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Cheer up Comrades: we'll lose the next war

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Our sometimes contributor Comrade Chad sent us this submission, posted on his blog

Cheer up comrades. Yes, it looks like Bush Corp. may be extinguishing the light of social justice Iraq (Chevron must have bribed gullible Iraqi Sheiks again), but there'll be more wars to lose. And, we'll be better prepared next time. I already have “we'll be getting into another Vietnam-like quagmire” macroed on my Mac. Some other ideas to get us ready:

1. We can reuse the Abu Ghraib pictures. Even if Halliburton decides to deny indigenous Americans of their Empire-slaying Jedi Knight, Venezuelans, like Iraqis, are people of color. In fact, take away the suicide vest, and the guy in my “free Palestine” poster looks just like Santana.

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As George Lakoff suggests, we also need to learn how to "frame the issues" in order to stop the corporate media machine (of which NelSSon is a part, I'm sad to say).

2. When a country is belligerent or threatening to the U.S., demand diplomacy. If a country that actually likes us wants something, call them oppressive, America-supported dictators and cut their funding. When progressives willing to stand up to Dick Cheney take over, we can do business with them again.

3. European countries complicit in Amerikkkan hegemony are “stooges” while those that aren't are “enlightened.”

4. It's OK to call soldiers homicidal maniacs, but blame it on the president- or the stress- or something.

5. Soldiers have more credibility. Or, the ones that want to lose, anyways. Use them.

6. Focus on government waste when we spend money to extend the Amerikkkan empire. Don't overdo it though. We know that not
everything'll run smoothly the first years of the people's free health care.

7. Demand that our soldiers get the best equipment, but complain about defense contractors making money.

I'll come up with a longer list later. I have a Starbucks gift card burning a hole in my corduroys. tu heel k'iin (quechua) If you're still feeling a little Bushy, spark up and remember the good old times when imperial helicopters fled for their lives ahead of the forces of liberation in 1975. Just thinking about it gives me gander pimples.

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I can't wait for the next war! We have to lose this one! All the other wars will take place under the benevolent and iron fisted rule of the Lizard Queen, and we can't be losing those! Remember the only good wars are the ones the Democrats get us into, never Republican wars.

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Interestingly enough, I was thinking of adding some of those same observations in the "perception" thread. A corollary to point 5 is that one grieving anti-war mother has more moral authority than hundreds of grieving pro-war parents.

I'm with Premier Betty here, we can't wait for the next war to be lost. The next war will likely be waged under the leadership of our Beloved Empress and will be seen as a just and noble exercise. Only wars carried out by Republicans or old school Imperialist Democrats are unjust and bourgeois. The Party will always support wars and other military actions the advance our interest. When was the last time you saw a Communist/Socialist country that wasn't strongly militaristic? For that matter, about as often as not, the leaders of those countries are seen wearing military uniforms or some type of uniform-like clothing. Progressive wars are good wars.

Betty, I seem to remember a certain "war" (it wasn't called a war at first) that was "started" by a pres with the initials JFK. This holy seer of the Dem's called it a "police action" and at first sent only "trainers" and "advisors" to the poor little corrupt country. Then JFK was made a martyr by BushItlerReagenLimbaugh, and his sidekick LBJ took over and ESCALATED the non-war. Eventually the evil Rethuglican Nikkkxon took over the country, escalated the war, de-escalated the war, noticed everyone was mad at him, and finally lost the "policing action" on purpose so we could get the hell out of there. Naturally it was his fault we ever got involved in the first place.

So you see Betty, it doesn't really matter who starts the war, as long as no rethuglicans are involved, it is a good war. Look at Harry Truman! He nuked the Japs and got a pat on the back!

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All the other wars will take place under the benevolent and iron fisted rule of the Lizard Queen

For some reason I am reminded of the TV series "V" from my childhood, I was much to young to understand what was going on, I just thought Lizard people looked cool. I looked the show up on wikimedia

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Twenty years following the events of the mini-series, Earth is still under Visitor domination, and the Resistance is fighting a losing battle. They desperately try to persuade the masses that the Visitors are evil aliens bent on mankind's destruction. However, they are largely ignored, as the many technological and social advancements brought by the Visitors to the planet have convinced the majority that the aliens have their best interests in mind. Many were also convinced to join the Visitors' civilian militia, for the purposes of hunting resistance members.

Just when all seems hopeless, the message that Julie sent into space at the end of the original miniseries is finally heard and an army of aliens, who are long-sought enemies of the Visitors, reinforces the Resistance in their time of need and soon the war is turned in their favour. However, all is not as it seems, as the Resistance is wondering whether they have found salvation...or have replaced one alien dictator for another.

The novel will be released on December 26, 2007.

hmmm???

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I'm with Premier Betty here, we can't wait for the next war to be lost. The next war will likely be waged under the leadership of our Beloved Empress and will be seen as a just and noble exercise.

I beg to differ with the both of you. Once we have elected the Goddess of all Wisdom and Compassion, there will be no more wars. Lions will lay down with lambs, hunger and strife will cease, Muslim and Christian and Jew will embrace as brothers (okay, I made the last two up, as there will be no room for Christian and Jew--and besides, they're the ones who always start the wars and junk and stuff). True, it will be sad that there are no more wars to be lost, but we can always expend our energy on show trials.

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But then, who will we militarily dominate when there is nothing else fun to do?

Do we really want to lose the next war? What if the next war is under Empress Hillary's benevolent dictatorship of the proletariat? Wouldn't we be fighting peoples' wars of liberation to liberate the last few holdouts of capitalism (probably red states)? To want to lose such a future war is Ronald Raygun-esque, look at how he destroyed the legacy of Uncle Joe Stalin's liberation of eastern Europe.

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We must act now before it is too late! Have you noticed the almost eerie quiet in the MSM from Iraq? It may be too late, but at least Nancy is once again trying to call the surrender monkeys into action for clearly we can not allow things to keep going the way they are in Iraq!

"The fact is, we can no longer sustain the military deployment in Iraq," said Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "Staying there in the manner that we are there is no longer an option."


 
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