Comrades, in the same noble Soviet tradition that pit differing state arsenals against each other in order to design the best weapon to proposed specs; The Design Bureau of the Office of the Commissar of Time is putting out a demand call for designs.

We require a new clock. The new People's Clock(TM) must first feature a numberless dial. The face of the clock will be a color LCD screen capable of displaying various Socialist Heroes such as Obama, Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, the current editor of The New York Times, etc... The clock must be capable of audio/video monitoring, as well as feature a small speaker for calling out the time. Each clock must be capable of recieving a signal from Laika which sets the clock to the proper time for the person issued it. This is part of the general overhaul of Time itself which this department is working on.

In addition, the dial of the clock must feature 3 hands. Two which show the current time, and the third which shows which variant of time the clock is set to. More information will be forthcoming soon.

It is believed that due to the complex nature of the new People's Clocks(TM) as well as the associated monitoring and support that the new clocks require, there will be signifigant job creation, and an affiliated improvement in the economy.

Proposals from the factories and trade associations that wish to present their designs must be completed shortly, as the new clocks will be deployed as quickly as possible.

7.62, let me suggest that we simplify things. Let's have everything done in CST. That is Clinton Standard Time. Which means that the time is whatever our Many Titted Empress thinks that it is.

The Bu$hitler (boo, hiss) was noted for being punctual and his handlers and the Secret Service loved him, and Laura. He was <i>considerate and predictable</i>. This is so non-prog. The SS despaired of Slick Willie because he thought it was all about him.

Which means that the SS was at fault.

But here's another idea. I live very close to the Mexican border. My life was considerably enlightened when I learned that "Mañana" didn't mean "tomorrow" but meant instead "Not now."

Colonel,

Offered to increase the vodka ration for the boys in the R and D department if they could come up with something that might do the trick for you.

Maybe this might meet your ministries approval?

I suggest the clock hands move faster or slower depending what activity the person using it is engaged in. For example, for a patriotic Senator doing the People's work on the glorious Health Care Reform Bill, the hands should move quickly to show that there is not much time left before that stupid shit sandwich starts to stink up the place and everyone has to bail. On the other hand, if the wearer is a properly state-certified MSM journalist working on the "Climategate" story, the hands would move not at all because that issue does not exist in this universe.

Of course, implementing this suggestion would require 24/7 government monitoring of all citizens' every activity so that the time can be properly adjusted to fit the state's their needs. I know some privacy fanatics will cry "1984" or some such paranoia, but most proper-thinking citizens will regard state control of time not as a bug, but as a feature.

Brilliant comrade Colonel. Now that the Bushitler is gone (and he will pay for his crimes), it seems to be perfect time to replace the current progressive wall clock choice of the kollective:

That cannot be Sherry Glaser because its mouth is not open, screaming.

Comrade Turboski, I regret to inform you that your design cannot be released for general issue as we lack a way to deal with uncontrolable projectile vomiting among the proles.

We may consider it for general issue in the Gulags though, but that also requires approval from the various Gulag administrators.

Commodore Snoogie, that is very acceptable, and at the rate things are going might default to being The People's Clock(TM). Our current issue model fits in the trunk, back seat and passenger compartment of a Lada, and requires a direct 220 volt plug in to work. Ahhh the joys of socialist engineering!

Komrade Turboski wrote:Brilliant comrade Colonel. Now that the Bushitler is gone (and he will pay for his crimes), it seems to be perfect time to replace the current progressive wall clock choice of the kollective:

Komrade Turboski, I feel that this particular clock may possibly engender envy in some womyn Progs who are not as equal.

Perhaps Colonel 7.62 would consider the following suggestions:

Comrade Nika, the clocks you suggest are quite interesting, but they lack the digital display of pictures of Chairman Obama, or other socialist leaders, plus they appear to be easily modified by proles. They may be suitable for Politburo use however.

