The People's Cube Rolls Into Canada



A syndicated Canadian columnist introduces the People's Cube to his readers:
A GAME THAT NO ONE EVER LOSES MAKES A PERFECT STATEMENT ABOUT OUR TIMES
John Martin, Special to The Province
Published Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Every era is partially defined by the popular culture that emerged during that period.The Hula Hoop, the Pet Rock and the Happy Face Button were more than novelty items. They all said something about the current people and times during the height of their popularity.

It's called the People's Cube, and it's featured in a satirical website (http://www.thepeoplescube.com) that pokes fun at the ludicrous extremes of political correctness.
The site cheekily describes the People's Cube as being "approved by the teachers' union" and a "model for progressive educational reform -- no more failing grades!"
What is it? Well, it's very much like the famed Rubik's Cube, except every part is completely red.
Whereas people spent hours and days trying to solve the puzzle of the multi-coloured Rubik's Cube, no such skill or effort is required with the People's Cube.


It is the perfect metaphor for these times.
Competition and merit have been consigned to the dustbin. Every kid gets a ribbon in every sports day event. Every team in a Little League tournament wins a trophy.

Schools are banning recess games as innocent as tag because of concerns that slower kids are more likely to be tagged "it"-- and their self-esteem will be crushed.
Kids who can't read, write or demonstrate any of the skills from the curriculum are congratulated and moved to the next grade.

And it's not just in grade school. Long-entrenched, rigid standards at colleges and universities are being dismantled. Grade inflation is rampant and admission requirements are being lowered or scrapped altogether.


Meanwhile, the brighter students are tuning out, because there's no advantage in applying themselves.
And all this is happening at a time when the Internet and technology have made learning and the acquisition of knowledge virtually effortless.
Indeed, one would be hard pressed to conceptualize a more appropriate leisure item for these sanitized times than a puzzle that guarantees perfect success -- every time.
Contact criminologist John Martin of the University College of the Fraser Valley at [email protected]
© The Vancouver Province 2008
* * *
Onward to new horizons!



O, Canada....






When Communists take over an area, all talk of "tolerance" and "open-mindedness" cease. There is the Party and the Party alone defines the truth.
The People's Cube re-enforces Party Truth lest one of these sheeple gets some crazy idea about "individuality" and "free-thought".


Quote:
Who is that man in the red cape?Pinkie, he's not wearing a red hat, so save yourself the heartache.


Commissarka Pinkie
Who is that man in the red cape?He is spokesman/cosmonaut for future socialization of The Red Planet. I don’t know if he is single, Pinkie. Although I’m sure he has HBO.
Topic here


Ivan Betinov
Quote:
Who is that man in the red cape?Pinkie, he's not wearing a red hat, so save yourself the heartache.
Now who made the rule that I can only bat my lashes at guys in red hats? Especially after that gallery of losers you guys dangled in front of me on the Continental Drift thread! (Which is not to say they shouldn't all be dangling from something.)
Maybe it's the cape, but unlike the red hats, this guy really gets my shovel swinging.


Commissarka Pinkie
Who is that man in the red cape?That's Dennis Kucinich!








Quote:
Unless there is some kind of *cough* monetary compensation *cough* "favor" you could do for your premier....Wanna borrow my new red cape?




Comrad Bubalasky
Commissarka Pinkie
Who is that man in the red cape?That's Dennis Kucinich!
Well, crud. Why do the buff, good looking ones always have to be either married, gay, or Dennis Kucinich?


I also noticed that if you hit the back button on the browser when you're on the main pace, the page reloads. So the glorious Province does not want you to stop reading it. That is most excellent! I felt delerious from collective joy when I realised that my power to leave the website had been taken away from me.
Unfortunately, by clicking the back button twice, this progressive thought control mechanism can be avoided. I suggest you fix that immediately comrades!
My dear Canadian comrades! You are the light of the world!

The paper story is just a cover.
There's going to be a civil war after. French versus non French
I bet the cube doesn't even have an exit strategy.





Kommissar Vodkov
IYesterday, Kommissar Vodkov posted a comment on that story in the progressive publication "The Province". This comment was evidently censored. That makes me happy. I mean, what is a society without censoring? Not worth living in I say!We applaud the sentiment, but your comment is there now - it was probably on hold until it was reviewed by a moderator, since a newspaper can't afford unfiltered comments.
But of course, in the glorious utopia we are building, not only written comments, but also spoken words, unspoken intentions, and even gestures and body language shall be moderated and remain on hold until it has been properly reviewed by a Kommissar of Thought who shall diligently file the appropriate paperwork and issue a Thought Permit.


