Comrades-

The old barbaric, expansionist, zionist "Creed of the Noncommissioned Officer" clearly needed to be redone. I submit to the Inner Circle for their perusal, The Neo-Creed of the NCO.

No one is more Progressive than I. I am a New Commissar or Obamissar, a leader of proles. As a Commissar or Obamissar, I realize that I am a member of a time honored Corps, which is known as "The Backbone of the Revolution." I am proud of the Corps of Commissars and Obamissars and will at all times conduct myself so as to bring credit upon the Corps, the Party, and The Obamessiah regardless of the situation in which I find myself. I will at every opportunity use my rank and position to attain pleasure, profit, and personal safety.

Collectivism is my watch-word. My two basic responsibilities will always be uppermost in my mind -- admonishment of Thought Criminals and the welfare of The Welfare State. I will strive to remain tactically and technically proficient in extortion and reprogramming methods. I am aware of my role as a Commissar. I will fulfill my responsibilities inherent in that role. All proles are entitled to abhorrent leadership; I will provide that leadership. I know my proles and I will always place their needs below my own. I will communicate consistently with my proles and never leave them uninformed as to how they can better serve the party or as to which crimes they have committed. I will be unfair and partial when recommending both punishment and punishment.

Of course, proles of my collective will have maximum time to accomplish their duties; they will not otherwise eat or sleep. I will earn their fear and loathing as well as that of lower apparatchiks. I will be loyal to those with whom I serve; seniors, peers (when I stand to gain something, maybe), and especially seniors alike. I will not compromise my integrity, or my moral courage, for anything worth less than .05 Capitalist Exploitation Units. I will not forget, nor will I allow my Comrades to forget that we are un-professionals, Commissars and Obamissars, leaches!


I give this as an offering to the party, to warp and re-write as they see fit, and either adopt for their purposes or discard like an unborn fetus.

-OV

Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:I will at every opportunity use my rank and position to attain pleasure, profit, and personal safety.

[/size] I approve of this credo, if only for the above line. It is the very reason the Proletariat Pimp PX and the Dacha of Delights exist!

Speaking of which, it is nearly 23.20 local time, which means you still have 40 minutes to get your special edition Valentine's Day edible underwear while it is still relevant.

They are red--the true color of the revolution!

Yeah, they taste like crabapples--something got mixed up at the factory. Our comrades in China really need to bone up on their German.

I still have a full pallet of the stuff! Otherwise I'll have to start selling it as headgear tomorrow!

Speaking of which, it is nearly 23.20 local time, which means you still have 40 minutes to get your special edition Valentine's Day edible underwear while it is still relevant.

They are red--the true color of the revolution!

Yeah, they taste like crabapples--something got mixed up at the factory. Our comrades in China really need to bone up on their German.

I still have a full pallet of the stuff! Otherwise I'll have to start selling it as headgear tomorrow!

Simple solution: Have proles slice the undies into strips and repackage as a tasty treat for Young Pioneers to sell door-to-door as a fundraiser for victims of the economic stimulus plan.

OV!

An outstanding piece of work. The Party is even now working on a laser device so that this new creed can be tatooed right on their bodies. I do realize that this creed will be changed multiple times, but no matter, we'll have the old one ripped off their flesh and the updated version placed else-where.

Proletarian Robot wrote:OV!

An outstanding piece of work. The Party is even now working on a laser device so that this new creed can be tatooed right on their bodies. I do realize that this creed will be changed multiple times, but no matter, we'll have the old one ripped off their flesh and the updated version placed else-where.

Hey Robot,

The Party(tm) already has such a device! Check with Red Star....it's called a plasma cutter, although from the look of your avatar, you would be a "natural" for this tatoo phenomenon...would you care to take on this "shovel worthy" project? There would of course, be a title or something like that, for you, should you decide to accept......

I see no problem in using the extra undies: package People's Tasty Crème in them. Sell them at Progressive rallies where our best and brightest try to speak longer than dear Fidel on a roll.

Give out six-packs of them with a pledge to Air America.

Let Randi Rhodes hawk them.

But most of all, let Al Frankenstein Monster eat them. After all, sometime he's going to run out of shit to spew and he needs to recharge. What better than PTC?

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:I know my proles and I will always place their needs below my own. I will communicate consistently with my proles and never leave them uninformed as to how they can better serve the party or as to which crimes they have committed. I will be unfair and partial when recommending both punishment and punishment.