I'd like to offer for your consideration an older design from before the elections. Given the current Tea Party movement, it was sort of a poetic prophecy.


It is also of a certain sentimental value to me because as soon as it went up, someone stole it to make buttons for sale on eBay. I contacted the guy and he said he himself bought a couple from a collector, and to make things even he shipped one to me for free. I still have it.

At least he didn't remove the Cube URL like someone from Hong Kong did recently with my Che Heart Plus designs. But that, children, is a whole different mad story.

Too bad Entirely appropriate that private-property rights are not being respected. Still, it's a good deal better, although unrewarding financially, that people are not cashing in on the mystique of Che.

A most equal clock Red Square. Perhaps if we combine the electronic monitoring components from Commodore Woogum's design with your clock we might have just the perfect People's Clock.
{off}
Stealing your Che heart designs? That's pathetic. And rude.

Every hour the Perfect People's Clock can announce, in the voice of Eleanor Clift, "How's that Hope and Change working out for you?"

What's a clock without a hidden camera to monitor the status of our fellow revolutionaries in their own homes? The child-friendly design lends itself to keeping it in rooms where bedtime stories might be read that are not approved by The Party.

Ah, yes, the hidden camera. Unfortunately my hidden camera keeps making noise and I can't sleep. I want another hidden camera which doesn't make that much noise.

Unless I'm being paranoid.

No, I'm a Made Progressive and by definition George W. Bush is at fault.

Paranoia is an absolute requirement for being a Made Progressive. Anyone at anytime may be after your position...it's a precarious lifestyle. But so worth it.

Conspiracy obsession, however, belongs to the domestic terrorists.

By the way, has anyone seen the set of knives from the kollective kitchen?

I also remember conspiracy obsession belonging to Our Many Titted Empress Hillary. She rightly talked about the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, and talked over and over about it. I didn't know there was a VRWC--the Rethuglicans that I know can't find their asses with both hands tied behind their backs and just don't give a damn about our dear MTE. But she saw something and when our MTE says, I listen.

Unless Nanski says it first. Or Obowma.

Knives? Knives? What knives? I never have knives in my kitchen; I can't keep them in supply. I'm always giving them away, and my friends', and enemies', backs can attest to that. In fact I cannot tell you how many people the local embalmer has had to bury upside down, unable to get the knives out.

Colonel 7.62 wrote

the clocks you suggest are quite interesting, but they lack the digital display of pictures of Chairman Obama

You are quite correct, please forgive me. I must have had a moment where I wasn't thinking of Dear Leader.

I must say I do like Red Square's clock, but if you want something with Dear Leader on it, here ya go...

Knives? Knives? What knives? I never have knives in my kitchen; I can't keep them in supply. I'm always giving them away, and my friends', and enemies', backs can attest to that.

Speaking of light bulbs. I was in Target today shopping for replacement knives when I remembered that my hall light was out and I needed a new bulb. The cheapest single bulb I could find of the "curly, efficient" ones was over five bucks.

It occurred to me that soon not only our time will be rationed, but our light as well. Government Electric (GE) will make sure of that. When they rid the world of competitors and we can't afford the bulbs anymore, at least we can stand outside the White House windows at night to do our evening reading by the glimmer of sparkling chandeliers.

Hmmm...we won't be able to see our clocks at night either...which leads us to...ta da...the glow-in-the-dark- feature!

CC, we can always stand outside the White House and bask in the radiance of His O'liness, Barack Hussein Obowma. Not only will we be able to adore him--here listen to ACORN angels singing hosannahs to Barack on the Highest--but he will <i>heal</i> us.

That is, unless we're drawing social security and are a net drain to the public, then it's kryptonite, baby. Green kryptonite.

Gracious Theocritus, didn't I receive some new initials a little while back....CCCP? Do you recall a certain cheery new t-shirt? Yes....

