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Biden Tough on Terror: Wears Bomber Jacket, Aviator Shades

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In a bold demonstration of the Obama administration's tough stance on terrorism, Vice President elect Joseph “Fightin' Joe” Biden appeared in Iraq today sporting a bomber jacket and aviator shades terrifying enemies and reassuring allies.

Intelligence sources indicate that since the picture of the vice president elect appeared on Drudge Report, Osama bin Laden held an emergency meeting of al-Qaeda's top leaders and proposed immediate surrender. “The infidels have won,” said the infamous terrorist. “Resistance is futile as long as they wear bomber jackets with the collar turned up like that. I not only wet myself in dread fear, but I realized I cannot win and must turn myself over to the coalition forces.”

Army specialist Lamar Ferguson expressed approval, “They ain't no tellin' what side they was on in the d'bates and all, so I was wonderin' what all was gonna happen with this here new administration comin' in. But since I seen the picture, looks to me like they got it all under control. Tell you what, I'm gonna re-up fer another four years.”

Other leaders joined in the near unanimous approval of Biden's apparel. “I thought I looked like a real man in my cool fishing pictures,” said a humbled Vladimir Putin, “but I don't see how I can compete with that.” Even the Speaker of the House agreed. “I'm thrilled with the picture,” cooed Nancy Pelosi. “He shows he's not only serious about the war on terror, but also about saving the planet. He looks so much like the Fonz, I wish he'd ask me out.”

The only sour note came from ACLU president, Nadine Strossen, “It may be against the Geneva Convention to use such disproportionate force,” she warned. “This could be worse than waterboarding, and our lawyers are looking into it.” Deftly handling the intra-liberal crisis, the Obama administration said it treats all opinions equally, and would happily embrace any new and good ideas offered by the ACLU.

The effectiveness of the bomber jacket and aviator shades may portend things to come. A Biden staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity, stated that Biden has a UFC beanie ready for when negotiations with Iran get really tough. “No way they can deal with that!” he said.

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Notice the menacing expression on VP-elect What's-His-Name's face. There's a look of steely determination that says "We're gonna negotiate with you whether you take our phone calls or not!" This is the kind of leadership America needs but has been lacking. This is a man who won't take "I'll think about it" for an answer. Well, he'll take it but he'll be sure you know happy hour will be ruined because of it.

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The only other group to protest was PETA; People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
<br>Ingrid Newkirk, the guiding light of PETA said, "I really think that His Most High Exaulted VP should not wear anything made of the "L" word. Maybe he could look just as cool and intimidating in a leatherette jacket. Wait a minute! Doesn't leatherette have the word leather in it? OMG! I said leather! I just said it again! I have to go wash my mouth out with a plant-based, biodegradable, PETA-approved, soap product! OMG!"

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That is scary tough. Maybe he is after Jack Bauer's job. That guy at 10 o'clock either has a vest showing, or a one-piece swim suit.

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Comrades,

We must be wary. I've heard rumors that Iranian scientists have developed a device that causes hair plugs to fall out within a certain classified radius. Since all mullahs wear turbans, they do not suffer the social stigma of baldness; however, they assume that infidels revealed to be victims of male pattern baldness, especially those in positions of power attained/retained in part to their retention of hair, will be reduced the quivering compliant husks of men when, during negotiations, half their hair suddenly falls out.

Maybe a People's Tasty Cream™ pomade will help Ol' Joe.

I'm betting Ol' Joe has Michael Jackson's "Bad" on his iPod: I'm bad / I'm bad / You know it / Who's bad?

I, Joe Biden, assistant manager of the Universe, am!

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We could all take a Lesson from Plugs Joe Biden, He's trying to "Man Up" Comrade_Tovarich, you are right I think Brave and Fearless leaders PTC would help ol'e Plugs.


Sigh......Don't we all wish we could be Half the man of Plugs......Then we could wear those Foster Grants

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Likely the first place he will seek out will be a Dunkin DonutsTM!!



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The T-shirts below are flying off the racks in Iraq!

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If Joe Biden had a penis, I think I would engage in sexual relations with him. Sigh. Some things are just not meant to be, I guess.

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Comrade_Tovarich wrote:Comrades,

We must be wary. I've heard rumors that Iranian scientists have developed a device that causes hair plugs to fall out within a certain classified radius. Since all mullahs wear turbans, they do not suffer the social stigma of baldness; however, they assume that infidels revealed to be victims of male pattern baldness, especially those in positions of power attained/retained in part to their retention of hair, will be reduced the quivering compliant husks of men when, during negotiations, half their hair suddenly falls out.
Fear not, esteemed comrade. Fightin' Joe has supernatural powers of prescience and has anticipated the Iranian scheme. This is why he's wearing the UFC beanie to negotiate with them so only he, his sytlist, and some of his staff will know if his hair falls out. Some rumors indicate it's a lead lined beanie which will protect his follicles and thus America's image abroad.
Speaking of UFCs, Biden's beanie is said to be so effective that he sparred Brock Lesnar to get into shape for the Iraq trip and snapped Lesnar's elbow not in an arm bar, but by staring at it and gritting his teeth. That's power. Lesnar said that once Biden flashed his teeth at him, he was blinded for about 15 minutes and had to be led out of the octagon by his trainer and treated for both a damaged elbow and burnt retinas.