We are The Party™!!! And we do as we please!!!
[character off]
I sent a post in to that site. I'm awaiting editorial approval.
[character on]
--


Quote:
Does it come with superpowers?Hyper flatulence and partial invisibility against red backgrounds of the same wavelength.





Red Square
We applaud the sentiment, but your comment is there now - it was probably on hold until it was reviewed by a moderator, since a newspaper can't afford unfiltered comments.Ahh I don't know whether I should be angry or pleased. See, any decision is the wrong one! Or the right one! It depends on Kommissar Vodkov's mood.
Kommissar Vodkov in good spirits:
Censor the comment = Doing their duty as good socialists suppressing free speech.
Publish the comment = Doing their duty publishing party approved material.
Kommissar Vodkov in a foul mood:
Censor the comment = Not publishing party approved material. Off to the Gulag!
Publish the comment = Not suppressing free speech. Off to the Gulag!
Ahhhhh the beauty of relativism!


An all-expense-paid weekend getaway at the Lubyanka Interrogation Center and Day Spa will fix THAT flavor of wrongspeak.
"Satirical website", indeed...


Ivan Betinov
Hyper flatulence and partial invisibility against red backgrounds of the same wavelength.I already have one of those, but I do notice that I have trouble blending in to red backgrounds. Especially at Party meetings involving lots of alcohol and angry people looking for their stolen wallets.


Arkady Renkovich
"Satirical website", eh?An all-expense-paid weekend getaway at the Lubyanka Interrogation Center and Day Spa will fix THAT flavor of wrongspeak.
"Satirical website", indeed...
They will pay for their right wing crimes.


I understand from my connections to the politburo in Canada that this man, Ezra Levant, is actually talking back to the party after being hauled before our excellent sensitivity board! Even after being accused of serious hate crimes by one of our Muslim travellers for having republished "The Cartoon"tm ; even after being forced to appear before a court of inquiry ; this uppity canucker has the temerity to actually call himself free! Perhaps he needs an honorary cube sent to him to remind him of his place as a low-level worker in the party...
After all, give a comrade an extra beet and he'll take a mile.


The Tsarevna
Arkady Renkovich
"Satirical website", eh?An all-expense-paid weekend getaway at the Lubyanka Interrogation Center and Day Spa will fix THAT flavor of wrongspeak.
"Satirical website", indeed...
They will pay for their right wing crimes.
Instead of Luubyanka, perhaps 30 minutes in a cell at Abu Ghraib with Comrade Rosie O'Donnell. Just imagine the damage that massive gut could do to someone!
--
ZB


I found him on a progressive dating site, and he's wearing RED SUSPENDERS! That's also his nickname on that site.

RED SUSPENDERS
- good with the shovel- likes digging long trenches on the beach at sunset
- looks for someone to share his affection for government subsidies
- favorite vodka brand: Putinka
- got HBO
COME WITH ME TO MY SECTION 8 APARTMENT AND SEE MY POTATO RATIONS, BABY! HBO WILL NEVER FEEL THE SAME AGAIN!
In his profile he boasts to be able to dig longer, faster, and deeper than other contenders.


Red Suspenders sounds too good to be true. He's probably forty years old and lives in his mother's basement. And of course he isn't going to put in his ad that his ideal woman "must like Space: 1999."
Guys like that can't achieve--ahem--"social utopia" unless I yell out "Sit up straight! Brush your teeth! She's nothing but a tramp, son! You hear me? A tramp!"
And what's beneath that non-red hat? How do I know I won't see eyeglasses, and that all-too-familiar sneery grimace, like he has something caught in his fly, or maybe he needs to try a new laxative? You know what (or who) I mean.
Certainly he has all the qualities I admire, but he has to have at least one weakness. I know my weakness is that (sniff) sometimes I think I care too much about (sob) The People and especially (sniff/sob/pull off red headscarf and hold against nose) The Children! (honk!)
Anyone have a mop?


Commissarka Pinkie
Anyone have a mop?
We will mop for you!






Is the guy on the left named "red butt floss"?


AbecedariusRex

Is the guy on the left named "red butt floss"?
As George Bush would say "For our Mexican Amigo's that's extremo rojo flos!"







http://www.communist-party.ca/contact/contacts.html
Three counterrevolutionary conspiracies, also shut out so far:
http://www.thesexparty.ca/
http://www.worklessparty.org/
http://www.marijuanaparty.ca/index.en.php3


Adnan Hajj
http://www.worklessparty.org/It’s poetic, or maybe just fitting that the last update for the work less party website was 8 months ago.


