A Progressive Call To Arms

1/6/2011, 11:37 am

Comrades! As I write, the RethugliKKKans are reading the United States Constitution in the well of the House! This has never been done before and is a horrible precedent--the United States Constitution is the biggest threat to the progressive dream of the complete and total evisceration of what it means to be a responsible human being and as such it must be undermined, scoffed at, mocked, ridiculed and trashed as much as possible. Why would anyone want a document which outlines basic freedoms? I don't know about you, but for a Made Prog that's a cross to a vampire.

If I'd let it, that document would be bigger than Father Prog! And that won't do. What is this stuff about inalienable rights? I don't do inalienable rights. I can alienate anything.

John Boehner, the blubbering RethugliKKKan, will start off reading the Constitution. I can never trust a man who gets misty-eyed. Would he choke up if he were asked to press the button on the gas chamber? Would he refuse to do the Jiffy-Lobo? We need steely martinets schooled in Leninist principles who won't scruple to cleanse say the next 100,000,000 people who are not sufficiently progressive.

All of these admirable prog traits do not spring from the United States Constitution. Which is why, in the interests of being self-righteous thieves to our fingertips, we must mock the Constitution.

This is a theoretical worry. My real worry is that the reading will be continued by members of both parties, and what will happen when Dear Nanski starts to read?

She'll burst into flames.

1/6/2011, 12:53 pm

I heard some of the readings before I could hit get the mute button. My first thought was, who wrote this stuff? Probably old white men, I pondered. All dead by now... so who cares??
My second thought was, this is so old. Who wants old? We are progressive and must "progress pass the binds of the constitution" (was this some brilliant statement from brother Marxist himself, I pondered).

Foolish, blatherings and a waste of tax payer time and money. I say we must impeach all of them before this becomes contagious.

1/6/2011, 1:41 pm

Comnrades,

Take Heart!

This is a great advantage for us. The vast majority of Congress belongs to the short attention span club. The reading will be tuned out after 5 minutes.

Another advantage is the biggest word many of them know starts with "Mother", their have no goal except to get paid every other Tuesday.
This is nothing but political theater, the object is to make the audience think they will actually do something, when the goal is opposite.

1/6/2011, 1:43 pm

Fraulein, impeaching rings a chord deep in my old prog soul, or would if I had a soul instead of a calculating machine which can determine the net wealth of everyone instantly. It's like the old Gilbert and Sullivan song.

King Gama in [i]Princess Ida[/i] wrote:If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am:
I'm a genuine philanthropist — all other kinds are sham.
Each little fault of temper and each social defect
In my erring fellow-creatures, I endeavour to correct.
To all their little weaknesses I open people's eyes;
And little plans to snub the self-sufficient I devise;
I love my fellow creatures — I do all the good I can —
Yet ev'rybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!
And I can't think why!

Ah. What a wonderful prog. He might have known Marx, you know.

1/6/2011, 1:44 pm

[ Father Prog takes off his crown of thorns for the moment ]Tooorisky, I'm afraid that you're entirely right. It might just be political theater. The only virtue is that the truly terrible are being flushed out into the light when they sneer about that "old document."

1/6/2011, 3:25 pm

Relax comrades, I heard this morning from a CNN reporter that this will be a "politically correct" reading of the Constitution (that is, a reading of the current truth version).

But then, during the reading of the part about the qualifications for President, some bitter clinger in the gallery shouted out something about Obama. I hope the Sergent of Arms dragged her away and threw her down the Capital steps.

1/6/2011, 3:46 pm

I see. A Bowdlerized Constitution. I like it. This would be the Brennan Bowderlization, wouldn't it? The one which expanded the 14th Amendment to include anyone who drops a pup on American soil.

Well, it makes sense, once I embraced the fact that a Jewish woman giving birth in Notre Dame gives birth to a Catholic and not a Jew.

1/6/2011, 3:49 pm

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:What will happen when Dear Nanski starts to read?

Boner, what a buzz kill....

1/6/2011, 3:51 pm

Shovel, that is wonderful. Thank you. I've stolen it.

Well, I am Father Prog, after all.