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By Nancy wrote:
[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]If Joe Biden had a penis, I think I would engage in sexual relations with him. Sigh. Some things are just not meant to be, I guess.
[/HIGHLIGHT]

Comrade Nancy,

Of course he has a penis, he has several! They are just the strap on- pump up kind. These represent the last products from the out-dated and out-moded capilaist run Health Care System. After the event of the century, otherwise known as the World of Next TuesdayTM all US health care systems and pharmaceutical industries will be retooled to produce free HIV drugs for people in Africa with AIDS.

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Proletarian Robot wrote:Likely the first place he will seek out will be a Dunkin DonutsTM!!


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Comrade Robot,

This was highly amusing but you obviously have been the victim of a scam! Only Sarah Palin could have said something that stupid! VP-elect Biden has informed us that his IQ is high enough to boil water (but come to think of it, he didn't specify if he meant centigrade or farenheit.)

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It's not just the shades and the jacket but the swanky black turtleneck too. He looks like he stepped right out of some late- 70s- early- 80s action movie.

I mean, that dude just looks bad ass with a capital A-S-S-H-O-L-E!

I hope he didn't ruin the effect by wearing expensive khaki chinos or wool dress pants. You have to wear faded Levis or BDU-style cargo pants (preferably in "old school" solid olive drab) to really pull that look off.

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Opiate you were right! I did fall for a scam…..Closer inspection of the picture shows that Joe is actually back on Union Street in Wilmington DE with a crack team of ACORN Canvassers looking for Katie's Restaurant** that he mentioned in his vice presidential debate with Sarah Palin (apparently not realizing it actually closed over 20 years prior). Undoubtedly there are many local yet-to-be-converted proles that will need to be coerced into remembering that it is actually still open as to fit better with the upcoming WikipediaTM Version of the debate.

(**"Look, all you have to do is go down Union Street with me in Wilmington or go to Katie's restaurant or walk into Home Depot with me where I spend a lot of time, and you ask anybody in there whether or not the economic and foreign policy of this administration has made them better off in the last eight years."**)

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Of course he has a penis, he has several! They are just the strap on- pump up kind.

And to think I thought the "Plugs" moniker was about his hair all this time....

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OBiden reminds me of this fellow, minus the cigar though...

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Thats Right, the A-Team!!! I guess we shall call it The 0-Team now

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I hope he didn't ruin the effect by wearing expensive khaki chinos or wool dress pants. You have to wear faded Levis or BDU-style cargo pants (preferably in "old school" solid olive drab) to really pull that look off.

Actually, the photo was cropped because he isn't wearing any pants. This is Biden just taking a walk to the laundry-mat to get some slacks. It's the laundry-mat on Union St. in Wilmington. You know, the one that replaced Katie's restaurant.

So, the question is, boxers or briefs? God, please don't let it be commando.

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Proletarian Robot wrote:Opiate you were right! I did fall for a scam…..Closer inspection of the picture shows that Joe is actually back on Union Street in Wilmington DE with a crack team of ACORN Canvassers looking for Katie's Restaurant** that he mentioned in his vice presidential debate with Sarah Palin (apparently not realizing it actually closed over 20 years prior). Undoubtedly there are many local yet-to-be-converted proles that will need to be coerced into remembering that it is actually still open as to fit better with the upcoming WikipediaTM Version of the debate.

(**"Look, all you have to do is go down Union Street with me in Wilmington or go to Katie's restaurant or walk into Home Depot with me where I spend a lot of time, and you ask anybody in there whether or not the economic and foreign policy of this administration has made them better off in the last eight years."**)


Yes, well, Katie's WAS closed but after Biden mentioned being there in the debate, the Party had no choice but to go and re-open it so that the newsmedia would not spot his gaffe. It was tough work for the building that housed Katie's was torn down to make room for a superhighway. All I can tell you is that if you go to eat there, bring change for the toll. Sadly, it was all for naught as the media never bothered to check.

And it is true that Joe does spend a lot of time at Home Depot. In fact, he was there so long one day that a stockboy mistook him for a 4x4 and threw him on the truck with a big customer order. It took the Party many hours to retrieve him as he became one of the support posts for someone's new deck. Now that he is VP-elect, the Secret Service has orders to shoot anyone who tries to put him on a truck.

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Tovarich wrote:Maybe a People's Tasty Cream™ pomade will help Ol' Joe.
That would be coals to Newcastle.

Opiate, you cite only one instance of Plugs Biden being mistaken for a 4x4. Other victims of cryptoxylogia are Al Gore, who is regularly mistaken for a tree, and John Kerry, who looks like a 1x12.

