Tough Mother: A Vagina Monologue You'd Rather Not See

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers of progress from exploring the wide range of tasks their sexual organs can accomplish. Thinking is one of them.

I once started writing a comment on the Offensive Arts thread but it turned out bigger and more serious than I had expected. It kept growing the next day and the day after that. When it was fully grown I trimmed it a bit, brushed off some odd pieces, and sent it to Pajamas Media.

A paragraph that started it all but was not included into the final PJM submission was this:

"Aliza Shvarts' view of the human body as a collection of equal parts that can be randomly rearranged without affecting the outcome reminds me of our "ultimate egalitarian puzzle" The People's Cube that's red on all sides - a mock brainteaser that eliminates competition and guarantees equality of results for all players. The end result of Aliza Shvarts' performance project was also a cube that was red on all sides. I had never expected the People's Cube to have a sexual connotation. This must be some serious progress, comrades."

Art from Body Parts: Not Just For Nazis Anymore

Aliza Shvarts, activist art student at Yale, claims she repeatedly inseminated herself with sperm freshly collected from campus masturbators, then induced miscarriages and stored the resulting blood with fertilized eggs in order to smear it over the surface of a large suspended cube at a student art show. Why? As a rule of thumb, if someone goes all screwy and it's not the result of mental illness, it must be a progressive activist scoring one for The Children™ and the Greater Good™. And that is the story of little Ms. Shvarts.

She wanted to prove that all body parts are interchangeable and "can have other purposes" - an idea she may have conceived in her class on post-modern philosophy or at the college performance of The Vagina Monologues, which is practically the same thing.

In her own words, it was meant to deconstruct the traditional "mythology that creates the sexist, racist, ableist, nationalist and homophobic perspective, distinguishing what body parts are 'meant' to do from their physical capability." Translation: aborted fetuses make nice lampshades.

Indeed, Ms. Shvarts' pursuit of unusual purposes for body parts is not new. In 1943, another uninhibited woman named Ilse Koch tried to deconstruct the "normative understanding of the relationship between art and the human body" by having a lampshade made from tattooed skins of Buchenwald prisoners.

Even in the midst of a bloody war, human lampshades were beyond normal. Since then, however, we have witnessed a relentless push for "progress" among the socially aware artists whose media include everything from lice to excrement to bodily fluids smeared over religious objects, which has notably erased "normative understandings" and redefined "the politics of convention."

Are we in the 21st century ready to appreciate a human lampshade in the form of a suspended cube, red with blood of the unborn, lit up by videos of their potential mother inducing her own miscarriages? We won't know until someone tests the limits of our tolerance. And that's what Aliza Shvarts' project was about - testing the limits. Never mind the psychobabble.

In the end, her allegorical pee stick produced a negative. The world wasn't ready and the project was aborted. Note to "progressive" artists: the world may require some serious additional screwing before it's ready for this sort of art.

The "artist" is now pulling the ambiguity defense: "For me, the most poignant aspect of this representation - the part most meaningful in terms of its political agenda (...) - is the impossibility of accurately identifying the resulting blood. Because the miscarriages coincide with the expected date of menstruation (the 28th day of my cycle), it remains ambiguous whether there was ever a fertilized ovum or not."

Ambiguity was also Ilse Koch's defense. Her guilt was never proven - neither by the Nazis in 1943, nor by the Americans after the war. The lampshade found in her house was made of goat skin. A former SS prosecutor who readily testified about the gas chambers, refused to support the lampshade story - a charge he himself had thrown out in 1943 for lack of evidence. He agreed that "The Bitch of Buchenwald" was a depraved woman - but not a sadistic maniac. The only visible result of the American investigation was Frau Koch's embarrassing pregnancy in the middle of the long trial.

Her guilt unproven, she was released by the Americans - but arrested again by the Germans under the pressure of public opinion. Her youngest son, who was conceived during the American trial, visited her every week in jail until she hung herself in 1967.

Was Ilse Koch a monster? Without the proof, it's in the eye of the beholder. Or, as Aliza Shvarts puts it, "this ambivalence makes obvious how the act of ascribing a word to something physical is at its heart an ideological act, an act that literally has the power to construct bodies." We can only add that such an ideological act also has the literal power to make bodies vanish - a more likely outcome in the history of modern ideas.