From its inception onwards, Canada has always carried aloft the Red Banner, its central maple leaf making the temptation to partake of the Marxism-Leninism-Trudeaupianism ever sweeter. Frankly, comrade, is not a hammer and sickle a tad offputting to the unwashed? Compare it to the maple leaf, which you unconsciously want to savor, to ingest and make part of you, body and soul, achieving a State of Earthly Satisfaction.
Moreover, the Canadian flag, unlike the gauche AmeriKKKan one, represents submission to a higher State: the UK--yes, the wrong one, but the idea is fundamentally correct. Not only does the Maple Leaf invite by its subliminal ability to embody the literal sweetness of social and economic justice, the flag also balances Red (revolutionary but, for the more sensitive capitalist pigs, reminiscent of blood and carnage that will be outlawed come the Final Revloution) with White, a soothing neutral color that nevertheless bears like a virus a destructive payload that suggests surrender to the State and correct thinking; it also recalls the Czar's reactionary White forces that once seemed in control but came to be boxed in--the outer red columns of the flag--and speared upon the merciless points of the Red forces' delicious win--the Maple Leaf--for the Common Good.
Comrades, I aver that Canada's role in subverting the oppressive capitalist and regressive individualist untruth fostered by its southern spouse, the practitioners of domestic violence against the international community, is deservedly underappreciated. Were it to be more widely acknowledged by the reacitionaries, Canada's subversive success might be undone.



Are these guys Canadian, too? Perhaps the Prime minister and the undersecretary of education?
While the minister of defense continues to highlight how Canadians took the toughest beach on D-Day

And the secretary of the exchequer insists that Canada is economically in the red:

Not to mention the secretaries of transportation

conservation

and foreign affairs (Canada is a very friendly country, I hear)

Though the minister of nuclear power is showing some signs of stress:





Quote:
Frankly, comrade, is not a hammer and sickle a tad offputting to the unwashed? Compare it to the maple leaf,Quite an astute observation, comrade. Amerikkkans are such wage slaves, so mired in the consumer mentality that we may need to rethink our symbolism in order to <shudder> "market our product to the consumer." The Hammer and Sickle are tools. Tools denote work. Work denotes effort, or at least the semblance thereof. Yet we are trying to <shudder> "sell" our ideology as one in which no one really has to work or make a real effort and all will be provided to them by the benevolence of the state. Yes, we may need to rethink our symbolism here.


Comrad Bubalasky
Are you sure this isn't the 1980 Soviet Union's swim team?I was thinking it was the East German swim team from 1972.





Zampolit Blokhayev
The Tsarevna
Arkady Renkovich
"Satirical website", eh?An all-expense-paid weekend getaway at the Lubyanka Interrogation Center and Day Spa will fix THAT flavor of wrongspeak.
"Satirical website", indeed...
They will pay for their right wing crimes.
Instead of Luubyanka, perhaps 30 minutes in a cell at Abu Ghraib with Comrade Rosie O'Donnell. Just imagine the damage that massive gut could do to someone!
--
ZB

Do svedahnia tovarischie!

Adnan Hajj
The People's Party of Canada has never yet won a seat in Parliament, but they're still around:http://www.communist-party.ca/contact/contacts.html
Three counterrevolutionary conspiracies, also shut out so far:
http://www.thesexparty.ca/
http://www.worklessparty.org/
http://www.marijuanaparty.ca/index.en.php3

Be karefull Komrades -Obamunists and Hillaryites may get bushwhacked -biggest Kanadian kapitalist klan are McCains of New Brunswick -might not be koincidence!
Do svedahnia tovarischie!



Uncle Iosif
Comrade Uncle....you look somewhat familiar to me, Seems my friend and confidant Leventry showed me some folder that I signed off on that I could have sworn had your picture attached to the sleeve, True, my eveys aren't as good as they used to be, but my memory is as sharp as ever.
Neechevo -ya ne ponimayu neechevo!
Do svedahnia tovarischie!


Uncle Joe
[You speak of sharp mamaries? Hillary jokes in other panel pleeze. OK family resemblance -Vasha maht jeeli rano kremel?Damn Putin is going to answer to me. He promised the renovations I asked for at Kuntsevo would be complete in short order. Ever since I started vacationing more at Sochi it seems State Security has been slack. OK, perhaps I am getting to easy in my golden years, and no doubt your collective thinks you are a fine comedian. But as for me, I still prefer my Dead Lenin vs Dead Trotsky fights. Perhaps you would like to join in?




