THE CONTEST IS OVER!

It turns out that Coolest SOB is and has always been Big Fur Hat.

The People's Cube came in third, and sandwiched between the two of us is Pamela Geller.

- Big Fur Hat -- iowntheworld.com (21% | 430 Votes)
- Pam Geller -- Atlas Shrugs (20%, 410 Votes)
- Oleg (Red Square) -- (13%, 270 Votes)

UPDATE:

Commissarka Pinkie has summarized it all for us, so we don't have to:

Clearly democracy has died, comrades. That said, who cares about the number of votes? What's important is the exit polling, which showed that in an even bigger contest than this one five months from now, Red Square would win by at least seven points. So you might say he's really the big winner tonight!

Also, he was outspent by his competitors, thanks to an influx of big money to Big Fur Hat by outsiders who are so outside, that they don't even wear big fur hats, or any kind of fur hat, and in many cases, no hats at all! If not for all that money, Red Square would've won--so in effect, he still won!

I will not comment on his comment concerning Ms. Geller being sandwiched between him and BFH.

Now, comrades, let us commemorate the outcome by doing what we always do whenever a contest doesn't turn out the way we want--let's riot and torch cars and smash windows and go looting!

A NOTE FROM RED SQUARE:

I don't need no stinking SOB award! I have my own award, where I'm the only contestant, judge, and unanimous voter - and I've been winning it for seven years in a row!

This has been an update. Following is the original post:

Coolest SOB In The Conservative Blogosphere Award

Concervative Blogs Central has accepted nominations from readers and is now running a poll to select the Coolest SOB among us.

The People's Cube is around the top of the list, competing with people who we call our friends. But where would we be as a country if we didn't throw friends under the bus for short-term political gain? We wouldn't be deserving of the SOB title in the first place!

This may seem confusing. Why "conservative" blogosphere if we are, in fact, proud members of Gulagosphere and are anything BUT "conservative"? Ah, comrades, eating at two troughs is not new. Just look at such SOBs as David Frum, David Brooks, and David Gergen - posing as "conservatives" while at the same time not-so selflessly advancing The Progresive World of Next Tuesday! This little army of Davids need to learn to share the trough with other comrades in the SOB community!
We wish we could say "vote often" to prove our progressive SOB credentials, but this site only allows one vote per IP address. You only have one shot. So choose wisely, comrades! Our commissars can make good things happen for you or they can have bad things happen. Which shall it be?

GO HERE AND VOTE!

These are the nominees:

• BNI -- From Barenakedislam.com
• Zilla -- Zilla of the Resistance by Zilla
• Maggie -- Maggie's Notebook
• LC Aggie Sith -- Hookers And Booze
• C. Westbrook, Ph.D -- "Fore" from Gainesville, Florida
• Oleg (Red Square) -- thepeoplescube.com (VOTE FOR THIS COOL SOB)
• Michelle Malkin -- michellemalkin.com
• Big Fur Hat -- iowntheworld.com/blog
• Wirecutter -- Knuckledragging My Life Away
• Maksim -- iMaksim.com
• Kevin Jackson -- The Black Sphere theblacksphere.net
• Pam Geller -- Atlas Shrugs atlasshrugs2000.typepad
• Theo Spark -- theospark.net
• Aaron Burr -- evilconservatives.net
• Irish -- The Feral Irishman theferalirishman.blogspot.com
• Dave Blout - Moonbattery moonbattery.com
• Michael -- secondopinionpundits.com
• Andrew Bolt -- blogs.news.com.au/heraldsun/andrewbolt
• Zoomie -- Walter Zoomie's World walterzoomiesworld.blogspot.com
• Brooks Bayne -- TheTrenches.us

 

I did.

I have to wean myself of this addiction, and return to my rocket science. Shouldn't be that hard.
Dyson PhD PhD PhD PhD can find plenty of other people to make his point with.
 

Done, Comrade Square - and I am in the process of calling all my dead friends, relatives, and neighbors so that they can vote equally!
 

