I think I will write a children's story book. And when I do, it will include this story:


Once upon a time, there was an ant and a grasshopper. The ant was a wealthy capitalist who owned a chain of "big box" stores, and spent all summer counting his money, while the grasshopper labored very hard making money for the ant.

In short, the ant exploited the grasshopper.

All summer long, the ant would smoke cigars, drink martinis, and see prostitutes. The grasshopper would simply work as a slave for the ant and turn over his meager pay to A.N.S.W.E.R., The Rachel Corrie Memorial Fund, and the Barack Obama campaign.

Then the winter came. It was a cold and dark winter, and the grasshopper had nothing to eat. The bitter temperatures were caused by global warming, as the ant-made pollutants created heat pockets that actually lowered temperatures.

The grasshopper was hungry, for he had no money left. And so, he approached the ant: "Ant, my dear dear ant, please find it in your heart to spare just a tiny morsel of food so that I and my family might survive to see one more day."

The ant thought about this humble request. After several days of contemplation, the ant went to the grasshopper's house and approached the grasshopper's family. And then, without any hesitation, the ant raped the grasshopper's daughter so violently that she would have preferred death instead. However, the ant realized what the consequences of his actions might be, and so went from abortion clinic to abortion clinic, tossing gasoline bombs, dismembering doctors, and raping nurses. All in the name of Jesus, he would say. It is what the bible told him to do.

And so, without abortions, the grasshopper population multiplied far beyond its scientifically-calculated sustainable optimality. And all these new grasshoppers were hungry.

By the spring, half the grasshopper population died from either starvation or from the ant's insistence on sending grasshoppers to far-off lands to launch wars against innocent Islamic grasshoppers.

However, that summer, the grasshopper got himself a different job -- at The United States Department of Housing and Urban Development. His job was "Assistant Deputy Analyst" in the HOPE program, which mandates that ants pay the mortgages of those home-owning grasshoppers who have more pressing needs than to pay for their own homes. The grasshopper's responsibilities included "being able to analyze and prepare official HOPE documents while demonstrating proficiency in equivalent tasks and programs". In practice, this required the demands of attending many meetings and learning how to use "email".

Much of the HOPE time was spent making contributions to United for Peace and Justice and The Nation of Islam from the grasshopper's desk.

And once again, hunger arrived in the winter.

And the grasshopper approached the ant: "Hey ant, I'm gettin' in your face this year, know what I'm sayin? You owe me, unnerstan'? I got demands and you better respec' them."

The ant returned to his guarded estate, and a few days later, received a visit from someone unfamiliar. It was a grasshopper, but one whom he had never before met.

This new grasshopper said, "Ant...I am here to collect your money, which I will then give to the other grasshoppers, and will keep some for myself. If you do not agree, I will, at gunpoint, drag you to a prison cell where you will be anally violated while your life rots away in isolation."

The new grasshopper had a badge. It said "I.R.S."

And the ant turned over his plundered wealth to the I.R.S. grasshopper.

Forevermore, for the rest of his life, the ant, with his bottomless pit of money, would give and give to the grasshoppers -- providing for their food, their health care, their housing, their homes, and everything else that the grasshoppers could ever want or need, as determined by their educated leaders.

Moral: Rich capitalist ants have an endless supply of wealth that was stolen from the working class. It can never be depleted and it will always be there for taking -- by any means. It is not theirs, it belongs to the people, and shall be controlled by the people's leaders.

Kids: Let's educate your parents, kill the capitalists, and live in a Socialist Paradise!

God DAMN Amerikkka!

That was just absolutely beautiful. Anyone that reads that and doesn't cry out for and demand social justice isn't fully human and should probably be starved to death.

Comrade Otis wrote:That was just absolutely beautiful. Anyone that reads that and doesn't cry out for and demand social justice isn't fully human and should probably be starved to death.

Of course he's not fully human. He's an ant.

Ant extermination begins with identification. While there is a nearly limitless number of ant species, a few are common to household infestations. Plumber ants and Carpenter ants are among the most common. The steps towards ant extermination are as follows:

- Discredit them in the media.
- Use the IRS to audit their taxes.
- Label them as parasites and turn them into pariahs in their own communities.
- Stigmatize their friends, family and acquaintances until nobody wants to hire them.
- Tax them some more.
- See them starve and crawl back to the government for assistance.
- Once they crawl back, lure them into one of the Ant Control Systems developed by our best scientists, e.g., Professor and Nobel Laureate Kurgman.