Oh, how things have changed in only three years... Our Konservative government has achieved a majority in the House of Kommons... our fabulous Kommunist (New Demokratic Party) Leader, Jack Layton, has passed away this past fall, leaving a large hole in the leadership of Kanadistan's most left of centre party, while Michael Ignatieff, the Great Ivory Tower hope of the Liberal Party has run back to Amerikan Akadamia with his tail between his legs, having left the party he drove into the ground to try to rebuild itself without his glowing intellekt... we have routed our first Kanadistanjian Occupy Encampment and it seems more will soon fall... Toronto, the kapital of the so-called Ekonomik Engine (Province of Ontario) of Kanadistan, has elected a knuckle-dragging, austerity imposing, gravy-cutting red-neck, kulture and handout hating fascist for a mayor... our beloved state-run media corpse (sorry... for those not familiar, The Canadian Broadcasting Corp.) is under fire from even some of the 99% for its unwillingness to open its federally funded books to the people or the Kandistanjian media and has been under fire from the afforementioned Ezra Levant (a stooge of the right-wing kapitalist Quebecor media empire, owners of The Sun News Network and many other fascist newpapers)... and only today we have heard that the proposed oil pipeline that would provide Amerika with a conflikt-free oil supply as well as creating over 20,000 Amerikan jobs south of our border has once again been put on hold by the Obama administration while they dither over whether or not it poses an environmental threat to the area of Nebraska through which is is proposed it should travel, despite said area already being kriss-krossed by may other similar pipelines which have been deemed environmentally safe and have the safety records to prove it ... While the head of the oversight committee to CSIS, our Canadian 'spy agency', has resigned as a result of skrutiny over his behaviour regarding his homeland-of-origin, Sierra Leone, and possible konflikts of interest and embarrassment to the Prime Minister's Office... and I could go on... and on and on and on...
How very strange that we should find our respektive countries in such very opposite positions than was the case only three or so years ago... perhaps Change is possible after all, if only for a little while...
Kisses
Sis... dizzy, up here, with altitude sickness, or simply politikal disorientation (which IS NOT a lifestyle choice, it being one of my basik human rights to marry in individual of the same politikal disorientation as myself! Thank you very much!) in the Great Red North... so thank goodness for our universal medikal kare system...
ps... Sadly, I cannot seem to access our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid Leader's appearance this evening, though I can say that his book is sheer brilliance... Klear, Koncise, and Keenly Aksessible...


Commissarka Pinkie
Anyone have a mop?And BTW, Pinky... the Kanadistanjian has the mop... I am the Kommissar of Housekeeping, no? Though I know the place must be a disaster, my not having been around much lately...
... and yet... and yet, I just got The Laptop fixed! So, hopefully, I'll be back on duty, dusting, shredding, stuffing, and, yes, mopping up after the
Me




Commissarka Pinkie
Comrad Bubalasky
Commissarka Pinkie
Who is that man in the red cape?That's Dennis Kucinich!
Well, crud. Why do the buff, good looking ones always have to be either married, gay, or Dennis Kucinich?
*ahem
Buff, single, good looking, STRAIGHT, SINGLE and LOYAL PARTY MEMBER!!!




You know how I am about comrades with hats, and Politsayski has one of the biggest I've ever seen!
Surely you also know what it means when a man has a big hat. Do you have anything to say about that, Betinov?
Anything?
Anything at all?


Ivan Betinov
Big Hat, take it from a Brain-in-a-jar, you are playing with some serious dynamite even thinking about propositioning Pinkie. Hope that hat is reinforced. Or at least insured. On the other hand, their ARE some women in the Kollektive who understand the place of Free Love in the people's politics, and are more accomodating in their taste of men. Or at least one woman.

Commissarka Pinkie
What's this? Do I detect a green tint to the fluid in your jar, Betinov? And it's not even St. Paddy's Day!You know how I am about comrades with hats, and Politsayski has one of the biggest I've ever seen!
Surely you also know what it means when a man has a big hat. Do you have anything to say about that, Betinov?
Anything?
Anything at all?
Indeed, hat size denotes dedication to the progressive cause! As well as...other things. Which we will not discuss, because I do not want my...inches...being redistributed, as that would be both painful and and detrimental to my campaign to woo our lovely Commissarka.


While Mike, the plumber's helper (man that's got to be a dirty job) lined up a series of pints in a rowe, You and Theo started whipsawing me converstationally. Theo kept using big words I didn't uinderstand, and every time I turned toward him to ask "what does that mean?" you'd punch me in the shoulder and demand That I pay for the next round of Tequila Fannie-bangers, then I'd turn to you and try to explain it was St Pat's, not Cinco de Mayo, then Theo launched into some long justification for drinking Tequila Fannie-bangers because we were celebrating the candidate who was the Mac Daddy to Freddie Mac and Fannie May, and I got all confused. Sometime during this, somebody must have slipped a roofie into my O'Doull's, because the room started spinning.
And then I woke up in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, no hat, no pants, and wearing a "Kick me, I'm Amish" T-Shirt.