The ambiguity didn't help "The Bitch of Buchenwald," but it's really helping "The Bitch of Yale" who is building up the prestige, fighting critics, and enjoying a passionate support in the alternative "progressive" universe.

Case in point: an "edgy" jewelry designer from Hollywood named Onch has already made Aliza Shvarts pendant, which Guanabee.com describes as "reminiscent of roses and miscarried baby brain juice. Chains are not included, but we think this would look absolutely lovely paired with faux-Native American leather fringe boots and leopard-print culottes."

Onch is a 23 years old airhead who caters to Paris Hilton and Amy Winehouse. Says Onch: "After reading the story about artist Aliza Shvarts, i was so inspired, i made a piece named after her. Aliza is a Yale art student that has created quite a controversy in the art world! i LOVE IT! ... I AM NOT supporting abortion ... however i DO support having a voice and being HEARD! ... xoxo Onch."

For something as ambiguous as Shvarts' statements, I'd say the lady doth support too much.

Suppose for a moment that the Onch pendant has magic powers to join our two universes into one. What's next? Gucci vagina-shaped handbags with a umbilical chord strap and tiny fetuses on chains? Sex-change clinics shipping snipped male organs to gourmet restaurants in Greenwich Village for special clientele? Pottery Barn selling tattooed human lampshades?

The recent increase in square footage of finely tattooed skin is a sign of some serious progress towards that end. A growing number of people believe, just like Aliza Shvarts, that their "organs can do other things, can have other purposes." I see new ones on the train every day.

If you believe that a scary-looking trump stamp artist can turn your skin into a masterpiece so magnificent that you'll be proud to showcase it for the rest of your life to friends, family, and triage nurses - then why not take the next step and have your skin donated posthumously to the local arts and crafts shop? It is selfish to take art to the grave when you could share it with the community. Your organs can do other things, can have other purposes. What an idea! Gives a whole new meaning to your existence, doesn't it? You actually get a chance to become something bigger than you could ever be in your lifetime: a lampshade.

Make yourself useful! Recycle your skin and become an "organic" picture in the guestroom, a tablecloth, or a tree ornament. It's better than plastic and it beats Hummels.

What's holding you? You don't believe in traditional moral norms, do you? They're such a conservative crock. Aliza Shvarts says we must liberate ourselves from the "normative understanding of 'the real,'" meaning ethics. Remember the cargo-cult tribe in New Guinea who ate Michael Rockefeller and turned his skull into a lawn ornament? Like Aliza Shvarts, they believed in exploring the wide realm of capability of our organs.

Believe it or not, moral norms are real. They exist by virtue of having an absolute and objective source, purpose, and measure: human life. We have a shared "normative understanding" that human organs, including the dead ones, are the symbols of human life, which is sacred and should not be meddled with for any purpose other than the support and continuation of human life.

On the other side of this shared norm resides Aliza Shvarts, who insists that humans are disconnected from the natural function of continuation of life. As a "progressive" she probably thinks it must be the function of the government.

Consider this passage: "Just as it is a myth that women are 'meant' to be feminine and men masculine, that penises and vaginas are 'meant' for penetrative heterosexual sex (or that mouths, anuses, breasts, feet or leather, silicone, vinyl, rubber, or metal implements are not 'meant' for sex at all), it is a myth that ovaries and a uterus are 'meant' to birth a child."

It might actually be true if human bodies were fashioned by an "edgy" Hollywood designer Onch. But the way we are fashioned now, we adhere to certain norms that will remain real no matter how hard the "progressives" shut their eyes on them.

Progress of a civilization - at least in my universe - is measured by the value it puts on the individual human life. But in the world of Aliza Shvarts, progress is defined as the destruction of our "normative understanding of 'the real.'" Translation: if you want progress, quit thinking rationally. In that universe, progress is measured by how many more people have "liberated" themselves from "the bounds of normatively defined narratives" and embraced insanity.

The "liberation" cliché here stems from a wide-spread logical error suggesting that the opposite side of rationality is freedom. It's not true. The opposite of rationality is slavery of the mind and submission to the first manipulator who claims the possession of your brain - and hence of your entire body. The opposite of "normative understanding" is not "higher knowledge" - but the loss of moral coordinates resulting in a social and personal degradation and the emergence of things like lampshades made with tattooed skin - or with blood from premeditated miscarriages.