That's right! We need to raise the dead if we are to meet the Party-approved quota of the votes!


 

When I had Facebook, my favored sport was to hang around and "Like". Why don't you place a Like feature here? Just saying.

I closed Facebook because it was too much fun. Well, a couple of times THEY closed my Facebook, for harassing this guy here http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tanush-Sh ... 4713836794

I was the main contributor of this page, which I didn't own http://www.facebook.com/pages/KUSH-ESHT ... 0593056972
 

Vote early, vote often, vote comrade Red Square.

Tы наш, товарищ!
 

It is strongly advised to have your "I VOTED" sticker on at all times today around the Gulag.




O.K.




As you were...
 

I voted, I voted already....
 

I am very upset, as the system would only let me vote one time. That's not fair.
 

Comrades,

Found something really reactionary in this site http://theblacksphere.net/.

360,000 Republicans died to end slavery.

258,000 Democrats died to preserve it.
 

Even though I know it's a losing battle, I'm going to keep offering people an opportunity to know the Truth (not the Current Truth) about the so-called civil war and its real cause.

If you really want to know, here is an excellent place to start. It'd be funny if it weren't so sad that so many true conservatives - who are aware of how history can be rewritten - have fallen for this one, especially when it was so important in what America has become.



And now, back to your regularly scheduled voting.
 

Back to the topic of voting for the korrekt candidate: In politics there are no permanent friends, only permanent interests! Voting IS survival.


 

I voted.

So did I.

Me too.
 

Oleg, although I'm on the list I know the odds are against me because I'm behind on my bribes, so I'm rooting for you. Rooting for you is all I can do, since I used my vote on myself. Sorry, please don't cut back my vodka and beet rations.
 

I voted for you and now expect many more days off.

I have signed my voter's donor card and shall vote for you when I die as well.

Good luck comrade.
 

" Those who cast votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything."

Welcome to " The New Normal ".
( aka: " The Chicago Way ")
 

Maksim - the Cube wouldn't be the same without your stellar SOB credentials. So the award will be rightfully yours as well. Notice that IOwnTheWorld, who is ahead of us in the votes, was also once part of our glorious collective. So if they win, it'll still be ours.

Also notice that if we were to combine all our votes, we would have been be ahead of everyone. What we currently have is a split vote. Now I know what George H.W. Bush and Bob Dole must have felt when Ross Perot split the vote TWICE allowing Clinton to win TWICE.
 

Comrade Red Square,

Your thundering climb in the poll reminds me of a poem of Mayakovsky. Something that goes "Everybody, CCCP, surpass." This is translated from Russian to Albanian to English, with a 25 years gap since the last time I saw the poem.
 

You're probably referring to "we are ahead of the entire planet" - vperedi planety vsei.
 

I freshened up my pentagram at the Rancho. I drew some rich, white, virgin RethugliKKKan girl's blood, and got out my last packet of hoof parings from our Many Titted Empress. I used my last envelope of Maxine Waters' sootikins, and, conjuring from my special, autographed copy of Mein Kampf (the second biggest selling book in the Arab world), set en train an army of necro proxy voters. They are breaking into people's houses here in Texas, and I am happy to report that we may enjoy the perfect freedom of knowing that we can do what we want.
 

 

Unfortunately Comrades the Fascist filter on the internet at my current location will
not allow me to vote!

You have my support People's Cube, for Victory!
 

Red Square

That's right! We need to raise the dead if we are to meet the Party-approved quota of the votes! Thank you Red Square for including dead voters,



and I, His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshall Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC [‘Victorious Cross’], DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular, and Professor of Geography voted for The People's Cube! Ahem! You owe me one! heh! heh! heh!
 

I voted, but here in Texazistan the Rethugglikan gatekeepers wanted an ID card first.

I told them my name was Krasnodar, and I was not entitled to an ID card...

They welcomed me faster than a Juarez hooker greets a gringo on payday...(Krasno have you been in Texazistan recently? or Juarez? Just where DID you get that hat?)
 