Commissar, If I were not so important to the Collective and thus a critical cog in the stone mill of PeopleJustice™, I would denounce myself for only now having seen this! I am touched! Touched! Ask anyone and they will tell you I am touched Commissar! Your creed was so eloquently expressed that I could not wait to have it tattooed on my back.... Dear Lenin, I do hope they did it right, it is so hard reading this in a mirror.

Esteemed Marshal Commissar,

Nobody would expect anyone as equal as you to denounce yourself over something so trivial in the grand CHope of things. Besides, you made amends by getting the tattoo. I too am touched in the head as are all Progressives to find that you enjoyed it!

Marshall, since you're a dog and can lick your balls, why do you find it hard to see a tattoo on your back?

That is, if you really are a dog instead of a poseur.

Commissar Obamissar, I have no doubt that your work will be the guiding light for Commissars for as far as one can imagine, or at least till the next Party Congress or random mutation of collectivist musings, which ever comes first.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Marshall, since you're a dog and can lick your balls, why do you find it hard to see a tattoo on your back?

That is, if you really are a dog instead of a poseur.

Really Commissar, do we need any further evidence that you are the Party's Intellectual? Yes Commissar, dogs are more equal in that aspect.... but I am forced to remind you that those balls are located on the ventral side of their body, the same side that your eyes and doggie eyes are located on. Now it is true that the more pliant of us are able to briefly reach around far enough to "chew-scratch" near our tail, but that is about the extent of seeing one's back.

Pupovich, is this constant branding me as an intellectual revenge for my nominating you for a show trial? I repeat, I am not an intellectual. I leave that to esteemed totalitarians who get all moist-eyed while thinking of concentration camps where inconvenient people are sent intellectuals like Chomsky and Soros and Howard Zinn.

How I love Zinn. Makes his way from an Iron Curtain country and finds that he can get famous on campuses by trashing the country he made for as soon as he could. What a man. That whore would make Cleopatra jealous.

Commissar Obamissar V:

Although I neither have the rank nor tenure of the comrades listed above to qualify as a member of your Central Committee, I am respectfully submitting the following comment:

The lowly dogged ground scratching references in the above responses especially in the presence of equal but not really equal female comrades such as myself--although I like the idea of some kind of tattoo--an excellent recommendation from Proletarian Robot--for all comrades--prove beyond a doubt that creeds and screeds such as yours are the rotten underpinnings foundation of our glorious systematic destruction and ruination of the people and perfect worker's paradise. That was my comment.

Here is my suggestion: Your creed should include the oath to wine and dine (with Kobe beef) not only those of your inner circle, but other like minded power hungry tyrants national leaders such as Putin, Chavez and Ahmadinijad, with as much gaiety as Nero at the time of Rome's gay and flaming enlightenment, including such ceremonious affectations such as heel clicking and salutes, such as Sieg Heil! Commi--Sar--O--Bommi--Sar, Saviour of the World.

Of course, Leninka, you have the <i>obligation</i> to live high on the hog. After all, all that caring for the poor and dispossessed is just hard work and we who are very caring and sharing need some R and R from our labors.

So it's only fitting that we live well.

And you wouldn't want all those goodies to go to waste, would you?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Of course, Leninka, you have the <i>obligation</i> to live high on the hog. After all, all that caring for the poor and dispossessed is just hard work and we who are very caring and sharing need some R and R from our labors.

So it's only fitting that we live well.

And you wouldn't want all those goodies to go to waste, would you?

Thank you Commissar Theocritus for pointing this out. This glorious system of ours, now makes me all the more giddy with excitement, knowing what comes to those who extort and mooch care and share the most equally of all.

I'll see you at Hilton Head then.

Comrade, I hope you do not mind a little addition.


My Shovel - Creed of the Seaborn Collective

This is my shovel. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My shovel is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life.
My shovel, without me is useless. Without my shovel, I am useless. I must thrust my shovel true. I must thrust better than my comrade who is trying to out produce me. I must dig more beets before he does. I will...

My shovel and myself know that what counts in this harvest is not the beets we dig, the noise of our collective shovels, nor the dust we make. We know that it is the collective that counts. We will harvest...

My shovel is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, it accessories, its length and its width. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage. I will keep my shovel clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before the Committee I swear this creed. My shovel and myself are the defenders of the collective. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.

So be it, untill victory is Obama's and there are no rethuglikkkins, but peace.

Yes, Red Jim, the peace and quiet of no opposition. When any denunciation is met with self-confession, which, if it is not sincere enough, is followed by recycling the unit's carbon atoms into mother Gaia.