As usual, a brilliant examination of the current state of affairs professor. One thing seems to be missing however. Surely we need an "uber grasshopper" that comes to the salvation of the grasshoppers, perhaps using the slogan "The Audacity of Hopping." This uber hopper will educate the grasshoppers to overthrow the cruel rein of the ants?

I hate to say this however, but I heard the class enemy Limbaugh say something the other day mocking us, but I realized he had actually hit upon a real truth that we must expand upon. Consider this an exploration into the many needs, nay the many rights of the grasshopper.

As we and the Messiah have pointed out correctly, nationalized health care is the right of every citizen, it is in the constitution somewhere. I will allow one of my clerks to find the correct quote should any one doubt me.

But if we have a right to free medical care, something we may or may not need at any point this coming year, what about the food and drink that we need every day? We have a constitutionally guaranteed right to free food and drink! And not just any throw away grub! (Excluding the Chairman's tasty rat on a stick of course.)

In that vein, let us list here other rights we have, but for Lenin's sake, let's be serious.

Free food and drink - afterr all, we need it to go on collecting subsidies.
Free sex - hey, it's For the Children™ and a natural desire.
Free dope or booze of choice - to help us deal with the pain of years of oppression.
Free transportation - why should some have to suffer while others have private vehicles?

Comrades,

I've found a wonderful new tool (no doubt designed and built by the state) to help us translate from Kapitalist Speak to a more appropriate language. https://www.translate.google.com

Giving example:

Great leader's song:

We're gonna spread happiness
We're gonna spread freedom
Obama's gonna change it
Obama's gonna lead 'em

We're gonna change it
And rearrange it
We're gonna change the world.

Better more viable version:

Мы будем распространением счастья
Мы будем распространением свободы
Обама в собираешься изменить
Обама в собираешься привести 'Em

Мы будем изменить
И изменить ее
Мы будем менять мир.

https://www.offeringcommonsense.blogspot.com

Another version of the And & the Grasshopper story:

The ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving..

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green ...'

Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the Black Lives Matter group singing, We shall overcome.

Then Reverend Al Sharpton has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper while he damns the ants. He later appears on MSNBC to complain that rich people do not care.

Former President Obama condemns the ant and blames Donald Trump, President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Chuck Schumer exclaim in an interview on The View that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper , and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper .

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Be careful how you vote in 2018.

Did I miss the part where the giant orange ant takes all of the babies from the undocumented grasshoppers from the south and locks them into cages in the internment camps built by grasshopper labor during the Bush era, forcing the parents to "volunteer" for deportation or the babies get thrown off the same cliff as the elderly? That's in this story, right?

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Did I miss the part where the giant orange ant takes all of the babies from the undocumented grasshoppers from the south and locks them into cages in the internment camps built by grasshopper labor during the Bush era, forcing the parents to "volunteer" for deportation or the babies get thrown off the same cliff as the elderly? That's in this story, right?

Yes, along with the part about the alt-right bitter-clinger ants denying the right to abortions for the undocumented grasshopper-girls.

Good Lenin! If we turn this around as we do here at the cube and see the same facts from another perspective, the possibilities are endless... I envision a "Harry Potter"-ish series of stories or more, perhaps with Saturday Morning Cartoons, Action Figures, follow along here...

Kapitalist grasshoppers import black ants from Black-Ant-Land as laborers to be exploited. Male black ants end up being incarcerated at the highest rates, as their own culture perpetuates black-ant on black-ant violence. Ant colony structure breaks down, the Black Queen Ants (and they're all queens, just ask them) breed with thug-ants who have no future, then must raise their colonies themselves funded by subsidies from the grasshoppers that they hate...

Years later the black ants decide that black ant lives matter and demand reparations from the grasshoppers for bringing the black ants to the "land of milk and honey" and raising their standards of living without their permission untold generations ago.

In the meantime, black ants hate the brown ants swarming up from the south (in an act of love) to do the jobs that grasshoppers won't do, and also hate the light-colored ants from the far-east that keep getting all of the high-tech jobs, and any other ants too, because all of those other immigrant ants siphon needed grains and food and grasshopper services away from the prolific black ant families, (that are denied the aforementioned abortion services) causing widespread Section 8 ant colonies to become beds of ant-gang violence, unprotected ant-sex, and drug use spiraling into the victim mentality, and further hatred of the all-green grasshopper oppressors

Golly this sounds exciting! I wonder how it will end... <announcer-voice on...> Tune in Next Week for another exciting episode....brought to you by the People's Cube...

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You know, Ivan... "Ant Lives Matter!"
(Ivan... why did they erect a statue of you in the United Kingdom?!)
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