Tovarichi...... the story behind the hat isn't very interesting.

But my shoes are quite another matter.
 

Tovarichi, what part of the People's Republic of Texas do you hail from? I'm from West Texas, so far in the desert that every morning I sweep the coyote turds out of the kitchen of the Rancho de Rio Grande.

And Krasnodar, shoes, hat--that's old, pardon, hat. It's the teeth that bother me.

Although there are shoes which are of interest. Have you seen the green golf shoes?
That's all you can see, those green shoes. Are your red shoes the polar opposite?
 

Just voted again from another computer, comrades. Let's be true progressives and lift up our most equal comrade Red Square. In the end we are for the progress, therefore it's OK to vote as many times as possible, in order to accelerate progress that is being held hostage from those backward rethugliKKKans.
 

I just voted from my office computer and plan to take a page from Marc Morial, the ex-mayor of New Orleans, who merely loaded votes up on busses and took them from polling place to polling place. No embarrassment.

This is the 21st century and we can all come out of the closet as thugs and electoral cheats.
 

Look at that cute camel toe.

Father Prog Theocritus

 

I'm rather surprised that Hamas hasn't insisted that she wear a burqa.
 

Father PT and Comrade T:

My Our collective is located here in The Glorious Peoples Heroic Revolutionary Soviet of Austin. Perhaps we can combine our efforts to create Spontaneous Marches And Demonstrations In Solidarity With The Metastasizing Blossoming Revolutionary Workers' Movements Throughout Texas™.

In that regard, I have already Voted My Conscience™ for The Cube in the recent polling. (In addition, votes were cast by both of my pitbulls, each of their stuffed animal toys, and all of the deceased whose names we were able to copy at the local cemetery.)

[P.S. Our collective has not seen such attractive apparel since the last time Commissarka Mooch wore a similar outfit.]
 

Unkulturny, I know well the People's Republic of Austin; I lived there for a while in 1980, and visit there from time to time. So refreshing to tool into town in my Zil, being pulled of course by peasant women who have won the raffle to please me, instead of dying in the beet fields. I scatter old Lenin medals up and down Guadalupe and have set up a Most Equal Lemonade Stand on Manchaca, which has made a great profit selling micturation as lemonade.

Well, everyone has pee; not everyone has lemonade. What is more equal than to have people buy others' pee when they are paying to get rid of their own? It's a win/win. It's like Nanski Peloski saying that unemployment checks are good for the economy.

Sell piss to pissers.

Only in the DPRA.
 

J

Father Prog Theocritus

Tovarichi, what part of the People's Republic of Texas do you hail from? I'm from West Texas, so far in the desert that every morning I sweep the coyote turds out of the kitchen of the Rancho de Rio Grande.

And Krasnodar, shoes, hat--that's old, pardon, hat. It's the teeth that bother me.

Although there are shoes which are of interest. Have you seen the green golf shoes?

That's all you can see, those green shoes. Are your red shoes the polar opposite?

FPT, My formative years were spent in El Paso by day, and its sister city of Juarez after dark...I currently keep a small orchard of 70 + pecan trees west of Waco. (and beets).

Back on topic, Yes, I saw the shoes, I want to know why she's not wearing sunscreen!
 

Good catch, Tovarichi. But what I want to know is where is her superheterodyne, phased-antenna-array, phased-locked-loop tin-foil hat?

Huhh?! She's dressed like that just to distract attention from the fact that her head is not subject to the messages of Laika, Noble Space Dog. That means that she's overdue for her Jiffy-Lobo™, and all because she's flaunting things that progressives ought not have.

This is the proper prog woman.



The one above can't lift anything. This woman on the other hand I might, just might, put up against Pinkie.

I know, I know, Pinkie has grown old and grey in service to the Fatherland, but never underestimate the wiles and cunning of a plain, old, one-eyed-drunk prog bitch with blood in her eye.