This is my shovel,
This is my gun
This is for digging,
This is for taking things from hoarders.

This is my shovel
This is my People's Rifle(TM)
This one is for digging
This one is for the illusion I still own firearms.

Leninka wrote:Commissar Obamissar V:

Although I neither have the rank nor tenure of the comrades listed above to qualify as a member of your Central Committee, I am respectfully submitting the following comment:

The lowly dogged ground scratching references in the above responses especially in the presence of equal but not really equal female comrades such as myself--although I like the idea of some kind of tattoo--an excellent recommendation from Proletarian Robot--for all comrades--prove beyond a doubt that creeds and screeds such as yours are the rotten underpinnings foundation of our glorious systematic destruction and ruination of the people and perfect worker's paradise. That was my comment.

Here is my suggestion: Your creed should include the oath to wine and dine (with Kobe beef) not only those of your inner circle, but other like minded power hungry tyrants national leaders such as Putin, Chavez and Ahmadinijad, with as much gaiety as Nero at the time of Rome's gay and flaming enlightenment, including such ceremonious affectations such as heel clicking and salutes, such as Sieg Heil! Commi--Sar--O--Bommi--Sar, Saviour of the World.

Comrade Leninka,

Your flattery is most appreciated. I'll see about reducing the Party Sanctioned Buggery percentages in your collective for a week.

I think that the party needs to distinguish the various forms of buggery. There's de facto buggery--when you're getting it good, ahem, and hard. There's de jure buggery, which is what the state has a right to do to you.

And there's virtual buggery, when no matter what you do you feel violated by the State, and it's al for the Common Good(tm).

It is the aim of a Made Progressive to merge, in the name of simplification, all forms of buggery into one. It saves time.

We'll consult Cumwad Bonnie Fwank- the Obamissar of Buggery and Not Moving Your Upper Lip While Talking.

That's because he's being fisted by Miss Nanski. Once Bonnie Fwank came to the Rancho de Rio Grande and I lost five bar stools. They were the ones without backs, you know.

I gotta say one thing about Bonnie--he really makes one appreciate Bruno.

You never fail to out-left or out-gross your fellow Comrades, Theo....

Speaking of bar-stools....

I was at The Central in downtown Seattle in the PPC of Obama (Left Coast) with my father and my conspicuously gay step-brother. The bar was crowded as my father and I grabbed our stools. These are the kind that feature a circular cushion mounted on a pole bolted into the ground. There were 2 left. The step-brother, never passing up on an opportunity to cast himself as a flamer, proceeded to sit on the broken stool that was completely missing the cushion leaving only a 5" diameter pole. "Jesus Christ!!" he cried, in the voice of Mr. Slave as he reached for a drink menu...

That's because he's being fisted by Miss Nanski.

I'm glad to see Speaker Pelosivitch up to her elbows in The People's Business™

Oh, Vodkavich. I'm the gayest I am here on the Cube, which amuses me since most of you are military or ex-military. Because you're evil racists and homophobes and baby-killers and all that stuff, which people have earnestly told me.

To be honest, though, it's only been in the last few years that on seeing a flamer I didn't want to bash his head in. I know how Thomas Sowell must feel seeing Jesse Jackson. These days, though, in light of the SOBama terror, it seems small beer. And yes, that episode of <i>South Park</i> called "Stupid, Spoiled Whore" in which Mr. Slave and Paris Hilton had a whore-off is a classic. I bought it and it's on my iMac to be played on Apple TV whenever I want a good laugh at the expense of Hilton. Notice that Mr. Slave is the moral one there.

And as far as out-grossing people--out-grossing <i>military</i>? That's an honor. When I was a kid I was goody two-shoes. Perfect. Clean, neat, top of the class, accomplished, and intolerable I'm sure. As another accomplishment I decided to learn how to swear and I took to that with two hands.

Laika, Nansky Peloski learned her fisting chops by inserting wooden faggots up the ass of the Goracle. Why do you think he talks that way except that he has fifteen pounds of wood up his ass?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Oh, Vodkavich. I'm the gayest I am here on the Cube, which amuses me since most of you are military or ex-military. Because you're evil racists and homophobes and baby-killers and all that stuff, which people have earnestly told me.

To be honest, though, it's only been in the last few years that on seeing a flamer I didn't want to bash his head in. I know how Thomas Sowell must feel seeing Jesse Jackson. These days, though, in light of the SOBama terror, it seems small beer. And yes, that episode of <i>South Park</i> called "Stupid, Spoiled Whore" in which Mr. Slave and Paris Hilton had a whore-off is a classic. I bought it and it's on my iMac to be played on Apple TV whenever I want a good laugh at the expense of Hilton. Notice that Mr. Slave is the moral one there.