Anyway...kryptonite...over Thanksgiving we had a movie marathon of Superman movies. I couldn't help fantasizing about Dear Leader wearing that snazy "large-and-in-charge" tights and undees and cape. But then my mind got all funky b/c the scenes with the kryptonite and the swimming pool...I could have sworn I was seeing the economy drowning, but I knew my mind was just playing a trick on me.

Must have been the leftovers talking...

Yes, CCCP, I do remember the initials but then I didn't know if you wanted them. After all, it's quite a responsibility to live up to CCCP. I love casseroles, but a <i>commie casserole</i>? You'd have to serve it at the House dining hall, and have Nanski Peloski sample it. Just to make sure it had the requisite number of beets in it.

Oh. Sorry. I forgot. Nanski doesn't eat beets. She eats foie gras and flies in her 757. Because she's <i>special</i>. [ That belly boobs, botox bitch ]

Dear O'Leader is more than our Maximum Leader--he's the person that we invest all of our dreams in. Because he's completely clueless and the weakest president that AmeriKKKa has ever had. I mean, bowing to everyone? This fits in perfectly with our infantile self-hatred.

We are Mad Progs, which means that we never got emotionally older than say four. I love America Left on XM radio--where people talk about driving a truck into Sarah Palin's vagina, and where, at midnight last night, someone called her a cunt. I'm not making this up--on a political station, not an X-rated comedy station.

So we should invest <i>everything</i> that we have in Obowma, because we <i>want</i> to. Disregard that he's callow, untested, arrogant, foolish, manipulated by far left-wing crazies and moonbats. But he looks real pretty and we <i>want</i> to believe him. because he says purty things. When the TelePrompTer is working right.

The essence of being a Mad Prog is going for broke--close your eyes and mutter, with your fists clenched, "I'll never grow up! I'll never grow up!" and snarl and spit at all the people who have grown up, and you'll be <i>primus inter pares</i> of Mad Progs.

(My computer is "acting stupidly.")

The Peter Pan Club does have a great time poisoning the air waves with their educated minds.

I would like to remain CCCP only because I enjoy taking my life in my own hands and serving fanski foods to Hairy and Nanski from the front door of the kollective kitchen while they listen to a string quartet borrowed from Siberia. Unfortunately, it may mean that I have to be cupbearer as well...but it won't be the first time a kook took one for "the team."

In my hunting and gathering tonight at K-Mart I came across a 2 DVD set called "Obama: Hope and History." Subtitled "This is Our Moment" and "The Time Has Come." I wasn't sure whose or what time had come...but that question is a giant black hole. Put out by the Chicago Sun-Times is was an affordable $26.99 so that the poor masses can afford it. The picture of the cover was of the man himself, with a glib smile and a "Heil Me" pose in his hand (palm forward, arm bent at 90%) Maybe it was supposed to be a picture of him taking his oath of office, cuz it sure as heck wasn't a picture of him saying the Pledge of Allegiance!

CCCP, I'm delighted to find that there is a two-DVD set of Obowma being sold. Obowma is the lightest-weight leader in the world right now, with nothing to show except having been elected, and so it's entirely fitting that he would be doing a Heil Obowma himself. After all, no other leader is.

Q. Do you think that we could, as Made Progressives, make some money by selling fans for world leaders to hide behind to keep their laughter from showing? This doesn't apply of course to most Europeans, who have been sucking at the American tit (pace Charles Krauthammer) for so long that their blood is so thin that they they all have to sleep on rubber sheets for the bed-wetting.

The next time Obowma bows to the Emperor of Japan, we won't see that bemused face. We'll see laughter. Unless we can sell him a fan. And we can sell everyone else a fan too, to keep the laughter from showing.

Because if you hate AmeriKKKa, and I do, as a Mad Prog, it can only be pleasing to see the entire world laughing at the Pussy President. Or as the Bits say, President Pantywaist.

But it's no matter. If things get sticky he and Michelle can fly to New York for another show, or he can fly in another pizza chef from St. Louis for one night's performance.

