WASHINGTON, Thursday, Aug. 4 -- Encouraged by the success of his attack against President Bush's plan to fix Social Security, Democratic Senator Edward Kennedy took it a step further today, launching an attack against NASA's plans to fix the shuttle Discovery while in orbit.

"There is no need to fix the shuttle Discovery," said Kennedy. "I categorically reject the deceptive and dangerous claim that there is something wrong with it! The shuttle will serve us another forty years without problem. The biggest threat to Discovery today is not the foam tiles, it's George Bush and the Republican Party."

Senator Kennedy conveyed his commitment to protecting the shuttle program from overhaul for generations of astronauts, and warned of the dangers of abandoning the Freon-free technology that produces the environmentally friendly foam insulation, which some claim to be the cause the shuttle's recurring problem.

"There is no crisis," Kennedy said. "The Bush administration is making it up so they could bring in private contractors who would generate indecent profits.

"It is shameful that in America today - the richest and most powerful nation on earth - nearly a fifth of all children go to bed hungry because their parents are watching this fake disaster on TV," the patriarch of the Democratic Party added. "This is how this administration diverts people's attention from real issues, like redistribution of free government cheese."

Oldsmobile navigation and flotation are more important safety concerns to Kennedy than Space Shuttle repairs...

Tiles Shmiles!

Give me my free Government cheese!

You know that superhunk JFK Junior? He was Ted Kennedy's nephew!

I think Ted Kennedy is an android. Kinda like Bender from "Futurama". Mostly evil, fueled by alcohol...

The money that could be saved by not fixing shuttle Discovery could easily help the Endangered Mosquito Organization (EMO) to spread mosquitoes across the world!

It could buy me a fancy tombstone or a really nice crypt.
Maybe an eternal light, like Ted's brother in Arlington.

MJK

Someone tampered with the heat tiles on my Piper Saratoga!

Letting it simply burn up on reentry would be hilarious, as it would demonstrate yet again how NASA is single-handedly ensuring we never get off this planet. A high-priced stunt to plant a flag on a worthless rock, followed by three decades of DMV-style government incompetence, coupled with massive subsidizations (via the mass muggings performed by the IRS), has ensured that any and all attempts at creating a private space industry have been doomed to failure. It is, after all, far cheaper for private interests to place their satellites into orbit using NASA - which can simply waste a billion stolen dollars launching a flying brick up there - than it is for those same private interests to fund private research into cheap alternatives for doing the same. Quick, Rutan's about to ruin it all; purge him now, before us evil capitalist swine start homesteading off-planet real estate!


Don't Tread On Me,
Rich