In the alternative universe of post-modernist absurdity, our value as humans is overruled by our race, gender, sexual preference, ability, and other secondary aspects of existence, which suppresses individual qualities and assigns us to various groups and subgroups, each with a different set of second-hand ethics. We become mere functions inside a socialist hierarchy of groups, some of which are more useful to the "common good" than others. This is where the Buchenwald lampshade comes in.

Every new "progressive" generation believed they would do things better than their parents whom they despised - but ended up stepping on the same old rake. There's a logic in every madness, and the logic of that mad universe sooner or later demands human sacrifice - be it in the form of lampshades, fetuses, gulags, suicide bombings - or New York City public schools and affirmative action.

The spelling of the name Shvarts suggests that she comes from a family of relatively recent Russian-Jewish immigrants. How much tuition fees did they pay to have their cherished child turned into an equivalent of a Papuan cargo-cult worshiper who expects to obtain rewards of the advanced civilization, not through understanding of its inner workings, but through acting out and "magical thinking"? I doubt it's what they had expected when they moved to America.

Aliza Shvarts is not just a culprit; she is also a tragic victim - an immature girl who had been conditioned to channel into our world the poisonous alternative muck raked by the "liberal" educational establishment. The ugliness you just saw is only a splash on the quiet surface of the academic pond that is swarming with unspeakable monsters of post-modernism and neo-Marxism underneath the water lilies of science and enlightenment.
 

Is this really news? That body parts are interchangable? After all, as we know many of our useful idiots exchange their ass for brains, perpetually keep their feet in their mouth, have skulls full of mush etc. In fact, about the only part you can generally count on is their tail between their legs.
 

An example of progressivism. Why can't we all be like this?

http://investigation.discovery.com/video/most-evil.html?playerId=1519720004&titleId=184445486
 

So that's who bought my leopard skin shorts from the second-hand store.
 

Eeewww....
 

What will become of a person so depraved that she makes Nazis look sane? Did someone in authority at Yale actually approve this "project"? I heard there was a massive back peddling thing going on there about whether or not this creature was actually pregnant at all, but what's the difference? She's still morally bankrupt and possibly mentally impaired. In any case there is something wrong with this girl's soul and someone should take the time to look into what it is and try to help her.
 

This is sick and this "artist" needs real pyschological help. May God have mercy on her soul.
 

Great Essay. Horrific topic. You have to be real smart (Ivy League) to do something this STUPID.
 

mrsoc1

What will become of a person so depraved that she makes Nazis look sane? ....She's still morally bankrupt and possibly mentally impaired. In any case there is something wrong with this girl's soul and someone should take the time to look into what it is and try to help her.

In otherr words, a possible Politburon candidate member come the Glorious World of Next Tuesday.
 

I'm so glad that I don't have children. I would hate to have to deal with the environment that presently exists in schools. Insanity.

(Thank you Red for my avitar :) I feel complete now and fully a part of the collective)
 

Lenin 'n Thingies

(Thank you Red for my avitar :) I feel complete now and fully a part of the collective)

Sigh. And all I seem to be doing is waving goodbye...
 

And here I always thought you were doing the honk-honk sign to the passing female comrades. Live and learn!
 

Ah. Such prescient observations, Comrade Red! It is because of the honking that I am waving --
Goodbye. Always goodbye.

As such (from me at least), there will never be The Penis Monologues...

Sigh.
 

Of course not. Penis monologues are sexist, bigoted, and offensive. (I think we can all imagine what it would really be like.)
 

In fact, the entire cultural narrative of the DWEM (Dead White European Males) has been one horrendous and intolerant penis monologue. The Vagina Monologues are but a brave attempt to bring fairness and balance to that narrative.

Perhaps the first Living White Male writer who has been able to break out of the shackles of DWEMism was Dan Brown. His DaVinci Code is a solid, passionate, and never-ending vagina monologue.

Because "Vagina monologues" is not the genre or the style - it is the artistic method! Just like social realism is.

---------------------------

On a different note, in the piece above I forgot to mention this: a belief that human organs can have other purposes naturally leads to a belief that humans themselves can have other purposes as well. And since people are often too stupid to know what their true purpose is, it is the duty of the enlightened elites to rule over the masses for their own good.
 

