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Conservative Acquaintance Annoyingly Not Racist

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We don't often repost material from competition, but when the Onion steps into the People's Cube territory, we must. For those unfamiliar with the Onion, it is a non-Stalinist version of the People's Cube.

Conservative Acquaintance Annoyingly Not Racist

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BROOKLYN, NY—Acknowledging that the man's right-wing views are more nuanced than one might expect, 36-year-old liberal Diana Hardwick confided to reporters Tuesday that her conservative acquaintance Brady Daniels is, quite frustratingly, not racist.

“We got to talking about immigration, and I really wanted him to undermine his argument for stricter border controls by saying something disparaging of Latinos, but apparently his opinions are based entirely on national security issues instead of race—which is super irritating,” Hardwick said of Daniels, who reportedly describes himself as a “strong conservative” on fiscal issues but, annoyingly, exhibits no racial biases.

“It would be so much easier if I could just write him off as a bigot, but as far as I can tell he harbors no resentment or disdain toward people of color. For God's sake, we argued every issue from states' rights to income disparity but nope, he didn't say anything even tacitly racist. Not once.”

Hardwick later concluded that her acquaintance's opposition to most of President Obama's policies meant he was probably “close enough” to count as a racist.

https://www.theonion.com/articles/conse ... ist,35236/

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Red Square wrote:We don't often repost material from competition, but when the Onion steps into the People's Cube territory, we must. For those unfamiliar with the Onion, it is a non-Stalinist version of the People's Cube.
OK, that made me literally LOL.

:)

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[highlight=#ffffff]"Hardwick later concluded that her acquaintance's opposition to most of President Obama's policies meant he was probably “close enough” to count as a racist."[/highlight]
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[/highlight]Perhaps Ms Hardwick would consider a more equitable approach, besides self flagellation for the sins of slavery, would be to impose a tax on anyone considered to be a racist or plans to be one sometime in the future. I am quite sure that there are plenty of trustworthy progressive leaders who would be more than happy to do our thinking to prevent us from the very thought itself.
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As the lawyers might say... Mr. Daniels is, or should be, known as a racist conservative.


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LIES! Capitalist pig dog lies! This is why we need the People's Cube - to constantly remind the unwashed masses of the Current Truth™. The Onion has failed us, and I might suggest, for the last time. They can be bullied by death threats from Ken Ham and his creationist cohorts, but we will not. By Darwin, we will not be intimidated by some wacko crackpots who want to abolish technology and force children into internment camps where they will be forced to become God fearing 24/6 creationists. No! We stand up to oppression whenever and wherever found.
Now, to the Current Truth™. First, all who are whites are racists. I mean, how basic is this? I know this as a self-loathing whitey, myself. That's why I flagellate myself with oversize bumper stickers that say "I Voted for President Obama" and park outside of Starbucks every chance I get.
Secondly, it is patently obvious (I'm even embarrassed that a respectable news outlet needs reminding), that any who oppose Dear Leader do so solely from racist motives. Shall we review the code words (do I have to explain to Shaun White what a snowboard is used for)?
Lower Taxes = TEA Party - racist extremism
National Defense = Xenophobia - racist extremism
School Vouchers = Private, religious, and home schooling - creationist racist extremism
Choice in Healthcare = Defunding government assistance to disabled minority kittens - racist, specist extremism
That should be enough for now. I don't want to overload simpletons who forget so quickly with too much information. AAARRRRGGHHHH!!! How could anyone be so wrong!?

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What Comrade Blogunov said! I'm sure the Teabag people have somehow infiltrated The Onion editorial staff. Nothing this stupid should ever have been published. However, I wouldn't count them out just yet. There's still a glimmer of hope expressed by that last line:

"Hardwick later concluded that her acquaintance's opposition to most of President Obama's policies meant he was probably [highlight=#ffff00]“close enough” to count as a racist."[/highlight].

Too bad they added the qualifier, "close enough". What's happening to the media??? Huh? Fact: Opposition = racism. Period!


 
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