Greetings Comrades,

It has been a while since I was allowed out of the scientific lab, but with the government shutdown the IT crew quit working, so I was able to hack the password to the security system and am now able to communicate with the outside world.

I am happy to reveal that our Glourious Leader is working on a New Constitution, as outlined by my good friend Charles Hugh Smith:

The Obama Administration has proposed replacing the current U.S. Constitution (4,543 words, including the signatures) with a 2,300-page "new Constitution" that in the words of an administration spokesperson, "clears up the gray areas in the current Constitution.

"The proposal was launched after the success of two recent 1,000+ page pieces of legislation, the Affordable Care Act and the Dodd-Frank financial reform act.

An additional 200+ pages of the "new Constitution" are redacted due to the sensitive nature of the National Security-related amendments.

Lobbyists from key industries were invited to contribute amendments to the new Constitution;" constitutional legal experts were also invited to submit improvements to the current law of the land.

Some critics who have reviewed the 2,300 pages of the proposed "new Constitution" have stated that the document is impenetrable even to those with law degrees. Average citizens "will be unable to understand the laws that govern their lives."

Other observers note that the complexity and length of legislation such as the Affordable Care Act and the Dodd-Frank financial reform act are already beyond the comprehension of all but a handful of experts.

"The proposal was launched after the success of two recent 1,000+ page pieces of legislation, the Affordable Care Act and the Dodd-Frank financial reform act.

An additional 200+ pages of the "new Constitution" are redacted due to the sensitive nature of the National Security-related amendments.
Lobbyists from key industries were invited to contribute amendments to the new Constitution;" constitutional legal experts were also invited to submit improvements to the current law of the land.

Some critics who have reviewed the 2,300 pages of the proposed "new Constitution" have stated that the document is impenetrable even to those with law degrees. Average citizens "will be unable to understand the laws that govern their lives."

Other observers note that the complexity and length of legislation such as the Affordable Care Act and the Dodd-Frank financial reform act are already beyond the comprehension of all but a handful of experts.

An administration spokesperson defended the proposed re-write on the grounds that "the new Constitution will provide the clarity that people want in their Constitution."

This New Constitution will finally bring us the Glorious outcomes we desire next Tuesday!

And all this time we've been seeing and hearing Chairman Obama whine, "le tat ain't moi," when he means, "le tat ces moi." And we must like it. Maybe Comrade Commissar Kerry can help out.

Once we muddle our way through the thousands of pages it comes down to one edict... "OBEY DEAR LEADER OR DIE". Barry Akhbar!

It's long past due that we rid ourselves of that simplistic straitjacket of a document. How the hell did they expect to cover every nuance of human nature with just 4,543 words. It's also time to rid ourselves of that even more ridiculous document, the Ten Commandments, which has only 67 words.

I must give a glourious thanks and a share of my beet rations to whoever added the picture.

Oh wait, that sounds a little capitalist. I denounce myself.

Science Czar wrote:I must give a glourious thanks and a share of my beet rations to whoever added the picture.

Oh wait, that sounds a little capitalist. I denounce myself.

Comrade,

Your report is causing one of the following:

1) Double vision
2) Double vision

The redundancy of the redundant paragraphs paragraphs is creating glitches glitches in my my my systemmmmm

Captain Craptek wrote:
Comrade,

Your report is causing one of the following:

1) Double vision
2) Double vision

The redundancy of the redundant paragraphs paragraphs is creating glitches glitches in my my my systemmmmm

<Anonymous mode activated>And many lulz were had that day.

Comrade Dedhedvedev, I agree, isn't it about time that we as a society abandon this primitive document that has no place in our progressive society of unconditional love. Even some of the most brilliant minds in the Nation and Hollywood, from Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, Sean Penn to Rosie O' Donnel, simply don't know what the Constitution really means. Members of the Obama administration and some of the most enlightened progressive minded people, who actually attended a university, conclude that this document is nothing more than a metaphor masking years of white male hegemony and should be only used as a guide. Only a simple minded tea bagger would prefer this current corrupt western style democracy rather than a kinder, gentler, more progressive style democracy that is proposed.