Makes sense. I am better than you so therefore I am your god.

Worship me!!!
 

Red Square

And since people are often too stupid to know what their true purpose is, it is the duty of the enlightened elites to rule over the masses for their own good.

Lenin forbid that I would find myself even considering making a minor correction to the Red Cube, but it seems to me you needed to expound on this "Some people are too stupid to know what their true purpose is : that purpose designated by the state for the Common Good™.

After all comrade. does it even matter is say a person has a reap aptitude for advanced calculus and feels that is their calling in life, but the state has a greater need for a potato peeler?
 

Premier Betty

Of course not. Penis monologues are sexist, bigoted, and offensive. (I think we can all imagine what it would really be like.)

I actually enjoy a good penis monologue. They are very articulate at times ;)
 

Buddy_Lenin

Sigh. And all I seem to be doing is waving goodbye... Although in my avatar I seem to be all up in yo grill..... and gettin' very friendly w/ya.....hello.
 

Hmmm... I must apologize, Lenin 'n Thingies, but English is my second language, and I couldn't quite understand this.

Sigh.

Peace out, G.
 

My apologies,I shall use the Queen's English; I meant that my avatar portrays a woman who is insinuating her person upon the other character,who happens to be that glorious entity known as Lenin...... Duh.
 

Lenin 'n Thingies

Duh.

Heheh. F'shizzle, G! She be ya new boo, homes? She saucy 'nuff; know what I'm sayin?
Yo, it'all gravy, man!

Yeh gi'ya dap fo' that ho, G!

You note, of course, what a fast learner I am.
 

You da man.
 

Now wait just a Sputnik second here Comrade! First off, the Party has not determined who will be "da man," or for that matter, da it or da Toaster. The Party must make these decisions, For the Common Good™ not to mention For the Children™ should things proceed this far.

Besides Comrade, this may not be who you think "da man" is, for he is not the infoulable Lenin, Marx bless his soul, rather he is but a claimant to being his brother. Not that it is necessarily relevant, but I hope you understand this single canine Comrade is also related to Stalin, and was there with the real Lenin at the burning barricades. And you know, dog's have always been wimmin's best friend. diamond dogs that is....
 

Down, Pup. You'll spoil the mood, and I want to see how far they go. If you want to make yourself useful, go get my camera.
 

Oh, you mean to gather evidence? Good thinking! BTW, did you see your nemesis is back?
 

Yes, Pupovich, I did indeed see Vodkov. I don't think he even recognized me, though his post was directly below mine. He looked dazed and confused, meaning the sensory deprivation he underwent at the Mime's IFP membership forum was a success!
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Down, Pup. You'll spoil the mood, and I want to see how far they go. If you want to make yourself useful, go get my camera.
Doubt it will go too far...Buddy Lenin thinks I'm a dude. Silly boys,they assume everyone on a blog is of the male species until they find out otherwise.
 

Commissarka Pinkie,why is Vodkov your nemesis? I'm always ready for juicy gossip...or dry,stale gossip.....just as good.
 

Commissar Pupovich

Now wait just a Sputnik second here Comrade! First off, the Party has not determined who will be "da man," or for that matter, da it or da Toaster. The Party must make these decisions, For the Common Good™ not to mention For the Children™ should things proceed this far.

Besides Comrade, this may not be who you think "da man" is, for he is not the infoulable Lenin, Marx bless his soul, rather he is but a claimant to being his brother. Not that it is necessarily relevant, but I hope you understand this single canine Comrade is also related to Stalin, and was there with the real Lenin at the burning barricades. And you know, dog's have always been wimmin's best friend. diamond dogs that is....

Okay,I just meant that he da man in a general,non-congratulatory sort of way..like,you da dog cuz... you jus be da dog....see? But,seeing as how you were w/ the real Lenin at the
burning barricades,I must reconsider this general appellation that I have bestowed upon you
and say instead....dat you da really crusty dog ;)


Post script I don't care for diamonds...too flashy.
 

I'm confused....
 

Lenin 'n Thingies

Okay,I just meant that he da man in a general,non-congratulatory sort of way..like,you da dog cuz... you jus be da dog....see? But,seeing as how you were w/ the real Lenin at the
burning barricades,I must reconsider this general appellation that I have bestowed upon you
and say instead....dat you da really crusty dog ;)

I am just a humble dog doing my service to world socialism. And I welcome you to the cube in the progressive manner....
 

