The Teachings of Jesus and Obama: A Reference Chart







It's time to update our timeless classic:
The New Progressive Bible
Quote:
The New Modern Library's Progressive Bible is written within a scope of only 200 words to make it accessible to everyone. It is produced in various versions, each of which targets a wide range of demographics, from God-free to God-lite (less than 3% opiate for the masses) to the Rick James "Superfreak" Version, and is suitable for any occasion - pick one that best fits your current moral needs. In the Egalitarian Bible, for instance, God is equal to everybody else in the story.


Obama's Social Justice Jesus: "Render unto Government what belongs to God, and hope Government will provide."






"Obama" can now officially be used in place of "God"




Obama Buddha Messiah by Commissar Maksim





http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/02/ ... 0P20110215


Red Square
"Obama" can now officially be used in place of "God"Gosh, I was wondering why I never saw the two of them photographed together.



May I be so bold as to suggest:
Now in genuine synthetic leather!!
With a forward by Bill Ayers!


In the name of all that is politically correct, should this work be titled:
The Wholly Obama Bible?



"Mein Kampf" was already used as a title somewhere else...


--KOOK


Let he who is without wealth cast the first stone--and as many stones as he likes--at the financial or corporate institution of his choice!
Repent now, and proclaim Obama as your eternal savior by voting for him, lest ye be condemned to the hell of a planet ruled by Republicans, who will torment your soul with all the consequences of Global Warming, dirty air, dirty water, disease and pestilence, war and famine; who will cast your grandmothers over cliffs and force upon you tax cuts that won't even buy you a lousy pair of earrings.
Lastly (or at least for now) I would say that if you give a man Hope, he'll Hope for a day. Teach him how to Hope . . . and he'll Hope for the rest of his life.




Across the sky flashed a slideshow of my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: One belonging to me, and the other belonging to OBAMA.
When the slideshow ended, I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life, there was only one set of footprints: Mine.
I also noticed that they appeared at the lowest, saddest, most oppressive and nightmarish times of my life, when I had no idea what to do and it seemed I had no one to turn to—not even the Government. Where was the Government? The Government should’ve been there for me and told me what to do!
This really bugged me, so I questioned OBAMA about it.
“OBAMA, you once said that if I quit complainin’ and took off my bunny slippers and donned my marching boots to follow you, that you’d be with me every step of the way. But I’ve noticed that during the absolute worst times of my life, there’s only one set of footprints—mine! I don’t understand why, when I needed you and the Government the most, there’s only my set of footprints. What gives? Why did you abandon me? Why have you forsaken me during those times? Where was my check from the Government?”
OBAMA replied, “My precious child, I care about you and your vote is very important to me. For I am the Hope and the Change and most importantly, the Government; and no one reaches the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ except through the Government.
“If you would just have faith in me and believe in me and continue to always vote for me, I promise that Government will always be with you every step of the way through your life, from cradle to grave, and come to think of it, even beyond thanks to the federal estate tax.
“So during your times of horrible pain and immense suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, those were the times when the Republicans were in control of everything, and thus left you to make it through life on your own.”








Commissarka Pinkie
I can certainly see how a female comrade with a chainsaw might be feared more than one with a shovel.Not really. Chainsaws need oil, (BOO!) a 2:1 mix ratio of gas and oil, (BOO!) and a lubricant to operate the chain. While the chainsaw has seen use in engineering details on the battlefield, the entrenching tool, aka "shovel" has been used in mortal combat exclusively.
No gasoline required.
The Golden Shovel is the epitome of battlefield readiness.
With one perfectly placed "Whack", a running dog Capitalist may be rendered useless and precious Gaia is saved and carbon credits are earned!
Even the enemy knows this simple fact.
Below is captured footage showing the Imperialist Americans trying to perfect the technique developed by Commissarka Pinkie.
Thankfully we know the Commissarka strives hard in her Shovel laboratory to make sure The People maintain our Shovel advantage.


It doesn't make any noise when you're sneaking up behind someone.
And it won't wake them if they're sleeping.


With the new dictate out of HHS forcing religious groups to provide health services that are immoral to them,
Papa Obama has made the final great Progressive gesture
(well at least Jesus will have company, under the bus)



Because Papa Obama is the "Founder" of a new great society!
Built on helping the poor and gov't control of Healthcare. He is more like the "loving mother" to the concepts that will rebuild our society. After all, in his own words, "we are the ones we have been waiting for..."
We should be proud of this concept and build monuments to it, so future generations can recall this time. Unlike every single failed statist gov't in history, we got it right ! (this time).
Yes Papa Obama is the "mother" of all time....





"For I say to thee, take up My cross and occupy - for My Food Stamps are easy, and My Justice Department doesn't give a shit."


Commissarka Pinkie
if you give a man Hope, he'll Hope for a day. Teach him how to Hope . . . and he'll Hope for the rest of his life.In MY Army, I was taught that if you light a man a fire, he is warm for the night. If you light a man ON fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.






Krasnodar
Remember that REAL progressives don't start fires ..... they set thermostats. Then they proceed to lecture the proles about the evils of central heating.Silly Krasno, I don't set thermostats. I wait for the People's GOVERNMENT to set my thermostat as they know better!
After so many years of military housing, I'm accustomed to having those who are wiser than me and can READ
Furthermore, setting my own thermostat is tantamount to denying global warming. I'm wondering, comrade, what is your thermostat set at, and who approved such luxury as heat in February for the likes of you? Is there something you'd like to confess? No? Either way, don't you have a train to catch?


Tovarichi
Commissarka Pinkie
if you give a man Hope, he'll Hope for a day. Teach him how to Hope . . . and he'll Hope for the rest of his life.In MY Army, I was taught that if you light a man a fire, he is warm for the night. If you light a man ON fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.
In THIS Army, everyone knows that...
TEACH A MAN TO FISH AND YOU LOSE A DEMOCRAT VOTER.