Ah. We go from Edward R. Murrow and Ernie Pyle and David Brinkley to the Monster Kouric Head, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams, Keith Olbermann, and Janeane Gawdawfulo. We go from George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Ronald Reagan to Bill Clinton, James Earl Carter, the goober-grabbing president with a grin like a raccoon eating fish guts out of a wire brush, and to Our Current Commander in Chief, the no-resume president, the first post-American president, the First Citizen of Entitlement, and the biggest fool in high office since George III.

LOL about the raccoon eating guts out of a wire brush! Now there's an image! It might be the same image that I see when Hairy cleans his teeth after a meal of unwell seniors.

Ok, this is weird. Obama was supposed to be in Oslo the other day, but my friend who is a truck driver in DC thinks that he saw Chairman O's motorcake pass by. It was all the fanfare one could imagine...and he thought he even saw the sillouette of the funny One. Does the most important peace maker in the world have a double? It's probably a good idea. "Evil really does exist" and those who hate peace might not be laughing at him anymore.

I do think fans would go over well.

Perhaps there is a double. Although a double that air-headed would have to be Lindsay Lohan.

I have just gotten <i>Jerry Springer</i> on local satellite. It's wonderful. There are two men of dusky complexion fighting over a woman. One man seduced his brother's woman--notice the chattel. The woman came on to complain about the man whom she betrayed, saying that he was living with his mother, and refused to get a job. He didn't want to get a job.

Springer: "Barack got a job. Just saying."

The complete contempt.

Does that mean that Barack was living in his mother's basement until he got the job as president? Cuz he was WAY more qualified than Palin, so that must mean that she was, like, still in junior high.

I was just informed that Switzerland voted to not allow any more minarets put up in their country. And that soon Egypt will follow up by taking a similar vote to stop any more churches with tall steeples in their country. All's fair when you have borders, right? Oh, no, that's right...one world means one border (or no border) and we all have the right to whine against any people that discriminate against us. The only exception is those in the majority who must defer to a minority and thus abondon their own culture for the sake of the other. Christmas IS the season of giving! Why not give away our holiday so that there will be more room in the mall for people wearing burkas who need extra floor space for kneeling in the middle of their shopping? Of course, for now go ahead and quietly practice your own religion...just don't be overbearing about it (like they are.)

And speaking of how awesome Europe is: [First, let's hear it for the Czech leader!] They have done a fantastic job appointing an electrifying leader who can resemble them well. I almost said, "elected" but then remembered that the people of Europe no longer have a voice b/c their elected leaders are under the heavy handed group/economic pressure of their fellow recently liberated ex-nations. For now, the Swiss seem to be the only ones with a little sense...and asserting national soverignty beats neutrality anytime. But hopefully freedom fighters can be bribed with chocolate and fine watches.

CCCP, Barack Hussy Obowma was not living in his mother's basement--that hippie chick (my interpretation) had let her parents raise him a good deal of the time. And his grandmother was "a typical white woman." Does that mean nasty and small minded, or doing what needed to be done without whining? Inquiring minds want to know.

Barry Hussy Obowma was living in digs which he's gotten by his ACORN connections. He didn't qualify for them; he didn't deserve them, but boy he sure liked them. And there's nothing like lying back on a sofa, putting up your feet and laughing at how you got something that someone else owned.

I had no problem with Islam on 9/10/2001. And on 9/11/2001 I was gobsmacked. On 9/12/2001 I expected that we'd hear Muslims denounce this, for surely in 2001 this couldn't be the product of a major religion. I waited for the denunciation, and I waited, and I'm <i>still waiting</i>.

However I am comforted by the sounds that say that this is not common, that killing infidels is not Islamic. That this is quite beyond the pale. I'm just trying to figure out how I can take comfort when the only ones who are saying this are white progressives, and not the members of the Muslim confession.