I've seen Pinkie in full throttle and I promise you that she could make Robespierre shit his pants and fall in a dead faint.
 

Father T:

By Lenin, I am almost certain that our collective has patronized this very Lemonade Stand! (Of course, this was done by the proles in the mule-trailer behind my our truck on the way to the Peoples Beet Fields, after our collective was ordered encouraged to aid the Suburban Beet Collective in a comradely way.)

In fact, I "might" have added to the volume of the comestibles at this Glorious Peoples Lemonade Stand while the proles were still climbing out of the trailer. [Out of their sight, of course.] But then I was back into the truck cab (where the A/C could barely keep the temperature below 70 degrees.) Proles - ha ha ha hahaHa HaHA HAHA!
 

Unkulturny, one day you'll have to come to the Rancho. You can see my impaling stakes on the north forty. It has to be on the north forty so the prevailing winds will carry the stench of burning prole and creosote (I reuse those stakes, Lenindamnit) will waft up to the home of the cursed W in Dallas.

If you're polite, I'll let you have some time alone in the suite which I reserve for Our Many Titted Empress. When she's here, she's never really all that, er, aware when she's in her suite. She's blotto from RethugliKKan bloody marys. Now I warn you, it's hard to find a place to put a spy eye in a suite which I had specially designed to be sluiced out with boiling naphtha.

If you'd seen what she and Janet Reno left behind, especially when Barbara Mikulski and Rosie O'Donnell came down, you'd want to take the whole house by the end, and shake it into the Rio Grande, throw it into Mexico and start again.

But you're welcome to plant some, er, "surprises" for our dear MTE. I'm tired of mending the drywall she destroys with her tusks.
 

Tovarichi

J

Father Prog Theocritus

My formative years were spent in El Paso by day, and its sister city of Juarez after dark...
Comrade. My formative years as a young future progressive were also spent in the glorious city of El Paso. Remember Chicos Taco?
 

I tooled in to visit friends. We'd toke up and watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Eat in Juarez, when one could do that. Before the burglar bars on every window.

Rim Road at night, getting out and staring. TransMountain Pass. Driving a back road through to Cruces, partway through an orchard, in the middle of the night.

Ten years ago I'd go for a weekend, carrying a 12" chef's knife and staying a a Residence Inn with a kitchen. Couldn't face a restaurant. Went into LoMart on Mesa, frequented by UTEP professors, who were the most arrogant assholes I've ever seen, ragging those nice kids.

So many memories, of a city a good deal more innocent than it is now.
 

Comrades Jefé El Presidenté and Theocritus, you arouse many fond memories...Chico's before crossing for a night of cervezas and perhaps a donkey show...Rim road at night attempting to set a motorcycle speed record (spoiled by a most unfortunately located patch of gravel) and I lived in the area while they were blastng trans-mountain road... I was back at Ft. Bliss briefly going and returning from Iraq. Mexico was off limits, worse than the combat zone... ahhhh the good old days!
 

Well Comrade F, Of Course you are Completely Korrekt! Your Politically Korrect observations can be expanded into every facet of Amerikkkan life:

* If you miss a connecting flight, Blame Boosh - Who turned over transportation to Kapitalist Corporations! (ptui!)
* If your pizza is late, Blame Boosh - Who Privatized Food Production And Distribution?
* If your utility bills are increasing, Blame Boosh - Who unleashed The "Free Market" upon Amerikkka!
* If your auto gets a flat tire - What Are You Doing With A "Personal" Auto? Isn't that Counter-Revolutionary!?!?
* Et cetera, et cetera!
 

Comrades, let me orate as Father Prog. Of course we can blame Boosh; we always do. But the point isn't that we need to have someone to blame.

The point is that we are not to blame. No matter what happens, we are not to blame. No matter the cock-up, it's not our fault. Our intentions are good, for we pull reality out of our asses every morning, so it's someone else's fault.

Being a prog is great. My actions are fine as long as I mean well, and I get to decide what is meaning well.

