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Climate Change, Syria, and the Yo-Yo Effect

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Comrades,

The world's obsession with yo-yos may be at least partially responsible for Syria's civil war. Yes, it's true! By connecting two pieces of evidence previously thought unrelated, we can begin to unravel the Mid-East dilemma.

First, there is the mysterious drought that plagued Syria from 2006 through 2011. In a recent statement, former State Department advisor William Polk pointed to global climate change as the obvious culprit: “Syria has been convulsed by civil war since climate change came to Syria with a vengeance. Drought devastated the country from 2006 to 2011. Rainfall in most of the country fell below eight inches (20 cm) a year, the absolute minimum needed to sustain un-irrigated farming. Desperate for water, farmers began to tap aquifers with tens of thousands of new wells. But, as they did, the water table quickly dropped to a level below which their pumps could lift it.”

Secondly, an article in The Barrier Miner - an English newspaper published in 1933 - reveals an amazing fact; Toy yo-yos were found to influence local rain fall in Syria!

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“BEIRUT (Syria), January 23, 1933: Drought and severe cold is disastrously affecting the cattle in Syria, and the Moslem chiefs at Damascus have attributed the wrath of the heavens to the recent introduction of the yo-yo. They say that while the people are praying for rain to come down from above, the yo-yo goes down and before reaching the ground springs up through the subtle pull of the string. The chiefs interviewed the Prime Minister, and exposed the evil influence of yo-yos, so they were immediately banned. To-day the police paraded the streets and confiscated the yo-yos from everyone they saw playing with them.”

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to connect the dots. I can predict with near certainty a consensus within the scientific community will soon be reached. Once that consensus is established, I will be advising Dear Leader to implement - by decree - a special sales and use tax on yo-yos dedicated to the fight on global climate change.

Buy a yo-yo, plant a tree!

*Fraulein Frankenfeinstein will make bumper stickers available when she recovers from last night's festivities.

Further reading:

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Captain Craptek wrote:It doesn't take a rocket scientist to connect the dots. I can predict with near certainty a consensus within the scientific community will soon be reached.
Comrade, do you know if that's going to be a consensus of about 3% of the world's scientists, like with Global Warming, or do you think it will take less to for the Yo Yo Consensus?

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I will consult my "Magic Eight Ball" and get back to you later.

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The whole damn mess in Syria is because of Bush's failure to take action against global warming like Dear leader has. Comrade and amateur meteorologist Obama, already has produced these unimaginable results through the use of his divine intervention.....

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Comrade Walrus,

It is getting colder up here every day! I know you are used to this ice and snow, but my tail freezes up badly and sometimes I can't get back up my tree! Please ask Dear Leader to moderate temperatures in the NE this winter. Thanks.

Your buddy in the ice,

Capt. Craptek

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Captain Craptek - I am confused... would this yo-yo help or hinder any of the situations? (Ice sheet, Syria, your frozen tail, etc.) Perhaps I should just spread some peanut butter on the damn thing and eat it!

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They started this over rain, but now Dear Leader is causing it to snow. You are quite right. We are all confused by this yo-yo effect. Tomorrow I will consult the Muslim chiefs. In the meantime I would hide the evidence. Eat your yo-yo. (you shouldn't be playing with it in public anyway!)

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Red Walrus wrote:

The whole damn mess in Syria is because of Bush's failure to take action against global warming like Dear leader has. Comrade and amateur meteorologist Obama, already has produced these unimaginable results through the use of his divine intervention.....

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Of course it's BusHitler's fault. First Katrina and now THIS. The Party must figure out how these Rethuglicans control the forces of Gaia!!

There is certainly a problem with those yo-yos in D.C.


 
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