Premier Betty

I'm confused....

So situation normal da?
 

Lenin 'n Thingies

Buddy Lenin thinks I'm a dude. Silly boys,they assume everyone on a blog is of the male species until they find out otherwise.

Actually, at the reeducation camp they told us it was sexist and outrageous to make a gender-based value judgement like that. There are a great many outrages in modern times, you know... Anyway --

Who knows? Lenin 'n Thingies might be a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that), or maybe she enjoys growing a beard dressing in men's clothes for the comfort. Or, perhaps she's just a perfectly normal and welll-adjusted individual with a new avatar.

Gender-neutral in any case.
 

Commissar Pupovich

Besides Comrade, this may not be who you think "da man" is, for he is not the infoulable Lenin, Marx bless his soul, rather he is but a claimant to being his brother.

Well, it was in 1887 (when I myself was a young pup), that my death was faked. We even let Vlad believe it for awhile -- the Party and I, I mean... Once he was sufficiently radicalized, I re-introduced myself. I arrived in an ox cart that was carrying manure. I recall saying at the time that I was an idiot for arriving thus, but since it was the only transportation I could find , I was still being useful to the party.

That was when Vlad called me a really useful idiot, of course.

The rest, as they say, is history. And I've aged well.
 

Commissar Pupovich

Lenin 'n Thingies

Okay,I just meant that he da man in a general,non-congratulatory sort of way..like,you da dog cuz... you jus be da dog....see? But,seeing as how you were w/ the real Lenin at the
burning barricades,I must reconsider this general appellation that I have bestowed upon you
and say instead....dat you da really crusty dog ;)

I am just a humble dog doing my service to world socialism. And I welcome you to the cube in the progressive manner....
Thank you kindly,I do enjoy a good licking occasionally.
 

Buddy_Lenin

[Who knows? Lenin 'n Thingies might be a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that), or maybe she enjoys growing a beard dressing in men's clothes for the comfort. Not that it matters, but I am very hetero. I hate to make
a gender-based judgment, but I love the mens :)
 

Lenin 'n Thingies

Thank you kindly,I do enjoy a good licking occasionally.

Which is why I am blessed to be known as a service dog.
 

Is there some weird relationship developing here? Isn't this the Chairman's jurisdiction?
 

Quote:

As such (from me at least), there will never be The Penis Monologues...


No, but maybe we can have "The Testicle Dialogues" with Left Wing Nut and Reich Wing Nut, and the Progressive Penis as moderator.

PP: Good morning boys

LWN: Good morning PP.
RWN: Are we going to chop some wood? I see you're up early PP

LWN: Yes PP! Let's chop some wood for Aliza's art project!
RWN: Ugghhh! You got to be kidding me? Don't tell me you're going to use her for a visual stimulus?

LWN: Reich Wing Nut, this not about our visual stimulants, it's about Aliza's visual stimulant, a gift for the World of Art! A Masterpiece!
RWN: Are you telling me Progressive Penis is going to have us run off a batch by hand and it will be a masterpiece? Masturbate a masterpiece? You're nuts.
LWN: No, just a nut, together we're nuts.
RWN: Groan.....oh, all right, but we need a more reasonable visual stimulant....Playboy, Penthouse, something, anything but the thought of that skank Aliza. She has cooties, you know, and smelled like a can of rotting tuna sitting in the hot sun. Mr. Nose said it was a good thing Mr. Mouth guzzled a fifth of Jägermeister when you and PP decided to go splunking in her moonbat cave.

PP: That's the spirit Reich Wing Nut. We all must sacrifice for our Art!
RWN: OK, well make me sacrifice with Miss October 2006. That, I can suffer with.
LWN: You're such a sexist Reich Wing Nut!
RWN: Duhhhh?

PP: Ok then, we'll compromise. I'll go get Miss October 2006 and a petri dish.
LWN: Yippie! We're going to be world famous artists!
 

LOL Laika. This is a great plot for an educational People's Cartoon. Perhaps this can develop into a series of Testicle Dialogues covering a variety of topics. Next episode: Boobs Not Bombs protest. I think I may have an illustration in mind.
 

Oh Goody!