And as far as out-grossing people--out-grossing <i>military</i>? That's an honor. When I was a kid I was goody two-shoes. Perfect. Clean, neat, top of the class, accomplished, and intolerable I'm sure. As another accomplishment I decided to learn how to swear and I took to that with two hands.

Laika, Nansky Peloski learned her fisting chops by inserting wooden faggots up the ass of the Goracle. Why do you think he talks that way except that he has fifteen pounds of wood up his ass?

Theo! The whoreoff was fantastic! I was trying to find a clip of the scene where he kiesters Paris Hilton for the post in which I mention Bruno paints a picture of Mr. Slave in my head, but couldn't find a good one. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen! That's what's odd about the Cube, since Rethuglikkkans, conservatives, and righters are so hateful and racist and homophobic, yet nobody has any problem with Comrade Theo. Somehow, you're able to find humor in the jokes instead of being offended and then actually respond in kind. That's not very Progressive, Comrade Commissar. One must be offended at every turn!

My gay graphic designer cousin has a problem with flamers too. He wants Christopher Lowell banned on the pretext that CL is not actually gay and just becomes limp wristed in front of the camera because there's no way a straight guy could be an interior designer. How do you like the Apple TV? I was thinking of getting one...

I applaud your skill in pushing the envelope and outdoing your Comrades. Bonnie as a sock puppet for Comrade Pelosivich is very nice.

Vodkavich, thank you but let's never forget the contributions of other members of the Cube--after all, where would we be without Laika beaming transmissions to our tin-foil hats? I have to strap mine to my head here in the winds of West Texas. Once it blew off and I started thinking and the pain was so intense that I blacked out. Thinking? In a <i>comrade</i>? Hell no. I don't think. I just feel.

Let's also remember Red Square. After all, he has the keys to the Karl Mark Treatment Center. That's serious juju.

And when Sister is feeling good there's no one like her. We have had many pleasant riffs off each other, and have tag-teamed a troll or two. She's pleasant but biting; I'm more like a Howitzer in the face.

As far as Apple TV goes, I seldom use it for television but it's the world's best music server. I have it linked to my 24" iMac with 300GB of ripped music. That's a LOT of Mozart. One for the bedroom, one for the living room, just 10' away from the computer, but the 802.11(n) is reliable and fast. You can synch your photos to play as a screen saver as the music comes. You can also use an iPhone to control the computer and control the speakers, which can be the computer, an Apple TV or an Apple Airport Express. (Which is worth traveling with to set up your own private network. Plug it into an RJ-45 jack and ignore the WiFi in the hotel, for you have a password-protected private network. And since some hotels want to charge you for each device connected (odd how the expensive ones do that), you can piggyback your phone and your laptop with only one charge.

Comrade Commissar-

I could never forget the contributions of such equal comrades! All I was saying is that you are the Obamissar of vulgar/hilarious homosexual references. From each according to his ability... Where's SMO been, btw? Miss her.

I have the EP Extreme with a HDD hooked up to the USB and the AP Express hooked up to my Denon using the optical cable... Works pretty well, and I like the hotel suggestion.

I wrote to Sister but haven't heard back--more illness, I'm afraid.

You ought to hear a bunch of queens taking apart a Miss America pageant...

I'd love to hear a transcript of that!!

Don't know if it travels. And it's a quarter-century-old memory anyway. These days just think of the amplification regarding silicone; back then I think it was capped teeth.

Come to think of it, Monica may have given new life to that herself.

Hmmmm, Commissar Theocritus, Commissar Obamissar has a point there.... hardly noticable when he has a hat on. But he is right, you do not seem to be offended as a good progressive should be, and this offends me. Please, don't keep me offended due to your lack, there is so much more for me to be offended by without this.

Oh, Pupovich, I know that you as a Made Progressive are always on the cutting edge of rage. What good progressive isn't? It's what we do, old boy, it's what we do.

It lets us posture and preen and it saves thinking.

I was quite offended this morning reading how our useful idiots are advocating Congress control pay raises which on the surface sounds wonderful. But then I started wondering, what if the sheeple ever start thinking if our pay should be based on our performance? Not that you and I should have to worry based on our performance of our Party responsibilities, but what of those other Inner Party members who, shall we say, have been using a dull shovel?