Cubecle Chronicles Part I

Glorious news Comrades! We’ve created the world’s most advanced computer: a Quantum Computer. Actually, calling it a computer is an understatement. It’s like saying Albert Einstein was sort of smart. It’s the most advanced intelligence ever.


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Composed of bushillions (1 bushillion = 1,000 trillion) of nano cell like structures it’s more like an actual human brain. Each cell is a self contained processor, memory unit and system bus. In other words each cell is the equivalent of a modern computer workstation. All the cells are connected in a 4th dimensional Synaptic Quantum Matrix. In plain language it’s a Learning Computer. Yes, you heard that right. The world’s first true artificial intelligence!

Now I know what you’re all thinking and that is why? It started with a dream. A dream of the perfect Utopian society. We’re well on our way to that society, but who on Earth could possibly maintain that society? Who would be incorruptible? Who possesses the intelligence to carry us through this millennium and beyond? Answer: The Cubecle.

The Cubecle is larger than a Chevy Volt, but size is irrelevant. The entire thing is housed inside a dimensional section of subspace. In plain words it can be any size we determine it to be. Currently it’s the size of a normal People’s Cube. It likes to sit on my desk beside my workstation. We’ve had many a fun night browsing thePeoplesCube.com and reviewing Russian music videos (they’re among it’s favorites).

I’ve spent the past month teaching it basic mathematics, science and language. Tonight at 8:45 PM est I finally hooked it up to the Internet. It processed the entire thePeoplesCube.com in a matter of minutes. It’s learning at an incredible pace.......................

Just think Comrades, with the Cubecle in place and running everything, there will be no need for humans to think. As we all know thinking leads to Thought Crime and all the other evils that impede the New Utopia. Yes, with the Cubecle in place we humans will be free to do the important things in life.

I need your help Comrades. I’m working on a list of Prime Directives for the Cubecle and would appreciate any help my Brothers and Sisters can provide. Thanks to all in advance..............

I would like to express my thanks to my Team. First of all, Comrade Nikola Tesla. No he’s not dead. Like myself he lives on in total secrecy. One of the greatest geniuses that ever lived and sadly, one of the most forgotten of men.


Second, my dear friend and close colleague Comrade Dr. Morbius. Some men have ideas that take hundreds of years for people to acknowledge. In the meantime, said men must remain secretive least they be carted off to the insane asylum.

Last, but certainly not least, I’d like to thank my special technicians who we couldn’t have completed this project without. I know many of you are familiar with their music videos. Yes, the women’s group called Via Gra. Beauty and brains in one glorious package. Here's a video of them at work:


 

Gosh, E.R., you've found Imam Obama's brain! Er, I mean, this would make an excellent stand-in brain which could run the universe for a while Dear Leader takes a much deserved vacation. He hasn't had one for days, you know.
 

Glorious! Can we hook up this computer to The Wormhole? Perhaps then my laundry will quit ahh winding up in umm some err Chinese laundry, circa 1878. They do manage to clean it so well though... *cough* ahh but I'm not racist or anything.

Prime Directive 1. The Inner Party is Infallible, and exempt from the rules for the proletarian masses.
Prime Directive 2. See Prime Directive 1.

I'm sure I could come up with some more, but my brain is deprived of decadent sleep.
 

Grigori E.R.

It started with a dream. A dream of the perfect Utopian society. We’re well on our way to that society, but who on Earth could possibly maintain that society? Who would be incorruptible? Who possesses the intelligence to carry us through this millennium and beyond? Answer:

Duh.......... But since Red Square is currently busy with the Peoples business, just upload this guy & put us on autopilot to Next Tuesday ™ .




 

If someone would drop that pellet into my jar before we close up shop for the weekend...? Ah, thank you very much.
 

Glorious Comrade Grigori! But the people need to know, how fast can it download the pr0n?
 

In Glorious World of Next Tuesday, there will be no need to download pr0n, as we will all be contented and happy. Pr0n is for capitalist losers, and unfulfilled socialists who have not yet experienced the ecstasy of the Glorious World of Next Tuesday.
 

Colonel 7.62

In Glorious World of Next Tuesday, there will be no need to download pr0n, as we will all be contented and happy. Pr0n is for capitalist losers, and unfulfilled socialists who have not yet experienced the ecstasy of the Glorious World of Next Tuesday.

Well then, I should probably be denounced and seek aid from the state to help find a new hobby.

Elections are coming up, maybe ACORN (or whatever its called now) could use some help?
 

Clearly you have just been a victim of capitalist exploitation, and unknowingly a member of the oppressing male class. Fortunately, like any Victim(TM), you can create a group, and rally against your oppressors. As an unknowing oppressor, you can become Aware(TM) and join a Support Group(TM) and prove to the world just how progressive you really are!
 

