Airport Security Will Screen Breasts for Potential Bombs

Dear Comrades,

The Transportation Security Enforcement Administration has announced that terrorists may be using breast implants to hide bombs set to detonate on USSA and foreign aircraft. Therefore, TSEA agents have been ordered to handle and visually inspect all breasts larger than an ‘A’ cup.

Experts believe that the explosives necessary to bring down a standard trans-oceanic aircraft would require at least a ‘B’ cup size, and so TSEA agents have been given special instructions to perform mandatory inspections to prevent the possibility of such explosives making their way on to Peoples’ Aircrafts.

Because of the overall increase bust sizes of the workers and peasants of the USSA due to the benefits of Socialism on the American food supply, citizens can expect longer waits at some airports, while both male and female TSEA agents have volunteered to conduct the extra required screenings.

The Party has asked citizens to realize the surgically enhanced breasts are virtually indistinguishable from natural breasts, and so agents must examine all breasts very closely. Some passengers may be escorted into private areas within the airport so that agents can conduct inspections with fewer distractions and better music selections.

TSEA officials have confirmed that agents will pay particular attention to young Arab males with evidence of recent breast augmentation surgery or Middle Eastern men with breasts appearing larger than a ‘C’ cup.

Citizens, bear your breasts for the safety of our nation!
The TSEA will protect our Motherland and her endowments!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People’s Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator
 

I’d have guessed the fuses would show on a body-scan image. Also, what about penile implants? We can't allow TSA sexism to take hold. (of the screeners, that is) Next, the Mislooms will develop an atom-boob...where does it end????
 

I denounce this racist and exclusionary policy to profile and harass Scandinavian beach volleyball players. They gots rights too, dammit
 

Does give C 4 a whole new meaning.
 

Nomenklatura-climber

Some passengers may be escorted into private areas within the airport so that agents can conduct inspections with fewer distractions and better music selections.
Will these areas also have romantic mood lighting?
 

Danger! Explosive body parts! Do not squeeze!




 

.
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I think I know why Islamic Rage Boy has that 'look' on his face...
a stick of dynamite can produce this look!




I, on the other hand, flew right through the check-point...
I am bombless!

Tovarichi confused me when he

I denounce this racist and exclusionary policy to profile and harass Scandinavian beach volleyball players. They gots rights too, dammit

I think these guys can speak for themselves!



 

Captain Craptek

I’d have guessed the fuses would show on a body-scan image. Also, what about penile implants? We can't allow TSA sexism to take hold.
And what of the scrotum, such an obvious container? Anyone who goes along with this kind of thing probably has no other, er, contents there anyway.
 

Comrades, comrades! This is America! Males parts haven't been large enough to hold hardly anything for decades! Thanks to progress in the efforts of Social Castration emphasized in our schools, we are producing a generation of Young Socialist males with reduced and even indeterminate genitalia. Forward!

RedDiaperette

Captain Craptek

I’d have guessed the fuses would show on a body-scan image. Also, what about penile implants? We can't allow TSA sexism to take hold.
And what of the scrotum, such an obvious container? Anyone who goes along with this kind of thing probably has no other, er, contents there anyway.
 

Not a problem .... anything for security.... I will leave them in the suitcase.
 

Comrade Putout demurely

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I on the other hand flew right through the check-point...
I am bombless!

Comrade Putout,

I think those are what we used to call "lady fingers"...


 

Nomenklatura-climber

Comrades, comrades! This is America! Males parts haven't been large enough to hold hardly anything for decades! Thanks to progress in the efforts of Social Castration emphasized in our schools, we are producing a generation of Young Socialist males with reduced and even indeterminate genitalia.

Comrade, I am glad you addressed this as I had wondered why we were not treated equally. Now of course I understand that I could hardly be considered a threat, a firecracker at most. But I had assumed there must be more capable bomb carriers.

On the other hand, in the same mindset that they examine elderly grandmothers in effort to be non-discriminatory, should they not treat all men as potential bomb carriers regardless of the package?
 

Comrades,

I once saw a fellow prog in Hollywood put a 24 inch sausage-like apparatus up her butt and briskly scampered off the set and into her car. Yep, and with one hand too (the other hand was busy). Looked completely natural to me, but I am sensing the evil airport screeners will 50% of the time mistake this for a hose bomb. I'm concerned is all, very troubled by this. Can't USSA's finest walk around with hoses up their butt at the airport without the fear of reprisal? Shame on us I say.


 

 

 

 

I see the collective has remained steadfast in it's resolve during my brief working vacation....give a comrade an excuse to post some part of female comrade body and just watch them grow and grow and grow....
 

Marshal Pupovich

I see the collective has remained steadfast in it's resolve during my brief working vacation....give a comrade an excuse to post some part of female comrade body and just watch them grow and grow and grow....

Comrade Pupovich,

Some body parts appear more equal than others - yes?
 

Marshal Pupovich seemed to be surprised when he

I see the collective has remained steadfast in it's resolve during my brief working vacation....give a comrade an excuse to post some part of female comrade body and just watch them grow and grow and grow....

Marshal Pupovich - now we are back down to little 'bombs!'

Captain Craptek spoke wisely when he

Comrade Pupovich,

Some body parts appear more equal than others - yes?

Crappy - yes and it's pissing me off!



 

Captain Craptek

Comrade Pupovich,

Some body parts appear more equal than others - yes?

Yes Comrade, that is GoodThink. However, I must confess that when it comes to "bombs" I actually seem to prefer the smaller, more tactical bombs over the blockbusters that so many here seem to covet.
 

"Delightfully destructive, yet unrefined..."
 

Marshal Pupovich

However, I must confess that when it comes to "bombs" I actually seem to prefer the smaller, more tactical bombs over the blockbusters that so many here seem to covet.
Indeed, Comrade Marshal - being a man who values quality over quantity myself, I wholly concur.

And I do hope that the ridiculously unequal TSA sex discrimination thing gets taken care of properly and soon - why do the gay folks get to be groped by members of their own sex?? Soooo unequal. I demand to be checked for scrotal bombs by female TSA employees!!

Then again, having seen a few female TSA employees, I suppose it doesn't make much difference.
 

R.O.C.K. in the USSA

Marshal Pupovich

However, I must confess that when it comes to "bombs" I actually seem to prefer the smaller, more tactical bombs over the blockbusters that so many here seem to covet.
Indeed, Comrade Marshal - being a man who values quality over quantity myself, I wholly concur.

And I do hope that the ridiculously unequal TSA sex discrimination thing gets taken care of properly and soon - why do the gay folks get to be groped by members of their own sex?? Soooo unequal. I demand to be checked for scrotal bombs by female TSA employees!!

Then again, having seen a few female TSA employees, I suppose it doesn't make much difference.

Candidates for TSA screening jobs must be selected from our brothers and sisters friends in the community of unknowns.
 

How thoughtless have we been? Thank you comrade for bringing the plight of the asexual to light....but does that include appliance gender?