I defy you to find any other object of religious devotion--and that's what I am, you know--who has it as good as we do.

<off>I am a nonbeliever and so perhaps I see better than some believers the true religious fervor of these people. I have nothing invested in any supernatural being, and as long as I'm left alone, it's none of my business. And (I truly don't want this to be patronizing) my brother Mark said, "Bullshit. Christians are good neighbors." Just so. And Christians don't need my patronizing or control.

Most people at the Cube are probably Christians; a few are Jews; a Buddhist or two. I promise you that progressivism is a true, secular religion and because there is no supernatural being to sort things out in an afterlife, sorting things out in the here-and-now for the progressive will perforce be extremely coercive.

I believe it's Sowell I'm quoting, although it might be Walter Williams--two blacks of extraordinary clarity of mind who rose owing entirely to their brilliance--who said that the difference between a liberal and a totalitarian is one of grasp, not reach.

Or liberalism is totalitarianism with a human face. When he wrote that, he hadn't seen Nanski Peloski or our Many Titted Empress.
 

HERETIC! UNBELIEVER! INFIDEL! BURN HIM AT THE STAKE! HE WEIGHS THE SAME AS A DUCK!
 

I am outraged by the so-called "voting" in this election! OUTRTAGED! How can it possibly be true that our beloved Carmine Crusader, Red Square, is currently polling THIRD in this elitist and unfair contest?

Well.

I say the time for talk is over. We have the example. We have the ideological purity. We have the flaming torch of Marxist-Leninist Progressivism to light our way!

--I call for the immediate nullification of these votes!

--I call for an immediate proclamation of Red Square as the coolest SOB of the internet!

--I call for the immediate nationalization of "im41.com" and for the immediate transport of its "owner" to one of the more unpleasant North Dakota gulags.

COMRADES! TO THE BARRICADES!
 

I have done my civic duty.
 

Brain-in-party-approved-jar

HERETIC! UNBELIEVER! INFIDEL! BURN HIM AT THE STAKE! HE WEIGHS THE SAME AS A DUCK!Hahahaha, Betinov. I've survived the ducking stool. I didn't break when the RethugliKKKans strapped me onto it. Of course it didn't exist and I called it waterboarding, and MSNBC's Rachel Madcow and Lawrence O'Dingleberry ran with the story. I love them; they require no proof or evidence.

But here's the clincher. Once they threw me in the water and I didn't drown, nor did I float. After twelve hours, they fished me out of the bay and I was just fine. I'd just had a Jiffy-Lobo™ tune-up and so there was no brain to be damaged. So we know I'm not a witch.

And this bit about weighs the same as a duck. Is this a foie gras duck, which is to be outlawed in California? I would hate to lose foie gras; Gordon Ramsey in West Hollywood does wondrous things with it. And why outlaw it? The ducks and geese are perfectly willing to have a funnel placed in their throats and to have corn poured down the funnel into their crops.

Why outlaw proggery in the making? Isn't that what we're all after? Being force-fed food so that we can be of service to the State?

I figure that if the ducks would crap on a police car, they could be called Occupy forces, which would mean that putting other people's food in their bellies was a high and noble calling.

So let's put Occupy signs on the ducks and geese, mostly coming from the Hudson River Valley, and then we can have all the foie gras that we want.

Don't tell the Occupy people that though; you have seen the Rancho and my impaling stakes. I have a feeling that an Occupy liver might be very tasty. Dr. Lecter will be my guest cook.
 

Hey kids, I got a project for you! When I went over to I'm 41 to check the lastest stats, out of curiosity I clicked on a link concerning the site rankings, which took me to:

http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/thepeoplescube.com

Lo and behold, they have a "reviews" section, and until about five minutes ago, there were no reviews of the Cube. Now there is one.

There should be more.

Get to work.
 

Tovarichi wants to know why John Frum's girlfriend isn't wearing sunscreen; I just want to know why she doesn't have a belly button. Is she some monster created in a lab for his own fiendish perverted pleasure?

