Call the cops - I'm offended

New Email At Mizzou Orders Students To Call The Police If They’re Offended



BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRINGGGGGGGG..........BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRINGGGGGGG

CLICK....

MU POLICE: "911 Emergency Center University Police Department. What's your emergency?"

STUDENT: "Uhh.....I'm in my room cause,...uhh....somebody, like... made me uncomfortable."

MU POLICE: "Can you provide a detailed description of who made you uncomfortable?"

STUDENT: "Ahhh.....I can't remember, dude! Like,...I'm totally stressed out!"

MU POLICE: "Did you get a license number or vehicle description?"

STUDENT: "Yo,....! Now you're like stressing me, man...."

MU POLICE: "Turn off all lights and lock yourself in your safe-space till the trauma and grief counciling teams arrive."

STUDENT: "No way, man....my safe-space is totally out of fudge brownies and milk, dude."

CLICK....
 

Apparently, nobody told the 911 operators that this was the new policy for policing politics.

I'm now in hiding, thanks to the failure of our elected officials to properly train the 911 operators and the local law enforcement officers who seem to think I was making prank calls to the emergency hotline.

It's not like I couldn't get my Chicken McNuggets. I had a personal emergency!

This just proves that the police are racist!
 

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wisely

I'm now in hiding, thanks to Melissa!
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That just ruined my safe space. Not only am I in hiding but now I'm going to be suffering from nightmares!
 

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt

That just ruined my safe space. Not only am I in hiding but now I'm going to be suffering from nightmares!

Comrade Hopping Mouse!

Look in the mirror at the back of your... Ahem...pants, then check out the strange collar on Mzzz Click's sweater - notice any similarity? One has a tail-hole, and the other an asshead-hole!
 

Mzzz Click did ask for some stiff muscle but I don't think kangaroo tail is sufficient to accommodate her obvious needs........
 

Ouch! I just broke a nail! Whoyagonnacall? Nailbusters!
 

<off>
No fooling, after leaving the Army, I worked as a 911 operator for two years. I had my share of McNugget calls, but I had an "offended lady" in my last week call in. Her boss made her stand outside the shop holding a sign. Drivers stopped and propositioned her for sexual acts... She called me. I asked her where she worked and the nature of the sign...



Yep, she was offended, and she came in to make her statement personally.

Yes, she was a hot little teenager...
 

I've longed for the day when 911 would become the national denouncement hotline. I don't think y'all appreciate how much it costs the party to maintain an apparatus of spies in every classroom listening for hurtful words and micro-aggressions. We spend over 1,000,000,000 rubles to get just one though criminal sent to Platform 6. True, we recoup some of those costs as he/she/variations thereupon shovels permafrost and toils in beet fields, but an influx of people denounced by their comrades would do a lot to help the party coffers. It costs far less to maintain an apparatus of 911 operators and goons to respond only to calls that will net a thought criminal.

FORWARD to 100% EFFICIENCY! Celebrate the operators and those who denounce their roommates for not being PC!
 

I'm surprised Ivan the Stakhanovets remembered our first encounter when he

No fooling, after leaving the Army, I worked as a 911 operator for two years. I had my share of McNugget calls...

Yes, she was a hot little teenager...
.
Well thank you Ivan!
.

 

Comrade Putout

I'm surprised Ivan the Stakhanovets remembered our first encounter when he

No fooling, after leaving the Army, I worked as a 911 operator for two years. I had my share of McNugget calls...

Yes, she was a hot little teenager...
.
Well thank you Ivan!
.



 

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Captain Craptek relaxing in his study after winning a 'Best On The Cube' award yesterday - November 13, 2015.
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No one has any idea who maintains this beautiful and most extravagant tribute to internet posting excellence.
.

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Here is the award as shipped to Crappy.
.

 

Comrade Putout

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Captain Craptek relaxing in his study after winning a 'Best On The Cube' award yesterday - November 13, 2015.
.
No one has any idea who maintains this beautiful and most extravagant tribute to internet posting excellence.
.
.
Here is the award as shipped to Crappy.
.


Comrades,

I'm touched and,... and <sniff> deeply honored that the esteemed Comrade Putout has seen fit to bestow the much sought after "Best Pair" award to little ol' me... sigh.... I think I'll keep her in my bedroom for the time being. (at least for tonight) I hope you aren't jealous Ivan - you May get an award some day, too - May, being the operative word.
 

Nice pair! We understand not hearing from you for the rest of the weekend, as you a will be polishing one up...(the trophy)

And for months I've believed the "Beat of the Week" award was.cancelled by Rethuglikkkan sequester of funds. Who knew!

Nice award comrade, do enjoy it...
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Nice pair! We understand not hearing from you for the rest of the weekend, as you a will be polishing one up...(the trophy)

And for months I've believed the "Beat of the Week" award was.cancelled by Rethuglikkkan sequester of funds. Who knew!

Nice award comrade, do enjoy it...

Comrade Ivan,

I chuckle at your wet blanket, downer, spoilsport, bummer, buzz kill, party pooping comments, but prefer studying the means by which Comrade Putout's likeness is attached to the base of my award. Once that has been determined, my future snuggling satisfaction is assured. And so, I bid you good day - there's more work to be done!