Well, comrades, it's happened again. As a result of our ongoing efforts to rid the country's educational system of violent behavior, another so called “child” is apprehended in the act of smuggling a potentially loaded revolver into his Calvert County school.

The Washington Post reports:“The case comes at a time of heightened sensitivity about guns in schools across the country. Locally, children in first and second grade have been disciplined for pointing their fingers like guns and for chewing a Pop-Tart-like pastry into the shape of a gun. In Pennsylvania, a 5-year-old was suspended for talking about shooting a Hello Kitty bubble gun that blows soap bubbles.”

The 5 year old “child” was captured aboard a school bus as he transported the concealed weapon in his backpack. After an intense 2 hour grilling by local police authorities the would-be killer admitted his guilt, punctuating the interrogation by wetting himself.

Calvert County authorities and FBI officers later told this reporter they had alerted bomb squad specialists to examine the weapon for explosive material in the form of caps. A remote control robot was dispatched to disassemble the potentially lethal device. No explosives were found, but the revolver has been sent to the FBI crime laboratory in Quantico, Virginia for further analysis.


The boy has been suspended for 10 days as a result of his crimes, but the penalty may be far worse according to the family's attorney. “There is the possibility that, if the punishment stands, it would become part of the boy's permanent school record and keep him out of classes the rest of the school year. He would miss his end-of-year kindergarten program at Dowell Elementary School in Lusby.”

Crime does not pay, comrades. Control your children, or we will be forced to do it for you.

I remember playing with cap guns as an innocent low information child, sometimes even smashing whole rolls of caps on the carport cement with a hammer between games of Cowboys and Indians Tea Baggers and Native Americans, with my fellow neighborhood LICs.

It's amazing that I survived.

The horror...

Me too. Caps were 5 rolls for a dime then if you bought more than 3 boxes. Here's to Mattel and 6 shooters in the alley at High Noon. My sympathies for that kid. He will probably be forced to do penance with a Ken doll in a dress to get in touch with the principal's feminine side. It's shit like this and seat belt laws that preclude my spending another minute on the east coast. At least in Siberia there is nothing more to lose.

Captain Craptek wrote:A remote control robot was dispatched to disassemble the potentially lethal device.

When seconds count, the police are busy unloading the robot.

What's even worse is that even though they put the cap-gun-toting five-year-old through an inquisition and suspended him and stained his school records, they did nothing about the woman teacher who brought a potato-gun to school:

Well, there goes my appetite for french fries, hash-browns, au-gratin, mashed...

What is the problem comrades?? These authorities were no doubt empowered by the locally elected School Board who is no doubt responsible for setting these policies and actively encouraging them.

You get exactly what you vote for.

And they let this future clinger go after only two hours?! Before a search of his room at his home for more contraband? What about a search of his pencil bag and lunch box and who is that Wayne fellow anyway? Obviously a subversive character. The assigned parental units must be removed and replaced with more responsible overseers of this Child of the Collective™

Comrades,

At last an enlightened school principal, Charles Hill, has bravely taken the next step in the battle to weed out future killers from our public schools:



HAYWARD -- An elementary school will hold a toy gun exchange Saturday, offering students a book and a chance to win a bicycle if they turn in their play weapons.

Strobridge Elementary Principal Charles Hill maintains that children who play with toy guns may not take real guns seriously. "Playing with toys guns, saying 'I'm going to shoot you,' desensitizes them, so as they get older, it's easier for them to use a real gun," Hill said.

At Saturday's event, called Strobridge Elementary Safety Day, a Hayward police officer will demonstrate bicycle and gun safety, and the Alameda County Fire Department is sending a rig and crew to talk about fire safety.

Fingerprinting and photographing of children will be offered, with the information put on CDs for parents to use, if needed, in a missing child case. "All youngsters attending will be given a ticket to exchange for a book, and every child who brings a toy gun will get a raffle ticket to win one of four bicycles," Hill said.

Thanks Mr. Hill. However, our work is just beginning. According to the CDC Each year, more than 500,000 people in the US are treated in emergency departments, and more than 700 people die as a result of bicycle-related injuries. Children are at particularly high risk for bicycle-related injuries. In 2001, children 15 years and younger accounted for 59% of all bicycle-related injuries seen in US emergency departments.