And, here I'm looking from side to side in a bit of fear, I'm trying to think of a single instance when progressives have been right instead of cowardly appeasers and self-loathing haters.

The latest from the kollective kitchen is that we will be serving cold beet cookies to the shut-ins in the gulags. It will create warm feelings in the staff, just in case the House vodka doesn't do the trick. They will be in the shape of a santa-like face of Obowma since he is like the real Santa, only better.

Are bleeding hearts the same as warm hearts? Or are they just cold hearts in disguise?

Ah, very good, Red Grasshopper.

To me a bleeding heart is of course a warm heart--but then I have a picture of Hannibal Lecter above my bed. Where I eat fava beans and drink a fine chianti while reading either <i>Mein Kampf</i> of <i>An Inconveniently Untrue Lie</i> by His Lordship the Goracle, Primate of the First Church of Climatology.

Now, CCCP, don't ever let on that you have a cold heart. I know that you do from your excellent suggestions about baking cookies, and that's a <i>good</i> thing. Me? When my beer gets warm I put it on chest, and it cools right down. In fact my cats Calvin and Hobbes won't even climb on me any more, having gotten frostbite in their paws.

There is a good compromise, though--just bake your cookies with USDA butter. You don't want all those dairy farmers to have to face the market alone, do you?

[Your Grace, you are too kind to me--the recovering editor!]

Bleeding hearts show up all over the place. "Waaaa! Mommy I want to play, too!" "Ok, honey, but first we have to ask Congress!"

It's playing to win time for Congress as they step in for their cut of college football profits. Well-- SOMEBODY has to step in! Who else could settle a dispute like this in private industry? Not rich, intelligent, grown men and women--that's for sure!

It's football season, and I'm going to watch THIS game with a plate of WARM cookies on MY lap! Come on over and bring that COLD beer with ya!

CCCP, may I suggest that you reconsider your love of football? What after all is there to it? It's voluntary, and does nothing to advance the class struggle. If for example, one team were proles, and the other their industrial oppressors, it would be a different matter. The proles would have the finest football gear available and the industrial oppressors would be clad, in all fairness, in pasties and jock straps.

The referee would be the Holy Gore, Primate of the First Church of Climatology, who is as you know noted for his fairness. Color commentary by Desmond Tutu and Leonardo diCaprio. Refreshments of sour milk and beet logs would be vended by a socially conscious catering firm. Food preparation would be done by lepers and tubercular people, and sold by one-eyed, one-armed Ghanian lesbians with dyslexia. In this we we can celebrate our diversity.

Anytime the industrial oppressors get the ball, any whistleblower in the stands can object; in which case the ball will be given to the proles.

At the end we will all stand and sign "The Internationale."

No matter the final score, the proles win.

You will be required to buy a sweatshirt with the hammer and sickle on it, under the face of His Most Gracious Majesty, Barry, Lord Obowma, which will unravel before you get home.

GLORIOUS!

Last night I became acquainted with the phenomenon that is RadioDerb. He is an enemy of The State. And I will watch him very closely.

I'm also in the process of thinking up team names for the new afore mentioned PC games. La Revolution cheerleaders might look hot in say __________. Fill in the blank.

I liked the ideas for refreshments and food preps! LOL! Popcorn also came to mind...but it might be too "upper crust" to serve to the masses. Since I will be eating it in my plush red cushiony velvet Box Seat.

Casserole Czar wrote:I'm also in the process of thinking up team names for the new afore mentioned PC games. La Revolution cheerleaders might look hot in say __________. Fill in the blank.

The only thing Revolution cheerleaders wear is red and black, dearest comrade:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=311

Comrade Otis!

That is quite right! This is a perfect example of the team spirit that is so vital to our cause. Unity is written all over their faces. They must have had their beet ration already for the day b/c they are full of energy! The progs are sure to win with this crew on their side! Well..the progs are sure to win anyway...but...