Do you think the Cube Collective can get a grant from The National Endowment for the Arts? Progressive Penis is very endowed and with the help of Barack the Bladder, he's been known to fill a glass or two containing crucifixes.
 

I always thought that PP stood for People's Penis, but Progressive Penis suits me just fine.

The role of PP in the classroom is still being performed by a banana in a morality play with a condom during sex ed class. We see this problem as an opportunity to whack deconstruct more of the normative understandings. In this day and age, it is a shame that PP is still barred from public schools and doesn't have a legitimate presence in the classroom.

The progressive community is looking forward to a day when PP and his two inseparable nuts can perform their exhilarating interpretive dance routine in the classroom without fear of being ostracized. It will be a day when authentic dance forms of the world will be represented, highlighting how dance can bring about global unity. After all, this is what The Testicle Dialogs are about.

A Golden Globes Award might help.
 

Premier Betty

Is there some weird relationship developing here? Isn't this the Chairman's jurisdiction? I denounce you for thoughtcrime. Nothing un-toward going
on here. Nothing to see...just move along.
 

Laika the Space Dog

PP: Ok then, we'll compromise. I'll go get Miss October 2006 and a petri dish. .....

For those of us who are visually challenged I did a little home work:
Here is my thread stealing entrance and departure:

Miss October 2006
 

Wowsa! Lenin 'n Thingies has already learned how to denounce! The Premier at that! She is going to go far!
 

NOOOO!!!!! Enough with the denouncements, I'm starting to run low on "Get out of the Gulag Free" cards!
 

Well, it was not a strictly correct denunciation. In fact, it was hard to determine exactly what the ThoughtCrime™ was. But you have to admire the attitude!
 

Not when I'm the one being denounced. I will now sit here and pout for my nanny state to come and fix everything for me.
 

The thoughtcrime was thinking that some sort of weird relationship was developing.
....sumpin' like dat.
 

Is there a crime in weird relationships Comrade? Do you wish tor those comrades in relationships that the capitalists call "weird" to feel excluded? To feel outside? To be "left behind?"
 

Why must the drunks of our society bear the brunt of ridicule? Why not... something else...?
 

This slight on the weakest and weirdest amongst us will be no more Premier, come the glorious World of Next Tuesday!
 

Next time you know they'll start calling Chairman Punchenko's marriage to a toaster "weird." If this is allowed to continue, toasters may once again become ineligible to vote Democrat!
 

We must nip this in the bud comrades! Nip it in the bud! Thankfully, I believe Comrade Lenin 'n Thingies has the socialist Force within her, we must train it and nurture it so that she does not make such error again.
 

Weird relationships? Hey... If I want to have sex with a BBQ grill then by Stalin I will have sex with a BBQ grill, in front of your family, and will be called courageous for doing so! DO NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ME!

PEOPLE FOR HAVING SEX WITH BBQ GRILLS THIS 4TH OF INTOLERANCE JULY!

PROTEST THE ILLEGAL WAR THIS FOURTH BY HAVING LOTS AND LOTS OF SEX WITH INANIMATE OBJECTS! HAVE SEX WITH OBAMA POSTERS! HAVE SEX WITH OBAMA YARD SIGNS! HAVE SEX WITH THE JOURNALISTS WHO ARE HAVING SEX WITH THE OBAMA POSTERS AND OBAMA YARD SIGNS!
 

I think I'll hide in my basement that day....
 

Premier Betty

I think I'll hide in my basement that day.... Good idea,Comrade. All this talk of sex w/ objects is creepin' me out.
 

Don't worry, you'll get used to it.
 

Commissar Pupovich

We must nip this in the bud comrades! Nip it in the bud! Thankfully, I believe Comrade Lenin 'n Thingies has the socialist Force within her, we must train it and nurture it so that she does not make such error again. I think that you should read the thread again. I have no problem w/ weird relations,excepting the relations w/ certain objects(I will accept proper punishment for such non-inclusive beliefs)..... I merely denounced the Premier for his reference to a weird relationship
possibly developing amongst Party members. I have since seen the error of my ways and have apologized for my hasty denunciation of his inquiry. As you well know,I am new to the collective and will require much correction before I am a shining example to others who might join w/ us. Please do not go easy on me at this significant time of my education. it is imperative that I be nipped in the bud. Yours in Lenin, Jo.

P.S. I can feel the socialist force within me....it is good.
 