And as for you, Theocritus--or should I call you Robespierre for the sudden load in your pants?--I do believe you can withstand anything, except my shovel upside your head.

WHACK!!!

I AM THE proper prog woman--not that freak of nature you posted who's really just the Michelin Man in the buff. (I always wondered what was under all those white tires.)

Your prog woman doesn't care as much as I do. No one cares as much as I do! No one raises awareness of how much I care as much as I do! And no one spends other people's money as much and as fast as I do!

I can stand in line forever if there's something free at the end of it.

Speaking of which, if I'm to cast a vote here, I'd like to know what's in it for me that's free. Free gas? Free mortgage? I'm waiting in line for some free Red Square money that Red Square gets from--oh, I don't know--from his stash.

Of course, I could also vote for Maksim, but he gets lots of Beet of the Week awards from me.
 

Already? Already, comrades, you have forsaken this thread? You are not calling your friends and waking the neighbors to vote for Red Square?

You have been seduced by the softness of the West! I'd wager you are sitting in a Barcalounger playing with your X-Box right now. Meanwhile our glorious Red Square battles for his life against the Tyrannosaurs of the blogosphere, just as he did at Kursk--one man in a flatulent T-34 with bad suspension and a main gun that always, always threw three meters right, facing the Fascist Hordes with a steely jaw and thoughts only of the Party and the Rodina in his heart.

Where are the True Bolsheviks here?

You all disgust me.
 

Brain-in-Jar, there are no more true Bolshies here. We're all Occupy forces here. The Occupation. Not that thing in Europe 60 years ago, but the tatterdemalion storm troupes of people with useless and expensive degrees who have learned how to nurse anger, ramp up rage, and foment insurrection. Because they don't like a world which ignores them.

We're at Bolshie II.
 

Pinkie, here I sit with my eyes more than usually read. I mean, of course it's fit and mete that I have red eyes; if for no other reason than the carcinogens from the burning corpses on my impaling stakes.

So you don't have to™.

What I don't get is that I have all sorts of compressions on my head from your shovel. This half-dollar-sized one here, that quarter-sized one there, and there's always the fracture. You know that I had to put my head in a box for two months after the last love tap, don't you? Now I'm not complaining as long as it's for the Common Good™ or For the Children™ or For The Earth™ or any other shit like that. Who cares?

But why have I only gotten one Beet of the Week? Now I admit that Maxsim is a great artist and my best artistic efforts are flushed every morning at 7:15. But should that matter? Just because he has talent and I don't. Should that matter?

I am entering the Special Olympics of Photoshop Artists. I am owed. Just as every child must get a prize, even for showing up and pooping its pants, every person here needs a Beet of the Week.

That is every person who is not as equal as I am.
 

Mom says I'm above average, that makes me more equal. Where's my BOTW?
 

You HAD a mother? I was raised as part of a Communal Home. We were weaned by Mother Surrogates who looked amazingly like our Many Titted Empress. The milk was of course sour.

Every day we'd rise at can see to toil in the beet fields. Then we'd come in for lunch--potato soup if were were lucky, and brown bread without too much mold on it--and hear a rousing speech from Comrade Buttholesky. Then back to the beet fields. On May day we got to sleep in to 7 AM.

If you had a mother, then you're a troll and not welcome here. The reason that I'm a made prog is that I suffocated or knifed all my litter mates.

We don't go with "mothers" here. Except the Mother State.
 

The milch-frau was leased for tax purposes... "Mom" is what we called the Corrections Sergeant in juvenile hall.
 

Oh, Tovarichi, that explains a lot. It also explains your insufferable air of superiority. To those us Made Progs who fought out way out of the trenches, over the barricades, up into shitting on cop cars like our brothers at Occupy, and other rag-tag totalitarian shirkers--and whiny too--people like you who had someone to call Mom is just, well, insufferable.

We had a mannequin with one leg, one boob, no wig, and dressed in a tee-shirt with holes. This is what we called Mom.

