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Climate expert defrauding EPA used to work at Dunder Mifflin

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[img]/images/Creed_Beale_Fraud_EPA_Same_Man.jpg[/img]

According to NBC news, the EPA's leading expert on climate change and highest-paid employee (earning a salary and bonuses of $206,000 a year) is going to prison for what federal prosecutors describe as a 'fraud of massive proportion.'

John C. Beale's lawyer, while acknowledging his guilt, has asked for leniency and offered a psychological explanation for the climate expert's bizarre tales: “With the help of his therapist, Mr. Beale has come to recognize that, beyond the motive of greed, his theft and deception were animated by a highly self-destructive and dysfunctional need to engage in excessively reckless, risky behavior.” Beale's attorney also said that his client was driven “to manipulate those around him through the fabrication of grandiose narratives … that are fueled by his insecurities.”

What narrative is that? Turns out, it's not actually the climate change. Mr. Beale was lying to his bosses that he was a CIA spy working in Pakistan so he could avoid doing his real job, while staying at his Northern Virginia home riding bikes, doing housework and reading books, or at a vacation house on Cape Cod.

Patrick Sullivan, assistant inspector general for investigations, said he doubted Beale's fraud could occur at any federal agency other than the EPA. “There's a certain culture here at the EPA where the mission is the most important thing,” he said. “They don't think like criminal investigators. They tend to be very trusting and accepting.”

Trusting and accepting about climate change? Wrong again. It's about Beale urgently flying to Pakistan because the Taliban was torturing his CIA replacement, or about his fake malaria he contracted while serving in Vietnam where he never went, so he could get special handicap parking at a garage near EPA headquarters.

Beale's lawyer has asked the judge to balance his misdeeds against years of "admirable work for the government." These include helping to rewrite the Clean Air Act in 1990, heading up EPA delegations to United Nations conferences on climate change in 2000 and 2001, and helping to negotiate agreements to reduce carbon emissions with China, India and other nations.

"Why don't we just give my client some slack?" he added off the record. "After all, falsely claiming that he's away in Pakistan because his colleague is suffering from the Taliban torture can't be worse than helping to promote and legislate the destruction of America's and the world's economy on the premise that the earth is suffering from carbon emissions. If one is admirable, why not the other? Come on, lighten up - it's funny as hell!"

While the NBC report describes Beale as an NYU grad with a masters from Princeton, our own investigation reveals that "Beale" may not be his real name and that this man may have also used other aliases, "Creed Rowland Bratton" and "William Charles Schneider" while posing as an employee of Dunder Mifflin in Scranton, PA, where he at one time sold all of the office equipment on Craig's List.

A deviant drug user, former hippie and homeless man, "Creed" was known for his kleptomania, duplicity, senile behavior, and ignorance of the modern world, spending three nights a week in Canada in order to milk the welfare state, and sleeping under his office desk the remainder of the week. Nevertheless, he remained on the company payroll and was tolerated by fellow employees due to his cheery mood, as well as due to the general organizational disarray reminiscent of that at the EPA.

This theory is corroborated by the fact that Mr. "Beale's" or "Creed's" long absences at the EPA coincided with his employment at Dunder Mifflin, where he once faked his own death and admitted to being involved in many religious cults, saying, "You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader" - a line of thinking consistent with being a highest-paid expert on climate change at the EPA.

As our investigation continues, check back with us for updates.

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Fraud? More like forthrightness if you ask me and any other Prog for that matter. Comrade Creed is simply misunderstood. It is wildly apparent, Creed is working for the People and has the interests of the People at his core ™, just look at all the good he did by selling that office furniture instead of having it sit idle during non-working hours. His flamboyant lifestyle combined with his stylized stories of global warming and terror, prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, Creed should be given a promotion and a raise commensurate with his needs. Oprah received one of them medals...what are they called, medal of freedom? I say Comrade Obama needs to address this issue, and get comrade Beale a medal, a new judge, e.g. comrade Sotomayer, and maybe a new car. If anything stinks of failure, it is the system that allowed a compatriot like Beale/Creed to be humiliated like this.

FORWARD

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Red Square wrote:... John C. Beale's lawyer, while acknowledging his guilt, has asked for leniency and offered a psychological explanation for the climate expert's bizarre tales: "With the help of his therapist, Mr. Beale has come to recognize that, beyond the motive of greed, his theft and deception were animated by a highly self-destructive and dysfunctional need to engage in excessively reckless, risky behavior." Beale's attorney also said that his client was driven "to manipulate those around him through the fabrication of grandiose narratives … that are fueled by his insecurities."
Comrades. This poor man is obviously a victim, most likely of the Tea Baggers and the Rethuglikkkan Party.

Let's give this innocent man a break!

Funds to support Comrade Beale can be sent to:

R.O.C.K. in the USSA
666 Gotchermoneynow Lane
Saskatchewan, NE 69834

I will be sure to forward said funds to our good comrade, to help him in his plight!

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Comrade ROCK,

I just sent an IOU to the Comrade Creed Beale Fund you should see it soon (as I sent it USPS). Since I recently gave my remaining 2013 stipend to Detrot Oblast, I must wait until January to add funds. However, have you given any thought to a "Creed Aid" concert? I would be very happy to give all of my time to the event.

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If I know how to Photoshop, I'd make a picture of Creed playing with Creedence Clearwater Revival under the "Creed Aid" banner.

Creed_Office_Guitar.jpg

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Comrade ROCK,

Your noble effort to aid Comrade John Creed Bealebratton in his darkest hour takes precedence, at least for the moment, over our previous spelling dispute. (bager!) I have therefore ordered my Cayman laundering savings bank to forward 0.1% of my 2018 graft payments unemployment vouchers to the Comrade Creed Beale Fund c/o your address. Please see to it that these funds are in turn forwarded to Captain Craptek, c/o TPC for double checking prior to deposit. It's the very least I can do to support the revolution.

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This makes me wonder how many people will be driven to extreme behavior by the stress of not having Obama care due the Republican obstructionism. If extreme behavior is your goal or intention, the next three years is your window of opportunity.

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Creed and CCR Tour North Amerika to help stop global warming and to help Creed build his defense fund. Tickets on sale now.

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""You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader" - was this first a quote from our Dear Leader, the most magnificent Barack Obama?


 
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