1/6/2011, 7:26 pm

Tooorisky, this Constitution reading gambit is not the plain old-fashioned political kabuki which we excel at but is, in fact, a thinly-disguised attack on Dear Leader hisself:

Rush Limbaugh wrote: RUSH: During the reading (laughing) of the Constitution, when they got to the part of the Constitution about presidential qualifications, and the president needing to be a citizen, needing to be born in the United States, a protester somehow who had found his or her way (her way, I guess) into the gallery, said, "Except Obama! What about Obama?" and they escorted her out. Now, who was it while I was gone? Somebody... Oh, it was Neil Abercrombie, the governor of Hawaii. He said he was there when that child was born -- he was in the manger, Abercrombie was -- and he wants Obama to release the birth certificate just to end all this. He doesn't know why Obama won't. Neil Abercrombie, the former member of Congress, now the governor of the state of Hawaii.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Here's audio of the protester in the House as they are reading the Constitution, and they get to the portion on qualifications to be president.

REP. FRANK PALLONE (D-NJ): No person except a natural born citizen or a citizen of the United States at the time of the adoption of this Constitution shall be eligible to be the office of president. Neither shall --

BIRTHER: Except Obama! Except Obama!

MIKE SIMPSON (R-ID): (banging gavel)

RUSH: (laughing)

SIMPSON: The chair would remind persons in the Gallery... The chair would remind all persons in the Gallery that they're here as guests of the House and that any manifestation of approval or disapproval of the proceedings is a violation of the rules of the House.

RUSH: Yeah.

SIMPSON: The chair notes a disturbance of the Gallery in contravention of the law and rules of the House. The Sergeant-at-Arms will remove those persons responsible for the disturbance and restore order in the Gallery.

This whole business was nothing but crypto-racism. Leave it to the racist white heterosexual Founding Fathers who have been dead for 200 years to think up a way to embarrass and humiliate an African-American community organizer that they never met. This is nothing but an attempt to bring back Old Crow (make that "Jim Crow" - Old Crow Bourbon is my favorite way to fight global warming.) Next, these Rethuglicans are going to lynch poor Barack just like they did our first black president, Bill Clinton. Disgusting.

1/6/2011, 7:42 pm

Comrade Opiate,

These "new" laws will be called Robert Byrd Laws to avoid any confusion with the other legal impediments.

1/6/2011, 9:34 pm

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Relax comrades, I heard this morning from a CNN reporter that this will be a "politically correct" reading of the Constitution (that is, a reading of the current truth version).

But then, during the reading of the part about the qualifications for President, some bitter clinger in the gallery shouted out something about Obama. I hope the Sergent of Arms dragged her away and threw her down the Capital steps.

Comrade Whoopie,

It's heartening for us to know we have a staunch representitive of our politically korrect values in Jesse Jackassson Jr.—in da Houss! He pointed out how those eeevil Rethuglikkkans have glossed over the "imperfections" and only read the amended version of the Constitution. More accurately put, that his "family business"—the business his father proudly started eons ago—needs to have recognition of its roots and place in history—lest we forget.

Some may say Jackson's "comments" are a meretricious "cheap shot" plug for the "Family Business"; to keep it in the forefront of the public's mind and let us never forget that racism and reparations can never be "amended", then or ever—for the sake of the "Family Business"—and they are probably right.

1/6/2011, 9:58 pm

I can not even be for the understanding of the wordages of such useless rag as it is written in such olde English that I am not of the accustomation of hearing. Why can't they be for the rewriting of it into the English we are all for the understanding of now?

1/6/2011, 10:19 pm

Shame!!! They never read the Kommunist Manifesto!

1/6/2011, 11:28 pm

Mrs. Al, the Constitution to a prog American, or American prog for we are large, we are many, is merely an embarrassment, like the dotty aunt in the attic. This is why we sneer at it. Who could possibly place faith in some piece of paper which limits one's own ideas?

This is insane. In fact it is manifestly insane. I personally do not believe that I ought to have to eat less and exercise to lose weight. That is an arbitrary standard which doesn't apply to me.

Because, all together now, and PBUH, I expect to hear your basso profundo here now, "I'm a made prog and reality doesn't apply to me!"

So I'm declaring gravity to be lookist, and gravity is heretofore abolished.

----

Wait. Wait! WAIT! The earth is disappearing beneath my feet! Wait!

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