television cost me XXX.XX!


Lesson 2: Addition with X

Addition with X is very easy. It's as easy as X-X-X!

X+X always equals X
X+X+X always equals x
(X+X)+X Always equals X also
X amount of X's+X amount of X's will always equal X

Examples:

We have XXXX people in the beet field and XXX people in the cannery, that makes for XXXX people in our operation.

Comrade Komissar, We have XXX people in this office, XX people in the mailroom, XXX people in the Scripting division, XX people in the Music & Sound division, XXX people in the Translation division, and XXX people in the Broadcast division.


Lesson 3: Subtraction with X

Subtraction with X is very easy. It's as easy as X-X-X!

X-X always equals X
X-X-X always equals x
(X-X)-X Always equals X also
X amount of X's-X amount of X's will always equal X

Examples:

No Komissar, we don't have XX people in the mailroom, some went to work in the beet field, we only have XX now!

Yes Komissar, we fired the dirty capitalists as soon as we found out about the news. Our Broadcast Division went from XXX people to XXX people in no time.


Lesson 4: Multiplication and Division

Multiplication and Division with X is very easy. It's as easy as X-X-X!

X*X always equals X
X*X*X always equals x
(X*X)*X Always equals X also
X amount of X's*X amount of X's will always equal X

X/X always equals X
X/X/X always equals x
(X/X)/X Always equals X also
X amount of X's/X amount of X's will always equal X


Examples:

The state currently has XXXXXXX people living under glorious Communism. If the state gives communism to X countries each with XXXXX people living under dirty capitalism, then there will be XXXXXXXX people living under glorious Communism!

If the state takes a city with XXXXX people living in it that is split directly in half both in size and population, then that city will have XXXX people living under dirty capitalism and XXXX people living under glorious Communism!


Lesson 5: Special Laws and Rules

Party Equality Corollary: X Shall Always Equal X. X is every numeral and every measurement. All party members are equal.

Example of the PEC: Let us say that Proletariat X has only a mud hut and a wooden cart. His Posessions shall be equal to X. Let us say that Chairman X has a large palace filled with fine foods and many automobiles. His posessions shall be equal to X. As we learned in lesson one and by reading the PEC above, X, the Proletariat's posessions, and X, the Chairman's posessions, are equal. X=X!

The following are also correct:

Prole X's net value of possessions ≈ Chairman's net value of possession
Commissar Pupovich's X minutes paperwork/week ≈ Prole's XXX hours backbreaking labor/week


The Power has its Privilege Priciple: In the case of absolute measurment, Superiors define X.

Example of the PHIPP: Chairman's Total Assests ≈ (Commissar's Total Assets) * X Where Chairman defines the value of "X".


Hillary Law: All that Hillary depends on is equal to all that the Proletariat depends on.

Illustrative Equality: Hillary Money ≈ Other People's Money (OPM)

Example of the Hillary Law: If Proletariat X, in the PEC example lives on XXXX Rubles a week, then Hillary, who is Chairman X is the PEC example, lives on XXXX Rubles a week. In this sense, the Hillary Law could be seen as an extension of the PEC, but it is it's own entity and must be given same status as all other laws and principles.
 

Comrade Stierlitz, for your tireless (not to say endless) extrapolation of the People's Postulates, you may go to the head of the line. The line forms on Platform 9, and you get your choice of cattle cars. Dress warmly.
 

Ivan Betinov

We can apply the People's Math to election returns! For example, in traditional, capitalist-derived math you would have to set up the equation thusly:

Let X = the number of people who vote for Hillary
Let Y = the number of people who vote for evil
Let Z = the number of registered voters who actually get out and vote

SO:

Z - Y = X (# of voters minus misguided fools who vote against Hillary equals number of votes for Hillary)

But with the People's Math, all numbers are X:

Let X = number of people who vote for Hillary
Let X = Misguided fools who don't vote for Hillary
Let X = Number of registered voters + undocumented workers, house pets and root vegetables

SO:

(X - X)*X + X = HRC + DC/AF1 (# of voters minus fools who vote against the Dear Leader multiplied by those who did vote for truth and justice and all that other stuff plus however many votes manufactured to balance the equation equals all votes being cast for Hillary, who immediately jets to DC on Air Force One)

THUS proving mathematically that Hillary will win the next election (so why even bother to hold it?)
Still as relevant in 2016 as it was in 2007.
 

Marshal Pupovich

... Of course the Party has always known and acted following many of these principles, we were only lacking the mathematical proof that underpinned these principles.
yo. but I think, these days a 97% consensus suffices for proof.

 

Even with my math degree I have difficulty helping my highschool nephews with Kommie Kore maths.