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China launches 'mysterious cube' into space

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NEW DELHI -- India's online edition of The Tribune is reporting that China has launched a mysterious object into space over the Indian Ocean. The U.S. Department of Defense has warned their Indian counterparts that China's intentions may not be entirely pure, and describes their space program as 'destructive' in nature. The report does not specifically identify the mysterious object, but it is being speculated that it likely has a sinister purpose.

Sources close to the D.o.D. have hinted that they believe the mysterious object to be 'cubic' in shape. Coming from 'Red' China, there is a high degree of likelihood that the object is a Chinese 'knockoff' version of The People's Cube. This is how they demonstrate their equalness of stature, and intention to spread their brand of equality over the globe - literally.

It is also possible that their cube is a signal to extra-terrestrial beings that may pass near our planet that we are peaceful creatures who have already been subdued to the will of the masses, and therefore we are already desolate, so there is nothing for them to gain by invading us.

Either way, the move signals that China is not a nation to be trifled with. This space cube is being looked at as China's answer to NASA's 1977 Voyager program, in which a golden record was sent into space that contains sights and sounds from Earth, including a greeting in 54 human languages, as well as the greeting of humpback whales.

Rather than the warm and welcome reception the Americans sent into space, the Chinese seem to be sending the message that just under forty years later, the inhabitants of Earth plan to steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave-labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices.

This will threaten to put extra-terrestrial civilizations at a major disadvantage, thereby discouraging them from ever visiting our planet.

PЯog Oй: It's a good thing that NASA has moved on to more important matters like making Muslims feel good instead of being completely useless by exploring space. Look at all the happy Muslims as a result of NASA's work.

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Comrade Oogie Boogie wrote:PЯog Oй: It's a good thing that NASA has moved on to more important matters like making Muslims feel good instead of being completely useless by exploring space. Look at all the happy Muslims as a result of NASA's work.

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Tovarisch Oogie Boogie! I commend you for reminding us that our kollektivist fundamental transformation has korrekted the insult to the Soviet space program that was NASA. Now that kapitalist pigs must beg a ride to the "International Space Station" on Vostok rockets, world order has taken one step closer to the Socialist Nirvana! Laika the space dog would be proud!

Dasvidaniya, Tovarisch Oogie Boogie!


 
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