In the Senate Plug Biden is regularly mistaken for furniture and once, passed out after a bender with Chris Dodd and Teddy K., a charwoman used Pledge on his head, which caused his <i>second</i> set of hair plugs to fall out.

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I'm waiting for Biden to say something like "Don't get me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. . ."
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Commissar Theocritus wrote: Opiate, you cite only one instance of Plugs Biden being mistaken for a 4x4. Other victims of cryptoxylogia are Al Gore, who is regularly mistaken for a tree, and John Kerry, who looks like a 1x12.

In the Senate Plug Biden is regularly mistaken for furniture and once, passed out after a bender with Chris Dodd and Teddy K., a charwoman used Pledge on his head, which caused his <i>second</i> set of hair plugs to fall out.

Theocritus, you certainly know your political dendrology! I believe the word "kerry" actually has its roots in a word that means (literally) "wood for brains" in the Senator's native language, which is Bullshit. And, of course, the young Albert Gore did want to be a tree when he grew up and, in fact, spent much of his teen years standing on the lawn waiting for birds to nest in his hair. Sadly, he did not have the intelligence to succeed in this endeavor and so was forced to settle for the US Senate. He was in good company, for as you note many other fine pieces of furniture have served in that body.

As for Sen. Biden, his fine performance in holding up that homeowner's deck is what put him over the top as Obama's VP choice. But in truth, the number 1 candidate was a stump from Obama's backyard in Chicago which was disqualified because it didn't like to travel. Sadly, the stump was never in the running for Obama's old senate seat as it didn't have anywhere near the one million bucks the Party demanded for it.

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Opiate, you are right that Senator Kerry's native language is Bullshit, but I have done some linguistic research and found that it is actually a sister language to Sneer. Both of them originated at Martha's Vineyard but owing to a disagreement between the dialect speakers occasioned by Adlai Stevenson they are now two separate dialects. Since that time the native Sneer speakers talk only to the Bullshit speakers who talk only to God, which is to say, they look in the mirror.

I did not know that about Algore wanted to be a tree. The folk lore here in Texas is that his mother was a sawmill and his father was a beaver. Or the other way around. My only concern was why he wanted a yacht. After all, he's neither ebony nor ironwood, and from the weight of his opinions is most likely constructed of balsa, and would easily float.

All this dendrological talk however has served to highlight the fissiparous nature of the Democratic Party: between those who are wood, such as the Holy Gore, War Hero Kerry, and Plugs Biden, and those who only sport wood, such as President Clinton. The smart money is on those who are wood, for if you believe Gennifer Flowers, President Clinton may sport a good deal of it but there's not much to sport.

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Commissar, I had thought Bullshit was mostly spoken in Chicago Progressive circles while Sneer was a dialect favored in New York and the Bay Area. But, I guess if any lying hypocrite skilled linguist could pull them both together, it would be Senator Kerry. I mean, "I was FOR the war before I was AGAINST it" is a tour de force in rhetorical gymnastics. If dear Hillary could have pulled off something like that, Bill wouldn't have spent so much time under desks. It's a shame King Obama couldn't find someplace for him in the Administration; someone who can sneer whle bullshitting is a rare talent in politics and I dare say it's going to be desperately needed in the coming four years.

Y, the Party does appear fissiparous but on an individual level, they are generally amorphous. To wit, today Obama's a fiscal conservative, last week he was a Marxist, the week before he was a Keynesian. They're everything and yet they're nothing, but they're whatever they have to be depending on what the crowd wants to hear at the time. It's quite a remarkable talent actually. It's hard to imagine a sharp line being drawn between them when individually they're just so much mush. But when you analyze it more deeply, it's not about issues or ideas, it's basically about each one staking out his or her claim to the spoils. It's analagous to a pack of rabid wolverines feeding on carrion in the forest; none of them really cares what they're eating or why, just so long as they get a piece. I guess that's why Sneer and Bullshit are so in vogue in the Party; it doesn't matter what one says just as long as enough idiots buy it.

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SFT wrote

The only other group to protest was PETA
That's been taken care of Stalin for Time. I assured PETA the "leather" jacket was actually geniune naugahyde made out of the finest petroleum...
(Ring Ring)
Excuse me while I answer my oPhone.
Hello Algore.
Yes, it's naugahyde alright.
No, I don't know how many barrels of fossil fuel it took to make Biden's jacket.
What? How many carbon credits does he owe you? 275,000?
Payable in TARP funds?
OK, I'll make sure The Office of The Vice-President Elect gets the memo.
Heil Change!


That was Gore. He wants some CCs from Plug for the jacket.

but the swanky black turtleneck too
....is a Wang original.

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Opiate wrote:it's not about issues or ideas, it's basically about each one staking out his or her claim to the spoils
That, dear Opiate, is the unspoken creed of the Progressive. That is the entire <i>raison d'être</i> of Progressivism.

The Progressive always is caring 'n compassionate and loudly too because it drowns out the sound of doors being jimmied and safes being cracked.


 
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