Media statement from the Australian Bureau of Meteorology (ABOM)

Excessive Heat Warning!

This summer, we're going to see the hottest temperatures we've seen since last summer. The above temperature map is the scariest map we've ever published.

This is clearly evidence that the climate has changed dramatically, and for the worse, in the last 6 months. The electricity grid can no longer handle the demand and we've been forced to ration supply to control Carbon Emissions™. This is the universal threat that the entire galaxy faces.

The seas will boil, the ice will melt and we'll have to suffer enduring warm beer. This is a crisis Australians never, ever have had to contemplate before the News™ media started reporting in this way.

The only solution to this crisis is to submit to all the climate controlling policies that The Party™ implements for our uncomfortable salvation. Salvation is never easy. Sacrifices have to be made, for The Children™.

Reporting from the Southern Red Paridise Gulag, your correspondent, KKK

If the Media stops reporting the warming hysteria then the sacrifice of The Children’s Joy can end.

While many Australian politicians continue to show hostility for the people they represent and Donald Trump, not only will the hot temperatures rise in Australia, but due to climate change, thousands of roaming herds of deadly asteroid projectiles will rain down, threatening the lives of millions of inner city kangaroos. If it weren't for statements from the Australian Bureau of Meteorology (ABOM), other U.S. government agencies, celebrities, politicians, and media editors, we wouldn't have such an appreciation of all the social engineering and the protection of people's lives that they openly disdain.

I heard that it is cyclical and the next ice age is in 6 months.

Ellsworth Toohey wrote: ↑

12/17/2024, 1:01 pm

I heard that it is cyclical and the next ice age is in 6 months.

Indeed, comrade. The modeling confirms that, sometime in April or May, the Ice Age will return to the southern ski resorts and our climate Imams will be able to fly in, in their private jets, to preach about the evils of Climate Change™.
 

trashmouth wrote: ↑

12/17/2024, 12:52 pm

While many Australian politicians continue to show hostility for the people they represent and Donald Trump, not only will the hot temperatures rise in Australia, but due to climate change, thousands of roaming herds of deadly asteroid projectiles will rain down, threatening the lives of millions of inner city kangaroos. If it weren't for statements from the Australian Bureau of Meteorology (ABOM), other U.S. government agencies, celebrities, politicians, and media editors, we wouldn't have such an appreciation of all the social engineering and the protection of people's lives that they openly disdain.

Not the inner city kangaroos!!! It’s news like this that causes the jackalope’s anxieties. If it can happen in Australia, Texazistan’s inner city kangaroos and jackalopes are in peril.

Reading that destroyed my dreams.

*has stolen my dreams. Sorry, I'll get the rhetoric right next time.