Now still I have memories of Mother Prog, though. A large woman, full of the earth. An enormous bosom. No teeth of course; she didn't have any milk as a child. Well, what are teeth among comrades? She thought to get Soviet steel teeth but decided that others needed them more. Her hands rough and red from the scrub board where she washed our Mao jackets--our go-to-meeting May Day best--using lye soap made of the bones of, er, "falen" comrades, the ash from the, er, "bodies" of fallen comrades, and the lard of, er, fallen comrades who had been lucky enough to eat.

It's Komeradseife.
 

BC the contest purveyor said

Quote:

I’m not saying that lying, cheating, bribing, throwing your buddy under the bus, finding ways to have your readers vote multiple times, or begging someone to drop out so that you can combine your votes is acceptable behavior for winning. But in this crowd, someone who won’t resort those tactics don’t want to win bad enough. Sounds like a made Prog doesn't he? I'll be damn is a bunch of conservatives are going to out lie and cheat us. Over the week-end I will stopping by friends and family and using their computers to vote for Red Square. What will you be doing? Voting ends June 5th or NEXT TUESDAY.
 

Comrades, our very own Red Square is becoming more equal with each passing day:




Like Maksim said: "ROAD TRIP!!!"
 

The contest is over!

It turns out that Coolest SOB is and has always been Big Fur Hat.

The People's Cube came in third, and sandwiched between the two of us is Pamela Geller.

Big Fur Hat -- (21%, 430 Votes)

http://iowntheworld.com/blog (21% | 430 Votes)">

Pam Geller -- Atlas Shrugs(20%, 410 Votes)

http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad (20% | 410 Votes)">

Oleg (Red Square) -- (13%, 270 Votes)

 

Al Gore's planeloads of lawyers are enroute to start the recounting, and identifications of dangling chads. 3rd coolest in the whole internet is by definition pretty Cool, but its not the Chicago Way...
 

Clearly democracy has died, comrades. That said, who cares about the number of votes? What's important is the exit polling, which showed that in an even bigger contest than this one five months from now, Red Square would win by at least seven points. So you might say he's really the big winner tonight!

Also, he was outspent by his competitors, thanks to an influx of big money to Big Fur Hat by outsiders who are so outside, that they don't even wear big fur hats, or any kind of fur hat, and in many cases, no hats at all! If not for all that money, Red Square would've won--so in effect, he still won!

I will not comment on his comment concerning Ms. Geller being sandwiched between him and BFH.

Now, comrades, let us commemorate the outcome by doing what we always do whenever a contest doesn't turn out the way we want--let's riot and torch cars and smash windows and go looting!
 

Dear Commisarka Pinkie - I have reposted your comment as an update at the top of the thread.

Furthermore, for bringing a tear to my gloriously red eye, I hereby extend your quota and awarding yourself the prestigious Beet of the Week Award, and for your mom - a bumper sticker that says "My daughter is a beet of the week at the People's Cube!"
 

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!

Despite my many attempts I was only allowed to vote once, as was all the other Comrades that I had bused in from outside the United States in this so called free and fair election.

WE ARE NOW PROTESTING THE RESULT!!!!!!! (Don't worry Pinkie the looting and rioting is of course scheduled right afterwards)



 

Red, you will always be the biggest baddest SOB I know.
 

You know, Ivan, in this day and age when SOBs are being disenfranchised, stigmatized, and discriminated against because were are different, your sentiment is truly touching!

SOBs are people too! We are just differently sociopathic!
 

But I guess once you start promoting yourself as a cool smartass you immediately stop being one. Especially if you protest with signs like these.



 

I don't need no stinking SOB award! I have my own award, where I'm the only contestant, judge, and unanimous voter - and I've been winning it for seven years in a row!


 

Comrades, the problem here is not that, as Commissarka Pinkie says, there's a lot of money coming into Big Fur Hat, but it's one of nomenclature.

Big Fur Hat is considered a Big Beaver and who would not vote for a Big Beaver?