Premier Betty

Don't worry, you'll get used to it. Hey Betty....was'up?
 

I think you already are the aware one, Comrade L.N. Thingies, since you are making out with an inflatable Lenin doll (or is it an Obama yard sign?)

But you could still benefit if you take Pinkie's class on guest soaps and free HBO.



Remember: you are the one you've been waiting for!


 

Lenin 'n Thingies

Premier Betty

Don't worry, you'll get used to it. Hey Betty....was'up?

Not much. Just trying to get this whole video capture card fiasco settled here. I think I might have it.

H0w 4r3 y0u?
 

Lenin 'n Thingies

I have no problem w/ weird relations,excepting the relations w/ certain objects(I will accept proper punishment for such non-inclusive beliefs)..... I merely denounced the Premier for his reference to a weird relationship
possibly developing amongst Party members. I have since seen the error of my ways and have apologized for my hasty denunciation of his inquiry.

I certainly hope you have opened your horizons. You saw how upset you made the Chairman? That is never a good idea. The Chairman can make or break a comrade, but I can assure you, he didn't rise to the dizzying heights he has obtained by the former. I would especially steer clear of talking badly about appliances or Hummels. Oh. and sometimes he likes to appear as a Kennedy Cop. Watch your purse as well... don't hide your contributions there, I suggest that you keep your valuables in the third drawer in the kitchen, the one closest to the door. That way only you and I will know where they are at.
 

Red Square

I think you already are the aware one, Comrade L.N. Thingies, since you are making out with an inflatable Lenin doll (or is it an Obama yard sign?)

But you could still benefit if you take Pinkie's class on guest soaps and free HBO.



Remember: you are the one you've been waiting for!

Yes,Comrade Square,I am very aware. Aware of my position in the collective(thanx Pup) Aware of the need to be less presumptive of others' thoughtcrimes. And definitely aware of my shortcomings(and HBO comings-thanx Pinkie for the enlightenment). And rest assured,dear Comrade,I am an expert when it comes to this sort of reference book. I have the advanced edition......Excellence In Masturbation ;)
 

Comrade Pupovich,Kennedy Cop? What the...?
 

What is a video capture card?
 

Thingy that takes video from TV and puts it on computer. Kinda like turning your computer into a VCR to record whatever's on the TV.
 

Lenin 'n Thingies

Comrade Pupovich,Kennedy Cop? What the...?

Much to learn have you little one. Most wise you be to study past.

On Chairman pay attention closely. Your head may depend on it.
 

Premier Betty

Thingy that takes video from TV and puts it on computer. Kinda like turning your computer into a VCR to record whatever's on the TV. Sounds groovy,Comrade.
 

Commissar Pupovich

Lenin 'n Thingies

Comrade Pupovich,Kennedy Cop? What the...?

Much to learn have you little one. Most wise you be to study past.

On Chairman pay attention closely. Your head may depend on it. For the good of the Collective, I will study the past,Comrade YodaPup.
 

Well, here's an example of a flying penis monologue from the Motherland, of all places. Indeed, body parts can have other purposes. Like flying in the face of Gary Kasparov, a chess champion turned politician, just as he speaks about the need of civility in political discussions and calls for equal respect for all parties regardless of their views.



Perhaps this deserves to be posted as a separate blog entry.
 

Holy Lenin, I am crying w/ laughter....that's some great flying penis footage....I thought they were extinct.....flying penis's...or is it flying penises? ......Or maybe just flying peni.
 

I demand an investigation! How come we do not have these in the People's Peaceful Air Force?
 

Flying Peni...isn't that Projectile Pasta?
 

Where's the flying penis footage. I was going to show my Husband-Unit the video,but it's gone. Replaced by something from the Islamic Army? Bring back the F.P. :)
 

Ivan Betinov

Flying Peni...isn't that Projectile Pasta? No,like cacti... Or is it two "i's"?..... plural penis.
 

Quote:

Where's the flying penis footage. I was going to show my Husband-Unit the video,but it's gone. Replaced by something from the Islamic Army? Bring back the F.P


Have our Islamic comrades hijacked the flying penis?!
 

It appears so. I am outraged. How dare they seize the Flying penis!? We must send a rescue crew to liberate the hijacked F.P.!!
 

Not to worry Comrades! I have recovered this important video!