What else do cheerleaders of the Revolution need to dress for success? Pom-poms made from _________ ? (Another fill in the blank...this is beginning to feel like a test...but it's so fun to see what new things come up!)

CCCP, pom-pons are made from shredded Constitutions. Of course. The Supremes have been doing this for years, and the Congress is now jumping up and down on the Constitution (spit, spit) because it is inconvenient.

What better than to shred it and turn it into pom-pons?

What better than to shred it and turn it into pom-pons?

Ya! Das ist gut!

So, what do you think will come first? We will become a third-world country or...we will become a third-world country?

"I scoff in the general direction" of India and China. They have temporarily derailed our president's adgenda and bought time for the American economy. Blast! Just when I thought that hope and change had truly come for our society that gives and gives and gives and never receives.

Hopefully, these newly upcoming economies will fly past ours, and then looking down on our state of being, recall just how much they owe us and kindly repay the favors. It would be an historical epitome of entitlement reversal.

CCCP, no matter what happens with India and China--or John Cleese for that matter--nothing will arrest our Dear O'Leader's desire to abase himself and this wretched country. And if AmeriKKKa were reduced to the poverty of a Juarez barrio, it would not be enough for Nanski Peloski.

It is only fitting that since without AmeriKKKa the world would be groaning under a totalitarian dictatorship that AmeriKKKa should be ground into the dust.

Because all mad progs want totalitarian dictatorship. It's what we're all about, isn't it? Then we are free from the need to achieve, to think, to be.

I am relieved that after the new healthcare nightare dream takes over, I will no longer have the option burden of the high-deductible, low-premium insurance that I now enjoy tolerate. Instead, I will either foolishly pony-up double the cost for better unnecessary protection or find demoralizing pitifulness joy in receiving from the government the scraps sufficient entitlement I so deserve.

Yippieee skippy for Nanski's goons and goblins little helpers in the Senate who always look out for themselves the little guy! All of us who joined the delusion Obama Youth and voted them into office will experience torment jubilation when what we set out to accomplish finally materializes...that is, the crushing of the middle class and small businesses equalization of the classes.

Heil hip hip horray! Utopia is but a moment away! (dancing a little jig)

Once I was voting absentee in the Reeves County court house lobby. Marcella, whom I'd tried to hide from, was asked by Nora how she was. Marcella said, making a moue while ducking her head into her shoulders, said, "I'm doing perfect because I'm so perfect." Nora and Esther and Debbie, the election workers, turned slightly green, which consider the brown complexions of two of them, was a feat.

Marcella then caught sight of me. "Theocritus! How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." I did <i>not</i> inquire about her because I didn't think that projectile vomiting on courthouse grounds was on.

Still, she made the moue again, nearly curtseyed, and said, "I'm doing perfect because I'm so perfect."

Without thinking, which ought to get me put into Congress, I said, "Marcella, be careful of using the word 'perfect.' Look at the perfect idiots around you." And I pointed to the clerk's office, which had one or two examples. Marcella didn't get it. The election workers choked trying not to laugh. The next week though Marcella started avoiding me, until she needed me for real-estate problems.

Let's never forget that Nanski is perfect. As is Obowma. As is Dingy Harry. As is Bonnie Frank. As is, now, Ben Nelson, including his rug.

What would we do if we were deprived of the solace of these perfect people?

Thank Stalin for Alan Grayson, he is the perfect prog! Comrade Grayson holds no bar, he vehemently spurts out the vomit of The Glorious Party!

Let us jail all citizens who criticize, let us fine and imprison free speech!

HAIL Alan Grayson!!!

Yes, Red Rooster, Grayson has been such a good little boy this year that he his sure to get lots of beets in his stockings!

His wish list included a tricycle, a baseball glove and "a naughty little girl in jail." But Santa doesn't have jurisdiction outside of the North Pole.

So he'll just have to be grateful for what he gets or else just pout in the corner while the naughty little girl unwraps her gifts at home.