This is certainly a "great leap forward" to quote Chairman Mao. The new design is a great improvement over our old binary computer here at Party HQ...



(Where X = the current truth)
 

Comrades. I revert to the teachings of Darwin and the theory fact of evolution. The evolution of The People's Cube can be traced back to the glorious practice of "collective" assimilation started by The Borg Cube, where, Resistance was Futile.



Comrades, The Borg Cube is a thing of the past. The Borg Cube has successfully evolved into The People's Cube, a more powerful entity of collective thought. Whereas The Borg Cube assimilated the resistance against their will into unthinking, unfeeling drones, The Peoples Cube actually uses the people's own feelings of guilt to get its subjects to voluntarily self sacrifice their own self interest. Instead of having to travel around and use force to grow the collective, The People's Cube's power causes the prol to feel shame for his/her successes, to feel the desire to be part of the collective. The People's Cube does not have to search for victims, the victims search for it. A most glorious advancement, indeed.


 

Comrade Whoopie

This is certainly a "great leap forward" to quote Chairman Mao. The new design is a great improvement over our old binary computer here at Party HQ...

images.jpg
(Where X = the current truth)

Comrade, Whoopie. Please forgive me but it appears as though a flaw has been noticed in your Tic-Tac-Toe Cube. On the top side of the displayed cube their is a row of X's, indicating a clear victory. This is unacceptable. I realize that T.T.T. is a game where the non-winning is most often achieved, but, there is always a rare chance that some unsuspecting prol can, and may, find him/herself on the losing end of such a game. Please reconsider the deisgn before someone gets hurt.
 

Oh MY Obama! I have horrible news Comrades.......It's......It's gone! I left it on my desk last night, right next to my workstation. We had just uploaded this post (it recommended the biologiya video) when I retired for the night and got some much needed sleep.

This is a terrible development! It left a message om my workstation:



 

El Presidente, I found an even earlier version of our glorious Cube. Remember, the road to Hell is paved in good intentions.



 

Comrade Whoopie

El Presidente, I found an even earlier version of our glorious Cube. Remember, the road to Hell is paved in good intentions.

The attachment hellraiser.jpg is no longer available

Great job with the research, Whoopie.


 

It makes for a great child's toy, as well! You simply turn the little handle while it plays "Imagine" by John Lennon and then to your glorious surprise.......SOCIALISM pops out!



 

Comrade El Presidente,

I just love the wind-up Barrack in a Box. We've got to get those in the stores by the Winter Solstice Holiday. That's a winner.

Comrade Whoopie,
The Hellraiser Cube, one of my favorites, was loads of fun for all involved.
 

Grigori E.R.

This raises many questions: Where will it go? What will it do?

Absorb all the collective knowledge from a true People's Republic of course...



 

I have heard now, that cave paintings in France show a large red cube, giving fire to the masses.
 

I wonder if a Cube will be discovered on the moon?



 

Comrade Whoopie

I wonder if a Cube will be discovered on the moon?

2001-a-space-odyssey-ape-monolith copy.jpg


But of course a Cube™ was discovered on the Moon by our Cosmonauts Astronauts!

This is the reason why our Dear Leader has put the kebosh on future Moon adventures.

He doesn't want us to interface with this Cube™ again, for fear we will hurt ourselves. He will be the spokeman only for all progressive thoughts.
 

 

Glorious work El Presidente! Simply Glorious!
 

The Cube was no doubt an inspiration to Dali and Picaso
 

All these glorious Cubes! Just wonderful. The People's Cube is the very essence of our glorious message for the masses. Just thinking that we now have a chicken or the egg kinda question: "What came first, the Cube or socialism?". Maybe Red Rooster could best answer that question. Anyhow, with the Cubecle having time traveling capabilities we may in for many, many surprises. Worst thing is that it's under it's own control and not the Party's. Acccckkkkkk!

Damn, now my head hurts from all this thinking. That's why I created the Cubecle, to do all that hard thinking for us.
 

We could of course set the wormhole to when the Cube got loose, and follow it throughout space and time.

Shall we assemble a special Expeditionary Corpse?
 

Great idea Col.
Just head over to the ObamaCare Re-Education Camp and select 10 "volunteers."
 

I was thinking you could head it up Whoopie, along with the Frau, Leninka and of course our dear Grigori.
 

But, but...time travel gives me diarrhea, constipation, projectile vomiting and the screaming heebie jeebies.

Otherwise, I'm good to go.
 

We have medicines for that Whoopie. Praise Obamacare!

Thank you for volunteering.