Dear Pres. Barack Obama,

I would like to personally announce to you our wondrous achievement in the creation of our new Super Fast Highly Technologically Advanced Computer International Networking System. You will find it to be of much envy to greedy KKKapitalist U.S.A. Steve Jobbs Bill Gates computer geek.

To commemorate such a monumental event in the world technological history, the Glorious DPRK would like to be the first to electronically congratulate you on your victory of President of the United States of AmeriKKKa.

May the blessings of the Glorious DPRK be upon you and the spirit of the Juche guide you in your quest in bringing progress in your morally depraved land of murderous jew thieves.


From,

Merciful Dear Leader Generalissimo Kim Jong-Il
and
The Glorious Technologically Advance Paradise of the DPRK.


Dated this day, November 4, 2008


People of the DPRK extend warm friendship and congratulations to President Barack Obama.

Dear Leader inspect Super Computer of DPRK that create much jealous feeling in rest of world.

Wow. Looks like they got the CGA to run 4 colors at 640 x 480 dpi.

"Dated this day, November 4, 2008"? Received here on 3/2/11? Did those data packets get here by boat? I've heard of a slow boat from China, but from the DPRK?

Dear Leader Kim,
You really need to get your Tech personnel some incentive to do better. Oh, I've got a nice used satellite dish, want to trade?

Yup, and I think I got some old car parts and chainsaws out in the yard. I'll swap ya three '69 Ford transmissions for four boat loads of Kimchi.

Dear Comarde Jong-I? . . Kim?? . . . . . Jong??. .. or whatever, you give my cold heart warm memories. This is just like the old days in the Motherland, when news is news when it was provided, not when it happened. No upgrading is necessary. Your DPI's are just lovely. (with these lousy government provided bifocals, who can see anyway!)

Comrade Grip, I want in on the kimchi deal. I've got some (barely) used guitar stings and an old tuner (partly drained 9V battery included) that should be worth a case or so.
Thanks in advance! And I can probably get my hands on a 5th color, if they're willing to seriously negotiate.

You call that an offer, comrade R.O.C.K.? I'll chip in a few sets of extremely used guitar strings (I've used 'em awhile, I know they work). Also, I've commanded the proles in the studio-bunker to scrounge up some of the old Sovtek tubes. Nothing says computing like the warm glow of the Motherland's transistor of choice.

Oh
my
Obama.
You are willing to give up Sovtek tubes?!? A true kimchi lover, I can see.
It brings tears to my eyes to hear this, comrade - and a howl to my jealous ENGL!

Mark my words Comrades, there will come a day when those tubes will be more valuable than gold and silver.

Comrade R.O.C.K., these tubes I have are as well loved and used as those used guitar strings (again, extreme use = well known performance), so you should be jealous. Nurture that jealousy, turn it into anger, and then hatred for the putrid capitalist pigs who destroyed the glorious USSR and their tube industry.

Grigori E.R. wrote:Mark my words Comrades, there will come a day when those tubes will be more valuable than gold and silver.

Be careful with that statement, comrade. Right-wing teabagging nuts might start calling for a tube standard to replace the Progressive vacuum standard.

Rock Tsar wrote:Be careful with that statement, comrade. Right-wing teabagging nuts might start calling for a tube standard to replace the Progressive vacuum standard.

In spite of what capitalist minions like, say, Line 6 may say, I find it hard to imagine USSA public school text books quoting "Nature abhors a tube."

I find it hard to imagine USSA public school text books quoting 'Nature abhors a tube.'

USSA textbooks do not use "abhor." This word promotes selective thinking, that some are good and some are not to be chosen. All are equal and to the benefit of the Kollective, no? Besides, education is no longer needed. Government led by "the One" will see to all needs.

Dear Kim Jong Un
Pyongyang, North Korea


Kim Jong Un (not happy)

Re: FINAL NOTICE - Overdue Amount: US$5.83 million including principal and interest by Thursday June 8th, 2012.
You have been given more than ample time and notices regarding your now seriously overdue debt of US$5.83 million with us.
We have instructed our offices to stop all supplies to your country till this account is cleared.
Your immediate attention is sought to this urgent matter.
Please understand that this is our final notice to you. However, we give you one last opportunity to clear the account by June the 14th, 2012. After this date it is our normal policy to pass-on seriously delinquently accounts to a our legal counsel. This could further jeopardize you sovereign credit rating with the world bank.
We trust that this will not be necessary
Once again this is our Final Notice.
Yours truly,
Ms. P. G. Neilson
United Nations Debt Collections NGO
U.N. Building
New York, NY
Tel: 123-456-7890
Fax: 908-765-4321
Email: [email protected]
Cc: Debtor's Higher Level
CC: Collection Agency/Legal Counsel