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Atlas Shrugs Off Israel

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12:00AM GMT 31 Dec 2014: In an ongoing effort to promote peace and tolerance among Middle East nations, Collins Bartholomew, a subsidiary of HarperCollins Publishing, has removed any reference to the former state of Israel from their English language school atlases distributed in the region.

“...Collins Bartholomew, the subsidiary of HarperCollins that specializes in maps, said that including Israel would have been “unacceptable” to their customers in the Gulf and the amendment incorporated “local preferences”.
The publisher's well intentioned omission of the single word "Israel" from their Atlas was challenged by anti-Arab teabaggers and other assorted nit-picking trouble makers, prompting the following apology:

“HarperCollins regrets the omission of the name Israel from their Collins Middle East Atlas. This product has now been removed from sale in all territories and all remaining stock will be pulped. HarperCollins sincerely apologizes for this omission and for any offence caused.”
In related news: The National Council of La Raza has temporarily placed on hold its plan to publish “The La Raza Atlas of The New Americas” scheduled for publication later this year. Representatives of La Raza have released comments indicating that ACLU scholars are actively exploring all possible legal options.

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Comrades, we should demand that the ACLU scholars to speed up their efforts so dear leader can write and executive order to redraw the map in order to contain the mutant political viruses spreading across the country. Many of our progressive allies at ACLU are far too busy in federal and state courtrooms weaning us away from America's selfish ideals so that society can be molded into subordinate servants rather than explore legal options. Perhaps dear leader could add another tool: a pen, a cell phone and now in 2015 a crayon to redistribute land to their rightful owners.

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In the spirit of compromise (and making painful concessions), why not replace that bad word, "Israel", with something more pleasing, you know, like "Zionist Entity"?

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Sounds like some kind of voodoo to me, i.e., making something vanish by removing references to it in books. Political voodoo? Poodoo?



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I am eagerly looking forward to new maps of the Ancient Lands Formerly Known As The Americas. I have even purchased a new box of crayons in case job positions open up at the relevant Office of Rezoning and Recoloration.

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RedDiaperette wrote:I am eagerly looking forward to new maps of the Ancient Lands Formerly Known As The Americas.
Cartographic cleansing? That's raaaacist! Because the Americas were named after Amerigo Vespucci, a famous Italian cartographer.

Captain Craptek wrote:In related news: The National Council of La Raza has temporarily placed on hold its plan to publish “The La Raza Atlas of The New Americas” scheduled for publication later this year.

*** I have a preview copy! ***

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Lev Termen wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:In related news: The National Council of La Raza has temporarily placed on hold its plan to publish “The La Raza Atlas of The New Americas” scheduled for publication later this year.

*** I have a preview copy! ***

absolut-vodka-map-small-93352.jpg

How pleasant it will be when proles address me as, Capitán Craptek del cubo de la gente. I will have my own real sombrero! Someone told me that watching beans jump will become a popular pastime - but I'm not sure about that,... anyway, Capitán Craptek del cubo de la gente - defensor de los frutos secos de la gente will do nicely. Hasta mañana!

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Captain Craptek wrote:
How pleasant it will be when proles address me as, Capitán Craptek del cubo de la gente.


Uh ... sure. It's Captain Craptek of the men's cubicle, from now on.


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Lev Termen wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:
How pleasant it will be when proles address me as, Capitán Craptek del cubo de la gente.


Uh ... sure. It's Captain Craptek of the men's cubicle, from now on.

Comrade Termen,

"Captain Craptek of the men's cubical" is close enough for the proles. Just so long as our trusty Web translators don't come up with: Captain Craptek of the men's room! (the ladies would be terribly disillusioned)

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Captain of the men's room?

So the "Peter Principle" of promotions to one level above actual capacity is alive and well, I see...

Keep those dispensers full, comrade, and keep the drips and drops off the floors and porcelain. Your time of defending the People's Nuts has trained you well for this day, and all are proud of you!

We expect better food at this promotion party than the paltry rations of slop you offered last time..

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Captain of the men's room?

So the "Peter Principle" of promotions to one level above actual capacity is alive and well, I see...

Keep those dispensers full, comrade, and keep the drips and drops off the floors and porcelain. Your time of defending the People's Nuts has trained you well for this day, and all are proud of you!

We expect better food at this promotion party than the paltry rations of slop you offered last time..

I appreciate your confidence in my abilities, Comrade uhh....whatever. Brush any concerns you may have aside in the certain knowledge that I, your humble servant, will prepare your plate personally!

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I denounce all this talk about "men's rooms" as being retrogressively heteronormative. Or heteronormatively retrogressive.

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RedDiaperette wrote:I denounce all this talk about "men's rooms" as being retrogressively heteronormative. Or heteronormatively retrogressive.
Comrade RedD,

I aim to please! We'll go with "Captain Craptek of the People's litter box".

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Brush any concerns you may have aside...

Take pride in the tools of your trade, Comrade: its a sign of craftsmanship...
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The most menial duties can lead to unexpected pleasures - pride in one's tool is a plus!

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